We had a phonecall from my parents today asking how much the whole reception is costing; wedding breakfast, drinks, room hire, evening welcome drinks and buffet. I told them it was around the £3500 mark and why did they want to know. They are already giving us £3000 towards the wedding which includes my dress.
My dad then said they would foot the bill of the reception but want to invite their friends to the daytime...we wanted a small wedding which started at 35 and has gradually increased to 56 because of parent input. With their friends on it will bring it up to 64. I feel this is too many but can't say no as they're offering to pay for it.
Why do parents do this? My friend ended up with a wedding of 135 because of her mum ha.
10 years together...
Finally Mr & Mrs
27.07.12
CommentAuthorCupCake
Oh NO! :/ I guess you can't say no to their friends coming if they pay ..... you're in a bit of a tight spot now hun ..... what you gonna do?
Became Mrs Lyons 30th July 2011 x
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
well on one side, if you know those people and your parents are willing to pay so much, its tough to tell them no. On the other side it is YOUR day, so maybe you could find a nice way to let them understand you want a small intimate wedding with only close people. It is tough situation. Good luck
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorSijen
We've said yes (begrudgingly) but trying not to sound ungrateful. The pain in the arse thing is I need to get more invites, more favours and order more chair covers. Flipping nuisance lol.
10 years together...
Finally Mr & Mrs
27.07.12
CommentAuthorSijen
Yeah lysblanc , I've known them most iof my life and they are known collectively as 'The Mum's' lol. I am best friends with one of their daughter's and my H2b and I are godparents to their grandson. It's a tricky one.
Im expecting the same. My parents are paying for our wedding and the absolute maximum for meal is 60 which i think we will do ok with. Im just waiting for my parents to start listing people that they want to invite! Thinking of getting our guest list sorted pretty promptly as we only want people we really know at the ceremony and meal.
Looking forward to becoming Mrs MacKay on 30th May 2013!! :)
CommentAuthorHa_x3
Personally i would just let their friends come to the party/reception, just not the ceremony xx
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
CommentAuthorSijen
Ha - do you mean the evening reception? We'd already had them down on the evening guest list anyway. I've known them most of my life and to be fair, they have been at all the main events of it so far (birthdays, christenings, communions etc) My folks argument was that they have been invited to all their friends 'daughter's weddings and would like to repay the honour. Plus we got loads of presents and money from them when we got our first house together and when we got engaged.
I haven't spoken to my folks since the initial phone call yesterday but we've gone with adding them on to the daytime if my folks are paying for it all - it's only fair really isn't it?
10 years together...
Finally Mr & Mrs
27.07.12
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
I definitely agree with you now that its fair and its hard to say no to parents in those circumstances
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorSijen
Oh and now the numbers tot up to over £4000 so if they're willing to foot the bill then it works out at an extra £2000 that we'll be getting, takes the pressure off us getting the last of the funds together too.
10 years together...
Finally Mr & Mrs
27.07.12
CommentAuthorSian''OCD''Holkham
Ours is starting to go the same way so annoying and I know one of my friends had only one table at her wedding with people on it she wanted to invite she had to have some really close friends just at the evening her mum had 2 tables full of her friends!!!! I would draw the line at that think its just showing off my h2b's parents are doing this with family members we don't even want there and don't know how to say no to them as they have said we'll pay for them x
I understand Sian - at the moment, we'll have our top table as norm, 2 tables of my family, 1 table of H2B's family, 2 tables of our friends and now 1 table of my parent's friends. Feel bad on H2B as he's only got a small family - hence the sole table and a small social circle, whereas I'm the opposite. Feel like it's becoming more about me than us.
10 years together...
Finally Mr & Mrs
27.07.12
CommentAuthorSian''OCD''Holkham
The guests they want us to add are h2bs 2 cousins and one of their fiancees he never see's his cousins just wanted his uncles there but the 1 cousin and fiancee "has to come" or we wont get invited to her wedding I would rather not go lol I really only wanted a small wedding and its getting out of hand now :( x
Shame it comes with conditions but if they're people you know well and appear to like then why not. My mum and mil are getting 2 couples each invited but they're people h2b and I have known for years anyway so it's not such a bad thing. If numbers were tight then it might be different but they're not so it's no biggy x
29th September 2012
Cant wait to be Mrs D!
CommentAuthorKatya
Hold on.... Their friends are already going.... Started 35 increased to 56 due to parental input... Tbh i would say no ta cos as it is they have already added an extra 21 people thats nearly double your guest list anyway. Its your day not theirs! if you need the finacial help suggest a compromise... Friends during evening.
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorSoon2BBlackwell
64 doesnt seem too bad, we have just over that with just family and the wedding party. I think its a difficult situation, if it was me i think i would just go with it unless i actively disliked anyone they wanted to come.
On the plus side think of all the extra wedding gifts
Holly
Time to lose some weight so i look my best on our day!
I will stay motivated I will stay motivated
CommentAuthorKatya
Yeh but also think if your rents add another group of people on how many more are your inlaws going to want to add on?
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
I understand where you are coming from, my h2b is greek and has a massive family!!His parents want them all invited but I have had to put my foot down and tell him that a lot of his extended family wont be able to be there as we can't afford it (and most of them I have never even met!). However, if I was being given this option and it was the case that I knew all the extra guests then I would snap it up! Its a lot of pressure off you financially and its not like you will have strangers there, from what you are saying you know them all well xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthormtwi
this is the ONLY time I appreciate my H2B and his mother's relationship - he has no problem telling her it's his wedding not hers. She understands. I am so very very lucky with that! i am from overseas so my parents haven't once asked thank goodness (not sure what they will do when we go back for second reception though... I don't want family coming that I haven't spoken to in over 15years let alone friends. I think it is something though that the more one fights it the more wound up one might get! ...... I also guess that your parents want to show you off and are so very proud of you that they want to share it too! (my cousin's wedding ended up with 500people) outrageous.
Sometimes you also have to be ruthless and just say no.
Babble me? Yes. I wish you luck though. This isn't always fun but it will all be worth it in the end and you will love it!
Engaged after 11 years on a surprise trip to Bruges 12Oct11
And not waiting a year longer! Getting married 11Oct12
CommentAuthorLaura4Alex
my dad said on our engagement party oh your inviting mums school friend and husband who i have met about 5 times in my life and H2B dont think has met them!! i got really annoyed and upset that the first thing they mention is their school friends and then get weriod over the fact i wanted to invite their neighbours who ive lived next to for about 8 years and see everyday! its annoyes me they think because the are helping with money they can invite whoever. to be honest we needed to make up some numbers so we allowed them to invite more of their friends but it was just the engagement oarty first thing my dad mentioned. the same couple also had troble booking a room at the hotel for the reception and my dad asked if i could phone up and book it for them!!! yes so am i doing that for all 60 guests??! H2B family is fine they havent butted in at all. The thing that Upsets me is H2b is half greek and none of his family can afford to come over and i really wanted a big english/greek wedding :(
CommentAuthorClareS
very kind of them but it's a bit out of order to put conditions like that :( grrr families
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
i wud of said yes, but u do realise ure weddin now is other half of ure parents friends? thats gunna look well odd x
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorLaura4Alex
not really because i know them more and would want them there anyway. most of the guests are family and we have told them if they want to invite peaople for the evening then thats fine
CommentAuthorSijen
It's not my parents friends that have increased the guest list, it's my huge family, aunties and uncles etc that bumped it up to 50, after mum said they should be invited, then the addition of some close friends who my H2B wants there and were originally only coming to evening do that took it up to 56. My parents want these 7 people who are the only friends they have during the daytime.
We've said yes now anyway as can't really refuse if they are paying.
My in-laws won't do this as my H2B's mum died 6 years ago and had no family on her side anyway. My H2B only has 2 aunties who are both married and only 1 has children (2 - who are both married) so it's really not that many people. Plus, his dad has only contributed £1000 towards the wedding.which is paying for the photographer.
