My (now ex) MOH has RUINED my hen night!!!
A bit of background info first...
She had been with her husband for about 10 years and has 2 kids with him, they have been having problems for a while and he has knocked her about for years but she doesn't take it lying down and fights back. a few months back, she got sick of him constantly accusing her of affairs so phoned up the jeremy kyle show and got a lie detector test done to prove she hadn't cheated. she passed and everything was fine for a while. about a month ago he went to leeds for a few days and when he came back, he started accusing her again of sleeping with someone while he was in leeds. she had enough and kicked him out. they have still been rowing and he has been trying to get a reaction out of her by telling her he was going to sleep with this woman that MOH really really hates with a passion. she was telling me yeaterday that she hated him with a passion. He knew last night was my hen night... The one club in plymouth that I really really hate is nations, I was never a big fan of the place anyway but 6 years ago I was in there with her and met a bloke who later tried to rape me. that night i swore that i would never go to nations again. MOH knows how much i hate nations but she loves it in there. her husband likes it there too.

Onto last night...
A few times last night, she asked about going nations and i point blank refused, she tried to persuade me by saying we will only stay for half an hour but i still refused. 20 minutes later, her and another friend went out for a fag and were gone 45 minutes, i knew exactly where she was so left jesters and went to nations to look for her. sure enough, she was there, i went back outside and talked to H2B on the phone, she never came looking for me. I went back in to her and asked why then ran off into the toilets crying. she followed me in and i then told her why i hated nations so much. she said ok, we will go back to jesters but asked to use my phone first, she made a call and told whoever it was that we were leaving nations and going to jesters now and virtually asking them to meet her there. I asked who it was and she said it was her mate lee. we went jesters and were having a great time again for about 20 minutes when her friend told us that she had seen MOH's husband in there, he then came up to us, put his arms around her and they went off around the corner, I followed and she said it's fine and to carry on dancing and she would be back in a bit. I then got suspicious and checked my phone to see who she had called in nations and sure enough, she called her husband and it was him she virtually arranged to meet!!! I went looking for her again to find her and him looking quite cosy so I said to her that I couldn't have just 1 night of it all being about me for once, she looked confused so i said first nations and now this!! she then told me to "just f*** off" so i did. I got my stuff, went back to hers (where my kids were sleeping and my fiance was babysitting) and then we packed up the car, then woke up my kids, put their coats and shoes on, put them in the car, I got in too and H2B was going to wait in the house til she got back. she got back about 5 mins after me and the kids got in the car so H2B barely said a word to her and just got in the car and we drove home. about halfway home, I realised that my wedding dress was still at hers so we went back to get it. when we got there, a pot plant was broken and the police were there. I just got my dress and left again.
she still does not see that she has done anything wrong and blames me for "not being there for her when she needed me" after SHE ruined MY night!!! the way she sees it, I am in the wrong, not her!!!

what a B@@@H! Sorry but its true. if that was my friend she would have got a mouth full! you did not deserve to have that happen to you! it is your night, you should be able to do what you want (or dont want)!
Thank god you got your dress back! Unless she sincerely apologises I would ignore her. You are in the right and stand your ground!
xxxxx

What a night!!!! god hope you're ok?

What a shame, this is why I'm having something very small and lightweight for my hen do, just a day/night out local with nice food and maybe a spa session

so sorry to hear that hun!!!! hope u find someone who deserves it to be MOH!!xxxxxx

I honestly don't think I will. I am seriously considering promoting my last remaining bridesmaid to maid of honour and just not having any adult bridesmaids :( that would save the hassle of trying to find someone this close. xx

Grrr!! What a selfish moo! Hugs x

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape from a very selfish person - your wedding day is about YOU and H2B if she can't do that for your hen night and your wedding day then she isn't a friend - You'll be gigling about this one day hun xx

awww babe thats awful.... sorry but was it just u 2 out???? y dint u stay out wiv all over girls

what a cow sorry hun cant believe she did that and you have every right to sack her its a hen night for a reason its a girls thing just as much as a stag do is just for men awful hun hope you work things out xx

Sorry you didnt have fun on your hen do.. I hope that she doesnt ruin anything else xx

shes an idiot. She is not your friend. She just wants to do everything she wants to do. Cut her lose and move on and find a nice friend who will be there for you and you can be there for them.... mutually. Good luck hun and you are DEFO in the right.

Oh my god, alarm bells would have started when she contacted Jeremy Kyle (have you seen the weirdos on there?? lol). Seriously though, I'd get rid of her, she definitely doesn't sound like a good friend behaving like that.

I am in a really low mood today after all this.
She has tried apologising but I don't feel it's heartfelt as she says sorry then follows it up with something along the lines of "you should not have told your friend about mine and his business" or apologises for upsetting me then tells me that she thinks I am over-reacting or going OTT on all of this!!!
I am 98% in favour of sacking her and telling her she is not welcome at the wedding but the only hesitation is I will need to find someone to finish mending my dress and someone to do my hair and make up as well as someone who can be a bridesmaid and who will fit into her dress and I now have less than 2 weeks to do all that. I don't have the money to pay for a professional hairdresser and make-up artist and the thought of another hen night crossed my mind but it is financially out of the question. I am just so depressed today after all of this. xxx

Thank you all for your messages. I didn't think I was over-reacting but it's nice to see that you all understand and would feel the same way. xxx

That's not a bad idea Rachie, do you think I should start a new thread asking for help on that?? xx

Thank you Rachie. She was going to do it for free and now this close to the wedding, we don't have any money to pay for someone to do it. xx

Unfortunately just had some more bad news.
Firstly, My uncle has been fighting cancer for a while and it was very aggressive, he was getting better and only had a very small amount left so the doctors were optimistic. He got pneumonia and was admitted to hospital yesterday and my cousin got a phone call about an hour ago telling her he had passed away. I don't know him well and only met him a couple of times but I feel really sad for my cousin.

Secondly, My cousin (on the other side of the family) had an accident and came off his motorcycle, he got away pretty lucky by the sounds of things. He has had an operation on his wrist and broke his collarbone. As far as I know, thats all the injuries he has.

What next...?? I really hope it's just a really bad 24 hours and nothing else happens now!! This started after midnight last night so I hope it all ends in half an hour!!!!!! xxx

Thank you Jilly. I always say that too and you have just reminded me of it.
I am starting to see things in a more positive light now and have my "practical" head on so am just trying to sort what I can. xxx

this is dreadful, you really do not deserve this on your hen night, big hugs, we all feel for you :) x

this is awful...she doesnt deserve you as a friend. try to worry about it. that night should have been about you and completly understand why you are upset.
hoopefully you are feeling better now about it. xx

she sound s very childish hun,sounds like your better off without her,u certainly avent done anything wrong.x

Good girl you stay strong :-)

xx

Here is the full message I sent her, I think I was being quite polite considering......

You really upset me the other night. I can't look back at my hen night and think "that was a great night" or "that was fun" because of what you did. I have spoken to Krissy and pulled her about going nations too and she told me that you and Mary went upstairs to her and asked her if she wanted to go nations, she asked if you had asked me as she remembered I was not keen on nations and you had told her you will talk to me, she then saw you come and speak to me which was when you told me that you were going out for a fag and assumed you were telling me that you were shooting off to nations for a bit and that I was ok about it.
The fact I cannot look back at my hen night and think of it as fun just shows me that it WAS ruined by your actions and the fact you think I am over-reacting and going OTT about all this goes to show that you either don't understand or don't care how much you hurt and upset me. You say sorry then follow it up with "but", that is not a heartfelt apology and I honestly don't believe I will get one from you because I don't believe you are truly sorry seeing as you don't understand just how upset I am. I feel truly betrayed by your actions and never thought a "friend" could make me feel like this. I have thought about this with a calm head and I feel that I am not over-reacting. If this was a random night out or even my birthday I would be over this quite quickly and could easily forgive you but I will only ever have one hen night which was supposed to be all about ME and following MY wishes and doing what I wanted to do and you just totally betrayed my one wish for the night. Anywhere else and I would not have been so upset but I told you numerous times that I hate that place and didn't want it to have ANYTHING to do with MY night and you ignored that knowing how strongly I felt about it. That was completely selfish and I am having great difficulty in forgiving you for it. As for everyone else disappearing, I didn't ask for everyone else to be glued to my side all night and they had the freedom to go upstairs or out for a fag or whatever just like you did, EXCEPT nations. Of all the pubs and clubs in Plymouth, that was the only place I put a ban on for the night and you couldn't just leave it for that one night.
Then there was the thing with Barzan. You are a drug to each other and also a poison, you will never be truly apart and that is the rest of your life and the life you will give your kids. I cancelled on some quality time with Nigel to come to yours a night early because you were so upset and angry with him which may not seem like a big deal to you but it was to us. I have been neglecting him a lot recently to be a good friend to you and to be there for you and listen to you but you threw all that back in my face by calling him and pretty much asking him to meet you. I had pretty much forgiven you for the whole nations thing when you agreed on us going back to jesters but that forgiveness was thrown away when I found out it was him you called on MY hen night. I will not forget the look on your faces when he came up to you, it was as if he was a great friend you had no seen in a while and it was like a happy reunion between you two!
I can now understand why you were so keen for that night out and it wasn't because you wanted to give ME a great night, it was because YOU wanted a good night out regardless of what me or anyone else wanted and you were going to go nations and going to go where you wanted and do what you wanted that night whether I was going to join you or not. You acted in selfishness and assumed that I would get over it soon enough because I used to be such a walkover before. In this friendship it has always been you and your needs first and mine second and I stupidly thought that you could put it aside for one night for me but you couldn't and you never will. As long as you are in my life, I will never be the centre of attention. I don't want that all the time but times like my wedding and hen night, my place should be in the limelight and you took that away from me the other night and just made me feel like it was all about you which was selfish. One of the women out with us who never knew me before was a bit confused that I was pretty much at the side of the group instead of in the centre like I should have been. For this reason I cannot have you in my wedding as MOH or even as a guest. You are no longer welcome at any part of my wedding. I have someone else in place who fits into the dress which has arrived and she is deserving of the honour of bridesmaid. She is happy to help me make my day special for me and Nigel and is willing to be second place on the day.

Yeah, we have had a bit of a conversation with her saying that she does now understand how much she has upset me and apologising for it but she was asking if I could reconsider her being my MOH!!!! I told her I just can't do it. xx