Basically, soon as I booked the wedding/holiday in November. I notified the friends bout the wedding for Dec 24th to 31st Dec meaning 13 months of organising. Bare in mind my opinion is, have xmas there, one bleeding xmas out of 80. no excuse. sorry to those who think differently!! (non have kids)
Anyways... they all said no cant afford it etc etc (back in Nov) now yesterday... they, in the group chat on facebook has confirmed bookings for turkey self catering for over 500 quid per person. for may... mines 390 pp all inclusive?!!!!
what a kick in the teeth that is.
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorbrilly
I would be soo annoyed hun infactt I would be fuming but if they couldnt come away for yours then have done this then maybe they wernt worth having there in the 1st place xx
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Personally to me xmas is a family time and si fair enought for your familys as you will all be there together but for friends whos familys will not be there who may not have children but may well have neices/nephews etc and xmas is for family.aswell as xmas is already a very expencive time of year. Even if it was xmas in uk would pos have trouble getting friends to come.
But saying that they cannot afford to then booking a much more expencive holiday is just a big no no .
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorMrsGothBride
edited
I can understand how you feel but maybe there is more to it than you know? For example if I were a friend of yours I wouldn't be able to attend because we are not allowed to book holidays at Xmas with work, maybe some think its a time to be at home with their family? They shouldn't use the excuse of money though and then book a holiday!
When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours
we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying
weirdness and call it love, true love.
5th September 2013
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
i understand what your saying and i have been very.... um crafty? they said each one for xmas is spending it on their own. living in their own houses... um....... hello..... wedding?
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
im not angry at people who genuinely cant get time off. im angry at those who lied. x
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
edited
Here is a article from the Huffington Post- Bridal guide regarding holidays etc
1. An inconvenient date. Think it over before asking guests to forfeit spending Christmas or the Super Bowl with their loved ones to celebrate with you. Hosting during a holiday may disrupt traditions they'd prefer not to miss, and in the case of a sporting event, you may find that guests are MIA because they're sneaking off to catch the score or watch it on a nearby TV.
How to deal: If you're considering wedding at a potentially sticky time of year, check in with your closest loved ones to see if they already have set plans or would be open to attending. Some events may be easier to pull off than others (e.g. I'm getting married on Labor Day). In some cases, like Halloween, there is no other option if you're planning on throwing a full-out themed bash, so just shrug off the complainers! Also, guests may be more inclined to consider attending if they knew about the date for months in advance, so the sooner you send out that save-the-date, the better. It's also a good idea to check your local events calendar to ensure your big day doesn't compete with a parade or other large-scale community event (meet this couple who got an impromptu visit from Mr. Obama).
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
have you asked them about it yet? why they said they could not afford it but are now going on a more expensive holiday?
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
they just sed cant afford it. never sed cos its xmas. they know its different and sed it isnt xmas tht puts em off its the price....... :/
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
theres even an easy jet flight for 26th ....
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorLittleMissWorry
My general opinion on weddings abroad is that if that's where you want to get married, then that's your choice. But I think its really quite cheeky to expect someone to pay that much to attend your wedding.
How someone spends their disposable income is their personal choice. I'd have done the same as your friends! I wouldn't spend that much money attending someone's wedding, and I certainly wouldn't sacrifice having a holiday that year to be able to afford to attend a wedding.
If I went abroad for someone's wedding, it wouldn't be a holiday to me. Its likely that the destination, dates, company etc. wouldn't be my choice of what I would have for a holiday. I would spend the whole time thinking of it as the bride's week and feeling like I had to consider her in any non wedding related plans I made while I was there.
CommentAuthorSonya
Have to say I agree. We discussed going abroad but one of the reasons we chose not to was because we want as many of our friends to be there as possible and I knew that wouldn't happen if we went away
I to wouldn't be willing to give up my annual holiday to attend a wedding
Became Mrs Mulholland on September 12th 2014!!!
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
they could have at least explained it like that to me. not bare face lie. their holiday is costing them 500 each SELF CATERING for one week.never mind spending money etc etc and they are going as a huge group and i suggested it as a holiday with one day a wedding and treat the rest as a holiday to do whatever they want. mine is about 390 ALL INCLUSIVE but other hotels are offering cheaper. so no i cant see how they can justify it like that!
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorHappyBunny
my friend was getting married in mexico it was going to cost 4000 I was happy to save that was November if I had been going over xmas though could of been a different story as I don't think family would of been happy with us taking the kids xx
CommentAuthorSonya
Yeah I can see why you're annoyed about them lying about the money but maybe they felt awkward saying 'actually I'd rather spend my annual leave on holiday when I want to take it, with who I want to go with, doing what I want to do the whole time'
Became Mrs Mulholland on September 12th 2014!!!
CommentAuthorLittleMissWorry
The fact the wedding is cheaper than the holiday is irrelevant. I wouldn't pay £390 to attend a wedding/have a holiday at someone else's choice of destination on their choice of date, to me that just wouldn't be worth £390 of my disposable income. Even if I then paid £1000 for a week's holiday of my choice, it wouldn't change the fact that £390 is a lot to attend a wedding.
Yes, your friends have chosen not to attend your wedding, and I understand that's very hurtful. But you've chosen to make it awkward for them to attend, and maybe to them that says the destination of your wedding is more important than them being there.
Could I ask why you've chosen to have your wedding abroad and not in the UK?
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
When we spoke way before we set the date, they sed malta is one of their next destinations to visit due to tht popeye film years ago and I went there when I was a child a few times. When one of my friends was getting married, I cut my working holiday visa short in aus and spent 800 quid to come home in time for her wedding in 2011. She promised me no matter wht she would attend mine. I even sed even durin xmas.. she sed yes......
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
To make matters worse... non of carls family is going. Some cant due to commitment to work which is fine... his sister however is a different story. Shes just a selfish self centred cow. He went to her wedding in zante before gettign with me when he was unemployed and it was during xmas too....
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorLittleMissWorry
That does cast a different light on it... Could you have a one to one chat with that friend (in person or on the phone - not text/email) and find out what's changed?
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
I have tried and shes fobbed it off saying cant afford it and sed dont worry uv got so and so going so dont need me. Eh?! Ive cried all day today and honestly feel like walkong away from it all. Just dont feel like they care. Not one said im honestly so sorry blah blah. Just a brush off their shoulder and sed stuff liek nahhhhhhhhh. Ive given myself a headache too and shes ment to be bridesmaid...im having a do back home few weeks later for people who cant make malta.doesnt mean shes let off.... :(
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Tht fies make it a alot different story, when you spent that much coming from other sude of world fir her and she promised and now she says she can't afford it! Is she also going on this holiday!
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorbrilly
Naomi all that matters hun is that you and your h2b have the most amazing day and the fact you love one another, dont let it spoil your wedding because people are making excuses not to attend, I know it will be hard hun but all that matters is your marrying the man you love and if they dont want to share that then its there loss not yours hun xx
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorBecky1608
I can understand why you 're upset with your SIL2B but it is really difficult. I do have to agree with some of the other ladies. I personally don't think that I could give up Christmas with my family to go to a wedding. I would also struggle to get time off work there are also only a couple of friends that I would consider going abroad for. You will still have an amazing day marrying your best friend xxx
29/09/2008 - The Day we met
12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
CommentAuthorThe-Future-Mrs-B
Don't let them ruin your special time, I think you are right to be annoyed, if people can't make it or don't want to go at least be honest don't say it's purely a monetary thing when quite obviously it isn't as they have booked a holiday costing more, this would pxss me off as well, I think it is crap of your friend who said she would attend no matter what, you made every effort to get to hers. If they can't be upfront and honest forget them, don't let them ruin the excitement of the run up to your wedding.
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
She is going on this holiday too.! Becky... my partner gave up his xmas to attend his sisters wedding over xmas when he was unemployed... so she really in theory return the favour.
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
ive read thought this and one things i can come up with is that its the cost of the wedding ONTOP of the cost of Christmas .... im sure they will still be buying gifts etc , i understand that they are spending another £110 to go in may but it is another 5 months to save etc
I can understand its a disappointment, its hard to judge though as we dont know their personal situations or their financial situations. Theres nothing you can do to change the situation, so i would try and move on from it, continue to enjoy the organising and get excited as the date gets nearer. X
CommentAuthorMrs T. 2 Be
Unfortunately I think this is one of the sacrifices that you make if you decide to get married abroad, no matter what time of the year it is.
I can understand that you are hurt by your friends especially your friend who said that she would be there no matter what time of year. However, no matter what the circumstances are, the nearer that something gets you often find that there are one or two who go back on their word whether its a night out, a meal, a day out or even a Wedding in the UK.
You shouldn't let this ruin you day though, you are going to a married lady to the man you love. Surely, that's all that matters?
Are you having a celebration/blessing at home?
Started Dating: 25th September 2005
Engaged: 26th September 2012
Getting Married: 25th May 2014
CommentAuthorLittleMissWorry
There's also the issue of it taking up a fairly decent sized chunk of peoples annual leave allowance...
Given that it seems no ones going to change their mind, I think you need to have a good think with H2B about which is more important to you: getting married abroad, or having your close friends and family there.
Could you have a registry office ceremony followed by booking out a restaurant for a meal for just before you're due to go to Malta, just for those who you count as close enough that you were hoping they would come to Malta? I know a registry office isn't likely to be the most fabulous of venues, but with only 4 months to go other places may be booked up. You wouldn't need to cancel Malta, that could be your honeymoon. But this way you'd get the small intimate wedding you were planning with your friends and family as well. From how upset you are I'm assuming its important to you to have these people at your wedding? Is it really more important that the cermony's in Malta instead of the UK?
CommentAuthorJoanna
I understand you're disappointed but I agree with the other ladies who said that going to your wedding will involve using a big chunk of their disposable income and of their annual leave from work. I don't see an issue with them going on holiday, I know it could be argued that the wedding is a holiday but they probably want to spend their money on a holiday they want to go to at a time of year they want x
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
CommentAuthorSazzell23
We paid £3000 for me and hubby to go to my best friends wedding in the Carribean. The resort was nice enough but not amazing like we expected. The bride was my best friend in the whole world and I wanted to be there on her big day - I couldnt imagine not being there with her. Her own brother and SIL didnt go to the wedding due to the cost. Now the bride isnt friends with me anymore. She was awful to me in the run up to my own wedding and now I cant believe I spent all that crazy money going to her wedding. I know how hurt you must feel as you came back from Australia for your friends wedding and she isnt going abroad to attend yours. I have other friends who got married recently and they were also let down by people they never thought would let them down. It seems big life events like weddings really do show how one sided some relationships in your life are. Do what you and h2b want and dont worry about other people as if you change plans for them then you could regret it. Big hug hun xx
CommentAuthorbarbie86
I tend to think that if you choose to get married abroad; you do so knowing and accepting that a lot of people may not be able to/may not want to come, as much as that sucks.
My OH gets 4 weeks annual leave, 1 of which has to be taken at Christmas, when I have to work. That means that essentially, we get one 2 week holiday together a year, and honestly, unless it was immediate family, we probably would not spend our time and money attending someone else's wedding at a destination that wasn't our choice, as that would mean sacrificing the one thing we really look forward to each year as a couple. I would be even LESS likely to attend if it was at Christmas, as a) I couldn't get the time off and b) if I could, I still wouldn't want to go; I like Christmas in the UK, with my family.
As for them going back on what they originally said: my guess it that they got caught up in the excitement, and didn't think it through. Then they realised that it would mean sacrificing going somewhere they wanted to, plus being away from home at Christmas, not to mention the cost on top of Christmas, and decided against it. They went about it in an under-handed way, and I can see why you're upset, but honestly, I get where they're coming from and think you just need to understand and accept it as being the risk you take if you choose to marry abroad.
CommentAuthorDanni13
i completely get it. I have literally just had the conversation now with people at work about how much its costing me to attend a wedding in THIS COUNTRY!! The average guest spends between £300-£700 attending a wedding.
I'm also getting married abroad, and what I've come to accept is that the most important people will be there. I spoke to some friends the other night to ask if they are likely to come, and various excuses later I came to the realisation that everyone just has their own priorities. My priority is having an amazing wedding, in a gorgeous setting and marrying the love of my life. (at a quarter of the cost of an english wedding!!). I wont hold it against people if they don't come, I wont miss them when I'm walking up the aisle, because at that moment in time all this will be the last thing on your mind.
All I am keeping in mind, is the people that will be there, and those that wont, just be careful about how you deal with their priorities in future situations....
Good Luck :) xx
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
edited
I think yes, it is a bit mean of them to go and book something when they had to said to you they couldnt afford it, however, once you are married, you will quickly learn, to everyone else its "just a wedding" whilst to you its "THE" wedding and their priorities will be different.
Plus, the dates you were wanting them to go is putting a lot of pressure on your guests and is a big ask. My husband I dont have children but I wouldnt want to spend Christmas in a different country away from our family. It would be different if they had booked to go away at the same time as you were asking them to come to your wedding but they arent so I really think you will just have to grin and bear it.
You chose to marry abroad during Christmas-time - meaning your guests would be forking out to go to a wedding at a special time of the year.
Sorry your friends wont be there but you will have a great time, regardless because of those who will be joining you.
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Danni: for a lot of people though it isn't just the cost; it's the time. OH has limited annual leave, so for us, even just going for a few nights would mean we would be unable to take our annual long-haul trip, as after taking 5 days at Christmas, he gets just 15 days, and we usually use 13 of those on our long-haul trip due to flight times. It'd be doable, but we'd object to it TBH.
One of my best friends is likely to be getting married in Australia; I've told her we will be there; the reality is that we probably won't. But she's going to have a hard enough time as it is relocating over there, so I see no need to tell her at this stage that it's unlikely her oldest friend will be able to attend. Maybe I should be honest; but it's hard, and I believe I'm doing the right thing. We simply won't have the time or money to go all the way to Australia.
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Barbie I think your friend will understand, as Its her choice to move over there far away from her uk friends and family, she cannot expect everyone to fork out £800 in just flights to get there. My aunty and her family live in oz and although i love the idea of them all coming over for my wedding with plenty of time to save (2 years) but i know its highly unlikely they will all be able to come, and will have to accept that, i also have family in spain, would love them to come but will be a graceful in there decline as i can be!
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorRennie1989
I don't have kids but I enjoy seeing family at Christmas anyhow. Not to mention it's an expensive time of year buying presents, work Christmas dinners, food for the day etc. I'd still be mad, mind you.
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
I think realistically everyone is guilty to agreeing to plans a long way off and then, when it comes to it, backing out.
It's frustrating but I don't think you should take it personally, my thoughts is that you're looking at it the wrong way, like they've chosen this over your wedding, and it's like comparing apples with oranges...
Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorHannahJ23
I wouldn't want to spend £390 at Christmas time on top of all the present buying - unless you were a very close family member like a sister/mother. These people may have meant that they can't afford Malta in addition to their annual summer holiday, everyone likes to go abroad in the summer and they shouldn't have to give it up for a winter one when they will also be away from their families. I don't mean to sound harsh but I think it's a risky plan getting married over Christmas abroad and expecting everyone you want to be there, that's what I'd do if I wanted a tiny wedding with 10 or less people. As long as your nearest and dearest are there that's all that matters!! x
CommentAuthorangel830609
I looked at getting married abroad as it is cheaper to get married in some places than the uk, but as I have a large family it jusn't isn't feasible because although it's cheaper for me and my partner it's not for the rest of them and I want my family and friends their. Your friend's should have been more honest with you and the friend you went out of your way for (in my opinion) is bang out of order. A woman I classed as my best friend is refusing to come to my wedding in the uk because she has decided she doesn't like my partner (I asked her why and her response was, I don't like how he treats you, he is a bit insecure but doesn't abuse me in any way and she knows this), any way I did get upset but then figured she's obviously not the person I thought she was if she can't be bothered to be their for me. This woman and I had been best friends for 10 years before I got engaged and now she's like a stranger. I suppose what I'm trying to say is you can never be 100% sure on what someone is like, and as long as you and your partner are happy and you've got your family around you, that is all that matters xx
it's been a long hard road, but hopefully we're getting
somewhere :) xx
CommentAuthorFionaR41
Christmas is an expensive time for everyone and your friends may well have been telling the truth thet they couldnt afford to go abroad then. They may have taken into account their savings for the summer holidays but then having to pay for an extra one at Christmas in addition to presents could well be beyond their means. I am feeling guilty at choosing a place 1 hours drive from where i live which means people will have to stay over if they want to go so decided that we dont need presents - they will be paying enough out on outfits/accomodation & drinks. My children have said to go abroad and get married but i know they couldnt afford to travel and i couldnt do it without them there, plus i hope everyone we would like at the wedding will be able to come. Ideally getting married abroad is for those who dont want all their friends to be there or know that there will be just the closest ones and family who can afford it.
It's taken a while to find my Prince
13th May 2011 we met, 26th May 2012 we got engaged
30th August 2014 we say "I do".
CommentAuthorVelcro
Ahhh im afraid I have to agree with some of the other ladies here. a week over xmas would just be a big no no to me, id much rather go on holiday in the summertime - I cant imagine there being much to do anywhere abroad over xmas and id really begrude paying £390 to go away at that time, the holidays themselves wouldn't be an issue, but the timing and money would be - had it been mid year people would have likely been more agreeable to it as in peak season, there's just much more to do from a tourists point of view, Im not sure what would be available there at that time of year, and more importantly, what the weather would be like. I can only imagine your guests would be thinking as I am (and that may well be ignorantly so) thinking, the weather will be shite, there will be nowt to do, I prefer Xmas at home with friends and family and I'll miss NYE as I cant imagine being in the mood to be bringing the new year in if ive just flown back new years eve
I can see why you are upset, especially as you have gone out of your way for your friends/family but I just think Christmas time isn't the best time for people to be flying out even if they are just spending xmas day at home, its essentially the whole xmas period they are giving up - yes it might just be going to the pub in the freezing cold with their mates and it might just be 'one xmas out of 80' but people look forward to it all year round - if it were in this country im sure they would all turn up, but a whole week over xmas is a lot to ask - and them saying they cant afford it yet still booking a holiday in may IS reasonable, Christmas costs a fortune
our weddings are only super duper important to ourselves and our H2Bs, to everyone else, its just another wedding.
Sorry hun ):
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorSherylJ
I agree with Velcro. My auntie got married a few days after christmas last year and everybody was moaning beforehand that it would be a real struggle to afford it as well as buy all the usual christmas stuff so there would of been no chance of any of them going if the wedding had been abroad. Perhaps if it was a different time of year the situation would be earlier to resolve. I am sorry to hear of your problem though x
