Wedding Forum - So disappointed and relieved its over......

Hi ladies, we're back from Spain finally and my gosh what a relief!

We had our day, everyone said the ceremony was beautiful and very loving but tbh I can't remember much of the good things, just the bad things that happened and how stressed and tired I was the whole time.

It was honestly the most stressful week of my whole life and tbh, a part of me wishes we hadn't bothered.

It was a nightmare from start to finish just pure stress and frustration. First of all, the garden we were holding the reception in wasn't finished and was still being concreted the morning of the day we got married. My inlaws really did go to a lot of trouble but largely my wishes were completely ignored... I said I didn't want to ask our guests to sit on the floor or stand during our ceremony, they ended up standing. I said I didn't want plastic garden chairs for seating at the reception, what was delivered on the morning of was large plastic garden chairs covered in red and blue spray paint, I had to get my bridesmaid's boyfriend to drive me back to the villa to sort it out only to have everyone tell me to be quiet and stop overreacting...

I organised and delegated absolutely everything, yet was completely ignored on that too. Pretty much everyone refused to do a thing without me being there holding their hand and giving idiot proof directions. Myself and my bridesmaids and friends had to do absolutely everything - we stayed up until 3am the night before the wedding making the favours because nobody else would. Peter's best man and groomsmen did the absolute minimum required to function and one of them got horrific sunburn two days before the wedding and I'm talking blisters all over, ruby red face and hands... Because he didn't think he needed suncream...in Spain....in July.... During the middle of the afternoon....

On the day of the wedding I was called back for the chair incident, then we were told that although Peter and his best man had been up at the ceremony site in the morning 'clearing up' yet hadn't bothered to set up for the evening meaning that with just three hours before the ceremony, when I was supposed to be getting ready and relaxing with my bridesmaids - we were all up in the baking sun decorating the area ourselves... We didn't get back down until around two hours before the ceremony was supposed to start and by this point I was ready to just quit... We rushed back, got changed into our outfits, everything was very rushed and I missed pretty much all the preparation shots with the photographer, didn't get to spend any calm moment with my bridesmaids or sit and appreciate the day... We got to the ceremony, half an hour late, that went well apart from the realisation that everyone was standing up instead of sitting like i had requested... the photographer was around my height and so had to find new places to take photos as everyone was practically on my face... Despite it being mentioned various times that we had a professional photographer my auntie spent the entire ceremony running around VERY OBVIOUSLY - not once did I see our photographer but during the vows I kept seeing my auntie and other people flashing their cameras and running all over the bloody place trying to get as close to us as physically possible. It was very distracting for me and really ruined what should have been a beautiful moment.

After the ceremony, we had the photos done and I had bought props and had a few key shots I really wanted to get - again everyone was flashing at us left right and centre using it as a chance to get their photos, ignoring the photographers calls for certain family members and interfering with her placement and such... Then everyone started to leave, meaning I had only a few of the shots I wanted, I didn't get to use any of my props, I don't have any photos just me and my bridesmaids which I am absolutely gutted about because they literally made the day without them I wouldn't have even flipping turned up, we said we would get more photos down at the villa during the reception - this didn't happen for reasons I will explain shortly.

We were then taken down to the reception, which looked okay despite the tacky chairs.... So we had music on, sat down to eat, all was going well. The food was delicious, it was nice and calm, we did the speeches and they were nice, I wasn't going to speak but had to mention all my friends and bridesmaids for being so amazing and helpful. After the speeches, we had to cut the cake (which was left indoors despite my saying I wanted it out on display outdoors during the meal) and then we did our first dance (which we had to do on a tiny terrace next to the pool because the tiled area I had said we should use had been used for seating again my wishes were completely ignored... The first dance was nice, until Peter span me around and after that every three seconds various people were screaming SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN TURN AROUND TURN AROUND CAN'T SEE YOU SPIN SPIN which lasted for the rest of our song...

After that we sat down again and all of a sudden, my husband was nowhere to be seen... I had been asked a few times about some 'tradition' involving the guys ending up in the pool but explained to the guests we weren't exactly observing tradition and I had specifically stated I didn't want anyone in the pool seeing as almost everyone was drinking and it was bound to get silly. I had also taken the precaution of sitting myself and my husband away from the water, with a view over everything and the pool, so we wouldn't be pushed or fall in. So my husband is AWOL, all of a sudden I realise he's sitting with his Spanish friends with his back to the pool and had a sudden feeling. I started shouting at him to come over but he looked at me and carried on speaking... So next thing, his friends and two groomsmen were up out of their seats, holding onto him and dragging him towards the pool. I started literally screaming at them to put him down, screaming as loud as my throat would allow NO, NO, PUT HIM DOWN PLEASE NO NOT IN THE POOL so then splash, my husband was in the pool... Fully dressed, buttonhole, shoes, everything. I literally just burst into tears... It was the last straw, we hadn't taken the photos yet and he was wearing a paper buttonhole I had ordered, it was custom made, imported from America and I wanted to keep it for my memory box but it was literally a pulpy mess when he came out. I was absolutely devastated and furious. I had been completely ignored all day, everyone was laughing at me saying it was all part of the fun and tradition and they might put me in next etc and I just couldn't deal with it... Everything had gone so wrong and things that had been so important to me were just a complete nightmare. They were talking about putting him in -sweatpants- while I was still in my beautiful dress... He ended up being put into his groomsman's suit which was two sizes too big and looked ridiculous. Needless to say, there were no more photos taken that night, I was too upset and angry at him for getting into the situation... I did literally everything I could to make it go perfectly and it just couldn't really have gone more wrong.

So that's my story. I'm sorry for being such a downer but really compared to the calm wonderful day we had in Coventry and how well it went and how happy I felt then... It just really made Spain feel worse when it went so wrong. I wish we had booked the photographer for then... Since the day all my new husband has done is complain about how expensive the photography was when all she did was take a few pictures then sit at the reception and drink and eat... She would have been working if everything hadn't happened, I even said to her that she could consider herself officially off duty once the water incident happened, I knew I'd just look back and think that I didn't look as happy because I wasn't. Even now I'm reluctant to get the photos back, because I will notice all the ones that didn't get taken.

I know I might sound a little ungrateful or negative but really, it should have been much more special than it ended up being.

Oh hun this awful I really feel for you! They should have never treated you like that! It was your day, it should have been done how you wanted it not everyone else. All I can say is at least you had your lovely ceremony back here that you can remember as your wedding day! xxx

I agree with the other ladies at least you had a lovely day on your wedding day, I bet your glad you did'nt have the actual wedding day there. Try to remember how you felt on your special day and the spanish experience might not feel to bad with the passing of time x

Husband doesn't share the same opinion - he just says that because everyone worked so hard for us, I should just suck it up and be happy. I never said everyone didn't work hard, and I thanked everyone for what they did do but I feel justified in mourning the day I expected to have and being slightly disappointed in the day we did have.

Aww Hun I'm so sorry it went so wrong for you and you have a right to be upset I know I would be after many months of planning just to be ignored your guests should be ashamed of themselves!! I had things go wrong on my wedding day and it's now left me wanting to do it again just to get it right I didn't get photos I wanted and no one with 3 adult bridesmaids and 2 younger ones not one of them sorted my dress out once not even in formals and it is gutting I know that don't help him just trying to say I understand but as time goes by it does get less upsetting but hopefully you would of managed to get some good photos x x

So sorry to hear this, I'm amazed you managed to hold it together so long. You were not over reacting in the slightest & everyone should have been far more respectful to your wishes.

Atleast your ceremony in Coventry went well xx

Oh I am so sorry things didnt work out as planned.

What makes me so mad is when people say....''dont worry , things have a way of working themselves out, and things will be fine''
No they dont......things dont just HAPPEN.......weddings are planned, nothing JUST happens.
and when you have taken the time and effort, and spent good money on having the day YOU want....how dare anyone try to tell you to relax.......they want you to relax so that they can ignore what you have asked for......
did they say relax when you paid the bill?

I would be royally p1ssed off. especially the pool incident.

I hope your photos will bring back some good memories when you get them back, and not all the negative feelings.

Oh no I'm so sorry you didn't have the day you planned and wanted - can't believe you were decorating on the day of your wedding!!
I would be pissed of about the pool incident, I wouldn't mind after the photgrapher had gone and if they had to do it they should of waited until the end of the night!

Hopefully you will still get some nice pictures and at least you had a nice day at Conventry xx

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that :( I think I would have been throwing punches too, but like you, I'd be blaming my hubby for getting in that situation.

Mine is still getting the blame for us not getting one single confetti shot of just us because he put his arm around my auntie and shes literally the only other person with us so the only photo I REALLY wanted.. we never got. Everytime I look at those photo's I have to skip them as they make me so upset :( I love my auntie but I really wanted at least just one confetti shot, but I can't believe he didn't think to look around that no one else was there, and can't believe no one else asked her to move either :( By the time I realised she was there and asked her to move, all the confetti had been thrown :(

At least you had the perfect UK ceremony hun, try remember that

xx

sounds like a nightmare hun *hugs* x

Sorry your guests behaved so appallingly - especially the Spanish friends.I'd have been livid. All your planning and hard work ruined.it must have been horrific for you. Big hugs :( xxx

aw ataraxtia i'm so angry for you!! photos and momentos mean so much to me, so i can totally understand why you're so upset :(

I know exactly what you mean - we had so many mess ups on our wedding day it was untrue - our guest bus picked up 2 out of the 42 guests it was meant to collect, and even got to our service late, it rained so we couldn't get any outdoor shots (our reception was in a park!), the heating failed in our reception venue so everyone was in coats, we had leaks dripping through the roof, and our catering was a total shambles -served different food, most either cold or not fully cooked through, tiny portions and somehow ran out of food even though we'd paid per head and had 5 adults who didnt' stay for the meal! Even though we've got compensation claims with everybody it still takes a shine off your day, we can't honestly look back on it all and say it was the best day because of all the things that didn't go to plan - still, we've the rest of our lives to make memorable, we're taking my dress on honeymoon later this year to get more of a sunny photo shoot, and the compensation money we get back we've decided to save half towards the house fund, and spend the other half on a mega trip to Vegas and LA next year, so we can have some fantastic memories!

Saying all that though, the photos we do have are fantastic and when we saw them they realy made us realise what a good day it was, we just hadn't noticed! Ask friends and family for their photos and it'll change your memories - it's got me all excited now about our wedding video as we'll be getting that soon!! :-)

Oh no hunny that is terrible, I can see why you are so upset because I would be too. Thank God you did have an English wedding too beforehand, you have those beautiful memories to always treasure and in time will not feel so bad about the wedding in Spain. Hugs. Xx

That's awful, I really feel for you :( I would have been upset too! At least you had your actual wedding day exactly how you wanted and you have all your happy memories from that day. Hope you're feeling happier xxx

Oh dear, what a shame. I can't believe so many of your close friends and family didn't help and support you to make the day perfect. I can only hope you truly remember what a wonderful time you had in the first ceremony and that when the pictures do come back you look at them fondly.

Maybe have a nice blessing in a few years with fewer people and more low key but a photographer there for the important shots. Perhaps you could also try a trash the dress shoot with your bridesmaids too so that you get pictures of you all together in your dresses? xx

you should have a cherish the dress shoot and try and get the shots you missed xxx

Im so sorry to hear you both had problems on the day, are you going to have a rock the frock shoot? That would be a good idea to get all dressed up again and have the last memory of wearing your dress a happy one. You could even try and make a romantic day of it? It was raining really badly on our day so we intend to go for a rock the frock shoot (if we actually get any sun this year!) and I was thinking of making a day of it. Booking a meal somewhere for later in the day perhaps and being pampered before hand?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I would certainly have a photoshoot as has been suggested, I think it will make you feel a lot better. Maybe a sweethearts shoot with your hubby? x

wow hunni sounds like a stressful day :( remeber though, your wedding day in coventry was perfect, and even though there were a few glitches, your marriage starts now!!! a lifetime of love happines and good times xxxxx

Oh babe! I could honestly almost cry for you! I know how much you were looking forward to the blessing and to have all this happen must have almost destroyed you. I'm so sorry it wasn't as wonderful as Coventry obviously was. Lots of love and hugs to you my lovely x x x

Thanks for all the kind words and messages of support, ladies. It really does mean so much to me, especially some of the ideas and for Dee for opening up about your own day's problems - I'm sorry you had to go through it but it's really made me feel less alone to know that I'm not the only bride who wasn't completely satisfied with her day for whatever reason. Even now people are calling me and saying all the usual congratulations and telling me all my worrying was for nothing etc... And in my head I'm thinking 'Well, actually it was but I digress.'

We got the photos back this morning, there are some really wonderful shots on there and it's helped remind me of all the moments I did enjoy - even though the photos of my husband being thrown in and fished out of the pool were included. I'm sure that one day I will look back and find it funny... but not yet. Nobody but me, and now my husband realise exactly how difficult that moment was for me... I would have loved to have laughed it off and found it as funny as everyone else does but after all that had gone on, it literally just broke me, the last straw. Peter first thought I was upset and feeling regret for marrying him, he knows now that I don't regret our marriage but it was more how all that went wrong made me feel, and how having ultimate control over our wedding throughout planning only to lose it utterly at the last crucial moments made me feel so hurt and powerless.

I do hope that the saying is true, and our marriage is happier for all that went wrong on our day - I'm happy to be married and always said that I knew I would enjoy being married a lot more than I enjoyed being a bride!! x

Hit the nail on the head, marriage is the forever part and hopefully you will be able to laugh about it years down the line celebrating 25 years of marriage. Until then you have every right to be angry/upset/disappointed (or all three) as it was your day, that you put so much time and effort into for it to be spoilt. Would love to see the pics when you've gone through them, Im sure you still looked beautiful despite the hair incident :) x x