Is anyone having a small do and asked people to pay for own meal instead of having presents? We just asked our few guests to do this and had a bad responce. Am trying not to cry atm, were broke and would have to cancel if we have to pay for everyone, we just moved house and had to spend alot on the move so proper broke :( We dont want a garden party and thought a cheap resturant in town be nice. Tbh we dont want to stand down but it looks like only my parents will be at the wedding..what would you do?
CommentAuthorAttention seeker :)
what do you mean by bad responce. try and get people to understand people shouldnt be comming to your wedding for the free meal and gifts they should be comming because they want to see you on the best day of your life
im not seeking attetion i just like everyone looking at me
im married
im now Mrs Dove
no more wedding planning LOL yer right
CommentAuthorAimejade
omg seriously its ypur wedding and if the loved ones are too stinge to cough a little for a meal instead of presents then bugger them! Not everyone can afford 25 grand weddings...its your day and you can choose and ask what you like. Dont get too down ....if everyones being silly do a buffet go to iceland buy a load of food and shut them up lol...for my wedding im doing hog roast n buffet that way everyone has a choice and noone can moan lol...and if they did id boot em right out the wedding lol! :P xxxx
CommentAuthor*Kat B*
i agree with sonia your guests should be coming to support you both, it's a different take on the traditional wedding and people should appreciate that you've asked them to celebrate your special day with you.
Thing will come good in the end xx
Live for today
This cat is not in pain.....it's meowing noooo not UKB again
Met 08 Jul 2003, Engaged 20 May 2010
Married 19 April 2012
CommentAuthorMrsd
I totally agree with you Attention seeker and really wasnt expecting the mouthful h2b just got, h2b parents are disgusted at the idea and are refusing to come unless we pay for their meal, so were sure the rest of the family will be same as they all v close and probs on phone slating us as we speak. As it stands it will just be my parents and brother & gf that will be attending. unless ofc we back down and pay up. I sent a message saying i thought the day was about love not money and got ignored. x
the people who dont liek it R tight!!! cos they kno the present will b cheaper than the meal tight tight tight!
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorAimejade
well why would you want em hee f eyr being like that jesus some people!
CommentAuthorAimejade
want them there....** no hee f eyre lol ****
CommentAuthorEmsy5000
What your asking sounds reasonable to me. its not like your asking for gifts as well. you need to sit them down and re-explain why you are doing it this way.
Dyslexic
its spelt wrong
I No! I Now! I Know!!!!!
I am NOW MRS LONSDALE!!
CommentAuthorMadam Butterfly
Surely they can understand the situation you are in and why you are asking them to do this..you still want them there and have found a way without anyone loosing out..or so you thought. You have compromised by not asking for gifts. To me this seems fair, good luck x
You To Me Are Everything
The Sweetest Song That I Could Sing
Oh Baby
16th June 2012 x
CommentAuthormrslewis2b
hang on a min, anbout your h2b parents, shouldnt they be offering money to help not moaning because you wont pay forTHEIR MEAL!!!.
i know that 90 per cent of people wont have maprents paying for their wedding, and thats fair enough, but id go mad if my mum and dad were moaning because i couldnt afford to buy them dinner. that just ridiculous.
if people want to share the biggest day of your life than they will gladly do it. its the same as asking bridesmaid to pay for their own dresses, if they are reasonably priced than they should be honered to be asked. i paid for my dress at my bff's wedding.
i feel so bad that your closest family are being so inconsiderate of your feelings.
hope you get it sorted.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
CommentAuthorMrsd
Yeah we worded it your presence is required not presents, but tbh h2b is so angry he dont want them there now, its caused a massive rift now as he no longer wants to speak to his own parents, he said their response was get my parents to pay for them, when my parents will be paying for own meal and was happy to do so..he told them to stay away and put phone down.
Sheesh weddings are suppose to be happy times lol. x
CommentAuthorLaticschick Holland
i don't think you have done wrong at all hun, think its very sad about the response you have received
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
they hav gone OTT i kno this is a new concept but i wud b fine wiv it! and also not a dig but why have u not told parents b4? like mayb face to face? mite of been better!
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
All i can say in all honesty if they are going to be like that would be for you to plan a small ceremony and go for a meal afterwards with your witnesses :D Tell the parents that they are welcome to come and celebrate with you but you will not be paying for ther meal and if they dont want to pay for themselves then dont bother coming, as if thats their attitude do you really want them there anyway? Sorry to hear you have had such a bad reaction, but you dont need to cancel, marriage is not about the meal or keeping the relatives happy, you want to be man and wife. Big hugs.
CommentAuthorJane
Or you could do something a little less conventional.... when my mum got married recently they had a very small ceremony in the registry office then went to the zoo for the day with the 2 witnesses! They had a great time, different but it worked for them!
CommentAuthorlinzi
dont cancel your wedding, if you have to cancel anything then cancel the evening reception. Just have a day time celebration with everyone, and maybe serve a glass of bubbly and some cake afterwards? then keep the evening just for your nearest and dearest, those who understand your broke and dont mind joining you for a wedding celebration meal, and paying their own.
you could always have a bit party once you are back on your feet, on your 1st anniversary maybe?
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully!!
Started Slimming World - 23/03/2011 - 2 Stone to lose!
Total Loss = 1 stone 7 lbs.
As at 23/11 - 3 days before the wedding.
CommentAuthorLittle Kettle
Looks like we're all in agreement here ladies! I echo everything that's been said before and think Jane's mum had a wonderful idea with going to the zoo! We're geting married in Vegas and whilst we're paying for the lunch for everyone, we can't stretch to the dinner in the evening after the photo limo tour up the strip, so we're asking everyone to pay for their own. We've not had one person refuse - even though they're already paying gawd knows how much to actually come out to Vegas! Stick to your guns, hun. You're doing absolutely the right thing and your day is exactly that. Don't let the meizers (sp?) ruin it for you and your H2B! x
Vegas baby!
Moderator
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
y dont u just do a buffet then?? u cna get rels to do it! cheap i did my h2b 21st bday buffet and spent 160 and there was about 120 guetss and loads left!!
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
lol lalabunni!!! chicken nugget n dont 4get the sauces!!
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorlinzi
OMG I LOVE that idea! you could always go "shappy chic" and make up little individual packed lunches. Could put the little bottles of bubbly in, a straw, a wee gourmet sandwich and some cheese and biscuits?? would be mega cheap if you made them up yourself and also a really original idea that folk will love!
or serve a few canapes, glass of bubbly, a bit of cake then tell them all to sod off and go for your dinner with your closest family! lol
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully!!
Started Slimming World - 23/03/2011 - 2 Stone to lose!
Total Loss = 1 stone 7 lbs.
As at 23/11 - 3 days before the wedding.
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
My friend did the same. She was strapped for cash and asked the guests to feed themselves. Its only like going out for a meal. It is beyond me how people expect to be fed for nothing. Don't cry and get yourself upset because of other people being selfish. Why should you cancel your special day because of a few silly people?
If they don't want to be a part of your day then they miss out not you. At least you know the people who are there on your special day are there because they want to share you happiness and not there for a free meal ticket.
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
omg linzi thats an aceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee idea
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorRachie :D
Your day your way babes - ask them to not buy you a prezzie just pay for themselves!
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
raekim thats the thing thats wats she has asked!
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorlinzi
i think we all get too het up about what a wedding "should be" like, and when we go to a wedding we always think we know what to expect. But a wedding DOES NOT have to follow the usual traditional guidlines, a memorable wedding is one that doesnt, one that has a little something different. So DONT be scared on doing something off the wall, or a bit out there. People will remember it cause its different, original and doesnt follow the herds and do everything the same.
shame the weather is so sh1t in April or you could have just had a big outdoor bbq
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully!!
Started Slimming World - 23/03/2011 - 2 Stone to lose!
Total Loss = 1 stone 7 lbs.
As at 23/11 - 3 days before the wedding.
CommentAuthorFoxyroadie
We actually went to a wedding about two years ago where the Bride and Groom who, again, were in a similar financial position to you, had their reception in a Wetherspoons. Everyone bought their own food and drinks and we had a BALL. It's one of those weddings where you remember pretty much everything that went on - it was just so chilled out, relaxed and hey - everyone could choose their own food! :) I saw them both today and we were still talking about it :) We still had the speeches and things, and someone stood on a chair and read them a poem that they'd written!
As has already been said here - people should be going to your wedding to celebrate the two of you starting your married life together, not for what they think they should be getting out of it! IMO.
CommentAuthorGoff
Why not cut out the meal altogether? Have a later wedding and go straight into the evening reception with food on then?
That way you cut out a few grand in costs you cant afford.
And no i dont think its rude at all - we were going to do this till we realised folk would moan cos they weren't invited ad that we would have to invite people we didnt really like but were family etc - and we were buggered if we were gonna pay for a meal for someone we didnt really like!
UKB Mad Scientist
Ride it like ya stole it.....
I'm a flippin ORTHOTIST
CommentAuthornini
It sounds like your in laws need a good talking too! I would leave it to settle down for a few days then go and talk to them and calmly explain, again!, why you are asking for people to buy their meal. If they are still being unreasonable then there is nothing more you can do. I can't honestly believe that they would rather miss their sons wedding than pay for their own meal - but I suppose you just can't figure out some people.
CommentAuthorjodie b
i dont think its rude we're effectively asking people to come to cyprus to be with us when we get married and havent had any nastiness they should want to be there i dont think asking to pay for their meal is rude in anyway shape or form and if anything they're the ones being rude complaining about not getting a free meal xx
CommentAuthorlil miss sunshine
your day your way, but h2b parents need to be happy that they are gaining a daughter so if that means paying for a meal that is a small price to pay
and now the next chapter
CommentAuthorRedBee12
Thats such a shame that they had such a bad reaction to it, I hope they come around...I don't understand some people... <3
CommentAuthorGriff
Good for h2b for standing up to them and backing your corner hunni but I agree with Goff why not just go straight to the reception? xx
CommentAuthorSoon2beMrsHall
Its your wedding day. I cant believe they wont come if you wont feed them. They should be happy to see there son getting married. I would tell them to grow up and pay there way.
Cant wait to to marry Martyn
Wishes the wedding would come faster
XxX
CommentAuthorUnknown
If my friends asked me to pay for my own meal if it meant they could afford to get married and not get them a present/give money i would completly understand!! As for his parents they should do anything they can to see that their son gets married!
At least if you go to a resturant then people can have exactly what they want to eat. I dont think that it is any differnet to us asking for money. try explaining again why you are doing it this way again and just say you want them there to celebrate your special day but cant afford for people to eat. I dont understand why your guests cant accept that xx
CommentAuthor*Kat B*
edited
lalabunni you forgot that they get a present too if you buy them a happy meal
Live for today
This cat is not in pain.....it's meowing noooo not UKB again
Met 08 Jul 2003, Engaged 20 May 2010
Married 19 April 2012
CommentAuthorljeh92
i really feel for you, i cant add to what everyone else says, buts your h2bs parents are being very selfish, you def need to sit down and speak to them x
Soon to be Mrs Laura Naylor !!
24th June 2011
CommentAuthorMrsd
thanks for your replys ladies, the thing is the meal is our reception, we getting married, having something to eat then going home, we didnt want a big reception and we only invited immediate family so in all it was 18 people....his parents knew we were broke because we just moved house and i was was telling them i was fretting over food, they said have a bbq but as its april i wasnt going to risk the weather and tbh as im only having a small do i didnt want to go straight home...im not having cars or anything fancy.. we could if we canceled and waited another year but its not what we both want. So yeah sod his parents they love drama and did this to h2b brother last year, they said they wasnt going to their wedding because they didnt invite all of the family, they kept saying they wasnt going till 4 weeks to go then changed mind as they couldnt bare to not see him get married. Thing is with me they wont get a chance to change mind as im abit older than my sil2b and wont take crap! they not coming end off now. And we will do our best to pay for everyones meal now just to annoy his parents lol.
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
nah i wudnt hun! just buy them all a 'welcome' drink at the place!?
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorJilly17
I dont think you have done the wrong thing at all.....famillies can often forget what weddings are about...as in the couple!!!! That is very unfair of h2b parents to do this to you and they sound like a right pair of drama queens!!! Hope you can reslove it!
CommentAuthoralimarie05
we had to change our venue due to money and now we are just having a buffet and disco at a country pub. because its a friday and there will be a few other locals in the pub they offered to pay for the dj which saved us £165. the buffet is costing us £200 instead of £1200 for meal and buffet na d because its a little more casual i'm hoping people will feel more relaxed and enjoy themselves. our wedding is costing around £1500 in total inc dress, car, stationary, cake, car register office, rings, flowers, decorations, bridesmaids dress, suits etc. my sister paid out £20,000 for her wedding 3 years ago and is still paying for it now and i bet no one remembers the meal and things apart from the bride and groom. its your day hun and you are being more then reasonable. if they dont like it its there loss.
if someone said 2 me id have 2 pay for own meal id be fine with it, those who dont like it are just being so unreasonable xx
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
i wudnt mind as its only a normal restuarant! mite be a bit diff if it was one of them posh places at £80 a head LOL
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorsuzky123
i know its tempting to say 'right you cant come' and justified 100%. However, how will you feel five years down the line knowing that due to the cost of a meal, the parents werent there... i dont think you should back down and pay.... its ur day and it will be done ur way... traditional weddings anmd ettiqite are a thing of the past.... however, I say tell them that they are paying for their own meal... if they dont like it then tough but theres not to be a change of mind.... theyre obviously just pulling the stunt to get their own way... out ur foot down and say you either come or you dont.... but once you make up your mind thats it.... i have other more important things to worry about!
Im sure you will have an amazing time and try not to let people who just want their own way spoil your day... it is about you and the love you both share... not a meal. The point of the meal is to celebrate and be together... does it matter who pays for it? They can bloody pay, esp if not making even a small donation to the wedding.
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
