Was wondering if I could get some advice as im not good at the "confronting a situation"
My maid of honour is my best mate from primary school so we have known each other 20 years plus.
I have 1 MOH and 2 BMs.
1st of is the dresses. My MOH has said that she will only wear a long dress as hates her legs (my BMS really dont care what dress they wear theyve left it up to me). My wedding is in May and Ive come across this lush dress which is white on the top and pink on the bottom. But its knee length (can be made longer to calf length but not to a maxi). So ive approached my MOH with the suggestion that she has a calf length dress so that all 3 of them can be in the same dress. her response was no she wants to be in a maxi dress as she NEVER wears short dresses. Then she goes to show me a knee length dress shes bought for her mates wedding as a guest???? I dont get it. I would really love all my BMS to have the same dress but shes being really fussy. (btw im buying all the dresses)
2nd of all is her boyfriend. Now I thought I was being nice inviting him to the daytime and the evening do (as she asked) but now she is claiming she doesnt want to sit on the top table with me as its not fair on him sitting on his own during the wedding? So if she doesnt sit on the top table its going to be uneven. And the plan was for her to stay in my room the night before the weddin (im paying) and now shes saying she wont get to see her boyfriend for a good 12 hours and thats not fair on him/her. So I dont know what to do about that. I thought i was being nice in inviting him to the wedding and paying for her accomodation?
3rd of all - we're all having our make up and hair done (again my treat) and shes now told me she'll be bring her own hairdresser as she doesnt know mine and she might do her hair horrible? So now in my bridal suite the morning of the wedding im going to have a complete stranger doing her hair only? She asked me how i wanted the bridesmaids hair done, now im bein quite flexible all ive asked is that their hair is down but done in any style. Shes told me she wants her hair up and curly? Why even ask me?? Make up wise - i was hoping (and asked) everyone would go for the natural look as thats the kinda theme of the wedding. She is saying she wants dark smokey eyes - with a pastel pink and white dress??
I dunno what to do.
Ive been so flexible towards everything but now im just wishing id of said this is how its going to be.
My other two BMs really dont care at all what theyre wearing, how their hair is etc theyve said I can choose, yet i seem to be bending over to her every wish!!!
Is anyone in the same situation/shows what I should do?
xx
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorShazk
to be honest love id be blunt and tell her it my way or no way!!!
Im like u im pretty chilled i have said they can wear what want as long as this colour, hair however and make up natural but if they then did something i said no to that id be having words
Yes they need to feel comfortable etc but shje is clearly just doing as she wants what she wants it nothing to do with being uncomfortable in the dress or she wouldn't wear that length dress!!!
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
When she originally said she would only wear a maxi dress I was fine by it as I really thought she didnt wear short dresses.
Then when im lookin through her photos on fb and she then showed me the dress shes just bought for her friends wedding and it was short its started to really bug me!!!
The dress ive found is lush and can be made to measure but theyve said its the wrong style for it to be a maxi which is fair enough.
Just wish shed stop being like this!
BM dress
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
edited
tell her to buckle down and she does it your way or takes the highway
she is meant to make it easy for you not awkward.
she should be doing as she is told not dictating to you hun
those dresses would look wrong as maxi so just below the knee or calf length would look fab.
get the dress made for her and tell her to wear it or bog off!
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
So u's dont think id be unreasonable by picking her dress and saying that she has to sit on top table?
The top table layout goes:
Best Man Dad Mam H2B Me Dad Mam MOH
If she doesnt want to stay in my room the night before thats fine by me - her and her bf can pay for their own room and she can come in my room in the morning? U think thatd be ok to say to her? x
Nicola, I would have some serious words wither her as, yes, she doesnt want to wear something she doesnt feel confident in but its your day. Insisting her boyfriend sits on the top table with you?! Not a chance.... And the hairdresser thing - I'd tell her to pay for her own if she's being so rude!
It is YOUR wedding day. Whilst you may need to accommodate some things to make your wedding party happy, she defo sounds like she's a bit of a diva.
Talk to her, make it clear she does things your way and say to her that if she doesnt like it, she is no longer involved in your day as your MOH.
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
i think thats is fine nicola.
my Cheif BM was great and sat on the opposite end of the top table to my brother who was the best man and wasn't even bothered. She said if thats what you want then its fine.
If she can't bear to be away from her BF for 12 hours then she can pay for the room.
you are being totally resonable and i think that calf length has to be the compromise and you get to the pink the dresses and make up as she said.
Also the hair dresser thing, tell her she has a trial with the person you've picked so her hair won't look horrible.
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
I cant tell u all how relieved I am about not being selfish wanting these lil things a certain way.
I think she just doesnt want to sit on top table. But if she doesnt I think she needs to decide whether she wants to be my moh. I dont mean it in a horrible way but the MOH shud be sittin on the top table if the best man is? I think anyways!
I dont want to upset her or hurt her feelings but its everytime we meet up she says something about the wedding that has to be her way and its beginning to wear me down.
So on approaching the subject... do I wait until i next meet up with her? I dont know if i could say it to her face? Or do I just send her a message telling her how i feel?
x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorShazk
No i don't think it ahrsh at all and to be honesty id be telling her to do one rather than what to wear and where to sit lol xx
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
edited
The dresses look fine and tbh if she's wearing a knee length dress to another wedding I think u should buy them and say wear it or don't come! Same with the makeup and hair,be a bit bridezilla and just be blunt and tell her how it is and how it's going to be,seems to me she is pushing things way too far and being completely awkward x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Don't wait I think u need to bring it up now, I think the longer u wait the more u may chicken out x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorKatya
i think maybe you should write it all down in a personal letter to her. explain how you feel. be diplomatic about it.
i guess this is where you might call me lucky. I knew who would be BM's for my wedding, but i didnt tell them. I asked them what they thought to maxi dresses i had found, they both loved them, then i asked which shoes they would prefer out of 3, they both chose the same ones. then i told them they were BM's. one has short thinish hair, the other long wavey and thick, all i have stipulated is... they wear the black maxi dresses that i found for £5.49 on the bay that they loved they wear an alice band i bought for them they choose their own shoes but that those shoes must be red.
they can have makeup and hair however they wish, feel comfortable so long as they dont look like clowns i really dont mind. both tend to wear mainly natural makeup anyway.
i have told them we will all be doing our own makeup and hair except that i would appreciate them straightening my hair for me as with my back problems i cant seem to twist correctly to straighten my hair without putting my back out.
the only thing that they have requested is a bit of ribbon to go around their waists to add a bit of colour to the dresses. this is fine by me because then they can have matching ribbon to my dress and looks quite smart. and the ribbon can be placed over the top of the dress and secured with velcro as a belt, which means it can be detached and the dress can be worn over and over again!
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorFinally Susan B
She is taking the p out of your kind nature. The dress thing is a joke - to say she cant wear short, then picks short for another wedding guest - somehow I would bring that up " ooh great, you are over your short dress phobia, I can order the dresses I want now for you all" I'd also say if she thinks bf will feel uncomfy sitting apart, maybe would be better if he didnt come - or I'd say I have a real thing about traditions and will feel it's bad luck or something if MOH isnt on top table.
The hair thing too - I'd say it's too many people to crowd the room - and tell her to pay for a trial with your hair dresser to feel comfy with it - although I'd actually probably let her have own hairdresser, in her own room - one less for your lady to do = more time for you all x
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
1, tell her she can have a maxi dress in your colours and if you approve it as long as she pays for it ...
2,the bf only has to sit apart from her to eat a meal .. im sure you haven't put him on a table on his own and if she wants to stay in a room with bf so that she sees him ( just think how he might change in 12hrs !!) then she is welcome to but at her expense
3, you are more than happy for her to bring her hairdresser but she will have to sort out the cost between them as you wont be paying
Nicola, We had a top table with just me, my hubby, our best man and my grandad on (the speech makers) and my bridesmaids sat with their partners on our guest tables. My MOH sat with her friend.
We preferred it that way but if you really want a traditional top table, she should sit with you. If she doesnt like it, then IMO, that proves what she thinks of your wedding if she cant sit with you for a meal for a few hours without her boyfriend who will no doubt be no more than a few meters away!
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthorLulu1388
Ah hun, i completely get your predicament. Dont say you cant wear short, then pick short for another wedding or have fb photos. I dont wear short dresses cause of my legs but i would do what i could for my best mates wedding day you know?! and to be honest if you go calf length that is a really good compromise! Or maybe as other girls have suggested, give them the colours and see what she can find. and pay for herself.
If she is unsure about your hairdresser then say she can do a trial for £xx to put her at ease. you have enough people in that room as it is you dont need one extra body just for the sake of her hair.
shes acting like its her day and all about her, and yes youve tried to do it the gentle calm way, as i would, but there is a definite limit and enough is enough.
x
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
Yeh lala....I was just wondering... How many ppl u actually slapped? Lol xx
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Virtually it's about hundreds lol
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorLulu1388
im guessing that too....x
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorTori
I would relieve her of her duties Hun x
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
Ugh I'd nip this in the bud right now...
My thoughts on the three issues are:
1. Bm dress - you're paying, you obviously don't want her to feel uncomfortable but she does actually wear shorter dresses, so the legs excuse falls a little flat. Could you get her to try it on? She may feel different if she looks good in it. If she's adamant she wants a maxi dress, I would point out that it's only for a few hours and it is your day
. I had a similar problem with one of my bms...she was being a bit of a pain in the areas about the dress, so I was telling her about a bm on this forum who was making a fuss about dresses and she was like 'oh that's out of irder, why is she being so silly she sounds like a right brat'...and then brought up the dresses I wanted her to wear....so she couldn't say out without sounding like a hyprocrite and it gently reminded her that the day wasn't about her...
2. I would tell her you'll put her Boyf with somebody he knows (assuming he does know any other guests). And it's only for a couple of hours...
3. Hair - tell her she can have her own hairdresser but it has to be done in the style you want. Also just say you want a natural look and shell look silly with smoky eyes. Tell her she can do them herself for the night do if she wants.
Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorAna40
A bit of a hard situation, because although she isnt openly causing you a problem her attitude is indirectly making the organistation much harder. you have chosen her to be your MOH, its one day, now im not one for thinking that brides shouls be too demanding of their BMs but if she cant comprimise with you for one day then why is she taking the role of MOH. i would tell her that although she may not be aware of it some of her options are making this stressful for you. that although yes she is the MOH and so that is different from the BM you would like her to be involved and look as if she is attending the same wedding that everyone else is. She should understand. x
CommentAuthordisneylove
It your wedding so should be how u want it especially when ur paying for them, u gonna have to look at the pics so I would tell her she either do it ur way or she have to step down as a bridesmaid
together 12/02/2011
engaged 25/12/2011
marryin soulmate 22/03/2014
cant wait :)
CommentAuthorNicolaG1
I think this is really tough as she sounds very unreasonable and yet you dont want to have a big falling out with somebody you have known for such a long time. Its very easy to say that you should tell her your way or the high way but in reality you obviously want her to be part of your special day so some sort of compromise needs to be met.
With regards the seating arrangements, I would certainly not budge. I would explain to her the tradition of having MOH on the top table and if she is certain she wants to sit with her fella then kindly suggest she step down to bridesmaid and ask one of the others to step up as you want to keep the tradition.
Can her fella spend thr night before with your H2B therefore ensuring they are not overly missing each other? I this a new relationship? I sounds very intense!! Again, kindly explain how its the big night before your wedding and youd love to spend it with her as the last girly night of singledom. If she insists on not coming then she is the one missing out and you will have a hell of a time with your other bridesmaids. She will regret it I am sure.
With the dress Id be a bit more flexible as id want my girls to feel as comfortable as possible. I know its annoying cos ur paying, but i am paying for mine but have chosen with them dresses that suit. They all are wearing the same colour but different lengths/neck lines. Can this be accommodated with your dress choice?
Can you arrange a trial for her with your hairdresser to see how it goes?
Good luck with the conversation you have to have with her. It will be really hard, but stay calm and explain how you are feeling and hopefully a big fall out wont ensue because that wouldnt solve anything in my opinion because it would make you so upset I bet...
Xx
CommentAuthorDecember
On a slight side - I think those dresses would look stunning in full length! I dont know why the company has said they cant do them.
Sorry, but I think they'd look really lovely. Back to the topic - the ladies have given some great advice. Talk to her, and do it soon. Be calm and explain everything. See what happens. xx
CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
She sounds like a piece of work. Tell her to get a frip and realise that this is your wedding and while you won't make her uncomfortable or have her looking like a clown she will do what you want within reason. If she cares about you then she will do it.
As gfor the boyfriend....tell her she is at top table and he can sit with other guests or his day invite is revoked and he can just come at night so there will be no problem of him sitting by himself.
Hairdresser....tell her she is paying for her own hairdresser and you will decide on the day if you like what she has had done if not she will need to get HER hairdresser to redo her hair and if it costs her more then tough cookies!!!!!
CommentAuthorLlosa
Tell her she can be as bossy as she likes......At her OWN wedding lol... Its your big day and she should do as she is told! MOH isn't a right of passage it should be a privilege and she should really appreciate that...
CommentAuthorElizabethP8
I think it's time to bring out bridezilla! You have been really flexible and if she can't fit in between those boundaries then why the hell does she want to be MOH? She should be supporting you and helping her out. If I were you I would bite the bullet and tell her how it is, either she does her job as MOH or she get demoted to guest so she can sit with her bf if they are that inseparable?!? You said she has been your friend for 20+ years... she needs to start acting like it and stop trying to overtake your big day :( xx
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Aw thanks so much for all ur advice girls.
I really dont want to be nasty to her but its bugging me and it wont go away.
Shes been with her bf the same amount of time as me and my h2b.(give or take a week) He works away 4 days a week so I really dont see how one meal would kill them being apart.
Think I need a diplomatic way of saying:
with regards to ur bf.... if ur really worried that u wont see him/spend time with him then why not share a room with him the night before. obv i would love for you to stay in my room the night before so we can have some girly time but if u want to be with him then ill respect that and send u the info for booking accommodation. I would really love for you to sit on the top table so that it is traditional as the best man is on h2bs side so i would really love you as my moh to be on my side. I could ask a BM to sit on my side but it really should be the MOH to keep it traditional. I understand that ur bf may feel awkward not knowing anyone for the meal but one of my BMS doesnt know anyone either. Everyone is friendly and im sure theyll all be chatting to him. If he really doesnt want to sit without you then all i can suggest is that maybe i just invite him to the night time, or i can sit you with him but that would mean just being a bm rather than a moh, as the moh really shud be sitting with me on the top table.
About the hairdresser... obv your more than welcome to do a trial with my hairdresser so you know what shes like. i can let u know the cost of a trial if u like? if u are really wanting to bring your own hairdresser then sharing a room with ur bf the night before is probs best as she cud then do ur hair in ur room before then coming into my room to finish getting ready. I just really dnot want too many people in the room at once and i dont know ur hairdresser whereas i know mine and feel comfortable with her being in my room with us all. Ill leave that to you to decide about?
The dresses.... i think i would prefer everyone to be in the same dress. its more of the look i want for mine and my h2bs day. all his ushers r in the same suit so it would be right to me for the bms to be in the same outfit. After a lot of photos and discussions with urself and bms the nicest dress is (pic) I have asked them if they can make it into a maxi dress but they have said it isnt possible. Would calf length be ok? Obv i do want u to feel comfortable on the day and it would be nice with all the bms having the same shoes that pics would show these off as well as the dresses. My other 2 BMS arent bothered about the length of theirs so if you have calf, i can have another just below knee and the other knee length. I think this would look good?
How does that sound? x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorLulu1388
to be honest youve explained everything that needs to be explained in a calm and nice way... your not being over bearing or bridezillalike... she cant moan or complain at you for airing and voicing your concerns. she should be supporting and helping you out for your special day. which is exactly what it is, YOURS not HERS! and if she does kick up a fuss, then theres your answer. shes out!
x
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Yeah like in that ive kinda subtly gave her the choice or being a BM or MOH..... so its up to her. Really if she wants to be my MOH then she shud kinda let me have what i want. I would never dream of telling someone what i wanted my hair/dress to be like if i was someones BM. Id just go along with whatever they want! x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorShazk
im with lous last post here i couldn't agree more x
Give her the choice but personally i wouldn't id tell her she out xx
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorLulu1388
yeh i totally get you b2bnicola, ridiculous what she is doing, but in all honesty id be at the end of my tether by now and if she even dares make a slight fuss over what you are going to say to her shes out. x
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
and lala if she doesnt listen haha i will be employing u for the "slap" ha x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorElizabethP8
I think what you have written is very good but try not to allow too many compromises, fair enough if there is one thing she really can't budge on but basically she is bullying you into doing things her way :( You are being very flexible and she is taking advantage of that. I would assume that you would like her to stay your MOH as you chose her in the first place so explain that maybe she should look at it from your point of view and be a bit more flexible herself. Hope you work it out :) xx
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Urgh, she sounds like a piece of work!
Re the dresses, I would either find a maxi dress, if you want to, that is similar in style or colour to the one you have chosen for your BMs (my MOH is wearing a different dress because she just doesn't suit chiffon and floaty which is what the others want to wear, and I think it looks fine), or, if you like that dress and want them to match, tell her that that is the dress she will be wearing. If she comments on the length, I would be blunt, and say that you're unsure what the problem is given that she is wearing a knee-length dress to another friend's wedding.
Re the room issue, I would tell her she is welcome to stay with her partner the night before, but that she will need to foot the bill for their room if she chooses to do this.
As far as the seating plan goes, for me this depends on whether or not her OH knows anyone else going well. If he doesn't, I would think about allowing her to sit with him, and putting someone else from my side (eg another bridesmaid) at the top table if I was bothered about balance (or, alternatively, seating the best man elsewhere eg with his friends/partner); but that's just me. Again, it's your day, and so up to you.
With regards to the hairdresser/make-up artists: first you need to speak with yours, as some will not work alongside another person, and it may be in the contract. So, check this first. Then, if she is insisting on using her own (I can actually understand this TBH; I'm really funny about my hair and would feel borderline panicky having someone I didn't know doing it; my friends are the same, hence why they're all doing their own hair/make-up, so, it isn't uncommon), and it's OK with your hairdresser/make-up artist again, she should foot the bill. As far as style goes, I'm torn on this. We're not dictating hair or make-up style as I feel like my bridesmaids should feel comfortable; two of them wear heavy eye-make-up and I'm totally fine with that. So, I kind of feel she should get some say, but again, it IS your day, and your requirements are hardly crazy; plus, I'd imagine she doesn't normally wear her hair up and curled, and it also sounds like the smokey eye thing isn't something she usually wears? In which case, it's not like you're taking her out of her comfort zone and making her look different to how she usually does, so I don't really see her problem.
If she won't listen or be reasonable, I'd think long and hard about whether you want to retain her in the MOH position. I'd be unhappy if mine was acting like that.
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
ahh barbie the best man is my h2bs step dad so he has to sit on the top table. so no chance of moving him! lol!
yeah the hair and eyes isnt somethin she usually does, all of her photos are with her hair down and curly. so i really didnt see why she wanted her up on my wedding day? its like she just wants it up cos i want it down.
i have been so flexible towards all the bms inc her sending them links of dress styles asking which one theyd prefer. the other two BMS have just requested nothing fitted but bar that they dont mind at all.
i wouldnt mind a maxi dress tbh but i do want all the same style dress and is it wrong of me thinking i want to be the only one out of bridal party wearing a long dress? i know thats a bit princessy of me but thats how i feel.
yeah to be blunt about it i really am unhappy with the way she is acting. i cant understand why shes being like this.
her bf wasnt originally invited to the day time as we have only met him twice..... he doesnt know anyone from our wedding party.... but my moh asked if he could come and we agreed.... now it seems its being thrown back in my face!
trouble is i dont actualy think he has got a prob sitting on his own he is very outgoing (at least wen we met him) and she said something along the lines of "bf hasnt said anything but i can tell hes uncomfortable" so i have a feeling this is all just coming from her!
i just have a horrible feeling that when i say something shes going to take it the wrong way and we're going to end up faling out. i confided this in my mam and shed said that its not biggy if we falll out she obv wasnt a good friend in the first place.... but i dnt want to loose her as a mate.
Just cant work out why shes being so awkward!
x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorbarbie86
I have to say I'm inclined to agree with your mum; she's being a bit of a brat, and a true friend wouldn't behave like that.
I'd probably arrange to go for a coffee/drink (preferably soon) and bring the conversation round to the wedding. Then, say there are just a couple of small things you wanted to discuss quickly, and calmly run through the list. Don't make a big thing of it; keep it light, and think about how you phrase it (eg by saying you have a 'couple small things you just wanted to mention' it keeps it light and informal, and makes it harder for her to get in a hump over it). Decide in advance what you want, and stay firm, and if she gets difficult, say that you're sorry she feels like that, and would she maybe like to still be in the bridal party, but as a BM, not MOH, so that way she can sit with her partner (etc)?
Yes, you may fall out; but honestly, if she gets in a strop that reflects badly on her, not you, and you may want to re-evaluate your friendship.
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
I have nothing to add to what all the other ladies have said really. The only thing I can suggest is that if she does get touchy about what you have said then remind her that one day it will be her getting married, and how would she feel if nobody would wear what she wanted them to, or have their hair or make-up how she wanted it (especially as you are paying for it all!). It sounds to me like she is jealous that you are getting the attention and is doing whatever she can to make it so it is all about her instead. Personally, I would have said fine then, you can come as just a guest if you want to be like that, that way you can wear a maxi dress and have your hair and make-up however you want it and you can pay for it all, if not then be quiet and have what I want to you have and stop moaning about everything! I'm really angry for you hun, this is not how a true friend acts!! xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorElizabethP8
Firstly I have to agree with your mum, if the worst happens and you do fall out then at least you have time to make other plans for MOH and I'm sure that once she has cooled off she will see that she is in the wrong here (obviously I haven't heard her side of the story, but from what you have said she really is the one causing all the grief). I agree with Barbie that you should write a list of what you want to say as it seems she is quite a strong character and may try and talk you round, decide what her options are and write it down so you don't end up getting bamboozled into agreeing to too many compromises xxx
CommentAuthorFinally Susan B
Nicola - you are just too nice :) I think the way you've worded things to sort it out is fab.. but I think she's being awkward without openly being a pain - so don't be surprised if she comes back with something that still means she gets it all her own way. Hopefully she will just understand you don't want a whole load of exceptions made for her and she'll fit in with everyone but I feel at the end of the day you will need to take away choices and just tell her how it's going to be, or she will continue to bend things to fit her x
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Yea one of my bms was saying that i was being too flexible towards them all that i shud have just picked their dress and said thats ur dress, this is how i want ur hair and make up etc etc but i didnt want to be like that kinda wanted their input but its backfired i guess!
tbh i dont know when im next seeing her as i do kinda hardly see her and im off on hol soon do u's think i shud send her a message about it all or wait to say it to her face? it may be like end of june by next time i see her. and also im useless at confrontation!
x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorAna40
Maybe you could send her a card in the post? X
CommentAuthorElizabethP8
Being nice is not always the best thing to do, I have been taken advantage of before because I am too soft on people and after reading this I am preparing to get tough if I need to!!
I think because of the time before you can see her face to face and not liking confrontation (who does!) then it might work to send a letter, what you have written is good but if you are writing it rather than saying it I would suggest you make it clear on each point that you have been flexible but as she will not fit into what you want you should put a limited choice for her i.e. 1) Do it exactly this way, 2) Do it my way but with a slight variation. Don't leave any room for negotiation where she can just ignore what you want :( xx
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Thanks girls. Seriously what would i do without u all :) x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorElizabethP8
Good luck :) I hope you can get everything straightened out so that it doesn't cause you any more stress! xx
