To explain the history of my OH's family his twin sister basically bosses everybody about and is a very jealous person. My OH recently sold the house that he had bought with his ex and made about £20k profit so he treated me andmy 2 kids to a weeks holiday. His sister was obviously very jealous and (I think) had been expecting a bit of money from him. They had a huge row because she basically said me & my kids were scroungers, taking him for everything he's got!!! She has never worked a day in her life, I work full time and therefore contribute 50:50 to our household bills and savings.
We were planning on getting married in Cyprus in 2014 as my OH is a very private person and didn't want all the fuss thats usually involved with a wedding in the UK. So we thought it would be nice to turn it into a big family holiday with both of our immediate families We have already paid the deposit on our reception and wedding planner, only about £400 in total but still money I would prefer not to loose. His family (mother & 2 sisters) couldn't afford to come with us so we offered to pay for their flights and accom as long as they saved their own spending money. Now his sister has decided that she's too frigtened to fly (non of them have been on holiday before) and won't be coming to the wedding. She knows that his mother wont come without her and that he desperately wants his mum there (which is why we offered to pay for them to begin with).
So now my OH wants to offer them the opportunity for us to cancel the wedding in Cyprus and have it back in the UK so that they'll come. I can understand that he wants his mum there, I think it's very important for her to be at her only sons wedding but I can't help but feel that his sister is dictating to us where we get married and that the only reason she's said she won't come is because they've had a falling out! I feel like I'm being a bridezilla for being upset at not getting my wedding they way I want it, I haven't expressed any of this to my OH as I don't want to put him in an awkward position but I don't know if I'll be able to hold my tongue in front of her!!!
4th April 2014 - I get married to my soul mate
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Hun you really need to discuss with your H2B and tell him how you feel. You're getting married and that means doing things together and you're both happy with whatever decisions are made or you agree a compromise. He needs to know how you feel. For better for worse ................. he will understand I'm sure and maybe he needs to talk to his mum.
Hope you can sort things out so you both get the wedding you want with his mum there. If he has another sister will your MIL2B come if she goes? xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorShazk
What a awful situation to be in and how horrid does his siter want to be thats so unfair of her (my sister is totally pertified of flying but she has said she would fly for my wedding if we realyl wanted it abroad).
Indreamland has said it all really speak to him he may not realsie how you are feeling and I dont suppose he will wont you to be upset xx
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorNEDebz
Hi
I know that if I tell him how I feel he'll say 'stuff them' and we'll get marriedin Cyprus but I also know that he won't be happy if his Mum isn't there. His mum doesn't go anywhere without his sister (the one thats decided she won't go to the wedding). She controls his mums and other sisters lives, what she says goes and they go along with it to keep the peace.
I got upset about it yesterday and told him I need to know one way or another as I feel like I'm in limbo so he's going to speak to them on Thursday. I just keep reminding myself that if we get married in the UK we can get married almost a year earlier so I get to be his wife sooner than I thought!! xx
4th April 2014 - I get married to my soul mate
CommentAuthormadison_uk
think you should wait and see what happens on Thursday and then go from there, you can always have a small wedding over here and have a nice family holiday in Cyprus, or get married over there and have a blessing when you get back?
Can you maybe do both?? Get married in Cyprus just you two and whoever wants and can afford to go with you then have a blessing and big family party back here afterwards? That way even if his mum isnt at the actual wedding she will be at the blessing which is just as important
and you get to wear your dress and be a princess twice ;-)
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CommentAuthorNicholaP44
my oh family arnt coming 2 our wedding in turkey thro different excuses, but he is ok with that. u need 2 have ur special day without regrets! x x
Marrying "the 1" on 4th Oct 2013
CommentAuthorSam
edited
She may be genuine on the whole not wanting to fly. Families always have difficult dynamics & being a twin can make it worse. I speak from experience on that one. I think that not going to Cyprus with the entire family is probably a good idea. Why? Because I don't think you should start your married life with your husband by paying for his family to go on holiday. He already has a sister that thinks she should have access to his money, paying for her holiday will only confirm this. Just a thought.
CommentAuthorLittle Kettle
Good idea Hails. That's what we did! Wedding in Vegas then a blessing in our local park and reception in a local restaurant when we got back. Worked out well and hubby's family were happy with that :)
Vegas baby!
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CommentAuthorLaura JaneW
I think you and your OH should do exactly what you had planned and marry in cyprus! She is obviously deliberately being difficult! I am also afraid of flying but id never ever let it ruin something like that. Cyprus is only a 4 hr flight,she would get a relaxant like diazepam from her doctor which takes most of my fear away. Fact is if she really wanted to be there,she would. Nothing a few drinks couldnt solve on a plane!
CommentAuthorVelcro
Id rather wait a year and do what I want, than please everyone else. youre already being gracious enough by paying flights and accomodation. She's clearly trying to pull a fast one so you will your plans... god knows why though. If you want to go to Cyprus, then go, you say her mum won't go without her, but are you really sure she would miss her own sons wedding? There's one thing being bossy and getting your own way all the time, but to miss your own sons wedding becasue she's throwing her toys out of the pram would be low - and could well lead to losing her relationship with you both
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorVelcro
Would it even 'keep the peace' if she says shes not going, and the rest follow suit? there's bound to be a fallout from that regardless, surely??
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorNEDebz
She's been funny about the whole thing since we announced our plans. Her immediate response when we said we were getting married was that she wasn't coming because she doesn't like weddings. That was when we were originally planned on getting married in the UK, it was this reaction and my H2B's concern over how to explain it to other guests that made us decide to go away to get married. She then decided they would come to Cyprus but the day they had the fall out over money she changed her mind. She already takes diazapam as she does get a bit wound up about things so not sure if she would be able to increase her dose for the flights. She dictates to the whole family, to the point where her mother and sister have no life, they simply say 'you know what she's like'. She isnt much of a people person. When discussing the arrangements she asked if anybody local was going, when I said that my H2B was asking some of his cousins she said she hoped that none of them would go and that we only need our immediate family there.
The more I think about it the more resentful towards her I'm feeling but I want my H2B to be happy so if it means us getting married in the UK then thats what I'll do and make the best of it, what we were going to pay for their holiday can go towards our honeymoon so we can have something extra special
4th April 2014 - I get married to my soul mate
CommentAuthorLaura JaneW
Im sorry hun,but she sounds like a proper nut. If you cancel and do what she wants she will only find something else to ruin your day. She 'doesnt like weddings' is a poor excuse for not going in the first place. You could cancel and then she probably would find some other excuse not to go.
CommentAuthorPrincess2be
You should talk to your hus2b and decide what is best for both of you. There is no point making it to suit his sis when you are not going to enjoy it as much as you would abroad. x
CommentAuthorSam
Good way to look at the bright side :) I definitely agree the honeymoon is a much better use of your money :)
CommentAuthorVelcro
It definately sounds like regardless of what you do, she's going to find something to pick fault with, so whatever you decide make sure youre not settling, as horrid as it sounds, she's gunna find something to kick up a fuss about. If you're happy enough to have an extra special honeymoon with the money you save not flying everyone over there, that's brill, I'm sure you can do something amazing, I know I'd much rather spend the money on that, than flying half of the family somewhere for my wedding, but you need to think how you will feel if you do it in the UK and she still doesn't turn up, will you regret not going over there?
You might also need to prepare yourself for something along the lines of her asking for the money you were going to use on her flight and accomodation as well, seeing as you will be 'saving money' by doing it at home... she sounds a right peice of work
It's easy for me to say, being an outsider, but it sounds like someone just needs to stand up to her. She seems like she thinks she rules the roost
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorNEDebz
Well it looks like for now it's all sorted itself out!!
My OH went to see them last night, he hasn't told me exactly what was said simply 'it's all sorted they are both coming' He said that his sister had said she doesn't feel like she should go because of what has happened but he told her not to be silly and that I'm not the type of person to hold grudges and that I wouldn't make things difficult for her.
So hopefully everything will now go to plan but even if they change their minds again H2B has said that there is no way we are changing our plans to suit them, we will have our wedding our way and if they don't come then it will be their loss!!!
4th April 2014 - I get married to my soul mate
CommentAuthorVelcro
Fingers crossed that's the end of it then :) x
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorLulu1388
sorry i've jumped in a bit late, but having read thru, definitely think you've done the right thing, by talking to your OH and getting it out in the open His sister may not be happy about the whole situation but at the end of the day its you and your OH's big day and you want to make sure your OH is just as happy and now that his mom will be there, and his sister etc then thats all good! if she wants to sit there with a sour face then so be it, the main thing is you two are ok and happy! and you get the wedding you want, with the people you want! xx
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CommentAuthorSam
Glad your OH took care of that. Fingers crossed that it stays sorted for you :)
CommentAuthorhigginszajac
Go out there for the wedding you want and have a blessing when you get back that the family can take part in xx
