Wedding Forum - SIL2B rant - How do I say no?!!...

I've just started planning my wedding and I find it really hard to just tell people what I want, I never want to hurt anyones feelings and always just go along with what people say to keep them happy.

I was talking to my SIL who has 3 children, I said her little girl could be flower girl and she asked me if her 2 boys were being pageboys, I went "hmm I don’t know really" and changed the subject. Since then she has been on the internet researching what they do and is set on the fact that they are my pageboys.
I don't want pageboys at the wedding, but I just find it awkward that she wants her kids to do everything in MY wedding, if they were my kids then absolutely, but they're not!

So I plucked up the courage and texted her saying "I don't think we're having pageboys at the wedding, Hope that’s ok"
She's text back saying "It's your wedding hun, they'll be very upset though, but I'm sure they'll get over it. is it cause you don’t want them, or is it cost cause I can pay for the suits"

My wedding is over 18 months away and I feel stressed already by having to stand up for myself and I feel like she's put a guilt trip on me saying 'they'll be very upset' but I don't want her kids to be the centre of my wedding.

Is this selfish??
How do I let people down gently, I'm not good with saying no to people, but I want my day to go perfect and not regret doing things just to please other people.

Only reason they'd be upset is because SHE told them all about being pageboys, and that I'm afraid is all on her. You aren't being selfish, you never asked them to be pageboys in the first place so you aren't disappointing them.

Iv had the same problem my bro has 4 kids, my sis has 3 and sil has 1, bil has 3. As the sis and sil r bridemaids i thought i would ask the bro and bil 3 girls to b flowergirls and there 2 boys to b pageboys, That would leave all the under 5 year olds out as i think they would be to young anyway so we though this was fair. My sis said all or none is fair, Which i agree with now. So i am not having any. Also we r only inviting family children. I was at a mates house late one fri night and we was sanding in the kitchen her 3 kids were in bed she had a wedding to go to the next day.. Her 6 year old came down with a pair of grey trousers and a pink shirt in his hands held them up and said mum mum look i have picked out the grey trousers and this pink shirt as they look good together for tomorrow. The mum said i know but like i said earlier its just me and dad going tomorrow. He said i know and its not fair i love weddings. I never thought a 6 year old would b bothered lol, I would like to be able to invite friends kids now as i c they do understand, but i just have to many friends with kids so its not possible. I would include all 3 of ur sil kids or none cause i suppose its only the kids who feel bad if there the odd ones out.

This is all on her - it's nothing to do with the children - they won't even know what a page boy is!!! SamanthaP91 is right, the only reason they'd be upset if she told them!

I have this arrangement - I have two nephews and I don't want page boys, just personal preference really. So i said to my sister i'd like them to have some other role in the wedding. I thought I might let them each hold one of the boxes with the rings in. I'd have them at the front already with my mom as i know they - particularly the older one wouldn't like walking up the aisle (they'll be 9 and 5) and then when the registrar asks for the rings they can come up. I'm not going to put them in proper suits either. Having a pastel theme with the BM's in different colours so i'm going to find them each a pastel colour shirt that co-ordinates nearer the time. Not bothering with ties as having a relaxed summer wedding.

Don't worry about it. IT's her that is being un-reasonable!

Thanks everyone for your replies! I feel better knowing I'm not the only one thinking it's not really my fault they're upset!
The boys will be 8 and 6 by the time of the wedding. so it's only the eldest that even knows what a pageboy does at the minute! The youngest doesn't seem bothered by the wedding at all! The youngest is a bit naughty so I definitely didn't want him playing up and ruining anything.
I did feel bad having their sister ( who will be 5) playing a part and not them, I think that's why I felt a bit forced into having to give them a role. I'm sure on the day there will be a lot of jobs they can help with!! xxx

dont feel bad, its ur wedding. SHES the 1 that said it 2 them. x x