Firstly my oh's sister has been engaged since december 2011 and apart from when they first got engaged she has not once spoken about getting married, setting a date, venues... nothing.... not even to her mum.
So when we got engaged in March of this year my oh was very keen on setting a date and getting a venue sorted straight away. We found our perfect venue last month after looking at several that fit into our budget and agreed a date with them to hold it for us until our parents had come and viewed it too. (there helping us pay for the venue so wanted them to have a look and say what they thought about it too) Anyway they were happy with it so we agreed to go ahead and ask for the booking form to be sent...
So that day we called our close family members to let them know the date (so they didn't book their holidays then) and his sister then got very verbal about the fact that they are now looking to book their wedding 1 month before ours and that we were out of order for booking ours before them as they got engaged first.....
We honestly wouldn't have booked anything if we even had the slightest idea that they were actually starting to plan their wedding now :( She never told anyone that she had started looking after we got engaged. She has still not booked the church or anything yet but i am holding off on sending the deposit for ours as i feel guilty that we shouldn't have done anything before her. My oh is angry with her and says we should just book it and worry about our own day instead of worrying about what she is doing.
What do you all think?
If we go ahead and book and then she books a month before us will that not be really bad for his family having to deal with two weddings etc?
Marrying my soul mate and best friend 5th July 2014
CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
No way on any side of this earth should you be holding back anything to do with your wedding ! She is quite clearly booking because you are ! You have no reason whatsoever to feel guilty !!
My bro's gf has recently decided after 13years that she wants to get married and they have booked their wedding next year as they HAVE to get married before me because I'm younger than them.. They were going to book it exactly 3months before mine ! But luckily our dad works away and he wouldn't have been able to make it back for both and mine was booked first so they couldn't but I would've been even more upset if it was 1 month before !!!
She is in the wrong for wanting to book so close to yours and her mum and brother need a serious talk with her about how selfish and unfair she's being.. Especially if his family have to travel to each wedding.. xxx
I can't wait to become his Wife :-)
4th July 2015
CommentAuthorFinally Susan B
edited
It seems obvious to me that she had no plans until she knew of yours and is now desperately trying to get in before you. Perhaps due to money/planning or whatever other reason suits her she wants to leave it as long as possible (but must be before you) so is going for 1 month before you! Could be that even if you decided to put yours back 6 months, she'd do the same.
None of this is your fault and if there's issues for his family with 2 close weddings they will need to talk to her about it. I'd just go ahead with my own plans - and after reading so many copy threads on here, I'd keep all my details secret as poss too x
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Definitely don't hold back...in fact don't even mention anything to her about it, u can have ur wedding when u want and shouldn't feel guilty about it! I think it's another case of jealousy because they haven't put their own wedding into gear and I think if u put off putting ur deposits down u may lose out on the day u want....and who knows she may not then get round to actually booking hers...so I say go ahead and book yours and stuff her! If there's two weddings in that space of time (mine and my sisters are 3 months apart) people wont mind at all and will love coming to both. But also don't share any theme ideas and such as if she does get married before u she may steal ur ideas...as from what I've read I think she might be the type x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorMrsC
Well I see both sides of this, I can imagine a post similar from the other point of view, I wonder what the replies would be to that. Maybe she hasnt been vocal before about her plans and so now you have definitely set a date with venue she's gone a bit OTT emotionally as she was just a little behind with her announcement. It happens a lot, women of similar ages getting married close together, a little competitive to be the first. Don't alter your plans, families love weddings and I doubt they would pick to come to one and not the other. Try not to stress too much, carry on planning. Be polite as best you can towards them (sounds hard but it'll be for the sake of the family as a whole) and as KB says keep your details to yourself, what she doesnt know she cant copy. But be aware that popular trends may very well be both your styles.
I'm sorry but I cannot see the SILs side at all. As she has taken so long to plan her own wedding (for whatever reasons they may be), she is clearly jealous that you and your H2B have started your planning. She cannot then decide to throw a strop because you decided to get plans underway before her. What does she really expect you to do; sit and wait until she eventually decided to get married before you can make your own plans?
These are her own insecurities for whatever reason and just let her get on with them and the fact that she is now saying her wedding will be a month before is just plain spiteful. i agree with the other post about not sharing your ideas with her as she will 1) steal them and/or 2) take them and try to better them.
Go ahead and book your day - it is so difficult finding the things you want and to make sure they are free these days so you need to book things asap if you have your heart set on them. You have already let people know the date and to be honest, if I received an invitation to both I would try to attend, but if money could not permit me to or holidays etc then I would tend to go with the wedding date I knew about first and foremost.
On a slightly similar topic - I was the first out of my friends to get engaged last year, then all of sudden other engagements started popping up all over the place, with a small number due to take place before ours. The only "pang" shall we say that I got was wishing that I didn't have to wait as long for ours to take place as I cannot wait for it, but I am so happy for my friends who will be getting married before me. (Also allows me to see what works well and doesn't before ours) ;) xxx
CommentAuthorGems
Thanks for all the comments and advice ladies i really appreciate it.
I spoke to h2b about it last night and he wants to go and pay the deposit on the venue tonight so we are just going to go ahead and do that this evening.
I will definitely keep our plans to ourselves. I'm having nightmares at the thought of going to her wedding and it being identical to all the things that we are having :/ hopefully not.
She has never liked me. We are the same age with just one days difference between us and we couldn't be more different from each other. She always wants to 'score points' with people and be centre of attention whereas i'm happy to just mingle and go with the flow.....
fingers crossed we will both have lovely days and be equally as special and different in our own ways.
Marrying my soul mate and best friend 5th July 2014
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
Ok so here's my way of looking at it! Her wedding is first so use that to your advantance. Take notes on everything she does that looks fab, and do it BETTER! Everything that she does that you dont like or doesnt quite work, scrap if you are doing it and DO SOMETHING BETTER! Things that go wrong at hers like maybe theres too much time between meal and reception correct it for yours. Think of hers as your dress rehearsal Her wedding is first fine but make yours bigger and better if you can and don't worry about anything each day will be unique to the bride and groom and should reflect you two so no matter what she does it will have a slightly different spin to it then yours will because your two different people and yes keep some things close to your chest so she can't copy! But most of all have fun planning your days together
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For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
CommentAuthorFinally Susan B
Glad you are going ahead with yours as planned :-) If you and her are so different that will shine through at your wedding - you will choose details and it will feel completely different from hers x
CommentAuthorElizabethP8
It is simply jelousy (not sure thats spelt right...) you would have heard mention of it/she would have actually done it if it were true. She's seen that your getting organised and setting a date and doens't want to get left behind. Go for it, you can't spend life, especially not one of the most important days of it, comprimisng to suit others xx
