My SIL is a cow and we don't get on. My H2B doesn't really get on with her either as a result of that (entirely his choice). Anyway we have had this tension for around 10 months and we figured it would just continue to muddle on, the wedding would happen and then we could just ignore her in peace. It NEVER entered our heads not to invite her as she is his sister for goodness sake and she has 2 small kids who we both love. Anyway he was at his mums for Mother's Day and they were chatting about the invitations that we will be sending this week! Sister wasn't there as her youngest is ill and his mum casually mentions that she has booked a HOLIDAY for her and the kids over the time of the wedding as she "didn't think she'd be invited"!!! Thing is H2B is saying it doesn't matter and MIL said she's being "very silly" whereas I am absolutely livid! If I pulled a stunt like that - deliberately missing my brothers wedding and preventing his nephews from going too - my mum would go f***ing mental! I personally haven't spoken to her since we fell out but I fear I can't hold my tongue any longer....AIBU or does she need told that this is not on?! I really don't know how they don't see how huge this is :( it's casting a huge shadow over us sending our wedding invites and getting excited.
CommentAuthorWundatigga
edited
Personally I'd try not to let it bother you. As much as its a sh**y thing to do (totally unacceptable and really rude), at the end of the day that is her choice - if she wants to miss her brothers wedding that is on her!
I would still send her invite and let her be the one to acceptor decline as normal - she can't say she wasn't invited and use it as a reason to bad mouth you in the future.
Try not to let it spoil things for you. If your relationship with her is strained it might just be blessing in disguise.
Edited to add that I understand it would be a shame for your nephews to miss your day, but you can't make her let them come if she has decided not to attend.
X
Started dating: 10th February 2011
Welcomed our little girl: May 2015
I proposed: 23rd December 2015
I finally become Mrs R 17th August 2017
CommentAuthorSusanM34
I would be inclined to send her the invite anyway. I don't get along with one of my brothers (long story, but he has issues) anyway, I sent him a save the date, because at the end of the day he's still my brother and it makes life a little easier if I'm trying to be nice. He immediately sent me a message stating that he didn't care if I was getting married, he wants nothing more to do with me, etc. etc. However, it made me feel a little better for trying in the first place. Send the invite and then you've done your part! Hope things work out well for you. x
Became Mrs Maunders on 22nd October 2016!
CommentAuthorLoz K
I would try not to let it bother you too much - she will be the one missing out and she will be the one who has made her sons miss out too. As Susan says, you can send an invite and it's her fault that she made assumptions rather than wait to see what happens. You won't be the one at fault.
CommentAuthorEmily17
I agree with you that it isn't on at all. I wouldn't say anything though. Neither of you get on with her so you wont be missing anything on your day.
What I would do is send her the invite as usual and leave her to decline. That way you have invited her (like you were initially going to) but it is her who has declined.
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
It is totally unacceptable, I would be furious too, especially as two children are missing out. However there really isn't anything you can do, and it does at least mean that there isn't someone at the wedding that you don't get on with. I agree with the others, send the invite anyway and then the ball is in her court. I did know one family where one brother missed his sister's wedding, but the wedding was planned at quite short notice and he was already supposed to be on a D of E assessment weekend, which I don't think he had any say on. It wouldn't have been easy to reschedule, as these assessments have to be done in a group, so it would have been a very long time before he could complete the award.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorRachaelH705
Send the invite anyway. Try and see it as a good thing that she won't be there. If you don't get on at all then there really is no point her being there. I'm sorry your nephews will miss out. Draw a line under it and move on. The decision's been made now so tell others not to mention it and enjoy your day without thinking of her again.
CommentAuthorKatieC5
Thanks ladies I was going to do exactly that so it's reassuring that you all think that's the right thing to do. They are only 4 and 6 and it would have been nice to have them there but we can't force her to stop being so vindictive.....you have all cheered me right up! <3
CommentAuthorMichelleC961
Yes I woukd agree- be the bigger person, send the invite and see if she has really booked a holiday of was just being spiteful and bluffing x
CommentAuthorStephH96
Agree with every one else to send the invite. Was just about to say that maybe she's bluffing to be nasty and say hurtful things but Michelle beat me to it!
What's strange is MILs reaction, you would have thought that she would want her kids to get on. Too much water under the bridge I presume then?
CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
She sounds like a right pain!, I agree with ladies invite her and let her show herself up! She just trying to make out your the bad person and getting you not to invite her so she can be victim! She will have to live with it and it will give you a reason to walk away from her! Your mil is probably fuming but wants to keep the peace so isn't saying anything but if it was my sil my h2b would be saying to his mum if she doesn't come then he will wipe his hands with her!
CommentAuthorJessicaC284
similar thing happened for my brothers wedding my brother didn't go because of a family argument a week befor my brothers wedding my other brother got a girlfriend and my brother said it was to short notice and that she couldn't go and my brother didn't go everyone was asking where he was it was so embaressing!!!!
CommentAuthorKatieC5
Yes MILs reaction is strange but knowing her it's just what I expected....she's never exactly been a hands on parent, she treats them both too much like equals, not sure I agree with that, and so she doesn't honestly think it's her place to "tell her off"! I mean each to their own but I'm 30 this year and if I did this my mum would probably slap me lol! My MoH said the same thing. Anyway we are sending the invitations today and tomorrow so we shall see....I myself thought she might be bluffing because she's that much of a child and a professional victim lol! Xx
CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
Thats a good point Katie, maybe she said that to see if she could get a reaction and to see if she was actually invited. xx
The Richardson's 31/12/16
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
My mum would probably tell me to grow up and remember that my brother's wedding was more important than a feud. I'm 33 but she wouldn't hesitate to tell me what she thought.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
I think you've done the right thing to let her decline the invitation, rather than letting her have the opportunity to play victim. It's the last thing you need to be doing. What is it about weddings that bring out the worst in some families??!!!
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthorSusanM34
Maybe you could give her the invitation in front of somebody, or ask your MIL to pass it on. Just so there can be a witness that she was actually invited! Sorry to sound so cynical but I've had it happen in my family. x
Became Mrs Maunders on 22nd October 2016!
CommentAuthorKatieC5
Haha not cynical at all - that's exactly what we will be doing is giving it to MIL to pass on! Partly in case she denies getting it and partly because if I see her moaning face I might punch it
CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
Haha Katie. Let us know how it turns out x
The Richardson's 31/12/16
CommentAuthorEmily17
Being really cynical here but if MIL has acted like that can you trust her to pass it on?
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
I gave my uncle invite to my nan mainly because I can't stand his wife and refuse to go to his house haha plus she would lie about receiving it and even my nan was like this was the right choice as shed only act like she never received it! Saying. That neither of them have replied yet haha!! Ales me laugh but least I can say I have been the bigger person. Has she mentioned anything yet?
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
Mr lalas sister did the same thing .... so i just said ..all bit in text " im sure you will understand that there would be no point in sending you an invitation as you have decoded to go on holiday over our wedding date, its a shame you cant join us but have a wonderful time away "
Could you send her some kind of electronic invitation as well as the proper one? If you sent an email you might be able to set it up to tell you when it's delivered, so even if she claims to not have received an invite you know it got sent, plus you would have it in your sent items folder.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
