We are getting married in October 2014 and before that we have 2 other weddings to attend.

One of the weddings is in April - the other AUgust so both before ours.

August bride I'm not too bothered about - their wedding is going to be probably very different to ours but April bride's wedding is going to be very similar. Their invites arrived today and they are pretty much exactly the same as what we were going to have. Now I know certain themes are all in fashion and rustic/vintage weddings are all the rage so I haven't got the slightest issue in us having the same themes. HOWEVER, in order to make sure we don't cross over with things we are having at the wedding h2b sent a message on fb to kind of see if they wanted to share what they were having so we can make sure we dont have the same....but nope. She responds with "It's a rustic theme" - now the whole blimming family is involved because this other couple have kicked off saying we are rude for asking them what they are having?!

I don't want every single teeny miniscule detail - just basics to make sure anything we have that's the same we have time to change!! Becuase I know that people will be like "ooo well they had that at their wedding" etc etc. I don't see the issue but now the whole thing has turned into a huge fiasco and I just feel that our wedding is becoming less about the fact that h2b and I love eachother and more about a fashion contest!!!

Eugh I am just really annoyed about the whole thing....sorry for the rant :(

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I was worried about the exact same thing when we started planning. I didn't want other people to think that we had the same as the other weddings were going too. In the end we just decided to have what we want and if other people have it then so what!

Our theme is vintage paper pin wheels/windmills, which we know, for a fact, that none of our friends are having, and we haven't told anyone, so it's a bit of a surprise. And so no one steals our ideas! LOL.

Other elements of our day, however, will be things that other people have had such as a candy buffet and photobooth. These are because they have been great for guests and things we loved at other weddings, but are be everywhere!

I honestly wouldn't worry about what people think, it's your day, do nd have what

Personally I wouldn't have asked them. I'd have just concerned myself with making my wedding how WE wanted it. And if that means that some elements are the same then it's pure chance.

I can kind of see the other side, I'm not sure I'd want to share with other people what we have planned just cos I'd rather people see it on the day. I get your reasons but wouldn't have gone down that route.

I just wouldn't ask to find out anything else and plan yours the way YOU want it.

Maybe its me then Sonya - I am unfortunately one of those girls who if i turned up to an event in the same dress as someone else I would HAVE to go home. Just who I am I guess!

Yeah, I don't get the dress thing either. I'd just take it to mean I must have good taste if someone else has it too.

I think obviously everyone is different.

The main issue I have is people coming to both weddings are the kind who will make snide remarks that we have copied the other wedding. I can't just change the fact that if when we go to their wedding in April and they have the same stuff as us - I will be absolutely mortified.

Obviously I know to some people it wouldn't matter but to me it does

You tried your best and that's all you can do. How many guests will you have in common?

Was it a public or private message on fb? If public and other people could see her responses then I understand her secrecy. Its probably not so much that she would mind sharing with you but maybe she didn't want to ruin the surprise for everyone. Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it too much, if the weddings in April, you still have 5 months in which to change anything which is obviously similar :)

I understand your frustration, I really do. I have a tendency to go a bit OTT at events so I'm sure that no one will shop it the same thing as me.
However, at least it's only 10 guest. Chances are most of the them won't remember the details of her wedding and if they do they'll be enjoying themselves so much they won't really care.

As much as I can appreciate the worry of copying another person's wedding, I wouldn't stop it from planning the wedding that WE wanted. At the end of the day, this is YOUR big day, and if someone else is using a theme before yours which is similar then it is unfortunate that there are likely to be overlaps. I'm not sure what I would have done in your situation, I'm quite happy to tell people my ideas for my wedding so I'm not sure I understand all the secrecy but then some brides do like to keep it all under wraps as a 'big reveal' sort of thing, so it's very much up to the bride on that front.

However, if these snide comments are inevitable from those 10 guests I would just try and focus on each of your other guests on the day, who will be wowed by your wedding and happy to be sharing it with you. Most guests are just happy to be part of something so special as someone's wedding, or at least I always have been! Also, you do have a little leeway with time to make alterations if you're not comfortable. As for homemade - thats a big thing at the moment anyway, but because your invites will be made by you they will be different. Similarities are not the same as copying. If it does become a big issue at least you can be safe in the knowledge that you did offer to speak to the bride to reduce the copying - maybe you could contact the couple again and say that you did not mean for it to become such a big issue and that you just wanted some general information rather than the finer details of their day to prevent the copying situation. Might be worth chucking in a 'sorry' just to try and make the situation sweeter.

And at the end of it all, if they really P1$s you off, either uninvite them or rise above it. It's YOUR day, about the rest of YOUR lives. Clearly the other couple have good taste as you guys have picked similar things. And they do so imitation is the greatest form of flattery... =) x

Sorry but something else I noticed was you asked them what they are doing .... What about you offering to tell them what you are doing so they have the option of changing stuff if they felt the need.

I was concerned about this with my sister, who is getting married in April 2014. Rather than ask her anything about her day, ive just kept quiet about mine. We are so different id be surprised if she had anything similar BUT she has a tendancy to copy me, and ive told my mum a few small details before hearing she was getting married which may potentially have been passed on. But, by keeping schtum, I know that theres no way she could have copied me. And at the end of the day her's is well before mine and I can always change ideas if needs be based on what did or didnt work for her. Her rushing into getting married before me could work in my favour!!! Having said that, if someone messaged me asking about my theme etc so as not to copy, I would be reluctant to respond, purely because id want it to be a surprise for people on the day, and things like this have a nasty way of getting passed on through gossip. Just let it slide now and get on and enoy your planning.

I've been to 4 weddings already this year and my sisters is in 3 weeks! All have been family and very close friends and I can honestly say that, although we all have similar tastes each one has been different... They all have had the same flow to the day and even had similar aspects All have had a sweetie buffet and photo booth for example but still different!!
I really wouldn't get to upset about it, as long as you and your H2b have the day you want then that is all that matters sweetie xx

Hmmm she might think you want to steal her ideas, I'm not really telling anyone about my themes ect and I don't even know anyone who's getting married x

Sorry you feel this way but I agree with Lala and Sonya; it is unlikely it will be the same and if it is similar; that doesn't matter :)

Oh and just so you know Lala - I did offer for us to tell them what we were having too - evidently I am just a drama queen!

I don't think you're a drama queen, I just think you're worrying too much about this other wedding. Just enjoy planning yours and just do it the way you want it to be.

my best friend has just got married and we both opted for vintage, we're both vintage girls anyway - a bit alternative if you must. I was going to have the whole bunting experience etc.

BF chose the same, similar colours etc, but i guess that's why we're such good friends is that we have similar taste. Hers was amazing and gorgeous but being at her wedding made me realise that it would suit my venue so instead i've gone for vintage glamour which suits my dress and venue.

I guess what i'm trying to say is that you can both have same tastes, ideas and choices but every person is individual and tastes are always interpreted in a different way.

You may have similar invites but yours will be precious as they were made by yourself etc

Chin up sweets, it will work out in the end xx