Me and my sister have never been close, and personally she always seems to know/manage to wind me up if i spend to much time with her (we have very different personalities) i am the glass is half full, and she is very glass half empty if you know what i mean!
So when it came to deciding who was going to be my bridesmaids, i chose my three best friends, they are always there for my...and i know they will help me throught all of the planning and the day.
but the other day, she blurted out in front of everyone "so are you going to ask me to be your BM" which i had to say no to, i told her i couldnt afford to have more BM's as if i had her i would also have to have my partners sister as a BM which i dont want, and that would take me up to 5 BM's?? .....so she has gone in a total huff, and says she is upset that i am not having her as a BM...and that basically if anyone she should have been asked it should have been her!
should i just leave her be, and let her get out of her huff? or should i say something to her/or my mum??
one thing for sure is i am only keeping my 3 friends...as i dont want to be pushed into doing things i dont want on our big day...
xxxxxxx
CommentAuthormitch2509
i think thats totaly reasonable and mybe talk to your mam about it to see what she thinks !
CommentAuthorelsie
I don't think she's got any right to be in a huff - most people ask the girls (or boys!) that they are closest to and in this case that is not your sister! My sister & I are only 11 months apart and have always been very close, so we are having each other as BMs but then we've always been close friends as well as sisters, so totally different to your situation. Leave her be, but I'd probably let your mum know that you didn't do it to upset your sis, there were just other friends/factors to consider - that way it will get back to your sister via the Mum-vine & you don't have to deal with it.
Don't let it upset you, though. xx
CommentAuthorlemlau
it is totally upto you who you want as your bridesmaid!! If you aren't totally close and would rather your friends have the honour of the duty then thats upto you its your wedding!! could you ask her to maybe do something esle? like sign the register?? xx
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CommentAuthornickers
its your day hun you have who you want if you not really thaT Close then thats fine tbh she shouldnt just expect it im having mine as we are close and i wouldnt have nyone else but thats just me dont let her upset you xx
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My sister and I are not that close either in fact we only started talking last summer for the first time in 16 yrs, we were talking about the wedding and she asked about bridesmaids, I told her that my daughter and her best friend were my bridesmaids and the her mum - my best friend - is my MOH, she wasn't too pleased either, and made a comment about me being her bridesmaid... Must admit is put me back a bit and I did wonder if I had done the right thing, but after speaking to h2b, I know I have. My sister is more than welcome to spend the whole day with us, so I told her that I wanted to enjoy the day and not feel put on - she seemed happy with that (well to may face anyway). As me and my h2b are paying for the wedding ourselves, I've been quite pro-active in making my own choices and being fair to others - it's the first time I've been able to put what I would like at the forefront - ever!
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CommentAuthorMrsH2Be
Your Day - Your way. If you dont want your sister then stick to your guns hun xx
My sister is going to be my MOH but we are quite close. On the other hand I had a similar thing with my step dad, he is not giving me away (our choice) my son who will be 18 this year is giving me away, my mum told me 2 days ago to speak to my dad as he is upset he is not giving me away. My sister yesterday said to take no notice, her words were "its your wedding and you and Guy are paying for it, if you want the kids to be paramount in your day then thats what you do" My son is giving me away, Guys son is going to be best man and our girls are BM's
So If you dont want your sister then dont have her , and dont feel guilty about saying No
CommentAuthorKerrylou
edited
I think a lot of siblings think they automatically have the right to be in the wedding party but if you're not close and you're sure this is what you want then stick to your decision. Being a BM/MOH is a massive honour and if she's only going to rub you up the wrong way then it's short term pain for long term gain for both of you (though she won't see it like that just yet) We asked one of Ross' cousins to be an Usherette and it did cause a bit of a stir within the family - if she had been asked then why hadn't the other cousins been asked to be a part of the WP. Answer was simple, we spent a lot of time with her and rarely saw the others - end of discussion!
I'd explain why you didn't ask her then leave it at that. Could she do a reading or sign the register? That way she has a part but without it disrupting your planning process. I'd explain to your mum too, then she won't be piggy in the middle. xxx
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CommentAuthorreidzer1
Thank you very much ladies...it really is good just to get advise from people who arent "involved" :)
If we were closer, then yes i probably would have chosen her...it is a shame but thats just the way it is and has always been...so i am used to it! but think i will have a chat with my mum
lemlau - thats a good idea..i may think of something that she can do to make her feel more part of the day
Hunny Bunny - i feel the same, my and h2b are also totally funding the wedding, and i plan to do this inly once...:) so i really want it to be about what WE want....!
Thank again for your replies ladies!
xxx
CommentAuthorEmsy5000
I can sorta understand why she might be a little put out. I mean if I had a sister and she did not ask me however much we wound each other up I would still be upset. I don't understand why if you had your own sister you would have to have your other half's sister? saying that it is your day you should have who you want maybe you could find her another role in the wedding so that she can feel included or suggest she pays for part of her dress.
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CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
When I first got married I had my younger sister who was 10 but not my older sister who was married and 8 months pregnant. This time round Im having neither and have only just decided to have their daughters instead! I think if you explain that you can't afford more bridesmaids then she should be fine or even tell her if she does want to be one would she mind paying for her outfit???
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CommentAuthorKat
Kinda had this issue myself as only wanted my best friend as MOH and no other BM's and one of the arguments is about my 43 yr half sister being MOH and her 2 daughters (18 and 20) being BM's.
I said my day my way. If you can't be happy for me don't be there. Sounds harsh but I'm of the opinion I have people who have been far more supportive to me over my life so far and I dont need them annoying me when I'm trying to get ready!
CommentAuthorsbride
No one has a right to dictate who you will have as your BM. I learnt this the hard way with my h2B's sister. Just leave her to get on with it. She will soon get over it and if she doesnt then thats her problem. Maybe ask her to do a reading or something so she feels involved.
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CommentAuthorSoon2beMrsHall
I was told to have my sisters as my bms i had no choice. I only got to choose my MOH.
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