Right I'm afraid I need to have a bit of a rant about MIL2B! Usually we get on ok, but I would say we have the typical mother-in-law to daughter-in-law relationship - a bit of a love/hate thing. Anyway she's been nothing but negative since we booked the wedding and it seems everytime we tell her about something we've decided she falls out with h2b. When we booked the venue it was 'well its too far away, why are you having it in York when all your family live in Wakefield?' - its half an hour away for God sake! Then we told her about some discounted rooms that were available, trying to save her some money, and it was ' well i bet you've told everyone else before me, we should get priority over other people. You should pay for them all to make sure the right people get the rooms'. Needless to say that one didnt go down right well with me or h2b. She fell out with us over us not inviting a few family members who we dont get on with - 'you cant do that! If you're not having them then you cant have any of your cousins otherwise its not fair' - erm sorry but I think we can, you're not paying for it! So now we have the latest installment. My dad died 7 years ago and my mums partner has been really good for her and has been trying his best to be as much of a dad to me as possible, so I wanted both him and h2b's dad to wear suits that match h2b and best man. We thought it would be a lovely way of including them both and a nice way for me to say thank you to Mike for being there for me and mum - anyway h2b tells her and she says its overkill, 'you're only having 40 people, it will look silly! Besides, that makes Mike seem as important as your dad (h2b's dad) and that's not fair'....AAARGH!!!!!! I want to strangle the woman!! Not only that but she's now saying they probably won't stay over, after making such a fuss about the rooms. AND she's accusing us of not involving her in the planning - I specifically invited her to come when we chose the bridesmaids dresses so that she couldnt say she's not involved and she turned down the offer. H2b just turned round and said 'well you've offered us nothing towards it so why should you get a say?'.
Am I being unfair to her or is she being unreasonable? I honestly feel like she just sets me and h2b off against one another and sits back to watch the show. I suppose I'm just lucky that h2b knows what she's like and ignores her most of the time. But i really do feel like she's just trying to spoil it for us - things that are really important to me, like the suit thing, just get shot down in flames because she doesnt agree with it. I'm sick of her :o(
Sorry its a long one, just needed to vent! xxxxx
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
Your wedding - How dare she say anything when she isnt helping financially!
And I think Its lovely that you want your step dad to dress the same - I think thats a really sweet gesture - and she needs to stop being such a bitch!
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorStave
You said it all in the title "trying" but she hasnt yet, so try not to allow her too x
CommentAuthorMrsSaraParry!
i know, but its not as simple as that. Even though h2b knows what she's like, she's still his mum and does still have some influence over him. Like he was all for the suit thing and then after speaking to her said 'well you know I wasnt that keen on the idea to start with' - i was really mad as it was him that suggested it in the first place and i thought it was a lovely idea! she seems to brainwash him at times, its annoying xx
CommentAuthormcewan07
you make the rules and stick by them.
Personally my dad is having the same kilt as the my brother (groomsman) and andy's son (groomsman/bestman - long story that i am pi$$ed off about).Andy and other best man are in suits, We are paying for them all, and no one else getting a say otherwise. Trouble is andy is wanting to choose the tartan - which i dont agree with, as he wont even be wearing a kilt, and im not allowed to go grrr.Anyways - do what you want!!!
if it was me i would leave out his dad, thats what we are doing (notice no DIL up their -lol) this is more just because he is in england and the rest are up here, on top of that my dad is paying alot towards this wedding, and i saw it as something nice to give back to him.Stop stressing , relax, and do want you want ie. go order the suits then tell MIL and stuff her. She doesn't like it she knows were to go to run and jump of off.
Completely ignore the woman hun! If your paying and she's not contributing then she has no say! You've tried to involve her, she turned you down. You could probably try again, but she may well knock you back again? Its hard, but rise above it all. If you let her see thats she's getting to you, she'll carry on.
Good luck hun
Xx
CommentAuthorkimmy
Well done for sticking up for yourselves, I think weddings make people act quite strange don't they, it's your day you and H2B have to stick together tho at all times, tell him you need support!!!!
CommentAuthormcewan07
One question, is your step dad giving you away?
As if he is he is playing a more important role than his dad, and should be dressed for the occasion!
CommentAuthorMrsSaraParry!
mcewan07 - no my mum is giving me away - they're not actually married but are as good as. My grandad was supposed to be doing it but has flatly refused to wear the suit to match so I figured it obviously wasnt that important to him. I think mum wanted to do it really, she's been both mum and dad to me since i was 16 so i think it probably means a lot to her xx
CommentAuthormcewan07
Thats nice, i wanted my granfather to do it, but he passed away last january and so my dad is. Just trying to think what i can do for my grn, as she has been more like a mum to me than my mum has, and she is paying alot towards the wedding. Apart from putting her at the top table, and the meal i took her out for last week, i dont know what else to do :S.
are both males sitting at the top table? i cant believe she had the audacity to say he isnt as important as DIL. Thats like saying because your adopted you shouldn't have your adopted parents at the table, if he has helped you loved you and cared for you as much as he can and your mum, then isn't that all that matters - how you feel about him and if he is important to you!
CommentAuthorMrsSaraParry!
Yeah they're all sitting at the top table, thats not even up for discussion and if she says anything about that she'll get a mouthful from both me and h2b. She has this problem where she speaks before she engages her brain! lol I hope I can talk h2b back round to doing the suit thing, after all he was well up for it before and I've got about 6 months to work on him before suits need ordering. I reckon his dad would be more than happy to do it, its just her.
Could you maybe get your gran a corsage to wear that matches your bouquet? That way it shows she's included in the bridal party and that she's important to you. I'm getting one made for my mum and HER, although dont know why i'm bothering with her! At least my mum is helping us out, she bought my dress and has given us money for all sorts of things since we moved in xx
CommentAuthorEmsy5000
maybe it is time to cut her off from your wedding planning. tell her that your not going to tell anything else she will just have to turn up and enjoy the day whatever it looks like.
either that or you will have to just ignore her
Dyslexic
its spelt wrong
I No! I Now! I Know!!!!!
I am NOW MRS LONSDALE!!
CommentAuthorricky
At the end of the day it is your wedding..if you want to dress in black bin bags and sing the Hallelujah Chorus in Swahili it is entirely your choice..even if parents chose to pay for things it should still be your choice...she sounds very insecure and very interfering...we got married 3 weeks ago..my biological father played very little part in my life and I even had my step dad's name on the marriage certificate...he is my dad..he brought me up. God !!!! interfering mothers and mother in laws..cos sadly it does seem to be the women who mainly cause the problems..they infuriate me. I hope you get it all sorted and that your wedding is one of the happiest days of your lives. xxxx good luck xxx
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
edited
I'm sorry hun I have a nearly similar situation. MIL2B keeps saying stuff like "its too early" when H2B asked her to find some addresses and the other day she asked H2B to reconsider marrying as according to her and her brother "I keep slagging H2B off" "it looks like I don't love H2B" that's what she said. then when H2B decided to tell her off she said that no matter what people say she will support us. My a*** she won't. I know now she don't really like me, and also in what way will she support us? I have decided that we won't tell her anything about plans as I am sure it will create more problems, and she has no say in anything as she is not helping a little bit. All in all Sara just keep everything to yourself, do whatever you intend to do without her consent
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthormcewan07
Thanks for the idea, but she doesn't even feel like she should be at the top table. its trying to balance on a thin line. As she has paid towards the wedding, but my other gran hasn't, and i dont want one gran to feel less left out than the other. My mum has helped me out in a big way as well, getting my dress, the bm dresses (if she ever gets around to it) and is ment to be paying the final balance on the photographer.
Trouble is since she owed me £3k, and i have little chance of getting it back except talking her to court over it - which obviously i dont want to do, i dont see how she is helping me out any more than my gran is, who has paid around £1500 so far towards the wedding.
I'm sure you will be able to talk him around, just say how important it is for you that they all match, or maybe the same suits but instead of the tie n hanky being the bridesmaids colours, have the dads wearing ivory or white (whichever colour your dress is ) or vice versa, that was they are slightly different, but the same.Just explain how important it is that the pictures look nice, thats how i got around mine. Then got told, that although my mum is "dressing up" (being daft and spending £300 on her outfit) his mum and dad probably wont bother :O, my gran (who is english) said not to worry about it, its an english thing.She always knows how to put a smile on my face.
CommentAuthorKrystalx
I have MI2B Who is a complete waste of space if that make s u feel any better, she has no involvment with us now she phone all her kids on xmas day exept her eldest son my H2B. I im doubtful she will even come to our wedding she didnt come to the engagment do or even send us a good luck in your new home card, and all she bought her son at xmas was a tin on danish buscuits from netto. so its one extreme to the other. Shes made her bed so id let her lie in it. She has absolutly no right to have a say anyway, espcially if she is makin no contribution! I have got a rather large bridal party and i am havin my brother and my god father in suits so that they look part and parcel. Its your day and if u want to dress them in santa outfits its your choice and no one has any right to critises u. After reading your last comment i dont know how she has the nerve to even consider winding u up, u want to just mention the fact that youd of been able to pay for rooms if you wernt £3k outta pcoket! I wish u all the best and hope that u have the most amaing day dont let her spoil anything, if worst happens just tell her if she hasnt got anything positive to say then just to keep her trap shut cause it isnt wanted or nessicary! x
CommentAuthormcewan07
Krystal - think your getting my post and hers mixed up lol.
CommentAuthorsuzky123
i think that shes is being awkward so just try and play it as tactfully as you can. Luckily you said h2b knows what she is like so make sure neither of you fight over the comments. Tell her that you will consider her points but overall decisions lie with you.
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthorLisa Ramos
I wouldn't tell her anything about the wedding, if she's just going to b!tch and moan! She sounds like a right old bag! If you h2b doesn't want your step-father in a suit, I would let him explain it to him as he's the one who has changed his mind.
I love my lickle Ava
CommentAuthorDi B 83
I know exactly what you mean hun, my MIL2B is an absolute *** at times. She keeps offering to pay for things then back tracking, which totally messes up our budget :-( Her latest thing is that she has now decided that she wont look after H2B kids for us now, so we are going to have to have them in our hotel room on the wedding night!! Just try and rise above it all Sara, its very difficult, but i wouldnt give her the satisfaction of letting her think she is getting to me!!!
CommentAuthorVamps_E
Ouch. I'm lucky that neither of my MIL2B 's (H2B's parents divorced and he has a stepmum) are that bad.
Getting stressed with the family as I only lost my Dad 4 weeks ago and they are already piling the presure on from all sides.
Just take a deep breath and leave her to it. It's you and your H2B's day. they are just guests.
"So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God
has joined together, no human being must separate."
~ Mark 10:8-9
Blessed and looking forward to being the future Mrs Nelms
CommentAuthormym72
My h2b's mum is a complete *** as well. She's definitely NOT coming to the wedding!! Luckily h2b knows what she's like - but I did say if she turned up there wouldn't be a bride. She is manipulative, like to drink far too much and gets very nasty with it.
H2b's dad and step mum are coming to the wedding - and first thing she said when she found out was 'don't worry I won't start with them' - yeah right!! I wouldn't give her that chance.
She decided she'd pay for our night do back in Leeds - but only if she could choose the venue lol. She wanted us to have it at a rancid, drug ridden pub close to her - you can imagine our answer lol. She's now not even invited to the night do (and yes we're paying for it ourselves).
I think you're being very patient Sara - if it was me I'd have snapped by now lol. I would exclude her from any wedding plans now and stick to your guns. You sound like you've got some good ideas and know what you want so don't let her spoil them for you.
CommentAuthorMrsSaraParry!
Thanks mym72, I'm really glad you ladies agree and it doesnt seem to be just me being over sensitive! The annoying thing is, yes we don't ask her opinion when we make decisions (which I think is what she's annoyed about, she likes to get her 2 penneth worth in) but we do tell her when we've made a decision so she doesnt feel out of the loop. Well I think that's going to have to stop, and like someone else said earlier, she can just turn up and find out about it all on the day. Only problem is I don't think h2b would go for that, she would make his life hell if we did that - by either not speaking to him, or being horrid. aargh! xx
CommentAuthorkisseymad1
I can't beilieve she could be so rude, the suit idea sounds like a lovely touch to me and Mike is just as important as your H2B's dad as he has been there for you as a dad, never mind the sill MIL2B she is just jealous cuz her wedding day is over and her son is moving away from her (not literally i don't know about that but he will have you instead of her) Keep your head up hun, it's yours and your H2B's day and all that matters are your opinions. x
CommentAuthorMrsSaraParry!
ok so i've just had a chat with h2b - he was still being difficult about the whole mike and his dad wearing a suit thing and I got quite upset. Then he told me i was being silly...not the best thing to say to me when I'm feeling sensitive! He said I'm being silly because he hasn't discounted the idea completely, just needs a little more time to think about it and knows that he'll probably give in in the end anyway because its, in his words, 'your special day and I want you to be happy'. Aww... :o) Bless him, I just hope his mum doesn't get the opportunity to convince him otherwise before he gives me the go ahead! Although they're round here atm (he's just taken them to see the venue) and she's being quite agreeable and pleasant. Watch this space...
