well 3 days till the wedding and my mother has managed to make things go b-u-m up again, after previously getting me to cancel the wedding because she couldn't get her own way and invite the people she wanted to the reception it all blew up again last night. bare with me cos it can be confusing! :-) it has been organised that one of the weddings cars picks up mil2b and flower girl from her house bring them to my mum's house and pick up my mum, page boy and bridesmaids so that they can all get to the wedding together. now h2b's brother girlfriend and kids are going through some pretty bad financial difficulty so i arranged that they jump in with mil2b so they can get dropped off at the church as it is on the way, and then plans go ahead as original. this was okayed and organised but now mum has got wind of it she is trying to say that there is not enough room in the cars, she's not only trying to stop them from getting a lift but she is also trying to disinvite them. i've had 8 months of constant bickering, i'm stressed and tired so i told her as politely as i could to keep her nose out of things. she then kicked off and said because i didn't invite my aunty and uncle( her sister and hubby) to the sit down meal it is now my fault that my uncle is dying , infact he has prostate cancer which has spread pretty much everywhere. add on top of that the fact that she then demanded £5000 off me that she had given me to help toward the wedding. i got so annoyed i told her just to take the wedding use the dress and have the church and all of the attention on herself (she got married in a registry office in a blue shift dress and i feel that she resents me for getting married this way.) to which she replied i'm a married woman and have been for 30 years but i know your marriage won't last that long. i'm sorry but this was the final straw for me and i told her rather forcefully to get out of my house, which thankgod she did with onlya few more snipes. thing is now the heat has worn off i'm feeling sad and teary did i do the right thing here but i am emotionally knackered and seriously considering telling her not to come at all, any one's help here would be greatly appreciated. xxxxx
CommentAuthorgemma19
Oh sorry that doesnt sound fun, you should be excited and not stressing. I think you did the right thing by asking her to get out, i think u need some space from her before the wedding, but i dont think you should ban her as you will miss her not being there. Families are always the biggest pains but i know i would be devasated if mine werent there. Hope everything works out and you have a good day. x x x
CommentAuthorMrs (Dove) Pidgeon
No advice but big hugs. xxxxxxx
Now a extremely happy German housewife and now a Mother!!!!
Islay Jean born 24th June in Hannover.
CommentAuthorKat
That a difficult one. I have a bad r'ship with my mum and have always said if she pulls her usual tricks over the wedding I wouldn't invite her but in truth I think I would want her there. I dont know. Talk to h2b as he knows you best and do what feels right to you. Hope you get it sorted though!
CommentAuthorkitkat
You have my sympathies but no advice - I think you have to work this one out for yourself babe as to not have her there would be a mega decision and one you could never reverse....including all the damage that would do but whatever happens please go and treat yourself to some you time - it sounds like you need to relax and unwind.
Sorry I cant help much. I am really lucky that my mum is so supportive.
I think though my attitude would be to simply tell her that this is your day and not hers. If she will not accept it your way and be happy for you then it is better that she doesnt attend. i think you need to put your foot down. Hopefully, if she realises you are serious then she will back down, because I cant imagine she'd want to miss your big day xx
18-09-10
Now a married lady :)
Im a rebel me
CommentAuthorjenniebean
I am also ;ucky my mom and i never argue but if i did have a situation like this and fel i could not talk to her i would write her a letter explaining what she said hert you and how selfish you think she is being make sure she realises this is the most important day of your life and she is supoosed to be supporting you life is so short and you really should not be arguing this is yours and you h2b day and what you want goes in my book
CommentAuthorMrs Turps (Nicpep)
My mum said she wouldnt ever force her opinions because I am one of those people that will tell everyone to b*gger off and if they dont like it, dont come! lol So thats always my answer. I'd call her bluff and tell her not to go. Although you run thr risk of her actually not coming and then would you be upset?
18-09-10
Now a married lady :)
Im a rebel me
CommentAuthorJoolsy
I think your mum is wrong to try and dictate how your wedding should be and with the stress etc involved in weddings especially the last few weeks/days I can see why you went off on one and I don't think anyone would blame you. Your mum practically blaming you for your uncle having cancer is just down right out of order. I would speak to your mum tell her that it's your wedding and she cannot interfere and either she does it the way you planned or quite frankly she doesn't do it at all. Sending you hugs xx
Officially Mrs Julie-Anne Muir
CommentAuthorAshlie-Louise
Aaawwww hun, how awful! I dont think you're over reacting at all, sounds like your mum is being a bit of a handful atm! Its just downright cruel of her to say those things about your relationship- as far as I'm concerned, only the people inside a relationship can judge its quality, as they are the only ones who know the full details! And her demanding her generous GIFT back is just downright rude- how would she react if you acted like that? (I'm imagining comments along the lines of "You were brought up to know better, young lady!!!")
Having said this, I think if she isnt there through your actions (i.e. banning her), is something you will eventually live to regret. If she doesnt want to be there, for whatever political reasons, thats her choice, and will ultimately end up as her loss, and not yours. I dont have a tricky mum, but my dad's mum is horrible - she refused to come to my parents wedding because one of dad's other brothers was getting married 3 weeks later and Gran "couldnt afford 2 outfits, and couldnt possibly wear the same outfit to both. Thats unthinkable!" I know my dad was upset that she wasnt there, but that was her choice, and is very much now her loss, as it's impacted on the relationship she has had with me and my younger brother.
Give her a day to chill out, and allow yourself to chill also ... its yours and ur fella's day at the end of all the fuss, not hers, and if she cant learn to respect that, frankly, she needs to grow up and stop acting like a child! xxx
CommentAuthoronewilson@btinternet
Aww sounds awful! I think it's worth letting tempers settle, it is a stressful time! Give you're mum a couple of days to calm downa nd if she doesnt apologise or back down I would do as someone else suggested and call her bluff. tell her if she doesnt start being more supportive and remember it's your's and h2b's day then she's not welcome! (you have to be prepared to follow that through though!) Hopefully, if your mum is a reasonable person, she'll come round! hope it works out for you x
CommentAuthorShellster90
Aww dear.. Can't think of anything better than what the ladies have already said..
Hope it all gets sorted.. Remember it's your day and one you will remember for the rest of your life.. you want to it to be remembered for good things only.. Hugs xx
CommentAuthorJane
Hope it all gets settled, its hard when things like this happen and people start causing problems. I had problems with my MIL when I got married the first time round, she was never very friendly towards me even though our two families had known each other for years, I dont think she liked the idea of someone 'taking her son away from her'. Previous husband had to go and sort her out the evening of his stag night as she had suddenly decided she wasnt coming to the wedding.... the reason? she hadnt been invited to the rehearsal at the church. There was no need for her to be there, she didnt have a specific role to play so we didnt have her there. She found out we had a rehearsal and kicked off big time, tears, the works. Previous HB nearly missed his whole stag night as he had to stay with her until she calmed down. She came to the wedding but was sour throughout. The sourness continued for the 12 or so years we were married, the stereotypical MIL! With bells on! Was glad to divorce her more than the ex husband! Luckily new MIL to be is a sweetheart and couldnt be more dissimilar!
CommentAuthorSuzi
I would do as Nic said and call her bluff, tell her not to bother turning up as you cant be doing with her drama... I bet she soon shuts up! I hope you get it sorted hum BIG HUGS x x
Do not disturb... Already disturbed enough!
CommentAuthorLedZepLover
Thats horrible, your mum should be more supportive of your wedding even if she doesn't get her own way. It's terribly that you are being put through this by your own mother. I agree with Nic & Suzi in regards to telling her she is now not invited to the wedding. That might just shock her into seeing sense and treating you and your wedding with respect x x x
CommentAuthorheidianne
God talk about out of order. What can you really say? I'm sorry that is happening to you and its too close to the end to let her destroy it now. Call her on the telephone see if she's calmed down and is ready to be rational about it. If not tell her to stay away from the wedding if that is really how she is going to behave. I don't get on with my mother haven't for a long time and she has been told by the H2B not to stress me out if she has a complaint about the wedding go through him. Don't let her ruin it sweetie x x x
Tick Tock "why is a raven like a writing desk???"
CommentAuthorljeh92
its totally up to you but i think thats very over the top, there really is no need. you should be stress free! Maybe talk to her once more before the day and see how you both feel after about the wedding and whether you feel she should go or not, dont let her ruin your big day though hun.. its your day and you shouldnt be dreading it! (((BIG HUGS))) xx
Soon to be Mrs Laura Naylor !!
24th June 2011
CommentAuthornickers
aw chic sorry to hear that hope you get it sorted i agree with other girls you both need to cool down and then talk xxxxx
MRS RICHARDSON HERE
LOVE MY LITTLE FAMILY MY GORGEOUS SON
AND HANDSOME HUSBAND XXXX
CommentAuthorEriksfjord
Sending big hugs. I don't really have any advice. I don't think that you have over-reacted. My Mum can be really difficult - I haven't told her about the wedding yet and am not sure that I will until it is over. I hope that you get it sorted. Thinking of you. xx
CommentAuthorstacey
thanks girls at the minute i'm just having a chill i'm not gonna ring my mum as it is the rehearsal tomorrow, she knows she's meant to be there so if she doesn't show i know were i stand our relationship has been strained for years and it was pretty obvious when i had my son that she had no real interest in me as a person i'm not exagerating even my close friends and h2b have noticed but i think it's coming to a head now i'm getting tired of trying to make her happy at my own and other peoples expenses and if she wants to sulk in a corner she can but i will wipe my hands of her. i feel like a perfoming monkey. winge over sorry if i've brought anyone down! :-) xxx
CommentAuthorheidianne
God we have something in common. Its ironic. My mum is only interested in my son not me. Hope the rehearsal goes well sweetie x x x
Tick Tock "why is a raven like a writing desk???"
CommentAuthorcalamity333
aww hun that sounds tough. Although its hard try not to think about it for a few days. I personally wouldnt uninvite her as you may regret it but keep it simple and explain you wnat her there but the plans are now set etc. poor you
CommentAuthorleighbee
Man that's bad I'd giver her an option of either coming n shutting up or not to come at all! No ibetwewn but easier said than done! Remember it's ur happy day celebrate with those that are happy for you only x
CommentAuthormrs linda greer 21/8
aww hun thats no fair on u :( i have no adivce sorry but i would do as you say not to ring her if she`s there at the rehearsel then fine BUT as long as she`s there 2 support u if she`s not there she might just need an extra few days to clam down and see things from ur eyes and she may well turn up on the day its self, the thing i would really hurt by the most is the fact that she is blaming u for ur uncle being ill its noones fault gosh if it was our faults that someone gets cancer im sure we wouldnt be losing so many loved ones to it, i really hope everything works out for u hun and enjoy ur day dont let any1 put u down u only get 1 chance to have that specail moment so cherish it big hugs to u hunni (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx
CommentAuthorbacardi
I would tell her it is your day and she can come, but it is being done your way. If she does not like or complains she would not be welcome. It is not nice thing to do to you, she should be helping you
CommentAuthorCeCe
edited
If your grown as s mother is unable to see her own daughter have a stress free Wedding and support you through the build up and support you in achieving a long marriage without acting as you have reported, then to be very frank I would recommend you advise her as you would a.n.other person who shows you the lack of support and care.
I feel for you hun and would recommend you try to remember you DO have folk around you that want the best for you. Sadly, Mothers are not always as we would dearly love them to be.
Best wishes for whatever you decide to do .. Happy Wedding day too!!!
CommentAuthorMrsB
I hope your ok and she learns its your way or the high way its your big days and I hope you blo*dy enjoy it! xx
CommentAuthor
I feel for you as I was dreading my wedding right up until the morning we got married worrying about people who would and wouldn't come. In the end it was a fabulous day and all I thought about was how happy I was to be married to Sean and how glad I was that I had my friends and family around me. It's a day I'll never see again. What other reason would anyone have for so many people to get together in one room.
CommentAuthorJay
aaw huni, your mums just being a nightmare, its totally up to you if you want her there. It doesnt sound as if shes been very much use so far and do you think shell behave herself at the wedding, you obviously dont need this stress with so few days to go! I really hope she phones and apologises to you and everything works out well x
well she turned up and his bareable couple of snipes about h2b's sisters but i let it go over my head just can't stop smiling :-D
CommentAuthorhayleypooh
at least she turned up hun knowign she cant push u over and she wants to come to the wedding she is backing down go you well done hope the next 2 days arent to stressfull xxx
