aww lovely, thats really sad :o( I sort of know how you feel, I lost my dad 8 years ago so he's not going to be there, nor are any of his side of the family as they disowned us after he died - it was almost like they'd just been waiting for the opportunity to ditch us.
Is there no-one else who has been there for you who could try to fill the gap a little? grandparents, aunts/uncles...?
Don't be embarrassed by having less guests, if your h2bs family know you then they'll already be aware of your family situation and I'm sure no-one will think anything of it. Our wedding will be exactly the same, and I bet there are lots of other ladies on here who sympathise with you and are in similar situations.
I really hope things turn up for you and your dad steps up xxxxxx

Don't stress about it, you've ages till your wedding day and who knows what might happen - don't forget he would have felt some emotion at your mum's funeral too and Christmas is always not only a very busy time of year but always a really sentimental occasion, he may genuinely have good reason for not getting in touch since after the funeral - you could remind him of your mum etc, who knows. Instead of getting upset about it maybe you hold out the olive branch to him, it's Christmas next month so maybe go for a meal with him or invite him round for Christmas luunch - you've 21 months till your wedding so plenty of time to rebuild your relationship xx

**hugs** I'm sorry about your mum. I wish i could offer you some decent advice, but mostly all i can offer is hugs and support. I understand where you're coming from on the dad front, my dad isn't around much either, and he never calls me. All i can suggest is, is there something that he could do for you wedding, that my maybe isn't vital so if he did bail it wouldn't totally ruin it, so that he'd come? I know he shouldn't need an incentive, but it might help ensure that he'll come. My stepmum is doing my flowers as its the only way i could think of getting mine to definitely come, as i know how desperate my stepmum is to do wedding flowers instead of funeral ones.

Please don't be embarrassed either, its not your fault that he's like this, you won't have done anything wrong, so you have nothing to be embarrassed about. If he doesn't make it, try and enjoy your day and don't let him ruin it. Its his loss not yours. Your husband will be your new family, the person who is the most important to you.

i dont have any grandparents left. my mums siblings are farmers or vets and will be too busy to make it i've already asked. the only ones from his family who know are his parents coz when i tell people about my family they tend not to believe me coz tbh it is pretty hard to believe even i dont sometimes coz it seems really odd.

It's odd that you should write this post when I had a half sleep / wake dream about my own dad last night. He left when I was 3 and I've had no communication from him since, even though I've tried. I would love nothing more than for him to see me at my wedding - I am his eldest child, I'm 37 and he's not seen me in 34 years. I know he's very aware of me, but he can't bring himself to want to know me enough and it makes me very sad. If you're like me, you have a love for him that you can't explain but doesn't change no matter how negligent he is xx
All the advice I can give is swallow your pride and make contact with him, ring him, email or text him, visit him. Keep it up, don't expect too much from him and rather than expecting a daddy / daughter thing, decide to make friends with him instead. Support him through his feelings about your mum / you / his life and see where it takes you both.
Perhaps nearer the time you will know whether you should ask him to give you away - by then he may really want to be at your wedding or it might be the thing that makes him feel he should be there. Have a good friend or family member ready as back up - explain the situation and have them ready to step in with no notice if he doesn't show.

That's fair enough - it's your day, your wedding and you have to have someone you love and trust by your side. I won't go into the whole story, but when I told my ex I was leaving, he confessed that he'd been to visit my dad without my knowledge. I was livid as I know my half brother, and so I know how my dad would react. I rang him as soon as I knew and he immediately clicked why our dad was so ill. Chris visiting him had made him so depressed and stressed that he was physically ill.
it took me 4 months, but I made a decision to write to him at work ( I don't know where he lives) He's a part time fireman in a small village and my brother is too. My brother is also the postman, so knew I'd written to him which was hard as he didn't want our dad to get a letter from me. He rung me, ready to be angry, but I asked him to trust me. Two days later my bro rang to say that dad hadn't mentioned the letter, but disappeared into his office at work to read it. He instantly relaxed and began to get better.
The really sad thing is that I wrote apologising to him, told him that I wished Chris hadn't visited, that I didn't need him to complete my happiness. I told him I'd left Chris and had found a new man who was making me happy. I told him how I'd resolved some of my great unhappiness. And then I told him that I elt I understood him not wanting contact, that I would always love him but that I would leave him be and if he ever wanted me, here is my forever email that I've had since I had email.

If you feel you can try with him, do. If not, it's better to seal that vein and let him go than suffer yourself xx