Our RSVPs should be back by tomorrow so I was pleased when 7 arrived in the post this morning! Then I opened them! I am gobsmacked....
Now please let me know if I am making an issue of nothing here but I got a reply from my fiancés fathers cousin. Saying;
Matthew (h2b) you haven't said how many? Myself and Joan will be attending and so will David, Angela will not and is angies daughter invited she is 11.
We have included food options with our invites and she has selected 3 options for 3 people.
Now I am quite confused as I don't really know this side of my fiancés family and tbh he hardly does too! So this invites was sent to her only as she is widowed and she has taken liberty to invite other people? It's was for 1 person and she has ticked for 3?
I said to my fiancé and he says David is her son so matts 3rd cousin who he doesn't know at all! And he is now invited but not by us!?
What to do?
And we havent invited any children apart from my cousins 4 who are coming all the way from aus and are my bridal party.
CommentAuthorbarbie86
He isn't invited unless you agree to it.
I would get your OH to call her and explain that you apologise for any confusion, but that the invitation was for her only. Simple. Do not be bullied into having extra guests. IMO it was very clear if the invitation was addressed to her and there was just one menu card, and she is likely trying it on; don't let her get her way.
It may be that she doesn't come, but by the sounds of it she isn't a particularly close relative, so, no big deal (IMPO).
FWIW this is why we went overboard on making our invitations very clear: we've listed everyone invited on the address label and invitation, and then we provided named individual RSVP cards for our day guests. If anyone does try it on, we'll do as I've suggested above, and call them and politely inform them who the invitation was actually for.
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
edited
Be firm, contact them directly and be truthful, Say you are only inviting 1st cousins and your OH let alone you do know even know this person/s. Only they are invited. You have a budget and cannot afford to invite every single distant relative.
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CommentAuthorChelseyfj
Thanks ladies this is how I feel, but I don't want to seem like I'm being miserable about his family.
I really don't see why she would think she could invite her son along and whoever this other person is who she has ticked options for!the invite was addressed to her only.
Cheers x
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Yeah I think she is trying it on, that is ridiculous.
Not only is she trying to bring 3 extra people (if you include the child) she also asked Angela if she was coming?
I honestly don't understand why anyone would assume when an invite was addressed to them that it would include anyone else
That's how I see it too! I see it as being very rude personally.
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
You need to tell her straight (use the number restriction excuse and then she can't argue!). My h2b's family do this for every event they are invited to and for that reason I had 'due to number restrictions this invite is for those named only' added onto the bottoms of my invites! Xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
I think you just need to be straight with her and say she is the only one invited and not every tom,dick and harry...
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
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CommentAuthorDonnaH39
I think I'm going to add something like that Linzi-jo, never thought I'd have to but looks like it's better safe then sorry
CommentAuthorChelseyfj
Cheers! My fil2b is going to ring her today as it's his cousin! How ridiculous though!
CommentAuthorVelcro
id get the FMIL to have a word lol. thats abit naughty of her!
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CommentAuthorChelseyfj
FMIL won't sort it out she won't have anything to do with it! If it was down to her none of that side of the family would be coming at all.
It's all peeing me off now tbh. Because I don't know this people neither does Matt yet we are expected to pay £36 per head and she just assumes she can invite her son and granddaughter etc.
Grrrr
CommentAuthorTrasaD
Honestly, if your mil won't get involved then I think you may need to hunni. What she has done was just plain rude, and if you don't know her that we'll, or the ones that she has invited, then it seems to be more trouble than its worth (no offence). I've posted about having strangers at the wedding before, and someone quite rightly pointed out that you should only invite that you won't worry about catching you peeing lol xoxox
CommentAuthorChelseyfj
Lol, well I'm hoping that father in law 2 b will ring them up. I think it's his error really by inviting people Matt doesn't know to start with.
Hopefully it will be sorted but I do grudge paying for people neither of us know when we don't have money to play with.
CommentAuthorTrasaD
Maybe if they want to come, have them be paid for either by themselves or your ffil if he wants them there? xoxox
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Just make sure he makes it very clear (ideally, I'd want to be present when he calls so I knew what was being said; but that's just me). All he needs to say is that he's sorry if there was some confusion, but the invitation was to her only, and that you will be unable to accommodate any additional guests. If she argues with him (hopefully she wouldn't be that rude), then he should simply say that unfortunately that's just how it is, and that he understands if she doesn't feel she is able to attend. Simple. The ball is then in her court and she can either accept and attend alone, or else decline.
Tell him not to give reasons or make excuses (eg cost) as people just LOVE trying to find a solution eg offering to pay, and I get the feeling that this isn't just a cost issue, you just don't want random uninvited strangers at your wedding.
CommentAuthorElizabethF49
Omg I didn't realise invites could cause so much confusion lol one person named on the invite means it's only that person invited I. Im not looking forward to that part. Hope you fil2b can sort it out
After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
Our son is 5 years old and our world
Getting married 15.08.15.
Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
We have fun with H2B's uncle, who can't get his head around the fact that his (the uncle's) cousin isn't invited. Even the cousin concerned has said she doesn't know H2B, but the uncle just says," but your family, I'll talk to Meg and get you an invite". Meg (fmil) is firm and is on our side. She has enough fun mediating between her two siblings, who hate each other. H2B's uncle insists that they should be in contact as they're family, but every conversation ends in an argument. Both are invited, as we'd never hear the end of it otherwise, but both have tried the "I'm not coming if they are there" line. We both know though that neither would miss it for the world. Hopefully they will behave on the day, and we'll have people primed to deal with any issues, but afterwards each will be complaining about why the other one ruined it for them. The aunt's children are perfectly sensible, although the son won't have anything to do with his uncle, he's sensible enough to keep his distance.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
