We've been so happy and my 10 yr old daughter and h2b seemed to get on so well. We went camping on the weekend, and I noticed how aggressive they are to each other - even though it was done with laughter, everytime they started they got to the point of deliberately upsetting or hurting each other (not serious, but enough to turn things sour). Anyway, I had alarm bells ringing. Ever since I've noticed how he never speaks to her nicely. Everything he says is harsh, an order or shouted. He also likes her to spend most of her time upstairs away from us downstairs which means she's then alone far too much. In return, she refuses to do anything he says, will argue back and sometimes even yels "lalalalala" over the top of him.
It reached a head last night when I pointed out that it was like living with my ex and eldest daughter all over again, that I won't have the arguing and it needs to be sorted. I've spoken with each of them individually and here's what stunned me. My 10 yr old sulkily admitted she's not getting on with him but that she'll try to be nicer and look after her things in the first place (one of h2b's big bug bears) When I spoke to h2b however, he got cross. He denies shouting at her and says it's one rule for her and another for him. That shocked me and I tried to think when I've set rules or imposed them on him...then he followed it up with "she comes down and stands infront of the telly but if I go in her room she shouts at me to get out of the way of the telly" so he was using an example of how bad they are to each other and stating that a 10 yr old should have realised how be fair to an adult who does the same thing she does...
Today is our first anniversary of being together. He left with barely a word this morning and will be away now as he's a trucker. I feel dreadful as I texted him telling him I love him, but that this needs to be sorted out. That was over an hour ago and he's not replied. Then I've come downstairs to find a card for our anniversary - we'd agreed not to get each other anything, so I feel dreadful.
I can't bring myself to ring him - partly because I'm tearful, but also because I cannot back down on this. I won't live an unhappy life and I won't allow my child to either (I had a step dad from 10 and it was awful) which fills me full of fear for our future as a couple.
A whole year without a cross word and this has come from no-where?!! If it falls apart I swear I will stay in and remove fb so I remove all chance of finding another man.
Jo Santa
CommentAuthorJill
Aww Jo I completely understand, my adopted dad married my biological mum when I was about 6. Me and one of my brothers (also from same prev relationship of my mums) had a really hard time of it whereas it was different for my youngest brother. You're right you cant back down, you'd daughter needs you and needs to know you wont stand for people talking to her like that, esp at home. I hope he sorts himself out. You've nothing to feel dreadful for - you're doing what any loving parent should x
29th September 2012
Cant wait to be Mrs D!
CommentAuthorNicsquared
I second Jill - as you said your daughter is only ten - she cannot be held responsible for everything she does, but h2b has to be accountable to his actions Dont feel dreadful, you have to do what is best for your daughter Lets hope he was just having a bad day x
There are so many people out there who will tell you
what you can't do.
What you have to do is turn around and say, "watch me"!!
CommentAuthorjo Santa
Thank you for your answers. We've had a chat now. It was a bit awkward to start with, but he said he's been thinking about it. He's come to the conclusion that we have a tiny house, he's had a lot of time here which is unusual. He's normally only here 1 night in the week, and the weekend, but he had an accident at work, was off for 4 days - was only back 2 when he had time off for further hospital tests which revealed he has diabetes, then only 2 days back before 5 holiday days. He is used to spending a lot of time alone. Jen is used to having just me and her here most of the time. H2b is also dealing with the shock of the diabetes - it's going to mean some big changes for him and he's been feeling unwell from the crack on the head and bruised retina from work. It's been raining alot, so we've been stuck inside or completely together wherever we've been and Jenny has been staying up late as it's the holidays. That's given h2b and Jen no time off from each other and him n me, no quality time together. He's promised it'll be ok and he'll work on his patience. Time will tell xx
Jo Santa
CommentAuthorxox-Zoeee
awww glad itsall sorted out =). hope everything improves now xx
I hope you get it all sorted, i think its all well and good realising that the problem has arose because he is around a lot more than normal due to illness, but on that note if you are planning on marrying the guy then this could easily happen again and you need to know that this would not result in unhappy family life. Your daughter is 10, mine will be 10 in a few weeks and she is a right moody mare at times, can be spiteful and goes out of her way to torment me, h2b and her brother, so in that respect i can see where your h2b is coming from and its very hard to want to be around someone like that so that would make sense why he wants her to spend a lot of time upstairs..... but on that note, she is still a child, and while if she is being a terror then yes send her upstairs and she would need to be diceplined if she deserves it, there needs to not be him holding grudges against her, you cant do that to a child.
Good luck, i hope this is the end of it xx
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
Once your married I assume you will all be living together? If he's blaming his illness and having no time off from her and no time alone with you i'm sorry but what happens when your married and he's actually living there??
He'll still be ill and you and your daughter will be around ALL the time so no change there. Your daughter is 10 she can't live in her bedroom. my daughter is 12 soon and i'm lucky if she spends an hour in her room lol shes always downstairs lol (shes starting to hang out with her friends more so is going out more as well)
I hope it all works out for you hunni.............goodluck!
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For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
CommentAuthorEmmyR1984
glad you've been able to have a chat with him about it
really hope things get better xx
Looking forward to marrying my soulmate on 20/07/2013
Not sure what to do for a honeymoon yet
CommentAuthorjo Santa
Thank you. I have lots to think about...
Jo Santa
CommentAuthorleah
hi jo, i hated my step mum when i was young! but as if got older i love her to bits, she was the first person i told when i fell pregnant and i go to her before my mum most of the time. Hope everything works out for u and im sure it will with time and support xx
CommentAuthorkimmy
it's probably done you all the world of good having a chat!!!!
