As all of you know i was made redundant last friday with no notice or anything. I have been looking for a new job and have an interview on monday but havnt heard back from many others yet.
Now me and h2b wellh h2b said about trying to start a family in jan, i want to start sooner but because i am now out of work i want to start trying now but ed isnt having any of it. he wont even discuss it which annoys me.
Do you think we should wait or would it be a good idea to wait until janurary? xx
CommentAuthor~*~ Becca ~*~
If you can afford to raise a baby in just the 1 wage and would be comfortable enough wtih you being a stay at home mum for a while then i say go for it...maybe right down pro's and con's of trying just now and show them to h2b and see what he says ..if you've put logical thought into the reasons why ou want to try now then hopefully he'll agree...
explain to him just b ecause you start trying now doesn't necessarily mean its goin to happen in a week.month etc
17.09.2010 ---I am officially Mrs Rebecca Mollins
Twilight - its' like my own personal brand of Heroin...
Edward Cullen - The Hottest Vampire since 1901 !!
I have OTD - Obsessive Twilight Disorder :D
CommentAuthorMrsPink
Tbh if everyone waited till they could afford a child no one would have them! I say go for it if its truly what you both want. Like Becca says trying now wont mean you will preg next week although it could happen lol. xxxxxxx
CommentAuthorUnknown
thanks becca. we said when we do have a baby then i wont go back to work as the money i earn would just go on child care sno wouldnt be worth it.
i agree there is never a right time to start a family well afford to have children. it is what i want more than anything but h2b just wont talk about it.
i know it wont just happen but he doesnt understand that, and i dont want to start a new job in july or august for example and then have to leave some point next year to have a baby.
h2b did say about starting to try after the wedding last year but then changed his mind, so to be honest i dont actually know what he wants as he wont talk about it xx
CommentAuthor~*~ Becca ~*~
he's maybe scared of what happens when you do start trying? maybe scared at the prospect it wont just be the 2 of you after you fall pregnant...he maybe just wants to enjoy some time as a married couple first before trying ??/ just thinking out the box here lol
17.09.2010 ---I am officially Mrs Rebecca Mollins
Twilight - its' like my own personal brand of Heroin...
Edward Cullen - The Hottest Vampire since 1901 !!
I have OTD - Obsessive Twilight Disorder :D
yea, that is possible. just wish he would talk to me rather than just say stop going on about it
CommentAuthorKaya
If your out of work you wont get maternity pay hun, but if you can manage without it, then now may be a good time?x
Now Mrs Cobb!!!!!! :-D
CommentAuthorUnknown
edited
i think we would manage but would still be entitled to some benefit i think xx
CommentAuthor~*~ Becca ~*~
you would get your child tax credits/working tax credits & Child benefit when baby is born..and it does help!!
sit him down and don't let him out the room til he's at least told you a reason why he's being so grumpy
17.09.2010 ---I am officially Mrs Rebecca Mollins
Twilight - its' like my own personal brand of Heroin...
Edward Cullen - The Hottest Vampire since 1901 !!
I have OTD - Obsessive Twilight Disorder :D
CommentAuthorMrs (Dove) Pidgeon
Having just been through pretty much a whole pregnancy unemployed...
GET A JOB. You'll spend far too much time brooding and planning for the baby and online shopping etc otherwise. SMP may not be a lot but every little helps- babies can have a large initial outlay of money (pram, car seat, cot, clothes etc)
Now a extremely happy German housewife and now a Mother!!!!
Islay Jean born 24th June in Hannover.
CommentAuthorPaula
Hiya Just from experience its is a good idea to be employed as baby shopping is fab and its not nice when you see something you would love to buy but cant because your budget will not stretch that far, plus been home is great at first but soon becomes dull and once your pregnant it will be very hard to find employment. Also it could take 12+ before you conceive and if your at home you will focus on it much more.
I think the best thing would be to try get a job but also stop using protection and see which happens first.
CommentAuthorVintageChic
Dove
I have to say being unemployed while pregnant wasn't what bothered me. It was wanting to be ME again after a while of parenthood instead of just being so-and-sos mum. I love my kids more than anything, but it came to a point where i needed some individuality again. And trying for a job after a baby and after being unemployed is hard. It's worth thinking about getting another job (especially in this climate) taking maternity leave if and when the time comes and then when you go back yes your wages will all go on childcare but it will be worth it. I work part time with a combo of childcare and family helping out and even though i dont have more money in my pocket it's worth getting to chat to adults instead of baby talk lol.
You need to bear in mind too that even though you will carry the baby etc it will also change your h2b's life and he should have as much say as you do. If he's not ready it's not good to try and force him, just present him with the facts and remind him that as the old saying goes "there's never a 'good time' to have a baby, and if everyone were to wait on a good time no-one would have babies"
"Who, being loved, is poor?" -Oscar Wilde
- Moderator
CommentAuthorUnknown
thanks for your advice everyone. my h2b does know there is never a right time as he already has 2 but only on biologically his. i am looking for work and have applied for so many jobs since last saturday and have an interview on mon and couple of other things that i am keeping my fingers crossed.
im not sure if he is ready for a baby or not as he just wont talk about it. if i am honest the one thing that worries me is that when jan comes he then changes his mind and says oh lets wait and try in 6 months as he has already done that once. xx
CommentAuthorPaula
I agree with modmummy, as much as I love my kids I cant be a stay at home mum for the same reasons.
Have you considered trying to aproach the subject from a different angle, tell him you understand hes not ready just now and ask him why he doesnt feel ready, instead of asking him if you can start trying for baby. If you can understand why he feels unready then maybe you will be able to work around it.
CommentAuthorUnknown
i think i will try that paula...thanks! xx
CommentAuthorMrsMelodyWalker
I totally agree, I don't think financially anyone will ever be ready for a baby no matter how much money they have. Babies are so expensive! However if you think you can manage on your h2b's income then I don't think it really matters if you are in work or not at the time. I'm not sure what benefits you will get as it's all changed, I know I wouldnt be entitled to any as my h2b brings home more than 40k a year. Originally they'd just be cut but that's if you already had a child where as we don't.
I've wanted and have been trying for a baby for 3 years and it's hard bloody work, totally drains you physically mentally and emotionally so you really have to be at the right stage in your life to go for it and a child is such a big thing, your h2b has to be ready for it too. I know people full pregnant accidently all the time but that's different, if your trying for a baby you'll get yourself in to a routine which can change you both, you could fall pregnant straight away or it could take time and you have to be strong enough to see that negative test.
If your h2b doesn't want to approach the subject then it's best off waiting in my opinion. If he was ready he'd speak about it and be as excited about the idea as you. But then men are funny little creatures, he might not like the idea now but when your pregnant it could be the best thing in the world to him.. Tricky!
All of my dreams come true the day I married you, Mr Walker
5.11.11
Remember Remember The 5th of November
CommentAuthorUnknown
men definatly very strange. my h2b earns less than that so we would be able to claim some things. i know you shouldnt to claim benefits but i have paid my tax the whole time i have worked so am entitled to it in my opinion.
i think i may leave it for a few days and then try to speak to him about it and ask what he actually wants xx
CommentAuthorUnknown
Well i spoke to h2b and he was the same as always and i said it wasnt good enough so in the end he said he wants time to ourselves once we are married xx
CommentAuthorCheryl22
i would ask him how long he is willing to wait as myself and my OH also want time to ourselves once we are married but have decided that the year after the wedding is probably when we will start tring as my implant is due out then anyways and we believe that we will be more financially secure then.
x
There is nothing so sweet in life, as loves young dream!
CommentAuthorTotallyLovedUp
this is a toughie for me. with ds1 and 2 i was working when i fell pregnant and although it did help having some extra money coming in, i actually enjoy being home with them more now.
i am not bothered too much about the whole not working thing etc, it just doesnt phase me, but if you enjoy your work, then think about how it would be to be around a small child (as much as you worship the ground they walk on, they do drive you up the wall a lot of the time lol) all the time with no real 'me time away from home and family'.
as for your h2b, although it is the worst feeling wanting a child but your other half isnt ready, you really do need to respect how he feels (don't shoot me lol) i am sure, given a year or so, he will want to start a family, but i completely understand where he is coming from. Just my opinion, no offense intended xx maybe if you didnt talk about it for a while he might open up a bit more when you approach it again? x
CommentAuthor~*~ Becca ~*~
see Terri..i did say earlier it could be something like that that he wanted to enjoy the time as man and wife and just the 2 of yous....and i can totally get why he thinks that!! everything turns upside down when you get pregnant and no longer goin to have the same social life, time together as a couple as you would without a child so it is a good idea to enjoy the time you have and tbh january aint that far away xx
17.09.2010 ---I am officially Mrs Rebecca Mollins
Twilight - its' like my own personal brand of Heroin...
Edward Cullen - The Hottest Vampire since 1901 !!
I have OTD - Obsessive Twilight Disorder :D
CommentAuthorUnknown
yea i know becca....it took me pushing him for him to tell me. i kept saying just tell me the reason and he really wouldnt but evetually he said so at least i know.
im going to try and not say anything which is hard but will try my best and bring it up nearer the time as i know janurary isnt that far xx
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
there is never a good time! there will always be something that would happen xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthorUnknown
that is what i told him yesterday. he seems to think we will be able to save enough money but i have told him there will always be something that comes up! xx
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs Nicol
I agree with the girls, there is never a right time and u can never have enough money.. lol... there is always something needed.. We have 2 boys who are 2 and 5 and a girl at 16... only h2b works coz i am at uni and we are still happy and can still go out the odd weekend.. If u are both happy then i say go for it. :)
CommentAuthorMrs (Dove) Pidgeon
How about practising living on one wage (his) and putting yours (when you get a new job) into a savings account for baby stuff?
Now a extremely happy German housewife and now a Mother!!!!
Islay Jean born 24th June in Hannover.
CommentAuthorUnknown
Dove....that is such a good idea! im not sure h2b would go for it but i can bring it up and see! if we dont go out so much we could afford it but ed like to go out!
i have 2 job interviews on monday so will see what happens xx
Dove
