Ladies

My sister has a dilemma (along with 2 other girls) who are all BM's for a uni friend.

This uni friend has 4 BM's in total, my sister, 2 others who I know and one other who is a childhood friend and is just like the bride.

The bride bought the BM dresses without any consultation (teal green, knee length, granny style and the fabric is linen, LINEN!). She doesn't want any cleavage showing yet the dress styles are such that their b008s and cleavage are on full show, you can't miss them! Then she also did the same with the shoes, bought them with no consultation and is just saying these are yours and this is what you'll wear.

Problem is ..............she is expecting them to pay for all their alterations themselves, refuses to pay for them. They all hate the dresses and will never wear them again. She cites budget constraints for not paying.

On top of all this she is dictating the hair style and the nude make up look (no black eye liner, no fake tan, no false eyelashes etc. look - specified in an e-mail) but refuses again to pay for any hair and makeup. My sister is the wrong colour - she is dark skinned, naturally tanned so cannot have the pale nude white look she wants and because of her natural hair colour always wears black eyeliner.

She wants loose curls, my sister again has hair that just does not hold curls at all, it's heavy thick and poker straight! One of the other BM's has naturally tight corkscrew curly hair so will struggle to loosen the curls, plus wears more makeup than the rest of the bridal party put together on a normal day, every day! She is really glam!

I personally feel like my sister and her friends are being treated quite badly by a bride who is dictating and making demands but expecting them to pay for all of it! Ok fine she bought the dresses and shoes but made no mention of them having to pay for everything else that she is expecting of them at the time of asking them to be BM's so they're rather miffed.

I think she is being really unreasonable (she and her H2B earns far more than my sister and her hubby!).

Is the bride being unreasonable or should my sister and the other two friends fork out? (the childhood friend is apparently going along with everything the bride wants - but does not need her dress altering as it fits her and wears her hair naturally and makeup every day just as the bride wants anyway).

On top of all this, the wedding is in Wales therefore, they have to stay two nights, take a day and a half at least off work (Friday wedding) and pay for accommodation there which is costing them £300 per couple (they are of course taking their hubby's, boyfriends)! Then there is the cost of return travel there too! By car of course.

I only have 2 BM's, my sister and my bestmate (plus one FG) and I'm paying for all dresses, alterations and hair and make up because I'm deciding on colour of dress (they chose the style) and I'm deciding on hair style. They're wearing their own shoes.

Some other opinion's would be appreciated.

xxx

Thanks Barbie. That is how I feel and I told my sister that is why I'm paying for everything (apart from the shoes). I let them choose they style of dress but not the colour as that needed to tie in with the colour scheme of course, I'm paying for hair and makeup but ensuring that they both look and feel glam and sophisticated on the day (I'm going for that sophisticated red carpet look for them which of course they're both very happy with but I felt could only be achieved with professional help so I'm paying).

I just feel like my sister is being made to pay for things she (and her friends) are not happy about at all and it makes me angry (that's the over protective big sister in me coming out).

Thing is, my sister when she got married almost 2 years ago now, she did the same, paid for everything, dresses, alterations, hair and makeup! We provided our own shoes as we could then wear what we already had and were already comfortable in so we knew our feel wouldn't be shredded by the end of the ceremony let alone reception.

The shoes apparently are ghastly, gold peep toe with bows near the peeptoe! They wanted to wear the shoes before the wedding to break them in but the bride wouldn't allow it so they have to go armed with plasters in case they get shredded feet!

I thinks that she's being unreasonable. I got my bridesmaid dresses in a sale without my bridesmaids seeing them, fortunately they all love them, but I paid for them and I am going to pay for any alterations that need doing as I wanted a specific look so I think that it's only fair that I pay for it. As for their hair and make up I really don't mind how they have it I've just asked that my MOH doesn't go too over the top with her make up but I know that she won't anyway so really not a problem.

Is there someone that can overrule/control/persuade this bridezilla to do the right thing? Or is she just on one big power trip? Would the MOB, H2B or someone else be able to advocate for the BMs?

I'd tell her where to shove her dress and wedding and not go! £400 not a chance! Really your sis n the other BMs NEED to tell her she's being a n0b... She can't really be a very good friend if she's treating them like this... Is ur sis bothered by being a bm or not? Does she see her regular? X

She's being completely unreasonable! Personally I think if you want a specific dress, shoes etc then you should pay. If you want the bm's to pay for themselves then you should let them choose their own. And asking them to do specific hair and make up like that is a bit much in my opinion.

Also, £300 just for travel and accommodation? I would never be able to pay £300 just to get there.

i'm sorry but you cannot dictate someone's make up to such an extent. Is she an ugly bride (sorry I know that sounds mean) as she is going to great lengths to not be upstaged by the BMs. I think that they opposite will happen though - everyone can see when a bride has gone to great lengths to make the BMs look dowdy and IMO it makes the bride look dowdy too.

Personally if I was dictated to like that I would step down. I consulted my BMs on the dresses before ordering and have told them it is up to them how they have their hair and make up

Completely unreasonable!!!
If I was you sister I'd give her the dress and shoes and tell her that she better find another bm as I won't be treated like that!!! When but that's my opinion and I tend to overreact a lot :/

Can I ask how much are the alterations? and is the bride paying for the BMs hair and makeup?x

I think it does sound unreasonable.... I don't think u should have to change your whole look from how u would normally have it just for a bride who has chosen dresses with no consultation and expects them to fork out the expense themselves...it's just plain wrong! She should have spoke to the girls before asking them to be bridesmaids, then at least they would have the decision to decline x

I agree with Velcro on the make up thing. It sounds like she's asking for a no make up, make up look. Which is easy for everyone to do themselves in fairness. Same with hair, really.

It's not cool for the bride to make everyone pay for their own alterations on the dresses though, if she wants the dresses fitting correctly then she should be the one paying for them imo.

Definitely unreasonable! ... I've let my bridesmaids (all childhood/close friends) have an opinion in what they wear, such as all wanted long dresses, 2 want flat shoes, 2 want heels, makeu I've decided on but asked their opinion, since I'm a beauty therapist I'm doing the makeups, two of my bridesmaids are hairdressers and are doing hair, its all been a group effort, everyone is going to have the same look and we've all put our ideas together, all alterations on the dresses are done my my nanna ... The last thing anyone wants is to feel uncomfortable, someone needs to tell this bridezilla to calm down a little!

Xoxo

She's being so unreasonable !! & I agree with Adele, I'd tell her to stick it! I'm paying for my BMs dresses, shoes, hair, makeup etc but I've still let them pick what they're happy with!! You can't TELL somebody what they're wearing & then tell them they're also paying for it! She's being out of order xx

I paid for my BMs dresses (they tried them on and didn't need alterations), and for their make-up ... I said I prefer natural but whatever they wanted took precedent ... hair I didn't pay for so I let them do whatever then wanted, and two of them went to a hairdresser in the morning and had theirs styled the other just did what she normally did and had a pretty hairclip. I didn't buy them shoes, I specifically went for a dress color that I knew black shoes would go with so they could wear their own comfy shoes.

To be honest if I were one of her BMs, given that she wants such a specific look I would expect her to pay for it all. Also I would insist on having the shoes beforehand so I could break them in ... or I would take along my own shoes that I could change into after the photos. As for the dress alterations ... she should pay for them ... I would be tempted to wear a nude slip and just wear the dress as it is - she clearly doesn't care if I am comfortable so why should I make an effort to make it look good? I would do my own makeup how I wanted it ... she could have a fit, but short of her actually doing it and keeping the makeup away from me there's not much she could do about it. Same with the hair.

Wow, thank you for all your responses ladies. That is a resounding vote for unreasonable which makes me feel better that they are not expecting too much as BM's.
The bride is not ugly at all, nice normal pretty face I think but is plain and dresses a bit old.
I thought it did sound like she was trying to ensure she is not upstaged on the day but think shebis going about it wrongly. Also, I just feel like she should've asked them before if they'd be happy paying for the alterations.
The next nearest place to stay is a 20 minute drive away from the venue so they have to stay at the venue.
Interesting hearing all your views xxx

:( That's terrible. I personally wouldn't give the h2b the dress - it's just to much hassel.

Omg poor girls! is there a pic of said dress?

Ahh bless her xxx

I think there is a line between the bride being demanding and BM's ignoring all the bride's wishes and insisting it's their way only.

If the bride is demanding things must be a particular way then IMO she should be prepared to pay for everything she is dictating, including dress alterations, hair and makeup. If there is anything she wishes the BM's to fund then she should warn them in advance and be prepared to be flexible on what the BM's choose!

BM's in return should do what is reasonable to accommodate the bride and support her, demanding your b00bs are on show is unreasonable, demanding a white/ivory dress is unreasonable if the bride has chosen a different colour but if the bride insists on something she should not expect the BM to pay for it.

Yesterday at our dress fittings, my sister said to the other BM "oh, your shoes are closed in, I've got open toe sandals!" then said to me "should I have closed shoes too?". To which I replied "I don't mind, I gave you both the choice of what you wear on your feet, as long as you're comfortable in them that is what matters, I don't want you in pain half way through the day". The lady who is doing our fittings looked at me in total shock and said how relaxed and nice I was but personally I felt that it was nothing, it's just about being reasonable and knowing what is really important and what isn't.

The other Bride that my sister is BM for just sounds to me like she's gone beyond bridezilla and is actually being really mean.

I actually think that all her guests will be able to see that she has deliberately put her 4 BM's in the most hideous dress, made them look really plain, dowdy and frumpy deliberately so as not to look nice next to her!

Two of my bridesmaids (the other two are my daughters so will be paying for them) and my flowergirl are paying for their dresses (well their mums, my sisters are as they offered to pay) but I have picked them as well as what shoes, hair and make up they are all having! Ive even picked their jewellery and tiara as these will be presents lol
Even the men's wear has been all picked by me (buttonholes, socks, cufflinks) and h2b (the actual suits and shoes) but 3 of them will be paying (again as they offered).


EDIT I think we have picked nice stuff tho so hopefully no complaints from anyone lol

omg ................ PLEASE CAN I SLAP HER .... how rude and uncaring is she being to her bm`s

ohhhhhhh a mass SLAP........ yayyyyy

Pfft! This bride sounds so insecure & downright unreasonable. Sure, I've chosen & paid for all aspects of BMs outfits, but they're wearing such gorgeous dresses I want one for myself!!!

I think she's being unreasonable. For me, my main priority is that my bridesmaids are comfortable on the day. They are all very different and have different styles so to put them all on the same outfit and dictate what they do about hair and make-up would be wrong. I have asked them to be bridesmaids so they all have a role in the day and know they are important to me, but I want them to do that by being themselves as individuals. I had a dilemma about paying for the dresses, as I have ten of them in total, but now I'm paying for the dresses and they will pay if they want hair and make-up done, and will wear their own shoes. I wouldn't dream of making them wear anything they clearly did not like.

My best mate thinks that she is less bridezilla and more b!tch for doing that to her friends and I have to agree x