I'm a newbie but could really do with impartial advice as I'm not getting any from my friends at all!!
I really don't want a hen night. There's no particular reason other than it's not really my thing, I don't drink that much and although I do like a night out I don't really see why it has to be a big 'send off'. Also MIL has already said she wants to be VERY involved with the hen but we don't really get on and my mum won't want to come (not her thing) so it would be very odd to have FMIL there and not my own mum(who I am really close to).
Neither of my bridesmaids will accept this. They are both married and both had hen nights (one which I organised and it was everything she wanted). The BM whose hen I organised keeps asking me what theme I want and suggesting Alice in Wonderland etc. I have explained to her several times that I don't want a hen especially not with a theme! They both want to go away for a whole weekend but it would have to be in term time (I'm a teacher) and the term before we get married is always really hectic!!
I don't want to sound like I'm being miserable. I'd love to go out for a meal (but without all the hen trappings) but neither one of my BMs is listening to me and I'm worried I'm going to end up dressed as the Queen of Hearts with a willy straw even if I do suggest just going out or a meal.
H2b is fed up of talking about it and it's the only thing causing me wedding stress (for now!)
Thanks for reading xx
CommentAuthorsussie
im in the same boat at you, i just want a meal out. i dont kow what to suggest, except i would just say do what you want im not going, maybe just shock them into listening to you.
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
You need to sit them down seriously and tell them you don't want a hen night and all the silly stuff that goes with it. Tell them that if you do anything, you want to organise it as its YOUR do.
Maybe you could have a girly sleepover with drinks, nibbles and games rather than a big night out. At least if they do come armed with l plates and inflatable winkles you will be in the comfort of your own home.
I can't think of nothing worse than being dressed up like a muppet and force fed drinks and encouraged to do things that I wouldn't ever want to do sober.
We are going to a cottage for a weekend, however the age range is ten through to seventy, and as its in the middle of nowhere, it will probably be a nice chilled out affair xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthormichgib
im the same i dont drink and dont really enjoy going out so when its time for my hen night i said that we should just go for a meal as some of the crazy plans my lot have come up with go as far as clubbing abroad that would be a nightmare for me xx
CommentAuthorShazk
If you dont want one you dont have to have one its ur choice.
I think Hen nights can be a bit OTT and yes I love going out but i think the way things going i will end up with a few and i really dont want that I be happy with DVD in front of tv lol.
Sit them downa dn tell them whatu want and dont want and if they dont listen then i wouldnt go there is no point doing anything u not happy with xx
Thanks ladies! It's good to hear that it's my choice. The standard reaction is 'you've GOT to have a hen do!!!' Why exactly?
I will sit them down and not be bossed into it. I don't normally have a problem standing my ground! xx
CommentAuthorKirstyJ22
You do what you want to do! You could all have a nice get together like you suggested a meal or maybe a spa day. It's pointless doing something you're not going to enjoy x x
CommentAuthorAmyP7
You do what you want to do, it's your hen night. You will have to tell them. I just want a spa day and a meal out for mine and I'm going to arrange it myself as then I know I will get what I want x x
CommentAuthorKirstyM3690
its up 2 u hun if u dont want one then dont! Im marrying in cyprus so will plan a meal with bridesmaids mum FMIL ( if she comes) brothers girlfriend etc.. Not having one here as well do it cyprus but defo dont want nothing 2 big LOL
Yay..Soon Be Mrs Castle
3rd july 2013
Cyprus
CommentAuthorHa_x3
I didnt have a hen night because of this. I am still glad i didnt have one :)
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
CommentAuthormadison_uk
i don,t want one either have thought about just having a meal out, just tell them you want a normal relaxing meal without the normal hen party tat
CommentAuthorTerribabylove
edited
You do what you want hun, they cant force you to go out, just tell them straight, I would and it doesnt matter what they say, if they wana go out let them but you do what you want. I never had a hen night through personal choice and a couple mine didnt agree but it was tough, I told them no and that was that. Me and my husband (h2b at the time lol) just went out together for a meal and a quiet night in instead xx
Our 2 Daughters - Skye born 04/06/06 & Danah born 24/08/07
Our son - Axel born 05/02/12
My Husband is Benjamin Smith lol
Im now Mrs Smith :-), Married since 11th August 2012
CommentAuthorB2B2017
edited
definately do what you want hun, its your hen night and if you dont want all the usual OTT things then tell them.
Why not go for a nice spa day and meal with champagne or something, this is what Im planning doing for mine
Sarah xx
Planning to perfection
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Are you sure they're wanting a big, tacky night out? You said you organised your BMs hen and that it was everything she wanted; do you not think maybe she wants to do the same for you, and is planning something more low-key?
It's your choice at the end of the day; so I would sit them down and explain that you've been getting quite stressed and upset at the thought of a more 'traditional' hen night. Say that you would love to do something to celebrate, but that you'd like to be involved/have a say in what you do, and that you'd like something low-key that doesn't involve dressing up or getting wasted. For my hen, we're planning a girl's holiday for just me and my bridesmaids, then we're having a hen day/weekend for my mum/mil2b/etc later on, which will probably involve afternoon tea at a nice hotel, followed by cocktails at a nice bar. That could be a compromise for you, as those who want to drink can, but those who don't aren't faced with a loud tacky club, and can stick to soft-drinks.
I would also speak to them about who's invited; again, there should be room for compromise eg if you do something over the course of a whole afternoon/evening, your mum could come to one part, then your FMIL to another, so everyone is happy.
CommentAuthormadhen
I feel the same as you about them, so I would do as Barbie86 suggests and first try and find out exactly what they have planned - just in case you're panicking more than you need to. If it's something you're not keen on then you just have to pull rank. You are the bride, it is your night, or day, or afternoon or whatever, so the event has to be something you want to do. Some brides like to have the BMs organise it for them, others like to arrange every detail themselves - each to their own - but it is definitely not worth making yourself worry so much about it. If any of them think you're doing the wrong thing they can just lump it, it's not their day!
CommentAuthorSam
There are a lot of alternatives to L plates and booze, you could think of it as your big day/night out with the girls. But if you really don't want one stand your ground.
CommentAuthorHayleyT
I am planning on booking out a screen at local cinema to play Grease and going along to watch and have a bit of a sing song as a bit of a film buff and especially love my musicals. We have looked at getting pink ladies jackets to wear as not over the top.
I do not drink and have said that I do not want all the usual trappings of a Hen do, i want something that is more me.
At the end of the day there is no one way to do a Hen party, it is all about how you would like to celebrate and spend that time with those you really care about :-)
CommentAuthorTinkerbell
Thanks for all your amazing replies.
The bridesmaid who wants the themed hen do is trying to plan a 'tacky' night out with l plates/willies/sashes etc. which is what she had and wanted. We went out dressed as gnomes on her hen and she's very into the 'theme' dressing up idea -e.g all dressing as Alice in Wonderland characters.
My other BM is more into low-key but she wants a whole weekend celebration which I'm really going to struggle to do at that time of year. I have explained how I feel to them both several times but I think they don't think I'm being serious. Think I'm going to decide exactly which night we will go out for dinner and just organise a girls meal for whoever wants to come and then tell hem it's all sorted!
They are brilliant friends and BMs in all other ways - and I know it's through the best intentions.
Thanks xx
CommentAuthormadhen
Fair enough - their ideas obviously won't fit in with yours so I think if you've given them the chance to rethink and they're ignoring it, then your best bet is to do it yourself. If they get a bit put out that you've done it yourself you can always say well I did try to tell you....!
CommentAuthorSam
I'm glad you found a solution :)
CommentAuthormym72
I didn't have a hen night - and it's not because I don't like clubbing, drinking and going out because I do - but when I go out it's usually with my husband and if it's with friends we tend to have mutual friends anyway - so really there was no point!!
My husband didn't have a stag night for the same reason - and we saved a lot of money that we used for better things such as our honeymoon!!!
CommentAuthorSarahB814
My BM seems to think she is dragging me out for a whole night of drinking, now dont get me wrong once apone a time i was a girly who liked a party! but I havent been out like that in over 2 years so the idea of it doesnt really make me jump for joy. I had a chat to OH about it and he said 'ill deal with it, she listen to me' (BM is his sister.)
Bless him he tried, she thought it was more he didnt want me going out without him and decided to not listen to him. So in the end I went and booked a few tickets for me and my BMs and a few friends for a murder mystery night. Meal, fun and a couple of relaxed drinks. Still have to tell her yet tho :P
CommentAuthorMrsSteenie
I had similar worries with my BMs. In the end my mum stepped in because she saw how stressed I was getting and now they have both eased off a lot and said we will do it my way. The only thing they are insisting on is sashes, but I figure I can deal with that for one night! lol
We dit it!!!!!! 06/10/12
CommentAuthorMrs Davro
I think the girly night in as someone else mentioned would be best.
You could even use it as a pre-wedding pampering session.
I'm lucky my moh knows I drink but not to the riduculous can't walk straight vomiting stage, I stop when I start to feel myself swaying when sat down. She is now organising a hen weekend that is very me.
CommentAuthorPrincess2be
Im not having one eithers hun, tell your bms they can have one without you! lol x
