Has anyone else got a mum in law to be that genuinely makes you just want to give up and the cancel the whole thing? I've been having a bit of a stressful few weeks, tight deadline at work and 14 hour days, it happens, no biggy. But it makes you a bit tired and drained you know? We live with my future mum in law (long story on how that happened but we live with the choices we make right?!) I've been staying with friends while I've been doing long hours because the commute would have been too much otherwise. So finally I make it home last night, and right into one of my future mum in law's anti-Kirst moods. So all night I got to hear how I was selfish for keeping my h2b away from home (he obviously chose to stay with me at my friends since we commute to the same area and he would rather see me a little bit than not at all for a week), and how I'm lazy and I'm blah blah blah. And then it was of course the inevitable wedding argument, why are we having it on this date, why don'e we do it this way, why this, why that, why doesn't Kirst pay for everything mood, why doesn't Kirst use her money better. And after a long blinking week, that was it my nerves were at the end and I was in tears and contemplating calling the whole thing off and going to my mum's. Luckily my mum calmed me down. A good nights sleep and its all blown over right?? Nope. She's off again today. I'm reckless with my money, where does all my money go, where did my savings go blah blah blah. I budget my money out fairly strictly, I save at least a few hundred every month, and as for my savings they went on some wedding deposits and oh yes supporting both me and her son whilst we were out of work when we first moved down south! I don't ever mind that some of the money we saved has had to go on my h2b's side of the bills or a little to get out of his overdraft, not because he'll always pay me back but because thats how relationships work, you help each other out, you support each other through everything. But I just can't stand it when she stands there and tells him how crap I am and that I'm so rubbish with money and that I should be giving him everything I earn to fund our life together, mostly because if it was the other way round you can guarantee that she wouldn't expect him to fund me anything. She spends well beyond her means and then sits there telling me that I should be able to afford everything straight away no savings on my own, but if she actually sat down and thought about how much she spends compared to how much she earns she's realise that she lives in a little bubble where her other half shoulders a lot of the responsibility and she has no idea of the value of money! I'm not being selfish or hiding money or lying about how much I have, I'm trying to be responsible and sensible and save the money for our wedding without us going into debt and so we can save for other things. I don't want to live off other people and ask my mum to pay for the wedding (as my future mum in law suggested) its no one elses responsibility and its no one elses dream, its mine and my h2b.

I just dont understand why people just dont but out. She says she us to stay with her but then she spends the whole time being horrible and making my feel awful about myself. She makes moving out so hard, putting roadblocks up everytime we try, like making us feel horrible that she'll be lonely (her partner isnt around all the time) and that she wont be bale to afford all the bills (because apparently since we've been there we've made the bills go up and theres no way to get them down again once we leave) and then makes jokes about how we should move out. I constantly feel like she just wants my h2b there and me not to be, and somedays she just makes me wants to give her what she wants, because arguing against it is just getting so tiring.

I feel like I'm losing the ability to be a nice person and turn the other cheek. I'm turning it to some that I don't even recognise sometimes. And then there's my poor h2b trapped in the middle of all this crap.


And the very very worst thing, the thing thats lead to this whole rant.... Is the fear that with all her constantly moaning about me to him, that one day he's going to feel the same way, and he's not going to want to marry me or be with me anymore.











Thanks... I just needed to get that outta my system so I think straight and rationally again xx

Oh god, move out and quick, dont let anyone make you feel like this ever!!!

Big hugs!! You need to move out as soon as possible. It must be horrible living like that

Gah, she sounds like a cowbag and a half! You must have the patience of a saint to put up with all of that, the sooner you can escape the better! What does h2b say about all this? I'd be hopping mad if any member of my husbands family laid into me like that and he just stood by and didn't defend me!

Just wanted to say, she's not going to make him change his mind. Aside from anything, he must know she's spouting excrement, but he's chosen you, that's all there is to it. Just look forward to the future when you can have your own lives out of her hair again, it's not your fault if she's a spendthrift, she can deal with that herself when you've moved out!

I had this with my mil but when we was doing our house up and living with her, as my h2b was putting more money into it as he on double pay as his a policeman and I'm just got a little mobile hairdressing business she though she had more say in to what we was doing to the house, it got to the point where me and h2b nearly broke up and I was really ill with stress one day I pointed out that the house would never have got finished or as good work done as it was mostly my family doing it, my brother friend fitted our kitchen for £150 and my brother is a plumber and he boss is his best friend who grow up 5 doors down the road so we had the whole heating and house re plumbed as cost as we just pay what they got all the stuff in for that shut her up then once we moved out she could see how much I was trying to help out with money as I become a Avon rep and went to collage to do beauty to end onto my business.
When we went to tell her we got engaged she ran straight to me and hug me now with the wedding she tells h2b off and that I should have everything I want as it my day, so we manged to work out our difference I hope that one day you can do the same with you mil too. Good luck and keep you head hold high and remember your h2b loves you.

Thanks everyone. I wish I could say this was the end of it, but this isn't even the worst she's been. H2B is always arguing with her about me and telling her that she's wrong and pointing out everything I do. But she just has her opinion I guess. Its all come to a bit of a head though, H2B got snappy with me because she had been at him and I ended up in tears, so H2B has had enough, he's not having me feel like this any more and he's not having us in a situation where we snap at each other because of rubbish so.... he's organised for us to move in with friends! He's been organising it for ages, just didn't really want to promise anything until he knew it was definite but after today he decided its time to let me know! Says he hates to see tears from me :) So there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!

Maybe we will eventually go back to getting on like we did before we all lived together! Though I think I'm going to need a month or two break before we try any family fun days!! I love that he's organised all this for me, I guess I really don't have anything to worry about. I'm so relieved that I'm not the only one with a nightmare mil though. I hope everyone else gets some relief from theirs too. Just a few more weeks (hopefully) to be patient and then it all gets easier. And I focus on wedding planning fun !

Thanks everyone xxx

Also big hugs to everyone, especially Katya, your MIL makes mine seem at least civil!

That's horrible! She's an awful person. Good on u and ur H2B for just cutting her out, you don't need that stress around you or your kids! Imagine how much damage she could have done, manhandling u like that, if you were further along, doesn't bare thinking about. U must be an amazingly tolerant person to even go anywhere near her again! xx