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Wedding Forum - Questions about Children (3 years projected...

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  1.  
    • C.C.
      CommentAuthorC.C.
      Getting married in 3 years
      Posted: Nov 5th 2020
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    98% of me wants a childless wedding, the 2% is only because of the sweet photos that persuade me otherwise until I hear a tantrum again and it goes straight back to absolutely not.

    My future step nephew is currently 4 and a fussy one when he doesn't get his way with electronics and repeats your name 20 times until you get him something he wants. His younger sibling is the god son of my Fiancé. Now I know rightfully to be deemed a god parent it means you are special but I cannot have one without the other.
    So I want to ask how well do children from 4 to 7/8 age? I was a sweet kid at 4 and 5 and only got hyper around 7 but every child is different. I wish to know if anyone has relatives they watched grow up and can draw parallels to better help me decide in the matter. For if this behavior continues I am ready to say no kids at all.

    (Some information that can help you give me better guidance)
    The time of wedding is a 3 and a half year projection and my decision will be more definitive in 2022.
    Giving the children from both sides of the family time to learn to behave properly.
    And,
    Although I rather avoid starting a riot in a religious tight knit family
    I do care more for the night to be enjoyed by the many, rather than the feelings of few. Especially if they are not financially helping toward the evening in any way and it comes from me.
    Regardless of how close they are, I judge a persons behavior even a child's as whether they get the reward or not of attending.
    The price of the day in both finance and meaning is too precious to spare possible damage from keeping people to avoid banter.

    Please tell me your experiences of children between these ages!
    Thank you ladies!
  2.  
    • VerityC21
      CommentAuthorVerityC21
      Getting married in 10 months
      Posted: Nov 5th 2020
      Is poweruserBadgeBadge
     
    My experience of children of these ages (as a teacher and an aunt!)... is that it all depends on parenting and adult influences!

    My nieces will be my bridesmaids at my wedding next year. They will be 7, 6 and 3 (very nearly 4). It is the 7 year old who worries me the most, as she is more bratty. The other two are sisters and will be just fine, but that's as a result of their parenting versus the 7 year olds.

    If you have time to spend with the 4 year old, you have time to try and influence his behaviour - especially if you're able to look after him without his parents around. One of my nieces can be a little madam when she's with her mum, but with me she's as sweet as anything because it's a different relationship.
  3.  
    • C.C.
      CommentAuthorC.C.
      Getting married in 3 years
      Posted: Nov 6th 2020
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    The issue with that is sometimes he is great and then when he isn't he screams like a siren.
    As for parenting his mom is a bit overprotective of the favoritism and parenting thing, etc. So I am never left alone with him really except on 2 occasions, and he does like me and asked me to be a part of the family forever. But how he is with me on a good day vs. him having a bad is like night and day. So nothing can influence change and his mom doesn't mediate well.

    I think if he spent more time with me 3 years can help. But timewise I don't have time to save up my budget and coach a child in a maybe/ maybe not situation.

    I don't know what to do, husband is 50/50 a bit too now that we are seriously considering the long term issues since we do family dinners together often, but the closeness isn't there, and I only feel greatly for my fiancés mother and his youngest sibling.
    I just don't want my money to be rebudgeted for babysitting, kids menu, and entertainment, but even if it wasn't mine I would want a child free evening for the parents as well as us.

    I am glad you have some well behaved children, we do have in the family, but they aren't close to me and it would be rude to ask them instead of our immediate family.
  4.  
    • VerityC21
      CommentAuthorVerityC21
      Getting married in 10 months
      Posted: Nov 6th 2020
      Is poweruserBadgeBadge
     
    Haha, I think well-behaved children are few and far between! Even though my nieces are generally well-behaved, there is a part of me that slightly dreads having them at the reception. But I'm a scary enough teacher that I can manage them if needs be :D

    If your wedding was in the next year, I'd say definitely have a child-free wedding. As it's in three years, you don't have to make a decision straight away so if he gets better in the next couple of years you can change your mind. Then again, if you are wanting to go child-free due to budgeting and enjoyment of not worrying about children, then just go child-free!!!
  5.  
    • C.C.
      CommentAuthorC.C.
      Getting married in 3 years
      Posted: Nov 6th 2020
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    I feel it is cute until you realize you have to give up those starters or a main to re-budget for fries and sitter.
    I'm not keen on it unless we have extra or the parents agree that they go home after ceremony and photos, since the cake and sweets will be displayed during dinner, I want the childfree to keep them from ruining the display or knocking it over.

    What is weird is I used to want kids alot! But my moms side is Chinese so we are all traumatized to behave, and my best friend growing up Columbian so that was true for her. But it is less and less true for kids across the board now because as Sindhu Vee (a hilarious Asian Comedian said) what she thinks is healthy robust upbringing is frowned upon and illegal. All jokes aside some kids never calm until the mom becomes a storm, and I feel like that comes with little to no reprimanding where necessary so they get away with most things.

    There are kids in the family that are really cute and shy, but then they would hide day of or be like my cousin (mad the day wasn't about her and how she couldn't stand in the middle of the stage - between bride and groom) it was funny tbh.

    So much to consider really. Side note - how is planning going for you?
 
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