ok so here goes...

i'm not getting married till next july 2012 but the one person i wanted there cannot be there now :(
i told my H2B that i wanted to get married this year as there was some suggestion that my grandad would not last the yr out! this was only because we thought he had slight dementia. Well this has now come true :( :( He died on sunday 17th may from a blood clot in his back. i'm so overcome with grief i just can't come to terms with the fact he's not going to be at my wedding or see me have kids of my own :( i'm soo tempted to call the whole thing off, not only cause of my grandad but h2b refuses to give up drinking so much feels like i'm ust stuck in a circle and don't know what to do! i've tried being nice i've also tried giving him an ultimantum but that doesn't seem to work either!! so if any of u has had alchocol related problems any advice would be brilliant :D
we've been together just over 3 years now but i'm really not getting why he's marryin me at all??! maybe he thinks he's to old to find someone else an i'll do I JUST DON'T KNOW. he tells me he loves me an all that that goes with it but i just don't believe him. In my eyes i see it as i'm a spare part basically i do everything for him cook/clean wash his clothes, take care of his son (from a previous relationship) i've been feeling like this for some time an have tried talking to him but all i get told is i'm being silly :( :( most of my life all i've wanted is to get married an have a family so am i just sticking with this because its what i've wanted or is it what i really want?? even tho i'm only 26 i feel time is running out for me.... i don't want to be the wrong side of 30 when i have kids i'm soooo ready for them now and he couldn't care less if we had 1 or not.

not sure what else to say so rant over

For help dealing with his problems with alcohol, I would suggest you contact Al-anon or similar organisation for friends/family of a person with alcohol issues. The have some good (but tough) advice, and a good support network generally.

Firstly I'm really sorry for your loss, and my thoughts are with you. xx

Secondly you sound like you are in a really tough posistion with your partner, I would take some time out to think after the shock of your Grandad has calmed down a bit. I would avoid making any decisions until you've grieved a bit.

I too have been in a relationship with an alcoholic and can identify with how frustrating it is and am here to offer any support as and when you need it.

Take care xxx

i dont really have much else to add but i didnt want to read and run xx big hugs hun xx sorry for your loss and i hope you get things sorted out for you xx

Im really really sorry for your loss hon. I can understand you feel devastated. Key is to take one step at a time. Dont make any decisions just yet, you are grieving. Be kind to yourself huni.

As for the alcohol problems, I have tried Al-Anon and it really helped having someone to talk to. If you ever need someone to talk to then Im here. Iv been there and I know how you feel. Its not the end of the world, I found that setting clear boundries help keep our relationship together. We did break up for 8months because I just had enough. He got help and we started building our relationship up again. We are stronger than ever and he knows if he gets drunk he sleeps on the curb he knows better than to come home drunk. Its got to a point now where he goes out once every 2 months or so because its too much trouble for him...

If u need a chat message me

Hugs xxx

Just to follow on from Suzie...

I always thought I would be married at 25; and if I had said yes to my ex (at least one of the four times he asked...) I would have been... AND I WOULD HAVE REGRETTED IT!

Think about what you want - does that include A husband and a family or THIS husband and his family?

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of someone that you clearly loved so dearly. I've bene feeling very sad latesly about hte loss of my 'Uncle Dad'. He was my Godfather and the most father-like figure I had in my life. He was the one that was supposed to walk me down the aisle.
Anyway...My dad was an alcoholic. It was hell to live with, both for me and for my mum. He never admitted he had a problem and never got help and in the end it killed him. There were reasons for his turing to drink, but this doesn't excuse his behaviour at all, but it does make it a bit more understandable from my point of view.
As someone else said, unless he's willing to accept he has a problem, then he can't move forward, and therefore you can't, as a cuple or partnership. I've never spoken to AA, but I believe that they give some great support and advice and go along the lines of tough love. Remember that your H2B may not like it at the time, but when he comes through it, he will.
If he doesn't change his way, you really need to think long and hard if not only you want to be with him but if you want to subject your future children to this environment. Trust me, they'll carry it for life.
You've got a lot to think about and I wish you well with your decisions. Hx

sorry for your loss hun, i hope everything works out for you. I cant really add to what the other ladies have said x

regarding your grandad i really know how you feel, my grandma died last year and my grandad has bellspolsy (form of stroke) has already had 3 heart sttacks too. so im really sorry.

as for your partner, my mum has had 3 kids by different guys, my dad died my brothers dad is who i will speak about in a second, my sisters dad is her current hubby and is a paranoid phycotic, scitsorphrenic with violent tendancies, and tri personality. in otherwords a big teddy bear until you hurt his family.

anyway, my bros dad he only knew how to get home by the pub manager placing him with one foot on the road one on the path. the moment he fell off he knew he was home as we lived at the other end of the road to the pub.

he racked up a credit card of £20,000 without my mums knowledge, all on beer! when i was growong up he broke my mums foot in 7 places 7 times. he even shoved his fist threw the kitchen door and missed my nose by an inch if he had hit me i would died. i was only about 6 at the time.

as im sure you can see iv been on the receiving end of alcohol problems. i think you need a serious think as to if you even want kids with this man. i know not all men are like my bros dad thank god but you still have to be really sure before you make any rash decisions.

well he now knows that if he doesn't change his ways the wedding is off! i told him i don't wanna live like this no more. he's a big softy unless hes had a drink and we get into his drinking problems, as soon as i say something he don't like he goes off on one! starts shouting but he has realised that when he starts shouting or talking to me like i child i will simple ignore him cause i don't even raise my voice when i get annoyed at him. he is still drinking everyday tho.

reguarding children, he has a son from a previous relationship and was drinking heavily at the point when he was a baby but he's always paid his child maintiance so i don't think i'll have to worry about that more about the fact of him not being able to buy beer when/if we have one.

i'm in two minds still tho, on one hand it really angers me that he won't get help cause he seems to not care how it makes me or even his family feel, but then he does something really romantic that makes me think do i really want to change him??!! hope thats understandable :D

i'm just at a cross roads and don't know which path to take......

he has been violant in the past, he didn't hit me he pushed me and not hard but i just gave him a big whack and said i don't take that crap, do it again an i'm gone an hes never done it since.

even our neighbour who we see nearly everyday didn't know how bad he was until saturday when they had a bbq and he got completly smashed an i was talking to them about it an matt looked very upset almost like he didn't realise thats the effect it has on me! He knows all to well as the past few yrs its the only thing we really argue about.