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  1.  
    • Izzy_w
      CommentAuthorIzzy_w
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi ladies,

    Need advice. Has anyone else been able to share their flowers with another couple? I received a call over the weekend from a couple who had just booked their wedding the day after ours. They asked if we'd be happy to share the flowers. I know that when we booked the church that we may have had to share flowers if there was another couple getting married on the same day. Now we chose a date (over a year ago) that we knew no one was getting married so we'd be unrestricted on colours and themes etc. I know I cant control if the church takes another booking, but I am now getting dictated to a little by the other couple. My florist has emailed me in a panic saying that the lady who looks after the flowers for the church has told her that as she is doing the flowers for the other couple, I can only have 1 arrangement in my colours and that also she will be setting up their flowers on the morning of my wedding. My florist knows the church ladies and they only do white flowers and green foliage, completely not what I want. The church is massive and I am having a country theme and envisaged lovely pastel pew ends and arrangements. I love flowers and wanted them to play a big part in my decorations for the day. The church lady is known to be a bit of a cow, but is it fair of the couple who just booked with 2 months to go, to impose their wedding on mine which has been booked for years. They are also only having a small wedding whereas I have 120 attending mine. I think I am just having a bit of a strop, but really is there anything I can do about this?

    x x
  2.  
    • Officially Mrs M
      CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
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    you can do your flowers if you want and just tell the lady who wants to share that you are having pastel colours and if she wants to use them then she can but they will be your colours and your theme.

    You are leaving it up to them then

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  3.  
    • Izzy_w
      CommentAuthorIzzy_w
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    The problem is that the church lady is telling me I can only have 1 pedestal in my colours and that the other weddings flowers will be there when I get married...... Im not quite sure why this other couple get any precedence over me other than the fact that they are using the church florists and I am just using one from their approved florists list......
  4.  
    • Katya
      CommentAuthorKatya
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    personally i would state "tough i have already paid for my flowers, i was not told within a reasonable time frame ie before i paid, therefore if they want to share MY flowers, they are more than welcome to however they have ALREADY been paid for & I am in a legally binding contract & cannot breach it"

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  5.  
    • December
      CommentAuthorDecember
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Can't you just get your flowers collected after your ceremony, then they can put their flowers in after your wedding is done? Were you intending for the church to do any of your flowers, or was it only the florist?

    I think I'd speak to whoever phoned you to ask about sharing and politely explain that you have paid for and orgainsed your flowers and it's now too late to change them. But offer to have your flowers removed following your ceremony and then the other couple can sort their own flowers as they wish, keeping the two weddings separate.

    You could ask a BM, usher or friend to pop into the church after the ceremony and take the pew ends down, pop them in a car or something, then you'll also get the benefit of having the flowers at home, or to give to people :)
  6.  
    • Katya
      CommentAuthorKatya
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    also, if they are not paying towards the use of your flowers then tough t!tt!es to them!

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  7.  
    • CommentAuthorMattsBride
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    I don't see why another couple should get to dictate to you on your big day!! I know I'll be a right bridezilla for my wedding!
  8.  
    • Izzy_w
      CommentAuthorIzzy_w
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    The problem is that I havent paid for my flowers. My florist is trying to be supportive but its basically the church telling her that she cant do what we'd agreed. Shes only a small florist who uses the flowers from her family farm and so we had to wait until now to see what flowers she can get. Hence no monies paid. Im just really annoyed that I have been planning all this for a year and another couple come in with 2 months to go and completely overule everything I'd imagined. I have contact details for the other couple. Do you think that it is worth getting in touch with them? x x
  9.  
    • CommentAuthorMattsBride
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    Could you contact them and ask them how they'd feel if someone suddenly imposed on their wedding plans?
  10.  
    • December
      CommentAuthorDecember
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think you could try giving them or the church ladies a call and ask if they would mind delaying putting their flowers in just until after your ceremony. That will still give them the evening and morning before their wedding so plenty of time, plus her flowers will then look lovely and fresh, not having sat around for so long and possibly be knocked by your guests.

    People are reasonable, so I think if you speak to them and explain that its important to you and that you're not trying to stop them doing what they want, just asking them to delay installing their flowers, they should understand. If not, call the vicar! :)
  11.  
    • Becky1608
      CommentAuthorBecky1608
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    I agree with the others that you should speak to the ladies at the church. I don't really understand why they have to put out the other flowers on the day of your wedding. Surely you will have moved on to your reception by mid afternoon so they could do this then? xxx

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  12.  
    • Katya
      CommentAuthorKatya
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    but you still have a contract with you florist, what you had agreed on! so even if they are not paid its still a legally binding contract which you can not breach.

    I agree with the others, request that the flowers for them gets put out later, after your ceremony, & inform the other couple that this is what you have requested. they cant FORCE you into anything if they are AFTER you!

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  13.  
    • Izzy_w
      CommentAuthorIzzy_w
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    My florist is a family friend and has already tried to put the church ladies off. The woman is notorious for not being reasonable and she told her they were doing it when they wanted and not when the florist told them to. Also the fact that she is now saying I am only allowed 1 pedestal of flowers as they need to be able to get rid of them easily. This is really annoying as I was expected to leave 1 pedestal after the wedding and now I know that they are only going to throw it away..... My other problem is that my vicar is retiring and so Im not even sure if he is marrying us! I am the most organised, stress free person out there, but I defo didnt see this coming!
  14.  
    • LittleMissWorry
      CommentAuthorLittleMissWorry
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    My guess would be that the church ladies put the flowers in the church on a weekly basis, and do it on a voluntary basis (ie don't get paid). If so, it really has to her/their choice when they put the flowers up as they can't really arrange their life around a bride's flower wishes every week.
    If you were the only one getting married that weekend, then it may have been a mutually beneficial arrangement, you get the flowers you want, and they don't have to put them up as you have your own florist. They may have wanted you to leave an arrangement so the church didn't look bare after the wedding.
    Now there's two weddings on the weekend, the other of which wants church flowers. The church flower ladies now have to do their weekly flower job that week and obviously want to do it when they usually do it. They'll be white with green foiliage as this is neutral and suitable for all weddings. They'll now be throwing out your arrangement as there'll be other flowers in the church.

    I would suggest visiting the church on a Saturday (or whatever day of the week your wedding will be on) and seeing where/how many flowers there are. Then try to adapt what you want around this. If the reason that you're now only allowed one pedestal arrangement is to make it easy/quick for the church flower lady after your wedding (they wouldn't normally have to take flowers down on a Saturday, so this is extra work for them), then let them know that a member of your wedding party will be removing the arrangements for them, and therefore could you have more than one.

    Sorry if this sounds a bit blunt, but I really think you have to fit in with the church on this one. A lot of people who do stuff for their church do it in their own time, and out of kindness. They're already adjusting their usual arrnagements to suit you. The offer to still let you have one arrangement was a compromise for them. If you're going to discuss it with the church, then I would approach it in a way that makes it obvious you appreciate the effort they put in, and that you're aware that your wedding is just one small part of their week. Ask what you could do to make it easier for them.
  15.  
    • almost a year wife!!
      CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
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    if its as bad as you say i would speak to the vicar anyway hon and just explain that youve had this wedding booked for at least a year and you feel extremely upset at the way this church lady is treating you.... not very christian!

    really i think for someone to book a wedding on the same day, same place as someone else, when they know theres already another wedding is a very unfair thing to do and i REALLY wouldnt be happy!

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  16.  
    • LittleMissWorry
      CommentAuthorLittleMissWorry
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    The other couple is the day after, not the same day. Even if it was the same day, so long as there was a gap between them so there'd be no overlap of guests arriving/leaving then I don't see why it would be a problem.
  17.  
    • almost a year wife!!
      CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
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      edited
     
    o right i mis-read....that changes everything then...

    izzy just say no and take all your arrangements with you to your reception and use them as extra decoration...

    why would they put them out they day before thats just a bit odd...

    littlemissworry - you pay A LOT of money for churches and really they should fall in with you, yes they do it in their own time but im sure they were once brides and wanted their day a certain way

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  18.  
    • LauraM9144
      CommentAuthorLauraM9144
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    i am with the majority here! its not acceptable the church was hapy with arrangements before this new couple came along if anyone should compromise it should be them. The church ladies did not complain when you were doing the flowers so they didnt have to. It is very kind (and more than i would have done) to offer the couple the use of your flowers especially how expensive they are! and would have been a simple solution so i dont know why they dont jump at it. And yes church peple are normally volunteers BUT i bet they have not voluntered the church for free!! therefore you are paying to have it how you want it!! i think they are being totally unreasonable and i would be letting them know that.
    Maybe try speaking to the other couple maybe she will be a little more understanding as im sure she would be heartbroken if all her plans were coming undone . Also talk to anyone else at the church who has a bit of authority just becasue this lady is a volunteer does not mean she can behave badly or unreasonably you are supporting your church something the church needs especially at the moment and people like her are part of the reason they are unsupported!!

    i sincerely hope you get this sorted and quick!

    One BIG day will lead to lots of little happy days !!


  19.  
    • almost a year wife!!
      CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
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    as well, no one forced these women to volunteer as they 'apparently' do it for the love of...

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  20.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
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    she'd be getting it in the neck. who is she to tell you what you can and cant have.

    Find someone above this pompous jumped up old cow and have a word - or if youre not the confrontational kind, get someone to go with you, there is no way I would stand for that, especially as you have had yours booked for longer, and it was all fine and dandy until someone for the following day came along. it shouldn't make a blind bit of difference

    tell them to get stuffed.

    and remind them jhust how UN-Christian they are being

    idiots

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  21.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
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    Also, I wouldn't just let someone use my flowers for nothing. which is probably also seen as unchristian - but im not Christian and its a lot of money. why should they get ANY say on anything if they are expecting this for free?!

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  22.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
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    Find out what time the church people are putting their flowers in, then get your florist to go in later, take them all away and put yours out (hide the others out of sight) and then ask someone to swap them back for you again after the ceremony has finished, then you get your flowers, and the other couple get theirs xxx

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  23.  
    • sarah
      CommentAuthorsarah
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  24.  
    • December
      CommentAuthorDecember
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    LittleMissWorry I agree with you about the church, I understand that people are cross about the way they have changed the arrangements and we all feel that our day should be our way, but I think you need to be careful how you go about this. Storming in and making demands will get you no where at all. Especially with church ladies who are very involved in the normal running of the church, its more likely to make them dig their heels in.

    Could you let them put their white flowers in, then ask your florist to add pastel colours to them, which could be removed after your ceremony? This would mean you get even more flowers, which would look stunning :)
  25.  
    • LittleMissWorry
      CommentAuthorLittleMissWorry
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    That's a good idea December. I think a mix of pastel flowers and white would be lovely :)

    People may not like it, but churches are 'run' a different way to hotels, and getting annoyed with them isn't going to change that. They're not deliberately trying to be awkward, and of course they want you to have a lovely day, but there's a limit on how much they can accomodate your wishes while ensuring the smooth running of the church for the rest of the week and everything else that's happening.

    I suspect you'll get the same response from the vicar as you've got from the flower lady.

    I'm not saying all this to upset you, just saying it how it is. I really do hope you manage to come to a compromise that both you and the church are happy with.
  26.  
    • MrsThomson2B
      CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
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    Tell them to get stuffed. Your weddign was booked first and if your florist is settingup then why would they need to set up the flowers for the couple the day after you on the morning of your wedding? They would be quite easliy able to come in after your ceremony. They may like white flowers with green foliage but remind them that God made the flowers and so they house of the lord should enjoy whatever flowers you supply being in there. If the bride the following day doesnt like them suggest you will have your flowers removed post ceremonyt and she can pay for her own !!!!!
  27.  
    • Mrs B
      CommentAuthorMrs B
     
    I agree with December and little miss worry. Digging your heels in gets you nowhere, it's the compromise you make for getting married in a church. Same situation here as the next day bride wants pink whilst my colour is gold. If we both make too much of a fuss , none of us will get any Flowers and given weddings are one of the many things a church does in a week you are really just another activity in the diary. The church is private property , so if we want a church wedding we abide by the rules. most important thing is the marriage and not the flowers, dress etc.
  28.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
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    reading this jut makes me all the happier I didn't go go for a church wedding, they don't really do themselves any favours being as unaccommodating as these people are being. Volunteers or not, makes no odds to you or your wedding and especially do to the fact that you have your own florist. I personally wouldn't take it lying down or try to compromise. I see no reason why they can't wait. they knew fine well your wedding was booked and what time, it wouldn't have hurt to have done it after the wedding, or if that wasn't possible, then she gets her own florist in. I don't see why you, who have had your wedding booked for as long as you have should be the one to compromise when the other wedding party aren't.

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  29.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
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    Get one of your ushers to move the pedestal for the other wedding out of the way, and then return it after the photos. You could potentially also provide a second pedestal yourself.

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  30.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
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    I don't think this is very nice or acceptable and definatly not 'christian', I would be mega mad and if the church lady is being really unreasonable i would talk to the minister about how upset you are that this wedding thats was booked a couple of months ago is being put before yours which was booked a year ago. I understand these church ladies are volentiers and unpaid but you are PAYING for your wedding and if your using your own florist are they setting up your flowers? coz then they have nothing to moan about if you get someone to remove them wether is be bms and ushers and then the church ladie can set up for the other bride, personaly i would not want my wedding flowers there the whole say before the day of my wedding i would want them as fresh as possible not wilting or dropping at all. If they still are being unreasonable and you can afford to maybe mention to minister that if he can help you could could make a further donation to the church.

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  31.  
    • December
      CommentAuthorDecember
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Being Christian doesn't mean always doing exactly what someone else wants just because they say so.
  32.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
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    yeah but neither is treading all over someones dreams and being difficult for the sake of it!

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  33.  
    • Mrs B
      CommentAuthorMrs B
     
    Emm... December is reading my mind. The Christian thing is to compromise, my church is averaging 3 weddings a week ( like a lot of London churches ), my pulling out / my donation makes no difference. The only person getting upset will be you believe me...what will make you happy will be to compromise or get your own florist in and pay 3 times the cost! You can put the other girls flowers in a side aisle or room and get your florists to put it back when your wedding is finished. After all you are not paying for the church only for the ceremony
  34.  
    • Mrs B
      CommentAuthorMrs B
     
    And by the way, I doubt the minister has any real saying on flower logistics in the church
  35.  
    • LauraJo87
      CommentAuthorLauraJo87
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    Surely this can be solved by having a chat with the parties involved? Can you approach the other couple direct and as if they mind not setting up until after your ceromony?

    I personally wouldn't want my flowers to be set up for another couples wedding the day before...maybe they'll feel the same? If you and the other bride can come to some arrangement and approached the flower lady together, I'm sure something can be worked out.

    If not, I'm afraid I don't think there's much you can do - unlike many secular venues, weddings aren't there main purpose and they therefore aren't 'customer driven'....if people choose to get married in a church, there is usually a spiritual or sentimental reason for it which lies uneasily with commerce, therefore they are less compelled to bend over backwards for brides as people are unlikely to pick a church based on recommendation (aside the other restrictions) like they would do for say a hotel or other venue.

    Personally, I'm not sure you should even approach the vicar about it - I doubt he or she is heavily involved, and would rather keep the volunteers happy. Also, from my experience (a close friend is a vicar) he or she will spend a lot of time visiting ill and dying parishioners, helping out with various charities on top of attending to the day to say running of the church - I doubt he will appreciate being bothered about flowers. Just my opinion though.

    I'd be gutted though if I couldn't have the flowers I wanted but I do think keeping calm and trying to reach a compromise would be the best course xx

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  36.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
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    if they are fresh flowers as well - which im assuming they are, they will have wilted the following day.

    Correct me if im wrong, but Ive read it as OP as having her own florist - which is why I cant understand why she's being made to compromise when the other couple seemingly aren't.

    IF I have read this wrong, then I guess, I would be a little less rigid on my views as a compromise then would HAVE to be reached - but I still don't think OP should have to compromise in favour of another couple swooping in for the next day

    I would see it simply as first come, first served, if she came in later and expected this that the other then it would be a different story, but as far as it looks from my POV, she has her own florist, they can be set up and moved by HER florist. HOW should a wedding the next day affect this at all? I know if I was the other couple in question, I wouldn't want my flowers all laying out the afternoon before, id want them as fresh as possible

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  37.  
    • December
      CommentAuthorDecember
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    It says the lady that looks after the flowers in the church is doing the second wedding. Its pretty normal for them to do it a day or so before the actual wedding, rather than come in very early on the morning of the ceremony. Churches are usually really cool inside due to the thick stone walls, so the flowers stay looking quite fresh. But they could easily get knocked by the guests at the first wedding.

    I really think you should take advantage of the white flowers by just adding yours to it. They will look stunning, more flowers will be beautiful.
  38.  
    • MrsWade2B
      CommentAuthorMrsWade2B
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    My church is very very quiet...I think we are the only wedding booked in there that day. and the vicar has basically said we can have anything we like - as long as it isnt heavy metal or something similar. We have offered to donate all our flowers to the church that week which saves the flower ladies a job and also ensures we can have exactly the flowers we want. Could you perhaps offer to donate your flowers and see if the other bride would be happy to leave them there for her ceremony...i know its not a brilliant solution because then the other bride is using your flowers....but you wont be there for that and so as long as you have the flowers you want it may not be a big problem what happens to them after that?? x
  39.  
    • higginszajac
      CommentAuthorhigginszajac
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    We are doing wicker hearts with white, blue and yellow flowers for our pew ends, we are donating money to the flower ladies for the flowers and they are going to try and do our colours for us which will then be left in the church, pew ends are coming with us, can you and the other bride to be not go for flowers that will blend together, if the church ladies are doing them sit down with them and ask if they can do the colours you both come up with, you could then half the cost with the other bride xx




 

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