First off I just want to say this is not me being nasty but I just want some advice.
My maid of honour and I have had a fair few arguements in the past about: 1.) she wanted a long dress, whereas I wanted her and my 2 bms in knee length floaty dresses. She wanted waistband under her chest, I wanted it on their waist (to fit dress design) 2.) she didnt want to sit on top table - wants to sit next to her bf 3.) wanted to use her own hairdresser not the one ive picked 4.) didnt know if she wanted to stay the night before in a room with me or her bf.
Well this all got resolved. She agreed with me and everything was fine.
Then last week she drops the bombshell that shes 12weeks pregnant so will be about 7 - 7 1/2 months pregnant at time of wedding. Now I am unbelievably happy for her as shes been my best mate since primary school.
But......
Now shes started saying "well since im pregnant can i have a long dress as my ankles will get fat" "since im pregnant I dont want to sit on top table as people will stare" "since im pregnant i shouldnt really stay in the room with you the night before as i may be having restless nights" "since im pregnant can i move my waistband to below my chest"
Im more than happy to move the waistband to accommodate her bump.... but the rest.... i really dont want to agree too and im struggling with this as i dont want her to be unhappy and uncomfortable at the wedding but its just weird how its the same things that she asked for a while back that she is asking for now "as she is pregnant"
I just feel like this pregnancy is kinda trumping what i want for my wedding - and in no way am I being selfish on purpose just i have a vision for what i want the bridesmaids to look like and i wanted a floaty girly look not a long dress thats not gonna be floaty. I kinda wanted to be the only one in a long dress so I look special :P
HELP ME!!!!!!! xx
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorMarrying.Ryan
Yikes! That is quite a situation to be in! I know a few girls who turn into pregnantzilla. I think you may need to compromise a litte, as hard as it may be. She will probably not have swollen ankles until later on in her pregnancy, so I don't think she will need to wear a long dress for that reason, but when I was pregnant and I would wear a long top/knee-length dress, i felt like I was creating a tent and needed to wear leggins or tights underneath, to feel comfortable. So I may slightly agree with her on the dress one, but I know, that this is a big thing too compromise on. But not sitting at the top table because she is pregnant? Really??? I would not compromise on that. And not sleeping in your room the night before? I don't think it makes a difference where she is uncomfortable. You will be awake all night anyway, with nerves, so you can pull an all nighter together (jk). If she was going to be 9 months gone and ready to pop, I might understand her issues a little, but she will only be 7 months. AND... You will look special! You will be the one in the wedding dress :)
CommentAuthorprincesspixie
how does she know she'll get fat ankles i didn't when i was pregnant, no one will be staring at her for being on top table I'm sure they'd be staring at you after all you are the bride i agree with the waist band, bumps really can get in the way but the rest of it is all crap, you can't predict a pregnancy so she can't say she will have fat ankles or restless nights, i would possibly try to explain to her you will do everything you can to make her feel comfortable but that doesnt mean changing your whole plans xx
Officially married my best friend 2/5/2015 (secretly)
Big wedding 18/06/2016
CommentAuthorMrsMaherToBe
I'm with the others the only real problem is the waistband. I had fat ankles at 9months but at 7 she won't look that bad. I would explain your going to compromise with the waist band but the rest won't really affect her. She might find heels ect a nightmare but top table and overnight stay and short dress should be okay for someone pregnant xx
2009 met my boy.
2011 had our baby girl.
2013 had our baby boy.
2016 we'll live happily ever after.
CommentAuthorShowgirl
Not a Mum so probably speaking out of turn here but from what I understand the waistband might look a bit better and feel more comfortable above the bump. She may get fat ankles but no one is going to notice because once everyone has taken in how beautiful she looks in her BM dress that matches the others in length (as Marry.Ryan says she can always wear some shorts or something underneath), they will then notice the bump and no one will look at the ankles. The top table is absolute crap in my opinion since a) she'll be sitting down so no one is going to see the bump and b) you and your new husband will be the focus of attention, no matter what. Personally I would consider compromising on the night before but that's assuming you'd have your other BMs with you as well who would be nothing but supportive - From what you've said I get the impression that she's the kind of person who would be moaning about how much she'd rather be spending the night with him and then spend half the night on the phone to him instead of trying to keep you from exploding with nerves. I promise you will look special on your big day.
Yeah im not a mum either so i didnt want to be unfair on her, as i dont know what happens to bodies etc as i aint been through it.
There is stairs at our venue (2 flights to be exact) so Id said if she doesnt feel comfortable walking down them then she can just walk from the bottom of the stairs to where im getting married.
Its the dress i think that bugging me the most. I dont mind it being a bit longer like between ankle and knee but i just dont want a bridesmaid in floor length.
The night before wise my other bridesmaid claire is willing to stay in the room with me so that isnt an issue as such, but its just weird how all the things she wanted prior to this is now her demands due to bump!
Heels wise they are only going to be in kitten heels anyways as im short and they all agreed not to wear high heels so they dont tower above me haha!
I seriously dont mind about the waistband the other bridesmaids (bles them) have said if i wanted all 3 dresses the same then they are willing to have their waistband moved too. But that doesnt bother me, its more the length. Its a may wedding. The dress is going to be fitted to her exactly (she is having final alterations two weeks before wedding) so she will be comfortable in it as its tailor made to her - rather than purchasing one at a shop.
I think to be honest if i dont let her have long length she may step down as maid of honour. Thats my inkling anyways x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Oh dear, I remember your previous post about her :-s Sorry she's giving you more problems.
OK, my thoughts are:
1) Dress length: nonsense. IF her ankles are at (there's no guarantee they will be) so what? She's just trying to use her pregnancy as a way of getting her own way with that one. Tell her that unfortunately you won't be changing the length and still want her in a knee-length dress.
2) The night before: I'd be tempted to give her that one. She will probably be uncomfortable and restless, so I'd let her sleep elsewhere if only so I got a good night's sleep. But, I can't quite remember what the situation is; will they be staying at the venue? Is it going to cause issues? If it will be difficult, then you could always suggest a twin room.
3) Top table: stick to your guns. I you want her at the top table, and that was what was decided, stick with it. She's pregnant, not disabled. She can sit apart from her boyfriend for the duration of a meal.
4) Waist-band: move it as you said.
Now honestly, I would hope she steps down; she seems to be causing a lot of stress and problems and is not being supportive or fulfilling her duties as MOH. If she doesn't offer to step down, and continues to cause issues, maybe you could gently suggest it; say that you're worried it will be too much or her, what with her being heavily pregnant, and that you want her to enjoy the day and the last couple of months of her pregnancy without any added stresses, yada yada yada, and hope that she agrees.
HTH and good luck!
CommentAuthorMarrying.Ryan
And how would you feel about her stepping down? That would be a little childish of her to not want to be your MoH anymore, if you don't let her wear the dress, she wants. I can see why it is important for you, but she would be overreacting, if she steps down. And I think, it will be a decision she will regret on the day.
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Id be disappointed if she felt because of a dress length that she cudnt be my moh. Shes been my best friend since we were like 3 or something hence why shes my moh. Its not as if the dress is tight fitting - which then I would understand it being a problem. But I certainly would never dream of dictating the length of a dress to her if i was her bm! Unless it was like miniscule length lol which it isnt its just below the knee.
I reckon shed be more uncomfortable in a full length dress being pregnant due to being too hot, but thats just what im thinking x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorCatherineR
Tbh, waistline yes and the rest no! Sounds like she's using it as an excuse honey :( I worked out on the calendar from what you said and she will only be 28 weeks if she's 12 weeks now and at that point, it's just a nice rounded bump not some massive melon under her dress! Ultimately she needs to realize that it's YOUR wedding and not you compromising to her! Does she not realize that loads of women have this problem? I'd do anything for my friend if she was getting married, regardless of whether I was pregnant :) xx
Married my wife on 15.08.15
Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Yes waistband needs to be moved no questions about it, as for everything else its up to you, but do you want her there the night before an on the top table if all shes gona do is moan an bring you down? Is it worth the hassel?
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
going to say she will only be 28 weeks hun and she should be able to cope in a knee length dress, she will have a bump yes but not to the point where she is waddling. I would seriously put your foot down hun and tell her the fact that she is pregnant changes nothing apart from the waistband!
Seriously hun she has been a pain in the bum about this from the start and if your not firm with her she will keep moaning, she is meant to help you not hinder.
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorSusie
I agree with the ladies above! Waistband, yes. Everything else...nope. She sounds very demanding!
CommentAuthorShelleyM46
i remember your last post as well i agree with every one else waistband yes the rest no iv got 2 kids shes using the rest as an excuse to get what she wants dont give in hun its your day x
cant wait to marry the love of my life
my soul mate and my best friend
CommentAuthorkatielea100
ive had 2 kids and i have to be honest i would not be happy wearing a short dress id want floor length! normally i love short dresses ect but when your pregnant the shorter dresses are even shorter at the front and dresses blow up easier too x
CommentAuthorkatielea100
oh AND the whole she'll only have a small bump is crap, my friend carried massive and looked like she was having triplets at 30 weeks!! so you can never say it will be a small bump she might go massive x
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
If she's moh could she potentially be a little bit different from the others? Maybe the same style of dress but long enough to rest on the top of her feet, so not quite floor length. It does sound like she might be using the pregnancy to get her own way, but at the same time she may have genuine concerns. Has she had a baby before, does she know how her body reacts? I don't think there's any reason for her not to be on top table though, we will have three people on top table sat away from their partners.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
If she's not happy about it aka her to step down! Not your fault she's pregnant! I can't stan women who make excuses "o I can't do that, because I'm pregnant" type... Not an illness!
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
The whole idea of the dress was to be floaty and im not talking like mini dress short, i was on about like between ankle and knee length so its still got the flow to it. if it touches the floor it wouldnt flow.
I dont know what size she is gonna be at all. It just bothers me how she expects to be massive and have fat ankles - wen how does she know??
my mum just told me today that her mum has advised her not to stand for too long at the wedding due to being pregnant and if the photos are too much for her to respectively ask to sit down :-o so im fighting a loosing battle to be honest.
and i agree with u missweedles its not an illness and yes ill make every attempt to make her feel comfortable on the day but the length of the dress is just something i dont want to compromise on. i mean what if its roasting hot on the day? surely she'd be more comfortable in a shorter dress so its airy for her.
x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorShowgirl
Two of my friends are curently pregnant, both around 5 months. One has a definite pregnancy bump (but not huge yet) and the other is still kninnier than me - there's just no bump there at all and a lot of people are starting to wonder if its a phantom pregnancy but the scans seem to show baby is progressing nicely. Your MOH could be any size by the wedding, its impossible to tell. The having to sit down thing I thought was more of an issue when the pregnancy was further along (the last few weeks) but lets assume she's huge with swollen ankles and in fact lets say its twins in there so its really uncomfortable for her at 7 months to be able to stand for long periods, then I understand her wanting to sit if you're asking her to stand throughout the ceremony and then straight on to photos but assuming she's able to sit for a few minutes at some point between getting ready and the wedding breakfast then there's no reason she can't stand for the pics. You can always ask one of the ushers to grab a chair before you head outside so she can sit down for a few secs as the photographer is preparing each shot, then have her stand whilst the pic is actually taken - there's no arguing that you haven't done your best to accomodate her wishes then. Yes she's going to make excuses now but I honestly think that come the wedding day she'll get caught up in it being your moment and won't make a fuss.
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Each pregnancy is different, Me and my friend were pregnant at same time but I was about 15 weeks ahead, but when she was 20 weeks she was huge, while me when I was in labour, I swear I did not look pregnant at all, just a bit fat.
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorclairenina
Oh Nicola, I feel so sorry for you. This is supposed to be a happy time, and I think your friend has been extremely selfish and demanding. If I were her, I'd have the grace to step down (not just because of pregnancy, but more that she can't accept that it's you who makes the decisions), and ask you (if you didn't mind) to pick someone else.
CommentAuthorkatielea100
she definately needs to sit down duringthe ceremony! every pregnancy is different and if youve nevere beeen pregnant yourself then dont even begin to 'think' what you think pregnancy is like, i was 5 months with my son and i was in agony every single day with my back and couldnt stand forlonger than 10 mins!
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Pregnancy is not an illness!
Other than the waistband which could be constricting so yes move that if it's tight... Everything else she should still be accommodating you for x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
katielea100 no one is questioning sitting for the ceremony! like everyone has said EVERY pregnancy is different but if she feels she cant do anything but be like "o my im pregnant and cant do anything and lets make it all about me" she should step down!!! i cant deal with raging mum hormones! the one day nicola its about YOU do what YOU want and if that mean asking her to step down then do it!
