I have people who i am inviting to the wedding just because I have to because they are family. Some that are in their late teens/early twenties have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I am not close with these family members to begin with, I have not met their current partners and to be honest I don't want to invite them and pay a lot of money for people who would more than likely only be coming for a free meal. But do you have to invite? Would you? I have added plus ones for the ones that i do want to be there and wouldn't mind if they brought somebody.
Also having trouble with my brothers girlfriend. Me and my partner really don't like her, detests her to be honest, and my family members that have met her don't like her. She was rude at Christmas last year causing my partner to say that he doesn't want to have Christmas with my family because she is going, she was rude at my sons christening earlier in the year too. My partner has said he doesn't want her invited and I would rather she wasn't but don't know what to do. My brother most probably wouldn't come if she wasn't invited. I don't want to upset my parents.
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Just give evening invites. They don't tend to cost anything then because the likelyhood is there is ample evening buffet food to go around anyway.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorsALLY
i havent done plus ones for anyone if i dont know and like there partner (im being really strict) even the evening im only paying for 80 bacon butties when they are gone they are gone.
i personally wouldnt invite her if you cant stand her and shes being horid but if you dont want to upet the family invite her just sit her far away from you.
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I didn't give plus ones to anyone if we hadn't met them. We only gave plus ones to friends and family that were married, and a rare few that were living together in long term relationships ... Most that were in long term relationships family wise like cousins didn't get plus ones as we knew they'd know a lot of ppl at the wedding anyway,and as we didn't do a lot socially with them we wanted more of our friends and their partners there who we actually see mainly on a fortnightly to monthly basis Do what makes you happy and don't be pressured into anything x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
im not giving plus ones, cousin's etc who have long time relationships who I have met a couple times am planning on inviting by name.
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
I wouldnt give plus ones to cousins that werent in long term relationships.
Some of my cousins arent invited all day but they and their partners are invited to evening.
As for your brothers girlfriend I would invite her to keep the piece. Imagine how you would feel if your Oh's Brother got married and you werent invited but OH was. I dont think its very nice tbh and could potentially cause major issues with you and your family.
After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
Our son is 5 years old and our world
Getting married 15.08.15.
Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
CommentAuthorCamilaL
1) About the plus ones. I'm not intending to invite family that we don't have contact with, but I said to h2b that we need to ask his parents about it, because it's their family and I don't want to have problems with them. But everyone has to be realistic, though. We can't afford having 80 people for breakfast, so, if they want to invite family, accept that no plus ones will be given. I never liked the idea of having people that me and my fiance don't know at our wedding, but, if they are their family, I will try to understand and be lovely lol But NO PLUS ONES (except if they are married).
2) About the brothers gf. Talk to him. I don't know how your relationship is with your brother, but you can invite her and ask him to have the eyes on her. Put a condition that, if she do anything unappropriated, you're gonna send her out of the wedding lol I think he would understand (my brother would ;) )
CommentAuthorkjl87
Thanks for your feedback on the plus ones - I would rather invite people we know rather than people who we don't. It might cut some of our numbers down if my cousins don't come but that wouldn't be the worst thing to be honest. And I think they would have been the ones that didn't turn up on the day anyway.
I'm going to have to think of a way to try and convince my partner to let her to be allowed to come to the wedding. My brother has only been with her a year so fingers crossed they might have split up by then (I'm hoping by Christmas but I doubt it :( ) She's just very up her own backside and very snidey. At Christmas that year she was whispering to my brother about my partner using the wrong fork with his prawn cocktail and that way that he laid his cutlery on his plate afterwards. We are a normal family - not friggin downton abbey. Then at the christening we had the reception at my parents house, she didn't speak to anybody and then they both went to his room not long after getting there. They are 19 & 20 so it's not as though they are in a serious relationship.
CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
I am in the same situation when it comes to cousins boyfriends/ girlfriends, I have met one of my cousins partners once and he was very rude and the other cousin I haven't met their partner or ever spoken to them, so I don't think I will invite them. H2B is the same with his half sisters boyfriend who he hasn't met.
I would invite your brothers girlfriend to keep the piece but have a word with him and just ask him to keep an eye on her. You never know they could be together for a long time so if you didn't invite her it would probably always be hanging over your relationship with both of them.
Got together on 14th March 2010
Got engaged on 25th December 2013
Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
We invited plus ones where we knew about them. If someone got into a relationship after invites were sent out we kept an eye on it, and nearer the time if it looked serious we invited them. As for your brother's girlfriend, it is a tricky one. Does your brother know how you family feels about her? Do you have the kind of relationship with him where you can be totally honest and tell him that she's not good for him and she is not popular with your family? It may be that you and your OH have to be prepared to invite her, but put someone in charge of keeping an eye on her and making sure that she doesn't upset anyone. By the sounds of her behaviour before it may be that she won't want to hang around anyway. If they are staying at the reception venue she might just decide to go up to her room.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorSydnieH
I've given plus ones to both my sisters (who at the time were both single) now with just over 4 months to go my youngest sister has a boyfriend, I asked her last night if she is bringing him or her friend who she originally was bringing, she plans on bringing her boyfriend and I personally think that if there is a chance she is going to be with him for a long time id hate to not include him in such a big day. Most other invites aren't +1's, they are couples etc so don't really have too much of a problem
CommentAuthorAmyK
image.jpg
Does this help at all?
We made a rule for plus ones - if they had been together x number of months then we invite them, but if they're a new partner then they don't get invited. Best man asked to bring someone as a plus one (2 weeks before) the wedding - we said no, even though we could've fit them in - as it turned out, they broke up before the wedding.
CommentAuthorAmyK
Oh, and as for your brother - does he really see a future with this girl? Sounds like both she and he need to do some maturing... I suspect this will be one of those relationships he cringes about later in life when she so clearly rubs people up the wrong way and results in him missing out on family events
CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
Love that photo Amy! Going to show that to my H2B next time he says 'I feel like we should invite them but I haven't seen them for years' haha!
Got together on 14th March 2010
Got engaged on 25th December 2013
Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I have to disagree ... Just because they're 19&20 who's to say it's not a serious relationship to them? I think that's treating them like 3yr olds...I definitely think she should be invited as a plus one, she's your brothers girlfriend .... As in direct family. Cousins etc is a bit different
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorFlossie
I would invite your brother's girlfriend, definitely. Your brother is immediate family and so any girlfriend of his should be invited in my opinion, whether you liked her or not. If my brother didn't invite my OH to his own wedding then I would be very, very upset!! Me and my OH were engaged when we were 20 so I also have to disagree with your comment about it not being a serious relationship.
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
I also have to disagree with your comment about the serious relationship too, I have been with my H2B since I was 17. You are right about not inviting other family members partner though if you have not met them.
Got together on 14th March 2010
Got engaged on 25th December 2013
Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
we are not giving plus ones if we don't know them! like why should you pay for people you don't know? like one of my OHs groomsmen has a girlfriend and he's not getting a plus 1 for her, i know its 9 months away but they are always arguing a falling out etc and she says things about my OH like how her bf spends too much time with him and its my oHs fault apparently! so she's not getting one! and weirdly enough i have the same issue with my brothers girlfriend she's such a cretin! nobody likes her and she's rude and demanding etc and i don't want her at the wedding neither does my OH so i have a battle on my hand she my brother has said he's not going if she is invited..grrrr!! but yes don't feel you have to invite plus 1s of people you don't know! as long as the people who are coming alone know other people then it will all be fine and dandy! xx
Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
Getting married 12 september 2015
Marrying my forever best friend :-)
CommentAuthorFlossie
The thing is you can't choose who your siblings date.. or anyone else in your family for that matter. You're not going to get on with everyone and they won't all be your cup of tea, but out of respect for family, I would invite any partner they may have xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
i think it depends what the person has done though flossie, I'm not petty when it comes to people but unfortunately she has done too much to be forgiven and allowed to my wedding its gutting but its just how it has to be xx
Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
Getting married 12 september 2015
Marrying my forever best friend :-)
CommentAuthorFlossie
That's a real shame. It's also your brothers responsibility to look after his family and make sure his girlfriend doesn't step out of line too :( x
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorkjl87
Oh no I didn't mean about the age as being in a serious relationship - I've been with my partner since I was 15 and had our first baby together when I was 20. I was just hoping as they've only been together a year it might not be so serious and hoping it will fizzle out - just wishful thinking to be honest. He acts totally different around her. He's not really close with family anymore since they've moved in together, apart from my mum. I know I'll have to invite her - it's just convincing my partner. I have tried explaining to him that I'm sure there has been times my family haven't wanted to invite him to something but have had to because of me :)
CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
tbh i know in the end its more important for me to have my bro there so will have to eventually just give in a put up with her but it won't be easy!! grrrrr ha xx
Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
Getting married 12 september 2015
Marrying my forever best friend :-)
CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
For the day we are not having plus ones but certain day guests are having plus ones allowed in the evening.
Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
Friends became soul mates :)
Engaged 6th July 2013
<3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Hmm I don't know, I class a year together as being pretty serious tbh, but different if they'd been together two months at the time of the wedding but realistically they could still be together and it'll be a year and a half by the wedding ... Myself and hubby had been together 10 months when we got engaged and those 10 months were definitely serious to us x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorAmyN135
This is an interesting thread because I have a few friends who are single and one of them mentioned a plus one and bringing another friend of hers who I don't know. I dont particularly want anyone there who is a stranger. Im sending the invites out late January and afria dit will look cheeky or rude if I don't put a plus one on the invites for my single friends.
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
You don't need to put a plus one on for friends. I had a friend ask after she'd received her invite but we just told her we didn't have the budget or room for plus ones and she was fine with it x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorFlossie
I'd think of it from your perspective as a guest.. I would be quite offended if someone thought I was special and important enough to invite to their wedding but not my OH. I'm not sure if I would want to go to a wedding without him, even if I knew other people there.. it just wouldn't seem right. Weddings are a celebration of love.
I do, however, appreciate that people do have a budget and you can't pay for everyone. I suppose we are quite lucky in that there won't actually be that many plus ones at our wedding anyway.
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorsALLY
Hi flossie i kind of see you point but can i ask your opinion on this. i have invited 6 mums from school as we see each other in the playground everyday and spend time out of school to gether, help out with baby sitting etc and always go to kids partys together but i was deciding on not inviting their husbands as yeah i know them but i am trying to keep numbers down, i do know 2 of thems husbands more but if i invited them would have to invite the others and i thought least the mums wouldnt struggle with baby sitters if the husbands are at home. but honestly how do you feel about that? do you think i should invite their partners?
CommentAuthorFlossie
See this is where I appreciate it gets tricky for other people.. We don't have children so we don't move in the same circles so to speak. Are you inviting them to the day? I think if it was me I would invite just the women to the day and then say kids and husbands are welcome in the evening. If I was one of the mums I would probably still feel a bit sad that my OH wasn't invited.
I think at the end of the day it depends on how close a certain friend or family member is to you. Like I would invite a really good friend's husband out of respect for her, but if it was someone who was more of an acquaintance than a really good friend, I probably wouldn't...
Like I said, I think we're just lucky that our guest list isn't too complicated! Some of you have a hard time of it! xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorsALLY
they will just be coming to the evening as we are just having close family at the wedding and we have alot of kids in our family already so didnt really want extras as we all have 2 children that would be 6 extra adults and 12 extra children. as i am close to them i think ill ask them what they would prefer as i know some will just want a ladies night out
CommentAuthorFlossie
Yes that's true as well.. would probably be a good opportunity for them to get out and let their hair down and not have to worry about the kids for once :) certainly no harm in asking them. Hope you work it out x
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorCoralLeigh2016
I'd suggest maybe having a brother/sister heart to heart without both OH's around and discuss your feelings towards his partner. By allowing him to hear your views and vice versa, he may be able to speak to her on his own terms and hopefully turn her bad attitude around.
Hope all goes well on the day xxx
CommentAuthorMikaylaC
We've decided to only add plus ones if we've met the intended added guest, with maybe one or two exceptions. We can't afford to pay for extra and as all guests are invited to both ceremony and reception we don't feel it's right to have people there we've never met sharing something so intimate and special. It's entirely up to you it's your day. As for the girlfriend - I wouldn't, at the risk of upsetting your brother she could potentially upset alot more.
CommentAuthorAmyK
Oh dear, I think I've been misinterpreted - irrespective of their ages, I still think she has been exhibiting an immature attitude by being so rude to people at what are obviously very important family events! You can be immature at any age, but I think maybe he needs to grow a set and tell her its not acceptable to be so rude to his family.
Perhaps put it to your brother - what if the shoe were on the other foot & it was him getting married, and your other half had been repeatedly rude to him - would he accept that? Perhaps then he'd have a discussion with his girlfriend
CommentAuthorCamilaL
I don't get along with the gf of one of my fbin. I don't like her at all, and she doesn't like me (she said this to my fiance). I only go to theirs cause my fiance loves their kids and what really matters for me is that he is happy. I've talked to him, saying that I wouldn't like to have her at the wedding, cause I know she is not happy for us getting married. But at the same time, I know I can't do it. She is family (in my world, since you're dating someone, you're already part of this person's family). So, yeah, she is being invited. But I've told him that I don't want her anywhere near the planning.
CommentAuthorKayleighS46
Theres people that i dont know or like and i'm sorry to say it but their not being invited. One of my closest friends goes through boyfriend after boyfriend and shes expecting a plus 1 - eventhough we have no idea who it will actually be, they change every few weeks. I then have my other friends who are invited to the evening party only. Theres about 6 of them and 2 of them have long term partners, whom we've met, so they of course will be invited. The other 4 dont have a partner but want a plus 1 'just in case' then if they are still single they cant invite one of their friends - not being funny but its not just a party its my wedding and i dont want some strangers there. I've made my mind up i need to be harsh when it comes to guests!! lol xx
Met 2013
Propsed 2014
Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
always & forever xxx
CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
My Sister only invited cousins other halves if they were married. My Sister had her (now ex) boyfriend there and my Stepsister had her girlfriend there, and I obviously had H2B.
I had this conversation with my Stepdad recently because my Sister wants to bring her boyfriend but I've never met him (she lives in Leeds). He said that it would make sense to invite him if they are still together. H2B has been told that any of his cousins, who are all invited to the evening, will have to have a plus one.
I think putting the guest list together is probably the most stressful part of wedding planning. It's certainly giving me a headache!
CommentAuthorkjl87
The thing is I'm not close with my brother to have a conversation like that. On the rare occasion that i do see him it is awkward to make any kind of conversation.
I spoke with my mum yesterday explaining that we most probably won't be coming for Christmas because of my brothers girlfriend and not wanting to be uncomfortable. She understood, but then went on to tell me that she heard his girlfriend trying to get him to buy tickets to take her away for Christmas which my mum wasn't pleased about, so clearly the girl doesn't want to come to theirs at Christmas anyway. But she has nowhere else to go as her family won't have her, which is why she ended up at ours last year after only dating my brother for a month.
Fretting more about Christmas than the wedding at the moment as I don't want to miss out on the family day.
Oh it's a toughie.
CommentAuthorAmyK
Keyleigh - I think you've touched on a very relevant point there - does anyone else think that some people lose sight that they've been invited to celebrate your wedding and treat it as just another party?!
Kjl - sounds like you may just have to invite her to keep the peace, but with any luck she might just make excuses and not come :-/
CommentAuthorkjl87
I agree - I don't think most people think of as being invited to a wedding, they think of the outfit and what the reception will be like.
But I also think we are just as guilty when organising the wedding. How much more time have you spent organising and thinking of the reception over the wedding itself? It does feel that we are spending a hell of a lot of money making sure the guests have a good time, we are basically throwing them a party when it should be all for us.
CommentAuthorAmyK
Or they think of it as free drinks and food! :-/
CommentAuthorkjl87
Aren't we all so cynical ☺️ never know they might actually be coming because they are happy for us and do want to join in the celebration of our marriage.
CommentAuthorCamilaL
I'll be inviting a friend, and she has a cousin that lives in London (I know this cousin, but we're not close). I bet she will try to take this cousin with her to the wedding! I will try my best to be clear about not giving plus ones to anyone.
CommentAuthorZotastic
We are not giving plus ones to people we havent met, i personally wouldnt want somebody there who i didnt know and may not talk to. Maybe have a chat with your family im sure they will understand! :D
CommentAuthorCarrieD26
I think not inviting plus ones, particularly family, you just have to accept that their is a chance they may not come. I don't think I would feel at all comfortable to go to a wedding without my OH, particularly if we weren't close enough for them to know my OH.
I've never been put in this position, thankfully. I would hate to turn down such an honour because I would feel too uncomfortable. I am probably more extreme than most with crowded places as I suffer from phobias, but just wanted to give a different point of view.
As for brothers GF, I think you already know that if you want your brother there, you will have to be accepting of his choice of partner, even if you don't like her. Otherwise, it will cause real problems. What if he married her and she decides she doesn't want your husband, or even you there? Maybe explain that to your h2b. Chances are, you will barely notice her anyway!
