I'm not sure what to do and have been mulling my problem over and decided it was prob best to ask you guys if you have had similar issues
the thing is my maid of honour is really stressing me out and repeatedly letting me down.
I wasn't best impressed when I asked her to be my mind of honour and rather than be excited she replied with "yeah sure whatever" and didnt seem all that bothered where as my other maids did happy dances and got giddy making suggestions and offers of help- none of that from my maid of honour since then - well she hasnt turned up for appointments without calling or no explanation at all, or turned up hours late, she is so unreliable and not interested in the wedding or arrangements at all and has refused to plan my hen party.
I really want to ditch her and promote one of my other maid who has been so helpful and wonderful becuase I dont need the stress of wondering if she is even going to make it to the wedding ontime and do the little things that are expected of the role..I love my friend dearly and thats why i asked her but its not working...
should I tell her? I dont want to lose her as a friend but this is driving me out of my mind and im not enjoying organising my wedding because of it....arrrgh what do i do???
CommentAuthorHoxxyhula
Tricky...would it be possible just for everyone to be bridesmaids and have no particular maid of honour? Then you could start involving the other, helpful ones a bit more without having to officially demote the current MOH?
You could also try talking to the current moh about it from another direction - perhaps asking if she has something on her mind because it's not like her to miss appointments and let people down etc. Then you get to talk about it but in a concerned and friendly way? Difficult to know without knowing them, but it would seem a shame to fall out over something that it meant to be lovely!
CommentAuthormrs pinkalice
im worried about a couple of my bridesmaids being unreliable too so when i officially asked them the other day i made a point of saying what i expect of them and this is my day and they have to help me not hinder me. one of them got really offended that i felt the need to say that. but the thing is, i dont care. its my day and i make the rules! you definietly need to say something to your MOH because its not on behaving like that. maybe don't mention demoting her too soon as she could get offended, just tell her she needs to pull her finger out!
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
First of all talk to her about it and see what she says. Then tell her that your disappointed with her attitude and if she is unperpared to help with planning your wedding then let her know that you want her to step down as moh and just be a bm? That way you can promote one of them to be your moh instead.
UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
CommentAuthorClarian Fae
I have said to her previously that I would understand if she didnt want the role becuase she didn't seem interested and this was after she didnt turn up to a bridal fair I wanted to show her a venue dresser that was there...she said she didnt realise it was important which shocked me,but she said she did still want to be my MOH but she didnt change i'm not sure how many opportunities to give her or whether a heart to heart discussion would do anything
am I being unreasonable in considering changing her role?
Its your day hun! Do whatever you want to do! One thing that i had to do was..... make the person that i wanted as my moh the chief bridesmaid as i cudnt tell the person who was moh that i didnt want her in that role. So the cheif bridesmaid does everything that the moh shud do. Nobodys feelings were hurt! :) xx
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
perhaps just change to one of the others then hun if talking to her hasnt helped. If she gets upset get her to do some other job instead?
UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
CommentAuthorClarian Fae
Thanks guys I really appreciate this It just makes things a little clearer in my mind about what I think I may need to do.
CommentAuthorCupCake
Clarian, I'd give her the sack! I think you've given her plenty of opportunity to do the right thing and she's still letting you down, I know it sounds harsh because she's a mate, but she obviously either feels jealous of your forthcoming marriage? or is she just laid back and doesn't realise the importance of her role in your big day? Sounds like the other bridesmaid would support you in the way you need ... give her the job xx
Became Mrs Lyons 30th July 2011 x
CommentAuthorBee
Clarian i agree with cupcake, she should be honoured that you have asked her and have made herself available to you for your special day. its not fair that you have to spend your time worrying if she will show or not, you should be enjoying the planning. Hope you get it sorted xxxx
CommentAuthorKizzy81
If you don't want the hassle of upsetting her, she could remain MOH in principle, but you could just ask a lot more of your bridesmaids. MOH doesn't have many more duties really.
My MOH is my sister and has been as useless as yours so far if it makes you feel any better! I'm going to end up organising my own hen at this rate, and I've ordered her dress which she hasn't even tried on!
CommentAuthorJessica
We had the same problem with the best man and after a few weeks of mulling it over my H2b finally told him he was no longer best man as he was not interested and was not making an effort. I would tell her one of your other bridesmaids is wiling to organise your hen night and will be maid of honour if she cant put the effort in but will still be bridemaid x
CommentAuthorCeCe
This is a tricky one BUT ultimatly this is your wedding and to be asked to feature in a main role should mean alot..and if she wasn't that enamoured with the idea she could have refused saying...'I love you, but would you mind if I just come as a guest?'.
I think not turning up for appointments etc is just plain RUDE especially when it is important. IMO she should be making an effort for you..she's not and others are..sadly, I say tell her the truth and see if she 'ups her game' and starts behaving like a PROPER friend should.
Good luck.
CommentAuthorKerrylou
I had this with my original MOH - it's a very long story but when we announced we'd set a date she just decided she was my MOH because of something we'd said at high school. She continually let me down, I asked her to go to a wedding fair with me - I saw her in the street the day before and she said "oh yeah, I can't go now because I've got to go to work" actually she'd gone to another friend's house instead. She refused to get involved in any of the planning, I actually went for 3 months without seeing or speaking to her because she was avoiding my texts and calls. Anyway, in the end I had to Facebook her (trust me, last resort!) and told her that her priorities seemed to be elsewhere, all I'd asked for in 5 months was 2 hours of her time and that this was me telling her that I was taking her out of my bridal party. She told me she was fine with it but then posted to her status "Bitch has replaced me with another MOH" (which I hadn't) There was loads of other stuff going on with her but we haven't spoken since.
Weddings are great - they show you who your friends really are! If your MOH is disinterested now then she isn't suddenly going to become interested. But talk to her first, ask her why she's being like this. If you can't resolve it though then ask her to step down
It's right what they say
"The course of true love never runs smoothly"
But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
