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Wedding Forum - Picking bridesmaids...

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    • MelissaW7560
      Getting married in 4 months
      Posted: Aug 23rd 2018
    Hi everyone!

    I've chosen 5 bridesmaids for my wedding, however, I'm not certain on 1. She was my best friend for 14 years and ever since about 4 years ago when I left my ex and had a baby with my now fiance, she got distant. She never spoke to me anymore and never bothered with my child. She then became best friends with my ex's new girlfriend. However they aren't friends anymore and blah blah blah. I want to ask her to be a bridesmaid as she is my longest serving friend but the way she just basically ditched me, it puts doubts in my mind. But I know if I don't ask her and ask my other friends she won't be happy.

    What would you guys do?!?!

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    • HannahB146
      Posted: Sep 23rd 2018
    IMO it's an honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid, not a right.
    How close are you now? Will your other friends be unhappy if you don't ask her?
    To me, it doesn't sound like she's a great friend if she stopped talking to you like that and doesn't make an effort to see your child. Just because she is no longer friends with your ex's new girlfriend, it doesn't mean that she automatically deserves to be close to you again unless she puts in the effort.
    It could be that asking her will bring you closer together again- but only you can judge whether that's a possibility depending on her personality etc.
    Also bear in mind that planning a wedding can be difficult and you need to know that your bridesmaids are there to support you- if she is difficult, or becomes distant again and doesn't respond to important things like hen party planning, dress shopping/fitting etc, is this going to cause more upset to you than the upset it will cause to her to not be asked to be a bridesmaid?
    I am close to my longest serving friend but I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid because she can be unreliable, flaky and complains a lot (although I only had one friend as a bridesmaid- the others were my sisters). I don't think she was upset by it- but if she was she didn't say anything to me, and is making a big effort with the wedding (which I know is going against what I said about her earlier- she has grown up a lot since I got engaged.)
    Personally, if you are asking her out of obligation rather than actually wanting her to be a bridesmaid, you should probably reconsider.
    It's a difficult situation and I hope it works out ok. :)
    • Busby's mum
      CommentAuthorBusby's mum
      Got married 16 months ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2018
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
    You are not that close now so I would say not to have her as a bridesmaid. Easy. She can still be a guest.
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