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  1.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    Hi all,
    So it's just under months till the big day and we are starting to do the final bits and bobs.
    One thing we wanted to do is there is a big screen as you walk into food par which we can put pictures on and our plan has been to have pictures of our parents, grandparents wedding day and this was fine until now .....
    My parents are divorced and my mum has passed away so my side was going to be 2 sets of grandparents, my mum and dad wedding, my dad and stepmum wedding and a pic of my mum and her fiancé as she died before they wed. I have said this loads and everyone seemed fine, however apparently this has been causing arguements between my dad and step mum about the pics .

    Until now everything has been fine and she has been very hands on and her and my dad have been married over ten years so it's been a while. Apparently my dad says if I used a different pic of him and my mum it might make it easier.

    I'm having one of those days crying today as had bad night sleep and headache and this is just the cherry on the stress cake.

    What would you do?
    Have you had issues like this?

    Members signature icon
    Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
    Friends became soul mates :)
    Engaged 6th July 2013
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  2.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    I've not had issues like that.
    How close are you to your step mum?

    Personally if it was me I'd do what I wanted and step mum would just have to swallow it. She can't change history, your dad married your mum and she can't push your mum out of the picture. She needs to grow up and respect you and your mum.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  3.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  4.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    I'm sorry to say but I can see where your step mum is coming from, I think it would be weird for her to see pictures of her husband and his ex wife on display for everyone to see - even if they have been married for 10 years and have a stable relationship, I'm not sure it would be something I would be comfortable with if I were in her shoes. I have step parents too and I'm not sure I'd even consider putting a pic of my mum and dad's wedding up as it just wouldn't feel 'right'.

    I think other non-wedding pictures would be okay - this is something we have talked about doing ourselves and we both come from separated families, so effectively 4 lots of parents to contend with! We were thinking of just showing pictures of us when we were little with our parents and then ones as we grow older, so incorporating step parents as well. And also wider family members.. just general family photographs :) xx

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    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  5.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    Although having read your post back just now you said you'd have pics of your step mum and dad's wedding also... so in that respect I don't think she should be digging her heels too much about it. It's not like she's being excluded as a part of the family or anything xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  6.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    I agree with Flossies second post. I'd think she should be respecting your mum and her memory. Think it's your step mum who is being insensitive to you and other family members related to your mum.

    My SIL is a step mum to 3 grown up children of her husband and she totally respects that they have a different mother who is still very much involved in their life. They even have her round for meals etc.

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  7.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    Thanks for responses.
    Me and my step mum are quite close and she has done stuff like help me choose dress and even paid for it and so far is the only one to have seen it and has come to fittings. She even helped design invites and stuff.
    I knew seeing some pics of my mum might but weird but can't believe at this stage why it's become an issue and not mentioned before, she has always said before and after my mum passed away that she isn't a mum to me as I would only have one but she loves me and wants me to be able to ask her for advice and help if needed which is kinda like a best friend.

    Maybe lack of sleep and emotions are getting to me :( x

    Members signature icon
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    Friends became soul mates :)
    Engaged 6th July 2013
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  8.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    I can see it from both sides. As someone with step parents myself I would find it strange displaying pictures of my mum and dad's wedding, my MIL and FIL's wedding, etc... all of our parents and step parents get on with each other and they all recognise the fact parents cannot be replaced and respect them, but that doesn't mean that they wouldn't still feel weird about seeing old wedding pictures.

    Is it your dad who's told you the pics have been causing arguments between them? If so then at least she is keeping the argument behind closed doors and not deliberately trying to be awkward about it or put any stress on you. It sounds like you'd be able to speak to her fairly easily so if it's bothering you that much try speaking to her and see if you can sort it out? xx

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    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  9.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    Yeah my dad told me, I'm meeting him later to talk x

    Members signature icon
    Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
    Friends became soul mates :)
    Engaged 6th July 2013
    <3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
  10.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    Hope it goes okay with your dad.

    If you're on good terms with your step mum maybe she needs to just have a chat and for you to tell her that as she will never replace your mum that you want your mum and her memory to be a part of the day just as everyone else in the family and that it's important for her wedding pictures to be up there as an equal with the others. It's not like you're snubbing your step mum or anything.

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  11.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    i think your step mum needs to get a grip

  12.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  13.  
    • michgib
      CommentAuthormichgib
      Got married 18 months ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    Your step mum should sort her head out. What does, she want you to do, pretend that your mum was never about, I think its a lovely way to remember her on your big day. Hope you sort it out with your dad and let us know how you get on xx
  14.  
    • RachaelB76
      CommentAuthorRachaelB76
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    i think you need to be able to do what you want. the only other compromise i could think of would be have you got a photo of your dad on his own and your mum on her own at their wedding that you could use. That way you have still got the photos from the wedding but your step mum might feel more comfortable if their not stood together on the same photo

    x




  15.  
    • Zoe.L66
      CommentAuthorZoe.L66
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    It's a hard one I want to say she should put her feeling aside for your wedding but if it was me seeing pictures of my husband and his ex I would feel uncomfortable but then again I think I could cope for one day for someone I cared about. It's really tough if your close to her talk to work it how much it will hurt her she how she feels xx
  16.  
    • Katya
      CommentAuthorKatya
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    I would speak to her & explain that your parents were happy together for a short while, your dad is very happy with your step mum now & that your mum was very happy with her new fiance before she died. let her know that you want to show how the happiness has started out & how it has spread to bring more people into your family & in effect made your family much bigger, there are more people to love, how that you want to have a photo of your mum during the only wedding she ever had, that you will be incorporating photos of her & her fiance to show that she very nearly made it again. You will be showing photos of your dad & your step mum. That by doing all three photos (1. mum & dad, 2. mum & fiance, 3. dad & stepmum) you are showing how PROUD you are that they have been able to find new loves, but that you also want to show that those two people created the beautiful bride without taking away from how much you love your step mum & how proud & thankful you are of her & your dad for all that they have done & gone through over the years. you wish to show how the happiness has grown, the love has grown.

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  17.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    Big thank you all :)

    I talked to my dad and kind of resolved it so going to think it over during the weekend.

    X

    Members signature icon
    Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
    Friends became soul mates :)
    Engaged 6th July 2013
    <3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
  18.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    I was going to suggest the same as Rachael by having individual photos of your mum and dad from their wedding day if they were available.

    Perhaps another alternative would be to have just the photos of your parents with their new partners and on a seperate table have a special photo of your mum to show how important she is to you. This would remove any awkwardness and you could light a candle in her memory and have it next to her photo.

    Good luck speaking with your dad this weekend. X
  19.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    Glad you're close to sorting it out now xxx

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  20.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
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    Might not be to everyone's agreement, but honestly, your step mum needs to get over it. It's something that happened in the past, she's going to be included in it as well so not like she is being left out.

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    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  21.  
    • leasa
      CommentAuthorleasa
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Pleased you can to a compromise.

    Families can be a complex thing, but everyone has a past.

    Ps, the photo idea is fantastic, it includes everyone. Even those who can't be there. We chose photo collages over a magician and it was a cheap and effective way of entertaining our guests at the drinks reception. It got people mingling and telling people stories behind the photos...my parents divorced, by mum remarried, my mum passed away, my stepdad remarried. All but my mum were there, but she was still a big part of our day. People (even stepdads wife) understood this. Yours should too.

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  22.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
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    I agree with GF x

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  23.  
    • CommentAuthorSamanthaW362
      Posted: Jul 19th 2015
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    totally agree with Leasa :D
 
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