My partner suggested we postpone the wedding last night to July or August?? We are meant to be getting married in May 2013. Not because of loosing my dad, as i lost my dad sadly 2wks ago to cancer (i have already put up another thread about this and must say again thank u all for ur support and kind words) but due to problems we are having with regards to his mum...My partner was brought up in care under social services from the age of 6 till he was 16. His mum is an alcoholic and has always caused us problems more so towards me apparently because she doesnt like the fact he is happy with me. I have always put my differences aside for the sake of my partner and our daughter but I cant take much more of it, again not sure if im like this with loosing my dad or if ive just had enough of putting up with the constant pleasing for the past 12yrs.
We found out yesterday she has been inviting people we dont want there at the wedding, she has been putting horrid status's on facebook about my partner ie she wishes he was dead and not the son she lost 2yrs ago. I have had to delete my facebook account so i can adjust to whats happened with my dad and to stop reading what she puts. She has turned majority of his family against him why we dont know when they all know what she is like especially with alcohol.
I spoke to my partners sister last nite who informed me that she is worried their mum is going to kick off on the day to ruin it..why cant she just be happy for us?? His mum will be nice to our faces but so horrid behind our backs and status's on facebook are unreal.
Also found out she seen the vicar who is going to be doing the service for our wedding and has asked him to talk about her son who sadly passed away 2yrs ago at the end of the service....we dont want this...today we are going to see the vicar to find out whats been said and to kindly ask him to not give her any information.
I dont want to postpone the wedding as i know when 11may 2013 arrives and im not getting married i will be upset but so much is going on and the happiness is being drained from me. Even my partner is close to blowing his lid with everything thats happened but again this is what his mum will be wanting.
I have paid deposits on nearly everything...my wedding dress is ready in March....Got a few friends offering their services to help with wedding organising...even had friends saying they will make sure she doesnt kick off and ruin the day but its not fair on them having to be on guard making sure she doesnt spoil our day. My partner thinks by postponing to a different date she wont find out about it but we live in a small area and im sure she will have her ways of finding out. My oldest daughter said to me last nite that i wouldnt put up with this but due to loosing my dad i have no energy at the moment to do anything.
I dont no what to do where to turn? Is my partner right even though he said he doesnt want to postpone but he has had enough when he even agrees she should be happy that after 12 yrs of us being together 11yrs engaged we are finally getting married
Sorry i am blabbering on so much and again thank u all for listening xx
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
hun, why should you and your partner let her ruin your day, if she kicks off she's out simple as. we had this rule for my Nan who had caused some problems a few weeks before the wedding.
I really think that you need to talk it through with your hubby and the bridal party but i think that you should carry on, you will struggle to get a date for july and august now plus everyone knows when it is and everything. I really think that your hubby needs to lay down the lay with her and if necessary have an alcohol free wedding if its the alcohol that makes her that way?
at the end of the day its your decision but i don't see why you should let her ruin the day even if she has ruined the run up for you
xxxxxx
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorShazk
Oh huni Im not sure prosponing will do much really and why should you let her ruin your plans and day? i can see why you h2b is think that way but like you say u live somewhere small etc. Like Mrs Mann says also finding somewhere now for that time of year will be a struggle.
You are going through enough at the mometn and do think you need to sit down have good chat with h2b and i think he needs needs to make it clear to his mum how u both feel and what she is doing is wrng xx
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorEllenS40
We went and seen her the other day as she told someone that the wedding is stressing her out....so i told her there is no need for her to be stressed as long as she has an invitation and something nice to wear thats all she needs to be concerned with and nothing else was said......UNTIL.....we came from there and she starts to bad mouth us yet again on facebook! The way its going im having second thoughts on having her there but as its his mother this is one of the reasons why i would like her there...My friend has said i got to stop trying to please everyone and to put my feelings first which i do believe but the whole thing is just bringing me down!
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
I agree if she kicks off put her out of the wedding venue. Your fiancé needs to meet her face to face to tell her she's not inviting anyone at all and to tell her that she will be physically removed at the first sign of trouble. He really needs to do this also he needs to tell her to behave herself as your kids are going to be there.
Does she realise the extent of her own alcohol addiction?
I agree with the other girls. The day is YOUR day. Sod what anyone else thinks - Me and my hubby had issues with family members and stuff at the beginning and even considered eloping. If needs be, postpone but I would suggets maybe just having a small day with the people you really want there. x
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
Personally I wouldn't have her there at all but you two do what you think is best, but you really don't have to postpone and like you said if you do postpone it she will likely find out the date and venue anyway so there's no point doing that.
Pity you can't put her on a plane and send her away somewhere saying "There's a change of plan we are getting married abroad" then just send her packing for the next few days on her own lol
CommentAuthorEllenS40
edited
His mum is one of these people that likes to have the attention her and if it isnt then you can imagine! Never realised that getting married would be so stressful! I should be enjoying the planning but im not! we are both worried about the day as my partner has even said he even believes she will start
I'll be 36....sounds a good idea!
Im starting to think maybe its best for all if she wasnt there....she never went to his sisters wedding as she said she wasnt up for it
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
Why dont you just elope?! Take your kids, best man and bridesmaids and get married alone! Then you can have a big shindig afterwards! :o)
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthorMrsC
What a horrid situation. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this on top off everything else.
IMO postponing will just delay the issue and it will arise each time you approach wedding day. Your H2B needs to talk to her and really lay it out for her what you are both going through. Soon you'll be married and she is just going to have to deal with it or she may find she looses a lot of people around her.
Proud to be a Wife and Mum
Married 4th May 2013
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Honestly, I would change the date (not postpone necessarily; you could even see about bringing it forward) and not invite her or anyone else who might cause trouble, and keep the date and venue strictly secret. Sounds extreme, but I don't understand why your H2B would want her there at all after how she's acted; and I agree that it is very likely she will cause a scene. Yes, you can force her to leave if she does; but your day will already have been ruined, so why risk it in the first place?
CommentAuthornatalie2614
I think even if you delayed the wedding, she would still cause trouble, keep the date but impose the rule if she kicks off shes out. I cant believe shes spoken to your vicar! Im not being funny but its a bit morbid to be talking about her son at whats supposed to be a happy occasion. I dont know of anyone who has done this at a wedding. Light a candle, or have a memorial spot by all means but part of the service I dont think I would like. I know its hard at the moment with your dad and everything, but give it time to settle down and your time to grieve and then go back fighting for your and h2b's big day, dont let her ruin it xxx
Married my best friend 05.04.2013
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
i dont think u should postpone because it sounds like shell cause a fuss no matter when u marry... go for it and if it comes to it tell her where to go, youve enough on your mind xxx
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorEllenS40
Thank u all so much for ur kind words and encouragement......Myself and partner went to see the vicar today and yes she has been bombarding him with questions over our wedding saying at the end of the service she wants her son that passed away spoken about....weve told him to not discuss any issues with regards to our wedding and explained whats been happening. He has reassured us that he will speak to us if need be when it has anything to do with our wedding.
We have also decided we are NOT postponing the wedding as like some of u have said she will carry on causing our lives hell regardless of when we go ahead and do it.
If she carries on and bad mouths us one more time my partner is going to tell her she isnt invited to our wedding and he looses all ties with her....which to be honest is what i think is going to happen and maybe for the best!
My dad wouldnt want me postponing the wedding he would want me to carry on and to remember i have a life in front of me to live and look forward to.....and to not let anyone get in my way! Yes i still got a way to go and dont think i will ever get over loosing him, I have to try and learn how to cope, but I am going to try my hardest to smile (tears along the way) and make him extremely proud as i am determined on making something good out of my life!!!
For the past 3 days i have cried constantly i woke up this morning feeling exactly the same but this evening i know its going to be hard but i am so going to do this! xx
CommentAuthorAmyP7
Oh I'm so sorry to hear that you are having so many problems, I agree you should not postpone your wedding as then she will win. X x
CommentAuthorEllenS40
Exactly! I am hating it all at the moment and feel its like school ground antics but this is supposed to be the best day of our lives and i am not going to let anyone spoil it.....I will have my tough head on soon i hope anyway x
CommentAuthorAmyP7
Yeah sadly you have to as some people can be funny about weddings. I really hope it gets better for you x x
CommentAuthorHelenW
I am so soy to hear this, just another thing for you to deal with :( so chuffed you've decided not to postpone. And it's great to hear the vicar being so supportive! X
"Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary
life, love gives us a fairy tale"
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
You two need to sit her down and tell her that she is to stop all her **** or she's not going and she also needs to be told she has to keep her mouth shut and not get pissed at the wedding or she's getting chucked out.
Has she ever admitted she has a problem with alcohol? Has she any desire to stop drinking and join a support group? Could your partner ask her about this and perhaps one of you could attend meetings with her? Sounds like the woman needs help.
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Oh hun, I'm so sorry to hear you're having all these problems over the wedding when you're also mourning the loss of your dad. BIG HUGS!!!!
So glad you decided to not postpone and you will be getting married on the same day I do xxx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
I'm glad you are to postponing your wedding. I think as you have done with the vicar, tell everyone else who is dealing with things like the venue etc that they speak to you or h2b only and,nobody else.
I also think you should say that the guest list has been done for the amount of people you can afford or the venue can seat, and if she insists on adding more there will not only be nowhere for them to sit, but also no food.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorTori
Could you tell her that you are postponing and give a false date, then by the time that date comes you will have had your wedding and she will have missed the chance to ruin it x
CommentAuthormym72
I wouldn't postpone the wedding because of her. If anything, can't you move the wedding forward a week or two, then at least by the time she found out about it you'd already be married??
We had a similar problem with husband's mother (or egg donor as I call her). She's an alcoholic but won't admit it. As soon as she has a drink she gets nasty and even violent sometimes. We got married at Gretna Green and even after rows etc, she though she was still invited to the wedding. She started being really nice to us (or at least to our faces), but I decided that if she turned up I wouldn't!!!
When husband told her that she couldn't come (he made an excuse that the hotels were fully booked and she'd left it too late), she showed her true colours. She rowed with him, was completely abusive to me (via hubby) - and when I challenged her on the phone, she told me that she wished I'd die in a car accident so that 'her son could be happy'. Oh and she thinks I'm a bad parent because my son has aspergers syndrome - how she can call anyone a bad parent is beyond me considering her track record!!!
We stuck to our guns though, and told her she wasn't invited, then cut all ties with her. We did expect a scene but she couldn't be bothered travelling just to cause trouble - and we've been married 15 months now and still don't speak to her (it's now been 18 months and counting lol).
Can't you just uninvite her - and be harsh if you need to be?? And if you're not feeling up to it (which is understandable) how about your h2b doing it? Hope it goes well but don't let her spoil your day (and if she does attend, you could always hire security - just a thought).
CommentAuthorpink*wink
aw hun.. how awful for you. You must be all over the place because of ur dad. big hugs 2 u xx regarding the mums of u and mym - isnt it horrible that people cant be happy for their loved ones? I always think it sounds like a touch of jealousy on their parts xx
CommentAuthor
Some people eh!!! Im guessing your hubby to be is just having a big panic right now due to the fact his alchi mother might spoil the day! Tbh hun I would tell her to go play with spiders! if she is that evil to say she wishes he was dead she should most definitely NOT be a guest on the biggest day of your life! Sit down and speak to your h2b, tell him how you feel about changing the date and give him lots of support, it must be really hard for him too! Im so sorry about your dad hun, but just remember he'll always be there watching over you .... and you could always ask him to go and terrorise the MIL :-) hope all works out chick xxx
met the man of my dreams 22/09/2006,
Had our amazing twin boys 16/05/2008
Finally becoming Mrs Davies on 31/08/2012 will make me the
happiest lady alive :-)
CommentAuthorMrsLane2Be
It's so sad that she is getting pleasure out of ruining your big day. I just have no patience for people like this. I very much agree with the other girlies here. I think you either need to have her on a tight leash at the wedding and try to have someone involved with the bridal party watching her to make sure she doesn't upset you. Or you should just not invite her at all. I'm not being harsh but if she's going to upset you on your big day it's not worth having her there.
It may seem really harsh and she will kick up a fuss about it, but in the end you can't have someone else upsetting you on your big day, that's meaner than you kicking her out of it!
I guess I'm just trying to say, think hard hun, 'cause it is the biggest most important day of your life, you're marrying the love of your life and you deserve it! And you deserve to be happy for just that one day, the whole day!
And just to decide what's best for you in the long run. If she's going to be there, then postponing it really won't make a difference hun if she's an alcoholic there's not much of a chance 2 months are going to make a difference, if she's going to seek help. If she doesn't I think it'll be just as bad whether you marry in May or December.
Good luck with everything though, and if you need someone to talk to I'm quite a good agony aunt.
Hope you ride it through and just do what's best for you two at the end of the day because that's what the wedding is about, you and your H2B, no one else xxx
Marrying the love of my life...
...Will mean that I become..
...Jessica Kathryn Lane!
xx 22/06/2013 xx
mym72......Your mother in law sounds identical to my mother in law! I cant take much more as more issues regarding her have gone on and basically she rang me the other day laying the law down if i dont invite certain people to our wedding...then she said she is bringing a guest with her i kindly asked who as i have a right in knowing she blatantly said it has nothing to do with me who she comes along with as its going to be her guest! she is definatley pushing my buttons and the whole build up to my day is slowly being ruined by her
CommentAuthormillz090
I would be un-inviting your mother in law !!
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthorCatrinaP
ah bigs hugs hun x
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I don't think u should postpone,there's no reasoning to show things'll be any better by postponing it than having it at the time you've decided x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
