We always knew that getting married would cause alot of friction amoungst the family. As my side are divided, my mum and dad cant stand eachother and have both re married, and the same on my H2b side. His step mums family want to kick off with his mum over some family feud which happened two years ago. Weve told them if they cannot put their differences aside for one day then dont bother coming. Its simple! Ive now had my father in law 2b asking me whether i would think about having 2 seperate weddings so that he doesnt have to mix with my h2b mothers side. This is causing stress. And then yesterday something that happened over bloody FB has been blown wayy out of proportion and has now started yet another family feud and theyre now saying that there not welcoming me into the family and ive now got the grandparents who are really ill ear bashing me & my other half. I wanted my dream wedding, where i had everything I wanted. I had the venue sorted, everything. And now i just want to go abroad and get married away from it all. But i know this will hurt alot of peoples feelings as like my mum & dad would love to see their little girl getting married. But i just cant be dealing with the stress.

Ah hun, big hugs.
I think you need to take some time out, you have time to have a serious think about what you want from your wedding.
Yes its most girls dream to have the big wedding with all loved ones standing around, and it might happen still. However, maybe for this to happen you need to make your preparations and then just send out invites and hope everyone can be on their best behaviour when the time comes?
You could maybe look at a registry office wedding with a meal and a blessing the next day so that you can have 2 occassions and split the families up a little bit.
You could seriously think about eloping and getting married with a couple of very close witnesses and have a holiday thrown in. (You could tell family that if you do that you will be going out for a meal to celebrate when you get back and their welcome to come along if they can behave.)
I think you need to talk to h2b about al the problems and the possible solutions and then see if you can find something that works. Ultimately it is your day and you need to make yourselves happy, if there are family who would be upset to miss their son or daughter getting married, then they need to be able to act like adults for one day!
You have over 2 years to go, so try not to stress about it too much, try to enjoy being engaged. xx

This isn't an uncommon problem so you're not on your own.
If I were you I would elope, go and get married in Vegas or on a tropical island or wherever and just find 2 witnesses once you get to your destination. Come home and have 2 parties so you don't get the family friction - those family members who don't want to congratulate you don't have to be there.

When it comes to family politics there is no win-win situation, someone will always try to ruin it. You've got 28 months to go, do you really need that much stress?
xxx

I am waiting for the upset from my wedding. I have informed my mums side of the family (mum died when i was a child and lots havent bothered since, i only made contact again in 2009) that the auntys will not be invited due to family feuds going back before i was born. I am inviting one cousin from each of the branches of the family who make an effort to see me and vice versa and who i know all get on with each other despite the feuds of their parents.

Thanks Ladies, i really needed to vent and get out there whats been happening. I have spoken to my oter half and was close to tears yesterday. I know ive got 2 yrs yet but knowing this is what theyre like and im marrying into that. I really dont like it. And its not so much my father in law but his wife and her kids. Theyre not happy until theyve had a full blown fist fight. Trust me iv been on the receiving end. I feel for my other half because hes in the middle but he has been good in sticking up for me and has told his dads side that if they cant bite their lips for one day then dont come, which hes also said includes his dad. I have thought about just going aborad and getting married that way we get have honeymoon too. Its just horrible to think that i had this all planned out in my head and now its all getting messed up.

You i really would dis own them, but with living around the corner from them and seeing them is unavoidable it would be hard. Not for me, coz at the end of the day their not my family, but i feel for my other half

if you try and please everyone, you will end up pleasing nobody and the only person to get kicked in the teeth is you!!! ask each of them if they are willing to put their differences aside, if they say no, tell them they cant be invited. you have to brutal sometimes......be brave! keep your cchin up. they will soon come round when they realise they may not see you getting married, they may be more than willing to put differences aside then.....even if it is just for one day! x

Not welcoming you into the family?.....oh well their loss! I wonder if it will still be the same when there are grand children involved!
If they won't welcome you into the family then obviously they on't want to go to the wedding in the first place.
Your day your way!!!

Do what makes you feel happy and to .... with the rest of them.
I refuse to have my aunt(and godmother) attend the wedding as i detest her after what she has been like to me and my kids,i guess i am slightly opposite you, you are wanting them to come and i am dreading she will come (as then ill end up with a fight at my wedding :S)

i hope you get this sorted out. As much as you may want them their, you dont need them their to have a great day, and if they cant bite their tongues you you might want to consider not having them their or it could spoil your day if they start arguing . best of luck.

gett them all in room ( without saying who else is going to be there) and tell them all to GROW UP .....that you are going to have the wedding you want with them there or you will just go away and get married on your own

Have 2 weddings? is he mental? what a ridiculous suggestion!!

Maybe a wedding abroad is the solution for you but if u did have your heart set on the big wedding then u shud still go for it. speak to EVERY single family member individually and expalin that they are invited and so are so-and-so who they dont like. Explain VERY clearly that if they can remain civil for a day for your sake and not cause trouble then fine. If they dont think they can do that they need to say so now and they will therefore not be invited. Have a contingency plan that u also warn them about: If they promise to behave and then cause trouble anyway, have them thrown out. Literally have them removed from the weding and tell them u will never speak to them again if it comes to that.

Hopefully this will show them all how serious u are about it all.

Wedding abroad it is then lol!! If people are so immature andelfish to act that way they dont deserve to be there!

wow they all need to grow up!

i really feel for u, how dare they put pressure on u, make u feel like ur wedding day is an issue!

Sending u a massive hug and agree that you need to sit down with H2B and talk hun xx