Is your father on the scene? Where does he stand?

Next time I would say, let me have a think about it over the next few days but once I have made my decision its final and you have to accept it and get her to agree. then in a few days tell her you have decided against it and why, but give her reasons such as 'i don't want the stress of a potential fall out on the day or the run up etc' rather than just that you hate your sister and don't want her as a BM. and tell her that won't be discussing it any more. and then don't. don't get drawn into conversations about it just tell her politely, i have made my decision lets talk about something else and if that doesn't work then leave. Your wedding isn't for two years so maybe just don't talk about it with her anymore until she has accepted it.

Hi Nicola, firstly congrats! and secondly - i also have zero relationship with my older sister, shes got 2 beautiful daughters i want as my flower girls but sadly its not going to happen. She treats my hole family like dirt - both me and H2b dont want her and her husband there and tbh she wouldnt turn up anyway - she lives 3 hour drive from bristol and NEVER makes any effort to come up - infact she hasnt been to visit in near on 3 years now, but i want my nieces there. long story short i'm hoping that her ex will have access to the girls on the wedding weekend so my mum finally agreed that i can remove her from the guest list - up until now mum still holds out a lot of hope that she'll change. i just sat her down explained all my reasonings and that just because she wasnt invited it doesnt mean the girls wont be there - have already agreed with the ex he will bring them to the wedding for me :D i know for a fact she would keep saying yes and then when it gets to either the day before or day of the wedding there would be some excuse why she cant come - its happened on every mothers/fathers/birthday and easter/christmas 4/5 years ago when she moved away. i cant trust she'll be there or that i even mean anything to her.

to make matters worse H2b is recently having the same problem with his sibling - i know how it feels!! good luck and just remember its yours and H2b's day not your mums, or sister or anyone else. do what will make you happy. xx

Thank you Kayleigh, its horrible there is only the four of us, my mum, me my sister and my son, we are a small family. But it has always been like this since my sister went into high school, she has attacked my mum in the past and threatened to kill me in front of my son.

Elinor, my sister has never fulfilled one bit of her godmother duties, she missed the ceremony itself!!!! she turned up to the church afterwards!!! its all promises. I arranged to meet up with her 3 weeks ago to talk through our differences, hoping it would end it all and the wedding would actually bring us together but it was a waste of time she never turned up. I actually haven't thought about using that as a point to a reason why i dont want her as one.

Nicola, like you I don't have much of a relationship with my sister. My sister is two years older than me and she acts anything but and I decided a VERY long time ago that when OH and I were getting married she would NOT be a bridesmaid because she would use it as a weapon. I'm not even having my biological niece as a FG because I know that if my sister and I see differently on ANYTHING she will suddenly decide I am no longer an auntie, I'm jealous of her life and she's not being a FG and likely recieve the dress back in strips. (This happened to some pictures once) and to top it during a temper tantrum she broke my H2Bs car door when slamming it shut one day and he has never given her the time of day since. We pretty much remain civil for the sake of my nephew and niece.

So when some members of my family discovered I am not having her as a BM but was having my best friend who is my sister in aall but blood, her daughter as FG, another close friend as BM and FSIL too I was told "Are you sure you don't want her to be a BM"

I am completely sure I do NOT want my sister as a BM.

You're neither selfish nor horrendous. It should never be assumed that the bride's sister will be a bridesmaid. If she will be more of s hindrance than a help then you're wise to leave her out.

Stick to what you want don't let anyone bully you!

You are not selfish in the slightest and you're right, your day is all about you and your OH. You should be able to have your day exactly how you want it without having to make other people happy, and they should accept that fact and not try to push you into anything you don't want! You are completely within your rights and you should not feel selfish, guilty or worry about what anyone is saying about you!!

If your sister hasn't fulfilled any of her godmother duties and has been horrible to your mum in the past, I am really baffled why your mum is so persistent that she is going to be bridesmaid!?

Well done on standing strong and standing up for yourself! Have your day how YOU want it and no one else!!! xx