Hey everyone

So after months of not being weddingy me and my h2b have sat down and started doing our guest list.

We have included in the package 50 day and eve guests then we pay extra if we want more.

We're definately only having 50 to the day but its now the night time that causing a problem we were aimin for 100.

My h2b has a small family, but I have a big family.
I dont mean this to be horrible but i dont get on with half of my family (my mums side) and i would rather not have them at my wedding. Theres 48 of them in total !!!!

Thing is, and this is my thinking..... NONE of them (bar my aunty = one person) has met my h2b.... they were all invited to our engagement party but none of them turned up let alone let me know that they werent coming! So why should they come to the wedding if they dont know my h2b!

My mum is on the fence with this decision as the whole family is kinda linked to me via my nanna (who btw is the BEST nanna ever!!!) and its all of her sisters family that are included in the 48. So if I dnt invite them then they may start being funny with my nanna and I would HATE that to happen!

But then how can i justify inviting 48 extra from my family and give my h2b the other 2 guests to make up the 50???

Then theres the problem of his kids with his ex.

He has 2 kids (4 & 5) and they live about 8 hours away from us. H2b hasnt seen them since the oldest was 2, as basically they went missing and all he could do was make sure that the money went into her bank acc each month to help them out he had no idea where they lived until xmas just gone. My h2b wants his kids at the wedding.... but and i know it sounds so awful but im not so sure. Who would look after them when they are there? His ex is DEFINATELY not coming to the wedding and I know fine well that his family wouldnt look after them so it would be left to me and him - and i dont really know how i feel about that. I havent met them, and he hasnt seen them in years (planning to see them this dec tho) But we are going to fly off on our honeymoon they night after our wedding night so how would his kids get back down to his mum?
Argh the whole thing just blags me head, and tbh it wasn't even something I thought I had to think about!

So any suggestions lol would be appreciated :) xx

I have to agree i don't see why your h2b wants his kids there? If when you meet up in dec you get a bond fair enough but the kids won't know anyone and as a mother who has a son who doesnt see his dad i wouldnt want my son going to a wedding where he doesnt know anyone. I know hes their dad but i dont think the kids ould enjoy it or really want to be there x

How much is your mother contributing to your wedding? If it's 0 then fair enough don't invite them due to budget and the fact you aren't close. However, if she is contributing you'll have to enter into negotiations with her on it :(

and as far as the kids go....if you havnt even met them then its not really fair on you or them to invite them id say. I would say weddings are to be shared with close people and people you know you get on with x

You need to invite who you want gun (difficult I know having same issues with h2b family) at the end of that it is you day not some distant cousin you don't get along with.

In terms of the kids I understand your h2b wanting them there but on a practical level if his family won't help out then who is going to look after them? You will be too busy to be worrying about that.

Hope all goes well when you meet them and you builds up a good rapOur over time x

I always think family getting together are a big part of weddings, however if you are only having fifty to the day do, I definitely think you should just invite family closest to you, and explain that you can't have anymore due to budget constraints.

Maybe invite a few more to the nighttime?

According to one book I read......

'the guest list should actually be an amalgamation of four guest lists; yours, h2bs, your parents, h2bs parents...'

I was like, erm, try no...but I think this was quite an old fashioned notion and I wonder if the older generations might feel a bit pee'd off with your mam for not being invited....I think you would just have to make it clear that your mother and nana had no say in the guest list.

Or if you have a certain number of spaces on the day or night do list, why not say 'look mum, I can have ten (or however many) family members, who do you really want there?'.

Might be a bit of a compromise?

Ultimately hun it's your day, and you shouldn't be forking out money for people you aren't close to xx

Hmm, sounds like it :-(

Maybe you should just say that you don't have a big enough venue? Unfortunately, I think you may need to compromise a but if she's paying for a sizeable chunk of your overall wedding.

Just explain to her that you don't have an unlimited number of spaces for people and you would rather have your friends there who are close to you than family that you aren't. I am sure shell understand x

Aghh I know how you feel! I really, REALLY don't get on with my dad's side of the family. We had a huge argument last year which resulted in them deleting my numbers & even blocking me on FB! hahaha this is a grown woman - she is pathetic. Anyway, of course I really don't want them at my wedding but my parents want them there. They don't understand how much I seriously don't want them to be there, & expect me to make the first move to apologise when they want nothing to do with me :/ hmm families!
Invite who you want - honestly! Wedding's are pricey enough without paying for people to come you really don't want there.. So put your foot down & stand your ground, it's your big day!! x

I understand your problem I have a very large extended family but have agreed that anyone we haven't seen for over a year will not be included purely because of our venue size.

This didn't go down well with an aunt who had 150 to her daytime wedding for a sit down meal - my response was I haven't seen them for over 2 years so why should i invite them over our friends who we see as often as possible due to travel issues and family commitments - it's our day and that's what we want!

Keep remembering it's your day and you want friends an family there that you would like to share your day with not what is expected of you! Good luck - whatever you decide to do xxx