Wedding Forum - Not sure how to ask his parents for help...

Me and h2b were planning on paying for everything ourselves but now my mum has told me she wants to pay for the buffet and entertainment at our evening reception. This is cool with us but I told h2b that as my mum (she brought me and my brother up alone) is wanting to pay for something then I think his mum & dad should too. I know that they would love to help us out but I'm unsure how to approach the subject with them. I know I can't force them to contribute but if we could just tactfully broach the subject they would be more than willing to help. So I was wondering if any uk briders had any ideas of how to approach the money subject? Thanks in advance x

Might just have to take the blunt approach I'm thinking. They aren't too good with hints haha. I just don't want to offend them. Not sure they're overly keen on me anyways since I fell out with their other sons girlfriend. Arghhhhhhhh... Glad I've got 13 months till the day or I would be ripping my hair out now x

I just don't think they should expect presents for helping out if they haven't,and I think it'll look awkward if u thank ur parents with flowers etc and u can't really thank them for anything....
Yeah be blunt... Tbh ur not the only person to not get on with other family members girlfriends,we're just not DNA made to get along with everyone,I hated my ex's brothers two girlfriends cos they were so bitchy and liked playing ppl off against each other so would always stay away from them.... If ur not meant to be friends it's better than pretending I think xx

Personally I think in this day and age its not expected that parents SHOULD pay for or towards our weddings!
We are the ones who want to get married and make all the decisions of what to have from where and what not so IMO I think we should be the ones to fork the bill for all that!

IF our parents offer to pay for something or put something towards the wedding then fantastic but just because one set of parents put some money towards your wedding I don't think think you should expect the other set of parents to do the same!
Of course if they OFFER to do something or pay for something further down the line then fantastic but IMO I think it's a bit rude to ask them to contribute something just because the other set of parents have put some money in.

So until they do offer I would just sort my budget out accordingly and if they offer something down the line then you have some spare!


my opinion no offense meant

Hails, you've written what I wanted to, just much more eloquently.

Personally i don't think its polite to ask anyone to pay for any aspect of your wedding.If parents or 'whoever' offer to contribute then thats lovely but i don't think you should ask them nor do i think that if one set of parents contributes it should be brought to the attention to the other set of parents.Thats just putting them under pressure to offer and i think thats rude.Parents aren't daft they know that weddings are expensive so if they want to contribute they will offer.
Both my parents and my husbands father gave us a generous financial gift (which we have saved for our honeymoon) but my husbands mother gave us nothing at all.I would never have told the others what each had or hadn't contributed and they all received a gift and thanks in the speeches.
I know that when my daughters get married i will most likely want to contribute but because i want to not because i am asked to.x

Sorry, that sounded a bit blunter than I meant it to. Lunch break is shorter than usual today...

I too don't think i would ask. My H2Bs mum is far better off than my parents and i know my mum would feel pressured into contributing if she was told MIL2b has which is why we have decided to not accept any money at all from either party, we are getting married 300miles from where we live and so them travelling that distance is enough for us.

if they want to offer they will , if you dont expect you cant be disappointed

I agree that you shouldn't expect any money especially on the grounds that one set of parents have sO the other should match it. If they want to contribute they will but if you ask them they may decide not to. I know I would refuse if I was told it was expected of me x

I agree with the othersotoo. I dont think you should ask. if they want to donate they will. My dad cant afford to pay for our wedding and I wo I ldnt expect him to. Were the ones deciding to get married. Id make ur budget work without them and if they offer something nearer the time then great! The only time we said anything to h2b mum was when she moaned that were doing the music ourselves not getting a dj! He toldher if she wants us to have a dj she can pay for it herself! X

I do with Lisa but were the same.... H2bs sis got £5k for a boob job and his bro got £10k for a car my h2b got nothing he doesn't expect it but it would be nice to be offered x

Ladies she has stated that she knows his parents would love to help them out, she just needs to know what with and so needs a way of asking them so she can work out what is being payed for/ done by who. Not how to ask them for money that they are not willing to give xxx

Also heed what lauraJo said - sometimes offers of money come with the expectation of people to be invited who you wouldn't otherwise have invited!! It happens to many of us

You say in your post that you think they would like to help out, if this is the case then why not sit them down and say the same thing I did to my il2b - "obviously Dan and I are planning the wedding we want, but we would like you to feel involved. Is there any part of our plans that you would like to be involved in". To this, I got the reply "Not really, do whatever you please but we'd like to help out financially". We had a look at the options and they're paying for our photographer. I do have amazing future in-laws though!!