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Wedding Forum - Not even excited anymore...

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  1.  
    • MaxienF
      CommentAuthorMaxienF
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 1st 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We have been trying to get married for 3 yrs now but have had to cancel due to finances. BUT we now have a date and almost everything is paid for but I've lost all excitement!

    His family have now said they can't come because they don't want to travel (hour away by train or car). His mum hasn't responded to say if she is coming or not and we are left in limbo because if his mum goes he can't invite his dad because his mum won't go if his dad goes. Other members of his family say they can't get time off work but they had more than 4 months notice so plenty of time to book the day off. We were going to get married abroad with just the 2 of us and the kids but people moaned that they couldn't come and wanted to see us get married so we decided to keep the wedding in the UK and now they still say they can't come. I feel completely deflated! We could have now been in a lovely country enjoying some sun and getting married but instead we have paid for a wedding that nobody wants to come to. So far the only guests we have are those in the wedding party and 2 other people. His family say they can't come because it's too far yet he has a friend who moved to Dubai 2-3 yrs ago who contacted us asking if he was invited and that he is coming and won't miss it, and another friend who lives 2 hours away from the venue has also said he is coming, yet we can't get his family to come.

    The venue we chose is thousands cheaper than venues in our local town which is why we chose it and it being only a hour away isn't really that far (60 miles or so). There is a hotel on the doorstep of the train station and the reception venue is less than 200 yards away and there is a bus on the doorstep that takes you right outside the church, so no driving is needed really and everything is right there including hair salons, nails, clothing stores, pubs, clubs etc.

    My OH doesn't seem bothered by it but I know when the day comes and he doesn't have any family there he will be upset. He got upset that neither his mum or dad came to our engagement party. He deserves to be happy on his wedding day not crying over the fact his family can't think about someone other than themselves for just 1 day.

    PLUS I now have problems with my family. My mum asked me to find her outfit for her because she's not fashion minded. So I searched months for her outfit and found a really nice one that suits her perfectly, just needs a few alterations which I would also pay for, as well as shoes, bag, fascinator etc... My mum seemed to like it but yesterday my sister contacted me and told me that my mum doesn't like the outfit and won't be wearing it. So I now have an outfit here that s useless to me and a complete waste of money. I told my sister that I am over caring about it now, my mum can find her own outfit, but my sister knowing our mums fashion sense and knowing me decided to go and buy my mum a new outfit.

    There is so much more going on that would take forever to put down on here and it's all been grinding at me for months now to the point where I'm no longer excited about getting married. The way some of them talk about the wedding is as if they think it's a joke. Even the best man wants to come in any old suit rather than dress the part with the groom and the other grooms men so we are on the verge of dropping him because we already feel like people think it's a joke so e don't want our best man standing there looking miss matched to make it look even more like the joke people think it is. I understand that not everyone will get excited as us about it and we haven't been pushing the wedding on anybody but for people to think it's gonna be some really cheap affair that shouldn't be taken seriously has ground me down to the point where even I am starting to think it's a cheap crappy wedding.

    I don't feel confident about my dress anymore (which cost me £1200 so not cheap at all), the room decorations (we have to decorate 2 rooms) I feel they won't be pretty enough and I just generally think it's gonna be a terrible day.... I want to be excited but they have pulled me down too far now. .. I started making my wedding shoes about 2 months ago with Swarovski crystals and costing me over £400 for the pair, but they are unfinished and I look at them and just think "what's the point"

    I really wish now that we had spent the money on getting married abroad on our own, just the 2 of us.but pretty much everything is paid for now, we just have the church to pay for on the 11th of June. I should be feeling excited that we're finally getting married after several years of failing and losing thousands on cancelled weddings but instead I feel like crying. I don't want to do anything else toward the wedding. I seem to have just given up on it.

    Anyway, this has gotten to be a huge post so I'll leave it here. I just needed to let it out somewhere because nobody else seems to want to listen or doesn't understand... Just needed to rant a little to see if it will help...
  2.  
    • sALLY
      CommentAuthorsALLY
      Posted: Jun 1st 2015
     
    I always feel upset when people decline our invites so I cant imagine how you feel but at the end of the day it shouldn't matter who is there as long as you have you h2b and kids with you. I know its upsetting as you could of just gone abroad which is what you wanted. I think the parents are really petty that they cant both be there, watching your children get married is surely the most important thing and they should put everything else in the past for 1 day!

    as cancelling isn't going to be an option for you I think all you can do is enjoy it all everything will look great and its their loss for not being there. its them that's going to miss out.
    As for your best man just joke with him he will be the one looking an idiot if he doesn't want to match, ours has joked about many things I just laugh with him so he thinks it doesn't bother me.
  3.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 1st 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We were like this a few weeks ago - family causing stress, things going wrong. You name it, we had it! Now things have settled down though, our excitement is back and starting to build which is such a relief for both of us :) maybe take a couple of weeks not doing wedding stuff, focus on your OH and kids and have time out. Worked for us! Sorry you are in this situation, it sucks :(

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  4.  
    • MaxienF
      CommentAuthorMaxienF
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 1st 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks for replying.

    One thing that has annoyed me when I spoke to a few people is them saying things like "You will have an amazing day without them" Yes we might have an amazing day without them but I know me and I know him, we will know that we spent a lot of money on a wedding without guests, We will know that it was a waste of money and time.

    I definitely need a fairy godmother to pop out and sprinkle me with some magic dust to give me my wedding mojo back because right now I am at the point of really not caring. He is really excited so I don't speak with him about it because it's unfair to bring him down from his happy place, but he hasn't really been planning it so he gets to enjoy seeing things happen while I am here wishing it was over... Oh gosh I'm doing my own head in now too lol
  5.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 1st 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    You're not going to like my comment.. but you WILL have an amazing day regardless of who is or who isn't there. If you and your OH are there and get married then that's the main thing. It might not be the wedding you really wanted but on the day all your worries and stresses will just go away and the most important thing will be the fact you're marrying your OH - finally.

    This should be a happy time, so stuff everyone else - just focus on you and OH and make sure you enjoy this time and everything about your special day xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  6.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 1st 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I'd just focus on marrying the person you love and have a fun day, if some cannot be bothered to be there with you then sod them, they are not worthy of celebrating with you. It's their loss. Not yours, you enjoy.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  7.  
    • RachaelB76
      CommentAuthorRachaelB76
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 1st 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    i hope that you get the day of your dreams that everyone deserves. can you have a word with immediate family who you most care about coming like parents and try and forget about the rest of them, theyre obviously not worth it xx




  8.  
    • sALLY
      CommentAuthorsALLY
      Posted: Jun 1st 2015
     
    do you have a reserve guest list that you can invite instead?
  9.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 1st 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You definitely WILL have an amazing day and you probably won't pay it any attention on the day but at the same time, you want to celebrate with your nearest/dearest on one of the most special and important days of your life. At the end of the day, you can't force people to come so it's just making the day about you both, your children and your guests :)

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  10.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 1st 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Also, we've had a couple of couples who have said they can't make it - distance or to elderly (fair enough, totally understand) but secretly, we are a little sad they can't come but like I say before, we can't force them to come so we have had to accept that and enjoy it with the people that can come :)

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  11.  
    • Sprucey
      CommentAuthorSprucey
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 2nd 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Yup I'm feeling the same at the moment! Our wedding is already small, 40 guests. The OH's family we're never going to be coming anyway as he no longer talks to them, so the guests were made up of a few friends and my family. Now I'm going to be a bridesmaid and her family down so that'll be 35, 11 of which are children. It feels like it's going to be so silly that it's just us a few people and mostly children. By like 7pm the older members of my family would've shuffled off to get to bed as it'll be getting late, the kids will getting tired and ill feel like I'm dancing in front of like 3 people at our first dance! I know it's the getting married that's important but I could've done that in a registry office for a lot less money! Just thing like paying out for the suits and my dress etc all seem over the top for how small the wedding is :/

    Members signature icon
    Great friends
    24.04.11 got together
    27.03.12 my birthday and our engagement day at Thorpe Park!
    25.04.13 birth of our baby girl 25.08.15 together4ever
  12.  
    • MaxienF
      CommentAuthorMaxienF
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 2nd 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks girls :) I feel loads better today. I decided to concentrate on my side of the family. They are the ones who really want to come so decided to finish up making the invitations and wrote most of them out ready to send to them. But I ran out of lace so have to order more lol.

    My mum is still being difficult but I have decided to wash my hands of her drama and let her sort herself out and my OH will speak with his best man and has agreed that if he cannot wear the same as the other grooms men then he will ask him to step down as best man. My OH never asks for anything and never expects anything so it would be nice for the best man to do one little thing for him. BUT it seems my OH has already lined up a replacement lol

    As for his side of the family he is going to have words with them over the next week and let them know that they have until July 1st to decide if they are coming or not before their places go to people who really want to be there and people he feels deserve it. it seems he was just as annoyed and upset as I was but he kept trying to be happy about it because he thought I was happy lol (we lost that memo that talks about communication lol).

    We go to see our baker this weekend then see the vicar next Thursday so we hope by speaking with people who are excited about us marrying will help bring us up to speed with the excitement train (we fell off)

    I think the past few weeks I have allowed people to get me down and then with my mum being a drama queen over an outfit and causing me to lose money it kind of tipped me over the edge a little bit. But I had a good word with myself and spoke with the other half and feel so much better now. Teeny tiny bits of excitement are creeping back in :)

    I'm on here now searching for ideas on what to put in his grooms-box so that's kind of making me happy

    Thanks girls :) I really appreciate the comments and words of encouragement as well as knowing I'm not on my own in my feelings and thoughts
  13.  
    • Emmilou82
      CommentAuthorEmmilou82
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 2nd 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I'm really pleased your feeling better about things. Hold your head high and enjoy planning your big day xx

    Members signature icon
    Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
    I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx

  14.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 2nd 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Well done for being the bigger person :) Just please yourself and the people important to you and others will probably come round soon enough! Just remember it's about you guys, no-one else! x

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  15.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 3rd 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Its great that you are feeling more positive. at the end of the day the more important thing is that you are marrying the man you love and the marriage part rather than the wedding.

    hope it starts to go a bit better and you get more from the people around you x

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
 
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