Is there anybody here who is having a big wedding, or a wedding bigger than their family or friends expected, who is feeling guilty over the amount they are “wasting”?
When I first started planning our wedding my family expected it to be small and cheap, and I thought that would be fine, but the more I started planning it the more I felt that wasn’t really what I wanted. I sat down and worked out the budget, and it came to about £6,000. My Mum reacted quite strongly, saying that it was a ridiculous amount of money and we were being stupid.
I was also looking at a lot of bitter bridal forums with brides bragging about how little they had spent, and many people said the only reason for big weddings was because modern brides are selfish, shallow, vain, greedy etc, that they don't care about the groom or the vows as long as they get to be a princess, and that the more you spend on the wedding the shorter the marriage will be. That Reverend Fraser chap did his little bit on the radio about how weddings had become such disgusting spectacles that he felt most vicars would rather do funerals. The more I read, the guiltier I felt for being willing to pay for my special, happy day.
So I've decided I don't care! I'm only getting married once and I DO want a huge, fantastic wedding with a massive white frock. So there! Our budget has shot up from £6,000 to £11,000 which is more than I ever thought I would spend, but I realised that once I cut guilt out of the equation then this is what will make me happiest. My partner had a quick glance at my spreadsheet, said the numbers "sound reasonable" and we can do "whatever makes me happy" then he went to the pub. He's not interested in the party as long as I remember to include a ceremony, but that's ok, because today I have accepted my inner bridezilla and I am committed to being a shallow, vain bride. So far it feels rather liberating.
We are getting married on 4th of February 2012, and are planning on having around 160 guests (TBC). The budget I have planned breaks down like this:
The £4 wedding ring is for my partner (mine came with my engagement ring), he is a bit random and has decided he particularly wants a stainless steel ring he found!
The main new expense is the honeymoon which wasn't in my original budget at all, but in keeping with my new "sod it" philosophy, we are now planning a dream holiday - a super romantic week in Swedish Lapland with reindeer sleighs, husky sledges, snowmobiles, log cabins and a night at the ice hotel.
My parents are paying for the band, venue and the food and drink, and my Dad is making the cake. We are going to pay for the rest of it ourselves. It is a bit of a stretch but I think it will be worth it. We've already bought our flat so no deposit to save for, and because we are still students, we aren't going to have children anytime soon. We've already got all the rings and my dress and my wedding wellies, and there's time to save up the rest!
The UK average spend on weddings is apparently £18,000 so I’m sure there must be other brides out there who are hiding in shame from the budget police. If there’s anybody else out there planning to be frivolous and extravagant, I’d like to hear from you!
Best wishes, Ruth X
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
The one thing you have to realise is that it is your day and you do it how you and the h2b want it to be not what other people want. If you listened to everyone else you would never get married. Its not about money either too much of it or not enough its about making your day special to you.
CommentAuthorMrs (Dove) Pidgeon
We admit we spent about 15000-16000 on our wedding day... but feel no guilt. We wanted everything to be perfect and for everyone to be happy, we are in no debt, still have savings and had a fantastic day. But I would have married with no guests, no dress, no reception etc- as long as we were married in a church and we get to spend the rest of our lives together.
Now a extremely happy German housewife and now a Mother!!!!
Islay Jean born 24th June in Hannover.
CommentAuthorCheryl22
We will prob spend around £10,000 on our wedding - but we are having huge help from my parents which is why we can afford such a big day. I do feel guilty about them spending a lot on the day as my OH's family isnt doing anything, but my family are insisting upon helping us :D
xx
There is nothing so sweet in life, as loves young dream!
CommentAuthorslybacon
May I begin by saying, Congratulations Ruth, on accepting the bridezilla within!! lol!!
Our budget was £15K, but at the mo it's looking like we'll end up spending about £20K (Which is fine, as we've found ways to squirrell away extra money!!).
I can't really say that we're spending a lot because I want a day to 'be a princess' or anything like that, I just think we've got expensive taste!! lol!! We aren't going over the top on anything & are having 60 guests for ceremony & 100 for evening, only inviting family & very close friends. Yes we are having a big sit down meal & indulging in a few little expensive splurges, like our dream venue, but it's only because it's what we want.... At the end of the day we'd both be happy just having a simple ceremony & then getting on with spending the rest of our lives together.... but we both think "what the hell??"... We only intend on doing this the once, so why not make sure we have the wedding of our dreams?? x x x
My simple answer to you is a big fat NOPE, I don't feel guilty one iota. Despite having people making remarks of a similar fashion about how it is about the person you are marrying and not the pomp and circumstance or the party afterwards etc etc, even on here there were a couple of comments on a thread about budgets to that vein when people mentioned they had greater monies than others (all done in a nice way of course).
My budget is £35k (his family are paying) and there is more in coffers if it is required, which tbh it more than likely won't be as pretty much everything is covered and have only reached around £12,000ish, just a few things to do (can't find the perfect bridesmaid dress for my daughter dagnabbit). Trust me there is going to be little about our ceremony and wedding in general that won't be personal to us or have a personal touch for our guests to remember being a part of our day as many are coming a long way.
As you say, most average weddings cost £18K+, so even with my mahooosive budget and even greater guest list (600 total) we are still currently under the 'norm'. I am pleased as punch that, thanks to the best in-laws to be, that with their help I am getting to spend a bit more extravagantly on some things that we may not have been able to get and so that we can give ourselves and those we love beyond measure a day we will never forget.
Stick to your 'sod it' attitude hunny and reject the little narks that some people may have about it as simply their opinion on the subject. It is after all YOUR TWOS DAY.
Smooshees
CommentAuthorSoon2beMrsHall
My budget is only 3.5k max 4k if i can save it in time. Yeah it is not a big budget but you can still have a fantastic wedding on a small budget.
Cant wait to to marry Martyn
Wishes the wedding would come faster
XxX
CommentAuthorOneDayMrsSmith
I think we're going to end up spending 10K on ours. We were originally going to spend 5K, and then now I've seen the venue I really really love and I want it there! We've set the wedding back another year to give us time to save, H2B's very happy with that, we're just so happy to be getting married! But our new venue is going to cost us around 7K with everything, I know that's a huge amount but it's so perfect there, I love it so much. And he says it's fine, we just have to knuckle down and save. It's one day in your life (hopefully, you know what i mean), and there's no need to worry about how much, as long as you're comfortable and don't get yourselves into debt for the rest of your life. Your honeymoom sounds amazing, I'd love that! I never thought about doing something like that before! Some people spend 1K, some spend 100K's, but it doesn't matter - if you love that person and you both agree on what you want, then go for it! x
CommentAuthorRags
Don't feel guilty about spending a fortune on your wedding. And don't feel jealous about others who have the means to do so. The most important thing is for us all to have the best day.
for those of us who could never dream of seeing £20 or £30k (even in our salary's pre tax) the amount we are spending is relevant to our means. And is a small fortune to us.
The reason the average price of a wedding comes in at £18k is because some people spend more than I bought my house for and some people spend less than I'd pay for a week in skegness :)
I'm now a married woman
I have a gorgeous husband
Whats to do now
Theres no more wedding planning to do
CommentAuthorPennylane
My budget is about 18k and I don't feel one bit guilty cos we've saved it all up on our own and we have worked hard to get there. If people think it's silly to spend that much on one day it's their opinion but I don't listen, it's my money and I'll spend it how I like lol :)
02.07.11
All you need is Love!
Why is the rum always gone?
CommentAuthorLedZepLover
Well put Rags:)
Do what you like, spend what you like I say! As long as you have the means and are happy to do so who cares what anybody else thinks!
I've just spent a meer £24.00 on my wedding ring (second hand from a gold shop) and I am so pleased/excited about it that, even tho people may sneer their noses up at not having spent hundreds of pounds on a wedding ring, it still gives me the same feeling and means the same as if I had spent a massive amount of cash on it.
Don't feel guilty, if anyone asks how much you are spending you could just tell them to mind thier own business!
CommentAuthorRags
Yeh, if someone asks me what my wage is or what I paid for my house I tell em to bugga off and mind your own. It's for me to know and the bank manager to remind me!
I'm now a married woman
I have a gorgeous husband
Whats to do now
Theres no more wedding planning to do
CommentAuthorjenn
I think your wedding is wat you make it, doesnt matter how much you spend on it! :)
CommentAuthorMrs (Dove) Pidgeon
600 guests for £12k Netta? I'm IMPRESSED!
Now a extremely happy German housewife and now a Mother!!!!
Islay Jean born 24th June in Hannover.
CommentAuthorsugardumpling
As long as you're both happy and you're marrying for the right reasons then it doesn't matter if you spend £100 or £100000, that's your business and nobody elses! If we had the money there are umpteen and one things we would have had to make the day a bit more fancy, but with (almost) 2 kids, a mortgage, me on maternity leave and coming up to winter (not the best time for H2Bs business) our financial priorities lie elsewhere.
All I would say as a word of caution is that if you're both still students then make sure you've got enough money to cover your college/uni fees and at least a bit of money to start paying your loans back with - sorry, my mum beat practicality into me from a very early age ;)
Your wedding does sound ace though, and congrats for embracing your inner Bridezilla!!
CommentAuthorMrs fairytale
we are having the big white wedding, 100 at church 60-70 fo the breakfast and 250 for the evening and loads and loads of things that i just love its all coming in at just under £12,000 and i have vo guilt what so ever, y should i we are only doing it once and we want it to be exactly how we want it if i had a larger budget then i would be spending more its got to be prefect (stamps her foot) lol xx
cant wait to renew my vows, love my hubby sssssooooo much xx
CommentAuthorMrs Daltry
im making no appoligies here if this offends anyone here but im simply going to say,JUST BECAUSE YOU SPEND MORE IT DOESNT MEAN YOUR WEDDING WILL BE BETTER THEN ANYONE ELSES!!,my wedding came to just under 5,000 and everyone had an amazing time,everones wedding is special to the people involved so saying you spent this that or the other is really un-needed ..lots of money doesnt always mean a fab wedding!!,,sorry but these posts annoy the heck out of me,its not a competition
CommentAuthorSoon2beMrsHall
Well said Mrs Daltry.
Cant wait to to marry Martyn
Wishes the wedding would come faster
XxX
CommentAuthorMrsMac
I dont understand why people get upset or defensive either side of the big spend or smaller budget dos..... if you do what you're happy with then its your perfect day and I couldnt care less how much anyone else spends..... do what makes you happy :))
CommentAuthortoni400
i think you should give yourself a realistic budget and try to get as much for your money as poss. Its not worth getting into debt for but still have the things that you want. Thank goodness for the internet, I have enjoyed surfing and looking for amazing bargains.
CommentAuthorSoon2beMrsHall
I have found nearly everything on ebay. Shoes, favours, flowers, veil, tiara, the lot and it has worked out cheaper then i thought it would which i good also having a small budget to work to means i have to stick to it but i am hoping i come under it as i can then have a few days with my new hubby together.
Cant wait to to marry Martyn
Wishes the wedding would come faster
XxX
CommentAuthormrs pinkalice
£11,000 isnt a particularly big budget at all! especially considering that includes the honeymoon. ours will be about 14k including honeymoon and we havent been particularly extravagant on anything, its just all the little things add up to big amounts!
i would say tho, have you got actual quotes for some of the things on your list? £100 for cake and £100 for stationary seems very optimistic, unless your making them yourself? xx
CommentAuthormrs pinkalice
oh i just saw your dad is making the cake - thats a great gift! i wish we knew talented people who could make stuff for us but we know no one, the closest i have is my cousin who is a hairdresser but is still charging me lol xx
CommentAuthorTattieSoup
I didn't mean by posting this to imply that there was a competition or that I thought my wedding was better than somebody else's who had a smaller budget. I didn't even post this really for a discussion of budgets.
The reason I posted was that I was hurt and upset by the reactions of my friends and family and other people on other forums that ARE for discussing budgets, to me or others revealing what we are intending to spend. I came to these places warm and open and happy and excited, and I was insulted and told that I was ridiculous or shallow or selfish.
I don't mind what anybody else spends on their wedding but I was surprised by how agressive some people were about what I was spending on mine, to the point of claiming that big weddings somehow magically ruin marriages. Having taken some time out after this unexpected assault, I realised it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, so I decided to ignore this type of maliciousness and go ahead and enjoy my special day.
The only reason I started this topic was to find out whether other brides on "bigger" budgets have had the same experience, and if so, how it affected them personally and how they dealt with it.
CommentAuthorRachie :D
for me you spend what you can afford - we're looking at around £4 - 5k but thats all we can afford at the moment and i know someone (no longer a friend) who is spending £20k and thinks my budget is "pitiful" but I know my Wedding will be perfect to me as i am marrying my best friend with a family who loves me round me - so good for you hun and I wouldnt feel guilty at all - if I had the money to I would spend it too.
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthormrs pinkalice
at the end of the day, its your wedding, and you have to have the things that you want. if they cost a few grand more than what someone else has chosen then who cares, if you and your h2b can afford to do it, and want to do it then thats all that matters. i cant really say how people have reacted to my budget as to be honest, generally people dont ask me. the only people who really know how much it costs are our parents and they want us to have our day the way we want it. if someone did disapprove i would say if you have a problem with it then dont come! lol a few more off the guest list hehe xx
CommentAuthorNetta
Dove - I know, had help tho, it mainly came down to the venue site, as a gift to us our friend has offered us the ability to use the land at the back of their property and it is soo purtee, lots of trees and space. So the main cost involved is the tenting but got an ooober deal on that or rather my mum did as she is a marvel at getting things for a good price lol
CommentAuthorsugardumpling
What does it matter who spends what on their wedding? We're on a small budget because that's what our finances dictate, if anybody's finances say they can spend 20k then fab for them. A big wedding doesn't always mean a selfish bride who wants to play at Princess for the day and has no regard for marriage or the sanctity of, it can also mean you have a lady who is deeply in love with her fiance, knows she'll only ever do this once and she has the money to have a big wedding.
Am I happy with our budget wedding? I'm over the moon with it! If I had the money would I spend it on a luxury venue with a once in a lifetime Honeymoon? Most definitely! Would that mean I love my H2B any less? No!
Tattiesoup my love, you really don't have anything to feel guilty for, this is a once in a lifetime thing and if that's what you want to do then good on you! Have to admit I'm sooooooo jealous about Swedish Lapland, you lucky duck ;)
CommentAuthorGoff
My wedding will be full of awesomeness .......
UKB Mad Scientist
Ride it like ya stole it.....
I'm a flippin ORTHOTIST
CommentAuthorRachel_Sarah
I think as long as you have the perfect day, then it doesnt matter how much you spend.
CommentAuthorlemlau
I think if you have the money to do it then why the hell not!! we are spending around £12k (which has been given to us) on our day and as i hope this is the only wedding i'll have i intend to make it the most memorable for us both! As we have been given money we are also paying for things ourselves over time so it could poss add upto £14k
go for it! you shouldn't feel guilty at all! we all have an inner bridezilla!!
lol
xx
Live every moment
Laugh everyday
Love beyond words
Happily ever after
CommentAuthornickers
well i hadnt originally planned on spending as much as ours is gonna be similr to urs hun tattie!!but my h2b is the same he is just happy as long as i am lol its ur day u should enjoy it how u want xxx
MRS RICHARDSON HERE
LOVE MY LITTLE FAMILY MY GORGEOUS SON
AND HANDSOME HUSBAND XXXX
CommentAuthorRachie :D
As ;long as you have the day YOU want and no one else it doesnt matter if you spend £100 or £100k lovie just do it your way and enjoy it xxxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorStevie_Dee
I dont understand any reason why any bride or couple should feel guilty for how much they deem is an appropriate budget for THEIR wedding! The majority of couples see their day as a once in a lifetime event and as such work tirelessly hard to save for it. If they want a wedding for £800 or £80,000 it is their right to have it. Our budget started at £2500 and has slowly risen and we now estimate it will cost around £10k - £12k Let any family or friend say that is selfish and they know what they can do with their opinion! Our day, our way and were not asking for a penny off anyone! xx
I have a gorgeous husband!
2 brilliant wonderful boys, a wonderful life
in Cornwall. Happiest woman ever!
Now making our house a home. Blessing 2014.
CommentAuthorlemlau
i think some people are taking comments out of context. Tattiesoup isn't saying i have a big budget ner ner ner! she wanted to say do you know what i'm going to have what i want as my budget allows it ! I love my man otherwise i wouldn't be spending so much money. I have read a few posts now where people don't like what they read then feel the need to make the person who posted it feel bad!!
Go for it tattiesoup!!
xx
Live every moment
Laugh everyday
Love beyond words
Happily ever after
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
i dont think it depends on money how good your wedding will be but you should do what makes you happy definitely!!! i really hope you enjoy your day whatever you end up spending on it. i dont anyone will think you are being selfish at all if your money spend it how you will xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthormrs pinkalice
edited
if 2 people are meant to be together the marriage will last whether you spend £2k or £50k
*edit, typo lol
CommentAuthorshellay
our budget started at £5000.00 and rose to £10000.00 but with the honeymoon on top of that its looking like £13000.00 but its my h2b's first wedding and my second, he wants it to be perfect, we are struggling to save the money and have to watch every penny to scrimp and save for it, but its out big day and we want it how we want it, i know we cannot afford the money but we are happy to not go out and eat beans on toast for the next year so that we can have the perfect day x
I have know my soulmate for 27 years and on the 6th August
I married him and became Mrs Garnham.
It was most definitely the happiest day of my life.
I love married life !!!!
CommentAuthorfelicity.h
well said pinkalice. I get this from my family about like say i would like a pair of expensive shoes. Thats my luxury. we're spending what we can afford and i must admit im getting fed up of looking for bargins. Im always having to buy things as cheap as possible. If they dont fit in our budget after all the important needed things then i wont get anything but it deffinately annoys me. For one day i would like something 'nice' and i dont mean mega expensive just not getting something and it'll have to do because its only £20. Im now getting to the point where if people say why would you want to spend that much. Im only spending 3-4k and then total will be 5-6k after my mum and in laws help. I suppose that i have an inner bridezilla but tbh it gets my goat when people are telling me how we should spend our money and especially when i never spend any one me besides a hair cut and a £10 pair of jeans once every few months and there always telling me i should spend more on myself and not on paul and the kids. Takes the mick.
But i do agree if it will last it will no matter what you spend or what you wedding day is like. Yes you can get a wedding for 5k and a lovely one at that, but tbh i dont know many people who dont have a manor or stately home or grant hotel wedding these days and there normally 6-7k straight away so its quite hard to avoid a fairly large buget straight away.
CommentAuthorLittle Miss Bump
My dad was horrified at how my the reception cost, and that made me feel guilty, and feel like i was wasting money, but then i told myself i'm having the venue that has sentimental value to me (its where me and h2b got together) and its worth spending the money on
CommentAuthorRachel_Sarah
Just in case my post was taken the wrong way, what i mean is as long as you have evrything you want then it doesnt matter how much you spend, people make their budgets and weddings to suit them. If you've got the money then why not. I know if i have more money then i would definately be spending it on the wedding.
CommentAuthorangelan1986
ok im on a tight budget but if we had more to spend we would. im not going to get into debt to make my day "better" if you get me. it will be perfect just the way it is.
i have never seen a 4 weddings where the 1 with the lowest budget wins but thats simply because in the others eyes its not the best, but i have seen it when the 1 with the biggest budget doesnt win. the 1 with the small budget always says at the end "i should win because it was the best in my opinion"
CommentAuthornini
edited
Regardless of money your own wedding will be special to YOU. The only draw back to having a smaller budget is the fact that you have to compromise on what you want and what you can actually afford. People have the right to spend whatever they want on whatever they want - as in life. We all have differet priorities and different tastes and we should be thankful for that. Personally I'd love a bigger budget, if only to buy my dream dress! Although I could still have my dream dress if I didn't have a band ........thats a toughie!
CommentAuthorChrissy
We have a huge wedding budget of £25,000. And I do feel guilty when I hear how some of the lovely ladies out there have young families and not much money to go around. I have been there and my first weddings (yes 2 weddings before) were just like that, on a very tight budget because of family. I guess I don't want to appear to be rubbing anyone's nose in it and I just don't think it's that important. Our wedding is probably for a completely different reason to anyone else here. Of course I love him and all of the usual but we have been together 24 years and are still as happy now as ever so a big wedding just for us wasn't important. The reason it is so expensive is because we are doing this for our children and grandchildren so we can capture the memory on DVD for them to keep always. I almost died 18 months ago and it made me realise that I wanted to leave our kids with a really precious memory that they have been a huge part of and relive when we are gone. I have a few health problems and now realise you can go at anytime. Our Daughters and Granddaughters are bridesmaids, Sons and grandsons all ushers, 1 son is best man, even the three year olds are in the same suits etc. Everything is perfect so when we are gone they can look back at that DVD and remember how happy we were and that wonderful day we all shared as family. I would pay anything to give them that xxx
JD is taken so I'll settle for being Mrs Marge :o)
CommentAuthorangelan1986
aww chrissy thats so sweet. i only plan on getting married this once, so when h2b says we can renew our vows it bugs me. i just want my perfect day and for everyone to have a good time, i dont want to have to go through it all again lol. atm though it looks like its going to be a cheap do with maybe a "better" 1 in a few years xx
CommentAuthorChrissy
Believe me when I say I only planned on getting married once but had a knack for picking bad boys which is why it's taken me so long to get married this time round but I think I can risk it now after 24 years, I think he's here to stay, lol :o) xx
JD is taken so I'll settle for being Mrs Marge :o)
CommentAuthorangelan1986
lol oh yeah im sure when you were a little girl you said to yourself, hey why have 1 wedding day when i can have 3 hahahaha. obviously things dont always work out but when your are going into it you want it to be your dream and want to believe it will always last forever. fingers crossed that nothing goes wrong lol. but yes 24 years is a long time to make sure hes sticking around lol xxx
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
dont feel guilty for any budget in my opinion what you have you have! i'm happy with my budget xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthorKimi
At the end of the day you spend what you can afford and what you want.
I've had people (including family) ask why we are spending money and getting married like we are (had points of doing a "cheap registry office wedding" and "buggering off abroad" - their words not mine) and we've blatantly told them because we are doing it how we want to - so what if it costs us more, its what we want - its not up to them. Most pretty much backed down straight off.
Do what you both want because that's what you want to do - if you don't you may regret it. :)
The days are flying by, can't wait :)
CommentAuthorChrissy
Perfectly said Kimi :o) x
JD is taken so I'll settle for being Mrs Marge :o)
