H2B and I have both been married before, and decided to have a small intimate wedding, and only invite immediate family and a couple of friends....
no nieces or nephews.......or their kids. because our 20 people wedding would then turn into a 50-60 person wedding and cost 3 times more, and we didnt want it to....we COULD afford it but we dont want to feed people who we havent even seen for 2-3 years.......

I have 1 brother and 1 sister coming to the wedding, and their partners. my brother has 2 sons, each of them are married and one of them has 4 kids and the other son has 3......and they are all heathens so I am glad they are not invited......family or not/

One son in particular I cant really stand because he is such a know all, and I avoid him whenever I can, but every time I go on facebook he immediately messages me with ''hows the wedding plans going? '' and we are having a vow renewal and would like you to photograph it.......you'd be a guest of course....''
Of course I would, and a free photographer as well presumably. ! no thanks, I told him I was already booked that day. (I lied).

Anyway I was married before and he has a sister, who has a daughter and I instantly got on well with her, as a child she was lovely and when she got married she had my daughter as her bridesmaid 10 years ago.

She keeps emailing me on facebook telling me how much she cant wait for my wedding......Hmmmmm
Well I cant invite her for a couple of reasons.

If I am not inviting my own nieces and nephews....how can I invite her when she isnt even MY niece, but my ex-husbands? and the very fact that she is my past life.......I was married to her uncle......I just cant invite her it would feel wrong somehow, I dont know how it would make H2B feel. I did mention to her it was just a small affair, with just immediate family.....but she didnt take that in I dont think.

ANYWAY....(I am getting to it now I promise)
Tonight, I popped onto facebook for 1 MINUTE!!!!!! and both my nephew and Ex's niece sent me an email as soon as I logged in....

Email 1 was from Natalie......
Hi Anne, I must pop and see you sometime, how are the wedding plans coming along. cant wait, bought a new outfit!

Email 2 was from Steven my nephew......
Hi Anne, Just thought I would let you know we are moving house, next month to Woodhall Spa......which will be handy as we have a meal booked for me Amanda and the kids...(see animals) at the Petwood hotel.......on 11th August......see you then!

Errrrrrrr????? thats our VENUE! on our wedding day!

Sounds to me like they have booked in the restaurant, and regardless of the fact they are not invited.....they are bloody well making sure they get in there, cos he has always been one that has to be in at every dog hanging.
His kids have snotty noses that they wipe on you, and eat with their hands.....and I dont mean finger food.
And for this reason they are no longer invited to family gatherings anymore because they have no control over their kids....

And what about the fact that my other 5 nephews and nieces are not invited?
Steven will have to tell them HE was there......but he wont tell them he just turned up, he will let them think he was invited.

I can hardly tell him NOT to go for a meal, just because it happens to be at our wedding venue. but he is also the kind, he will probably order just a drink and no food, then descend on us with the kids saying how hungry they are.......then what can you do? and he will sit at tables with other people hoping to be bought drinks.
I dont think he would descend on us at the wedding breakfast, but afterwards at the hotel bar where we will go for drinks. His wife is the most miserable hatchet faced bag I have ever had the misfortune to set eyes on. And when he was in Cyprus last year, before coming out of the Army.....she had an affair after he had only been gone 9 days.....cos she was lonely! 9 days?

well they got back together and I bumped into them a week or so back in Tesco's, and he said Hi Anne, me an Amanda are back together, and I am now out of the Army.......
I know I shouldnt have said anything.......but I couldnt help myself/
I said....''good job you came out the Army really, cos you cant trust that little trollop, she cant keep her knickers on can she?''
And unbelievably.......she STILL wants to gatecrash my wedding? makes me wonder why? payback maybe?

I hate facebook! and how rude is it of BOTH of them?
They both know they havent been invited, and one is hinting to come, and the other is just gatecrashing.
I am mega stressed now.

Its just really difficult to say it in the first place, but when you have plucked up the courage to do that....and I did.....if they ignore that and you have to be more forceful, and I feel very uncomfortable repeating it.

they are either stupid, or they think immediate family includes them......I tend to think more ignorant than anything else.

My goodness that is really really really cheeky! They have no shame!
xx

Tough situation ... I would just tell your ex's niece that she cant come. If you have to say your H2B is uncomforatalbe. If she is brash enough to try and guilt you into an invite, she can take it.

The fella that has booked a meal, thats a tough one. I would speak to the hotel, make it clear that ivited guests only are to be at you wedding. I would warn them about the guy and his family and get someone to point them out on the day. Make it clear he is not invited and he is not to be allowed into your wedding. Failing that tell him you have changed the venue and give him the address of a venue at the other side of town or something. At least then he might go and book there ....

Or just tell him, 'I hope you enjoy your meal, but please understand you are not invited to the wedding, there will be no food for you and if I see you there I will ask the staff to ask you to leave...' Harsh but if you really dont want them there ....Good luck hun xxx

Awkwaaaaaard.

Have you sent out your invites yet? For niece you could say- wedding plans are going well, sent our invites out and everyones RSVP'd now, what's the outfit for? going somewhere nice?

Or something like that lol.

I think KATG has the right idea for the nephew.

I like that answer.

She's not your niece, she's a very close friend who you share a lot of history with! Therefore it would be a crime not to invite her.

Can you not get his parents to mention to your nephew that what he is doing wrong and he is not invited to your wedding? As for your 'niece' I can see why you wouldn't want her there, but I can also see why she would like to be there. My Aunt and Uncle divorced when I was 7 (uncle is dads brother). We have nothing to do with my Uncle but my auntie will always be my auntie, blood or not! She is the one who has carried on sending my brother and I birthday and chirstmas cards and presents, and is more family to me than my uncle has ever been. She is getting married next month and my family have not been invited for the same reasons as yours Raggedy, because we are her ex-husbands family, and even though we get on with her new h2b, it doesnt feel right to her. This upset us all as my mum and her are very close friends, and as I said, she will always be my auntie, so as much as it hurt to know she didnt want us there, I understand her reasons, and she will still be invited to my wedding. However, I would never try and guilt or pressure her into inviting us. It is her wedding day, and her choice. I will still send a card and present to show I am thinking of her, but will not be pushing for an invite or turning up at her venue to have a meal there! They both need to respect your decision and back off xxxxx

can u have a guestlist put on your function room door? if they arent on it they dont get in! also just be straight with and tell them they arent invited its SO rude to just expect an invite!!!!! hope yr ok xxxxx

I think Kempy has hit the nail on the head, definitly speak to the venue, and speak to Natalie and try and get her to understand why nieces/nephews are not invited. Stand your ground, you obviously made the decision not to have neices/nephews there in the first place for a reason, so stick to your plan x x

Crikey RA you're having a stressful time lately with people mucking up your wedding plans!! I think the two issues should be considered separately.
Your "niece" you can invite if you want to, without feeling bad about your other nephews and nieces - you can call her a good friend, as ModMummy suggested. On the other hand, if that just makes things too complicated, you can always say that you and your h2b agreed not to have any family from previous marriages as this day is about your new life together...?
As regards your nephew, he needs a slap. He's being rude beyond belief, I don't know how he has the brass neck! As you say, if someone clearly doesn't want you at their wedding why on earth go out of your way to invite yourself anyway, and as ostentatiously as possible?! I think OWB and KATG are right, all you can do is be brutal about it, and definitely get the hotel on your side when it comes to the actual evening. You are paying them for your private party, they should look after you and if you say you only want particular guests present then that's that. He can sit elsewhere in the restaurant if he wants but I would warn the hotel that he might try to "pop over" to see you at some point, and that this will not be welcome. Failing all that get his parents to give him a strict talking-to!!! ;)
Is there any chance your nephew could be winding you up about having booked the meal? Does he get a laugh out of upsetting people like that? Because I've known people who would wind others up so much it got them really upset, just for them fun of it. Maybe he's that kind of nasty character.

its your day ann, i have had a similiar problem i had to tell my neices and nephew who im close to that their kids can not come, but my first husbands children and grandchildren are coming, i want them there and my h2b understands also invited are friends of h2b and friends of mine, its are day and we have come to the conclusion we wont have anyone else dictate whos coming to our wedding. as for your nephew he needs telling straight he s not invited him or his kids, hope you get it sorted :-)

Well it's done now so you can put it behind you and look forward to the day. Whatever happens happens but it's not worth worrying about any more, you've other things to be getting on with! ;)

woop woop!! ;)

Glad its sorted.
looking forward to seeing the dress. xx

warn your venue that they may try to gate crash and may try to demand they are added on. to save you embarassment, ask if the venue can intervene and make out as though its the venue who cant accomodate him.

see its all better now :) and all the other stuff you have going on too!!! hopefully this means your day will go without a hitch (fingers crossed)

it seems to me like you dont get on with any of your family

i can understand your sister but see im from a very close family and there is not alot of us and i hurt everytime someone says 'dad' as i have one but he used to beat me and mum and my brother and so i feel that on one of the biggest in your life your family should be there but that is just my opinion

maybe you can just tell time, the wedding plan is going great, and by the way , we are having a super small intimate wedding, we are only inviting immediate families members to the wedding, and we will be having a party/dinner for friends and other families later on.