Ok so I need someone to speak to as bottling it up isn't make things any better and if I vent to people I may say something I regret! So my sister as Chief Bridesmaid has kindly sorted my hen weekend for me. We started organising in May and officially confirmed with my sister paying the deposit in July. Anyway I went round to see my mum the other day and she informs me that she's booked a holiday and she'll be away for the weekend of my hen do. I didn't get too angry as I thought there would be plenty of time to re-arrange and we could just change the date. Anyway my sister had had an email off the company organising it to say that every weekend either side of my date is fully booked so of course now I'm angry/really upset. Me and my sister have really put ourselves out trying to change the date even though it was my mums mistake and now she knows we cant change the date she is making NO effort at all to put herself out. I know it costs money but in my opinion she should change the date of her holiday. She's known for 5 months when my hen do is and I just feel like she doesn't give a damn about me and her holiday is obviously more important to her. Am I being irrational or do you agree with me? At the moment I am having a lot of wedding problems being thrown my way :-(
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Did your mum definitely know that she was invited to the hen do? Not all brides invite their mothers. If she knew then you have every right to be annoyed, as it's a big deal for you and should be for her. If she preferred not to come, say if she felt it would be mostly your generation and she would be out of place, she should have talked to you or at least your sister.
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CommentAuthorJoanna
I'd be heartbroken if my mum went on holiday over my hen do :( that's awful. Is there no way she can move the dates of her holiday? I don't know if that's possible x
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CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
I'd be really upset too... I know some mums would feel out of place at your 'typical hen do' but she should have talked to you about it really xx
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CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
what are you doing for your hen do ? could it be that what you have arranged for you and your friend just really isn't you mums cup of tea .
Elinor, yes she did know! She's known since May as we discussed it with her first! Joanna I haven't asked her to change the date yet as I wanted to see if she would suggest this without me and so far she hasn't but yes it is possible but she would be charged. Miss weedles and Lala she's not your typical mum! She is up for a laugh and loves a drink and she was actually really excited about it (or so she made out! She cant have been that excited otherwise she wouldn't have chosen to go on holiday over my hen do). And also Lala she's known about this since May so even if she didn't want to come she should have told us before anyway x
CommentAuthorJoanna
Has she tried to find a solution or has she said she's going on the holiday? x
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
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CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Have u spoken to her about this x
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CommentAuthorValentinaK
Have you asked her why? Even though youre fuming could you tone it down and express annoyance/upset/hurt to your mum and find out why she did it? My mum could easily do this I think by mistake... shes up for a drink and laugh... but not as much as to come on a night out in town.
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CommentAuthorVickyB70
Joanna she's going on the holiday regardless! Miss Weedles I haven't spoken to her yet because I want to calm down first!! And Valentina she hasn't done it on purpose she says she forgot the date of the hen do to which I said she should know the date and if she cant remember dates she should have put it in her diary. I've just texted my sister because she still lives at home to ask if mums offered to change her hols date and she said no. I'm starting to calm down a bit now I've got you girls to speak to as it helps to get off my chest but I'm still upset. As I said to my dad yesterday I'm more upset than angry as it was a genuine mistake, its just that she's done nothing since to offer to rectify the mistake whereas we seem to be putting ourselves out when its not even our fault. She went out shopping yesterday, she could have used that money to spend on changing the date of her holiday x
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
To be fair if its a genuine mistake and she can't change it (hols r expensive) why don't you do something just u, your sister and your mum? I don't think you should dictate what she should and shouldn't spend her money on ie: shopping...
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
It it could be that she CANT change the date of her holiday a lot of company's won't allow you to change. Just as airlines won't change a lot of flights .. If you can't go you cancel n lose the money, the only way you can (sometimes) recoup the money via insurance but this is normally only paid out in exceptional circumstances.
I dont think you should give her too much of a hard time. Yes, she should have remembered the date, and its upsetting she didnt, but its 'only' the hen do. I wouldnt be asking my mum to change the dates of her holiday just to attend my hen do. However, I probably wont be doing something with my mum for mine anyway as we dont particuarly do well in each others company on nights out and I may feel differently it we got on well and I actually wanted her there.
Just double check she has the date of the wedding correct lol!
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CommentAuthormillz090
It doesnt sound like she has done it on purpose but just forgotten the dates as its ages away yet so i wouldnt give her a hard time. she may not be able to change the holiday dates or she may not want too and in that case you need to accept it and move on as being angry with her wont solve anything but cause an arguement/friction. Why dont you organise something for you, her and your sister for when she's back so still involved in the hen do.
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CommentAuthorVickyB70
I'm not dictating what she should spend her money I just think she has her priorities wrong. I cant help it if I'm upset and I think my hen do is actually something really important. The whole idea of me having one hen do was so I didn't have to have lots of little ones with different groups as that gets expensive. I don't want to fall out with her which is why I haven't spoken to her/seen her yet. I appreciate everyone's opinion and like I say im not going to fall out with her over it I just think I'm making a lot of effort for someone else's mistake! I'll get over it
CommentAuthorBeckyU98
after the disaster of me and MOH organising my hen do i have come to realise that no-one really cares about your hen do except for you and your MOH/Chief Bridesmaid/person organising it. mine has been a nightmare from start to finish and its come to be that i just dont even want one anymore or care about it. Hopefully you will have a better experience than me i hope you do. but the closer you get to your hen do the less you will be bothered about it im sure.
I know its horrible that your family do that but at least your mom intended to go on your hen do. mine said that she didnt want to come as she didnt want to do the same things as us and my step mom said that she suddenly didnt want to come in case my mom would be there. i can almost promise you that once you have gotten over the upset bit you really wont be as bothered. you will probably miss her a bit on the day but you will have a great time.
your right, dont fall out with her over it. theres nothing either of you can really do. just try and forget about it for a bit and everything will be ok. the most important thing is that she will be there for the wedding xx
CommentAuthorVickyB70
Awww Becky that's awful. I know your right in the grand scheme of things the hen do isn't going to be THAT important it's just very fresh at the moment!! Are u still having one? x
CommentAuthorPrincess2be
You could have an extra hen do party another time so that your mum could go. xxx
CommentAuthorBecky1608
i completely understand why you're upset but I definitely think it's a great chance to do something separate with her.
Could you discuss this with her? xxx
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CommentAuthorBeckyU98
yeah im still having a hen do. just a few close friends and im sure it will be great. was touch and go as to weather we would meet the minimum numbers but we just made it. im going to do something a little closer to home for those that cant make it - something like a spa day or just a meal. i think doing something with your mom when she is back is a good idea, but you can certainly talk about it nearer the time with her when all of this has died down a bit x
CommentAuthorValentinaK
Middle aged women CAN be a bit dozy and forgetful whuch is part of the stereotype of post menopause, middle aged women drivers etc. How about getting your MOH, BMs siblings and mum together one afternoon/night in the run up before the wedding for pamper sesh, nibbles and coctails with some cheeky games?
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
You could use this as an excuse for 2 hen do's?!!
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CommentAuthorValentinaK
Exactly the above! Double fun!
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthorsarah
Exactly what I was thinking.
There could be a lot of reasons behind this situation, but it's done now. How about a local do? I had a friend that went away for hen and had a local do. Her mum came to the local w/her friends in tow. It worked out really well.
CommentAuthorVickyB70
That's good Becky at least you can still go ahead with your plans! Valentina that has really made me giggle lol! And to everyone else suggesting the two hen dos would be great if I could afford it! I was originally having desperate ones with different groups of people but it ends up costing the bride more which is why I decided to do one but hey oh like you all say I can't change it now so I'll have a chat with her and see what she says! x
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
edited
OI Valentina ..... Speaking as a ( technically as I'm 50 ) Middle aged woman I am not in the least bit dozy or forgetful .... In fact I remember more than most people forget !!!
I can understand why you are upset, I would be too. But I would be more upset if it was my wedding day my mum had booked the holiday for and couldnt attend my wedding. I would have a chat with her and tell her how upset you are and that would give your mum chance to be honest with you too. Then maybe you, your mum and sister could have a small intimate hen night. Doesnt have to be extravagant, you could go for a meal have a pamper day or evening xx
CommentAuthorLauraM9144
hen do's should just be banned lol soooo stressful!!! i thought my moh and mum (my best friend) were arranging mine they kept talking about mini cruises or nights out turns out neither of them planned anything!! so no hen do as such but i decided after everything i have done for this wedding and the time put in i wouldnt mind something a bit silly jut before the wedding. on thursday (night before the wedding) i have to decorate the reception room and thought this was a good time to get my girlies involved!! so we are going to decorate have some nibbles and wind up the day with an ann summers party! wont be a lte or boozy night due to some important events going on next day ;) but thats how i like it! just try not to get to stressed im sure you will have a great time wether she is there or not and in my opinion i wouldnt want her to change her holiday as this may make her irritated then she wont want to be out with you anyway. chin up hun just make the best of it xxx
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CommentAuthorVickyB70
Very good points thank you all! I've calmed down and have realised that she'll be the one who misses out and it's her choice at the end of the day. I've still got 20 other people coming do will still have an amazing time. Laura you're right the hen do has been more stressful than the blooming wedding! Anyway deep breaths and get on with it! x
