how about sending an information card for all the mums & dads when you send out the invites? personally if I was asked not to bring my children to a wedding then I would probably only attend the evening reception as I wouldn't like the thought of leaving them all day and all night but I would make this known when I rsvp'd xx

Hmm can you maybe set up a wedding website and give the link to all your guests? That way you can add all your wedding info to it like when your hen night is, the stag how your planning is doing and you could add a bit on there somewhere about it being an adult only event.
Look up wedding websites theres loads of fab free ones about

we have had a problem a bit like this to because I have a lot of adult nieces and nephews who have their own children themselves' we decided that we would invite all sister and brothers and nieces and nephews but the children of my nieces and nephew's and any other children would only be invited to the day at the moment there are 3 babies under a year old in my family the rest of the 20+ children range from 2 to 13. I just popped it in to the conversion when ever the wedding was mentioned most of my family understand their is only my oldest sister and her 33 year old daughter that have had a moan about it to my other sister as they seem to think I should make an exception for her daughter who is coming up to one very soon. she will either be leaving her with one of her other relatives for a few hours or coming to the evening only.

to be honest I think your best way is just to casually it up sometime in a friendly chat if he is going to be upset at the situation then it wont matter how you do it he will still say some thing =maybe get your hubby to be to say something if you think he might bully you. plus you never know they have already left the baby once and you wedding is still 10 months away they might be happy for the break and be happy to leave him/her for the night x

if you don't feel confident talking to him, what about his partner or his mother just casually drop into the convo that you are having a kid free wedding.

I like the wedding website idea! Could do a fb page with directions etc then drop in adults only xxxx

Thanks for the link going to check that out now!

Im shaking so upset today though.

At work and got a text from my dad saying he needed to speak to me. this is strange as dad never texts.

My brother has been on phone to him saying how bad ive been! that ive sent rude and horrible emails saying i dont want to se the baby and to stop sending me photos. ( did no such thing, what he is refering to is when i politely asked them to untag me from so many fb pics as each time someone commented i was getting texts etc which while at work i could do nothing about. in space of one hour i got over 50 text alerts)
he says ive been ignoring him and his calls, well unless my phone has gone totally random no missed calls at all.
and that whenever he comes up im not there, helives in london, they never text/email/call me to say they are coming, i always get a text from mum well after they have arrived by which time like any normal person im busy!


my dad asked why havent i had balls to ring hime up!? (nice double standard there, why hasnt my bro rang me? no hes gone straight to mum n dad)

why havnt i told him yet no babys- because i wanted to let things cool down for me had a lot on and my mum asked me to wait a bit just incase baby was poorley etc.

and that did i realise that they prob wouldnt come.....who would want to laeve there baby, so i pointed out probably the same people who after a few weeks old had pictures on facebook of them drunk at a weekend concert/festival. so how can they pick and choose when they are bothered about it!

the wedding is just under a year away, no one else has a prob with the no baby/small children rule. feedback from here says other people do same. they have plenty of time to sort out childcare.

But what upsets me most is hes dragged my mum n dad into it, its nothing to do with them and hes trying to turn them on me.....this has happened before but I gave in for sake of not upsetting mum n dad and tbh this is the only reason why i tolorate him.

sorry for rant but im so upset about this.

Wishing we hadnt booked and paid for deposits now as id do something totally diffent with people who i actually WANT there

Many weddings don't have kids, so I don't understand why it should be an issue. If they don't like it then they can't come, but I know it sucks on your behalf.

Well ive spoken to bro about it tonight.

Stuck to my guns as its mine and oh decision.

He came up with few reasons said he was disappointed in decision but then ive left it. I can't add anymore to it.

He said would be difficult but he's got just under year to sort it.

I've also rang mum n explained she was happy enough but ive said im not discussing it as far as having my mind changed about it

And for the reception party ive booked the same photographer so baby can be included in the shots.

Hopefully that will now be end of the crapness!

Spoke to soon, he's now got my sister involved. Getting sent texts from her now. Politely told her to but out.

Maybe you could make up an information pack for all your guests. In this pack you could have places to stay with address and phone number. The menu so you can get people to tick a veggie option or meat option. Taxi numbers and anything else you can think of. A card that also say something along the lines of "For all our guests who have children we would like to request you come and enjoy our day. Let your hair down, have a dance, a drink , get merry, book a room and leave the kids at home. "

I wouldn't have thought at 1 it would be toddling but even so I dont want a screaming child at my wedding.
My mind and oh mind is made up about that for so many personal and pracdical reasons. E.g way venue is set out with just one door so if dud cry they would have to walk past us to take it out.


Im at wits end with how family have acted about it, even been to doctors today as feel so down. My oh has even texted mum asking her and others to back off a bit but not content with ganging up on me they started on him now.

tbh now I just want to treat them with the same respect they are giving me and oh
which is none and tell them all to naff right off.

Where's Lala mod with a slap when I need her to give one ! :-(

This is just going from bad to worse now never known anything like it.

My oh sent mum a text nicely asking people to back off. She replied saying he should go down and see them on his own he read that to mean so they can chat to him about no baby rule instead. He replied saying he didn't feel easy doing that. So I rang mum said that I knew he had text and what did he want to go over as I thought we had sorted n drawn a line under it.

She has now totally backed my bro up is pushing and pushing me saying how upset they are, how id regret it and they won't stop trying to change our minds.

My oh has had enough, to point of getting swarey about it.

In end I felt bad doing it but I was just so upset n angry I got quite blunt, said not changing mind which im not going to and that not discussing again
I feel sh#t now. In myself and because ive had to get quite blunt n angry and prob now fallen out with mum n dad over it which I didn't want.

Im not prepared to change my mind as i know id regret that even more

I knew this would happen, tried to be nice, patient and polite about it but its turned everyone against me.

Its one day for me and oh.

Any thoughts on what to do now?
Im sticking with the no baby though

Im glad your happy having small children at your wedding that's your choice, and I respect that as its my choice not to have them at mine.

Its the ceremony and immidiatly after I dont want them at. When we have the party ive arranged for the photographer to be there to get extra family shots as some aunties and uncles can't make the ceremony so gives everyone chance to be in photos.

I also have an issue with the not leaving it, they were happy enough to leave it at ten weeks old to got and get drunk ar a festival for the weekend so can't see why for one day when it will also be older they can't leave it

As for the Facebook I couldn't ignore the comments as it was causing my phone to send text alerts. My phone only has certain settings and I couldn't access a pc to turn these off. So I did the only thing I could didn't just untag myself and text her to untag me on all 30 of the photos where some people were commenting on every one. I wasn't rude at all to her I explained and she understood. The point of that was that my brother had told my dad that I had sent him a message saying to stop sending me photos as I didn't want them which was nothing like what I had said.

I have seen it from his side but the fact remains, and its not just him we have friends with small kids happy to leave we as many others on here too dont want small children at wedding

I've got his older child and his girlfriends child who we have never met despite them beying together for about 4/5 years as bridesmaids.

The decision was made before we knew she was pregnant, but im being made to feel like its a big vendetta against my brother on ny part.

No need to be so hostile. My point wasn't that she couldn't go out or that she had not earnt it but the fact of using she wouldn't want to leave it. Want that she was upset about not being at wedding. And if she's entitled to a night out am I not entitled to my day how I want it?


Found this on web....

There's nothing like planning a wedding to make a girl just want to give up and elope already. The fights with the in-laws over the seating chart, the fights with the bridesmaids over the dresses, and then there are the fights with the moms.

I'm not talking about the mom of the groom or the mom of the bride (though those two will certainly give your stress level a run for its money), I'm talking about all the moms you invite to the wedding (hereinafter Mom Guests). The ones who, for some inexplicable reason, think that your wedding is all about them. The ones who you will piss off beyond belief if you deign to do the unthinkable: Throw a child-free wedding (CFW).

You will rue the day you decided on a CFW.

That's right, I said rue.

Did I mention elopement?

Seriously, engaged ladies, if you're thinking of a CFW, you might just as well elope. Because by the time your Mom Guests (also known as your BFFs) are through with you, you're going to wish you never got married. Because you'll never want to have kids ... because you don't want to turn into a Mom Guest and give someone else a really hard time about what's supposed to be one of the happiest days of their lives.

But in keeping with the spirit of these Mom Guests, let's forget all about you and focus on them. Because if you haven't figured it out yet (but trust me, you will) your wedding day is ALL. ABOUT. THEM.

So you ... you there, Mom Guest, might I have a word? I want to let you in on a little secret.

I know this is really, really (really) hard to hear, but the Bride isn't revolving her entire wedding around you or even, probably, any of it. THE BRIDE ISN'T REVOLVING HER ENTIRE WEDDING AROUND YOU. No siree. She isn't. In fact, here's what else she's not doing.

1. She's not scheduling her wedding for when it's most collectively convenient for all her guests. Like say, around when her second cousin has his annual golf weekend with his college buddies, or, say, around when you, Dear Mom Guest, have to attend your kid's soccer tournament. (It's okay, take a deep breath.) She's scheduling her wedding for her favorite month or a date that means something to her and her fiance. Your kid's soccer schedule really has nothing to do with it. I promise.

2. She's not planning a "destination" wedding just so you have to deal with getting a babysitter. She's planning on having her Big Day in the Bahamas or Italy or New Orleans or in her own hometown (gasp!) or wherever it is that you don't personally live because that's WHERE SHE WANTS IT. You and your babysitter issues didn't even cross her mind when she decided in third grade where she was going to get married. She probably didn't even know you then. So if you want to go to the wedding (you know, because she's your friend, cousin, sister), get a babysitter to come to your home. Bring a babysitter with you to the destination. Call all the other Mom Guests and chip in to hire a local babysitter to watch the kids in one of the hotel rooms. Go to the wedding solo and have your husband/boyfriend/partner babysit the kids. There are plenty of options. If you choose not to exercise them, that's your problem not the bride's. A destination wedding doesn't make someone even close to being a Bridezilla. It certainly creates a lot of Mom Guest-zillas though.

3. She's not expecting you to call her and ask if you can bring your kids (whose names don't appear on the invitation) to the wedding. Note the word "not." Seriously. She's not. So don't. Under any circumstances. No matter how close you are. Just don't. Seriously. Put down the phone.

4. She's not planning a CFW because she 'hates" kids. In fact, she probably adores them. Might even be planning to push out a few of her own some day. Her CFW should not be taken as an affront to kids everywhere. So don't turn it into one. Maybe the bride simply doesn't think her dream wedding -- an 8 pm to midnight black-tie cocktail party in a rented high-priced mansion -- is a good place for kids. But what does she know? She's not even a mom yet. (Really Mom Guest? Really? She "hates" kids? Come. Fucking. On.)

5. She's not thinking about you. At all. I know this is the one that might be hardest for you to hear. But the bride is thrilled to be engaged and getting married. She's in love. She's found the man/woman of her dreams and is planning the wedding of her dreams. She's doing what makes her happy. Your happiness is irrelevant and it should be. If you can't get a babysitter or make it to the wedding for another kid-related reason, just check off the little box on the wedding invite that says "Will Not Attend." It's that easy.

This is the Bride's day not yours. Be a good friend, let her have it, and leave your kid at home. After all, it wasn't so long ago that you yourself were young and in love and planning your very own CFW.

It's not a distant cousins kids. It's not your friends kids.

Its YOUR niece/nephew.

Completely different!

I still understand why your family are annoyed and the have every right to be.
Maybe they will just do that and tick Will Not Attend.

Then what would you do?

Lost your bridesmaids, and your mother and father would be rather annoyed all day long.

I personally would have the guts to do that to a bride that is supposed to be family. I wonder how brave your brother is.

I'm with you, we're not having kids at our wedding, just our daughter. Loads of our friends have kids and they all understand... they're glad to have an excuse to get rid of them and have some peace! I like the idea of setting up a facebook event and puttting all the info on there, and this can be a more uninformal invite, and then clarify it on the proper invites when you send them out. This way, you don't have to have the conversation face to face with him, and you can always speak to friends with kids and get them to comment on the event with positive reasons for getting away from their kids for the weekend so he can see them! xx

Things were planned before she got pregnant.

Im having my sisters two girls also who will be 18/16. Im had the others who not close to at all, never met one of them as before all this didn't think was fair.

Im not at all close to my bro. He's caused lots of upset before but keep peace for mum n dads sake.

If he didn't come that's up to him like said not close.

We always had no small kids rule, close friends who if honest closer to than bro are ok with leaving kids.

Maybe they won't

But me and groom will!

Ive just had a thought I only leave my children with partners mum or his sister my 6 month old has never been left yet but who would I leave my children with if they were at the wedding. I do understand why your brother and parents are upset but I think if your if you really want this wedding without your niece or nephew then you do need to say sorry but its how your having it. I would be prepared for none of them attending xx

I really hope you enjoy your day. kids or no kids its your day- i personally am having kids (i love kids at weddings) but thats MY personal choice, you do what YOU want to do hun, you asked for help and some support and despite the negative comments i hope you got it- its your day and you arent that close to your brother, as for the rest of the family just keep explaining that your mind wont be changed on the matter and neither will your OHs, you have plenty of time to get it into their heads.
People have suggested you will regret it, if you do then so be it, but if you have a kid wailing there (which from years of experience i can tell you they will do) will ruin your day i doubt you will regret the silence, and if your brother wont come then you wont have to deal with anymore of him causing problems- win/win there.
The 1 year old wont remember the day, most of your family wont remember it in a few years time, YOU WILL!!
Best of luck with the family hun x

Theres alot to read here, I would say do what you want its you and your h2b day and only yours do what ever makes you happy, What annoys me with some parents are quick to leave them at home for there own plans... also have an issue with the not leaving it, they were happy enough to leave it at ten weeks old to got and get drunk at a festival for the weekend so can't see why for one day when it will also be older they can't leave it... my bil left their 18 month old baby at home for a week and took there other 2 who are appox 5 and 7 for a week aboard for no reason!! Yes the baby was with family but even they said it wouldnt eat cried all the time etc.. My sil also went aboard for the week on a girls hol and left all 4 at home youngest being 3. Most go on honeymoon and leave theirs for a day week whatever. Its up to them at the end of the day, just like its up to you two to do want you want on your wedding day. Goodluck with what you decide and dont ever feel bad about thinking all kids scream as im sure they all do at some point! Im am having some babies at the church but if any play up its out the door. I say it as i dont have kids and until i maybe do one day i will see them all as screaming its lol. No offence to ANY parent i just dont have that motherly thing yet mayb one day i will maybe i wont, Goodluckxxx

Your pictures are going to look amazing regardless who is in them.

I think your brother needs to respect your request, maybe say to him that the baby could come in the evening (if you are having children in the evening)

Lol

If only it would make a difference Lala :-(

had chat with oh last night and we have come to conclusion whatever we do its spoilt.

Change mind and have babies- wed have to change all our plans, entertainment etc which we so excited about

Change mind and have baby but dont change plans- babe will prob at some point cry AND IN MY OPINION this would ruin MY AND MY OH day, all time money spent. I think there was a good point abouve in few years most won't remember but we will!

Stick to guns- snide comments all day

we have both agreed its just spoilt already what should have been our day.

I've been off work today, since it happened on Monday ive been so upset. Doc even put me on antidepressents.

Despite my family knowing this the pressure is still on.

Im sure one person on here will think its deserved but I dont think anyone deserves this for there wedding.

Just at wits end all they had to do was show some respect, but no. One day just one day that's all we wanted.

Id like to make it clear I havnt just singled my brothers baby out its all small children.

As for me calling ithe baby it im sorry if this offends I have not called the baby it I front of anyone other than on here to explain situation.

But I donbt believe anyone should be treated way I have over this.

Both me an oh have list alll. Spirit for this

You've asked for opinions, you got both sides.
You shouldn't ask for opinions if you're not willing to listen to both sides. It's not rude. It's the truth.
I am one hell of a blunt person. I'll say it how it it. I can see from your brothers point of view, and was one of those, offended by you calling a baby "it".
You've not been treated in any bad way whatsoever. There are 2 sides to everything and people can see his as well.
And it doesn't feel singled out not due to the fact it not the only child not there, but the whole of the babies family will be there and he/she won't. That's singling his/her out from his/her family.
As many have said, it is your day.
And you should try and enjoy it, these are your plans. However
I don't understand how you'd have to change your entertainment? What have you got strippers? Kids love magicians, with music they are the first to get there groove on (everyone loves a cute kid dancing), singers/band, still music they can bounce away to. They are a lot more adaptable that people think. They don't need to be tip toes around all the time. And when they sleep time for family to go home, or babies goes in pushchair in the corner, not disturbing anyone.