My seven year old has always been "old headed". And if she asks a question, I dont like to lie to her, I just give her honest answers but with bits missing (so I dont tell her the whole truth). However, shes very good at reading and has an encyclopidea which was given to her from my mum. My best friend who I've known for 5 years has a daughter who is 5 years old. My daughter and her daughter have always been good mates and my friend knows what my daughter is like (cant keep her mouth shut lol). The last two times my friends daughter stayed shes been going home and telling her mum strange stuff. The first time was that my daughter told her daughter that I am a pagan. she didnt know what it was so my daughter said that its witchcraft but i only do good magic to help people (which is true). Now my friend knows this and hasnt got a problem. But her daughter went home and said that I'm a witch and that shes scared of me (she only knows the bad witches in kids films). My friend wasnt happy about this, however, I cleared it up by explaining that I'm not a bad person like those evil witches on kids programs. However, her daughter stayed last friday, within 5 minutes of the girls being sent to bed, she was in my daughters bed saying that she had a nightmare. I let it be but said that there was to be no talking and straight to sleep. Today I've just had a text from my friend saying that her daughter told her what sex was. jumped on her and showed her kinda what it was. I know my daughter knows about sex due to my "honestly" and the enclycopidea she has read as shes read it out to me and my H2B. We've already told her that its not appropiate to talk to other children about sex as their parents may not like it. However this shocked me. I know my friend really shelters her daughter as she still sleeps in the same bed as my friend even when she has her boyfriend stay over. I just dont know what to do. I dont believe that my daughter would talk about it without being asked but her daughter always says that my daughter says stuff (I caught my friends daughter out once by asking her infront of my friend and the truth came out) I just really dont know what to do apart from talk to my daughter in the morning and ask her what went on. Any advice would be brilliant.
CommentAuthorBee
hi, i dont have any children yet, and i wouldnt know where to start with the advice, sorry. maybe having a good talk with your daughter is the best bet, and also maybe the other little girl is exaggerating the stories, im not sure sorry. hope you get things sorted. bx
CommentAuthorAttention seeker :)
can i just ask when the star word is i have an idea but might be wrong.
as amum these things happen hun it wont be the last time. You know your daugher wouldnt just say stuff for the fun of it and the other child must like to shock her mother by telling her things.
im not seeking attetion i just like everyone looking at me
im married
im now Mrs Dove
no more wedding planning LOL yer right
CommentAuthorWren
I didnt realise that the word was starred out. didnt realise that it wouldnt be shown. its how babies are made (if i can put that?)
I'm going to talk to my daughter and I know that my friends daughter does lie abit as I've caught her out. Think she says things and then blames my daughter so she wont get into trouble. Its just my friend thinks her daughter can do and say no wrong at all even when shes caught out lying.
CommentAuthorsarsibob1
edited
if she sleeps in the same bed as her mum and mums boyfriend maybe it wasn't your daughter who has taught her about the birds and the bees especially if she was doing actions too (Am very surprised that the boyfriend allows it). Surely at 5 she should be sleeping in her own bed (I don't have children yet but this seems a bit weird to me)
That is rather odd that she is 5 and STILL sharing a bed, i mean my 2 rarely come in with us unless they have had a bad dream
Little Miss StressHead
I speak my mind if ya dont like it then tough
Men cant live with them, cant legally kill them
I'm like Marmite you either love me or hate me!!
CommentAuthorWren
I think its abit strange aswell but I've never really said anything to my friend about this. I just dont want her daughter to be saying that my daughter has been teaching her stuff when she hasnt. Its really annoying because how she tells me is really nasty as if I've let my daughter know things that she shouldnt know. I cant stop her from learning all I can do is explain that somethings are ok to talk about and others arent ok. Thats all i can do. I'm going to have a chat to my daughter in the morning to hear her side of the story.
CommentAuthorniceven
I've a 9 yr old girl, i wouldn't worry about it if i was you, there's nothing you can do about what your friends daughter says,just talk with your daughter to find out what happened. No point talking to your friend if she's one of those who's kid can do no wrong as she won't believe you anyway will just blame your kid, if her daughter is always saying things then don't allow her to sleep over then can't cause any trouble
CommentAuthorAttention seeker :)
if she sleeps in with her even when the boyfriend is there maybe she is teaching your daughter!!!!
belive your daughter if you know she isnt a lier. but dont make her feel like she is bad just tell her sometime her friend tells tales and talking to her about things is not a good idea
im not seeking attetion i just like everyone looking at me
im married
im now Mrs Dove
no more wedding planning LOL yer right
CommentAuthorWren
lol, I know that it wasnt my friends daughter teaching my daughter lol. Stephs asked me questions about it since I was pregnant with my 2yr old. just bits and bobs, not a whole converstion lol. Then she got this encycopedia and it showed pictures of an unborn baby and read the entire artical (its a childrens book so the words arent long and complicated) Armed with the bits and bobs that I told her and the information from the book, she's got the whole "awkward converation" out of the way. This is why she's old headed. she'll get some information by asking a question, then basically research it. It drives me crazy and she shocks me sometimes.
CommentAuthorAttention seeker :)
dont worry i have alway been the same with my kids if they asked i told them. when i was training to be a midwife i had untold books laying around so my kids saw lots and asked the questions. they would go to school and fill the other kids heads with horra stories (i found it funny when upset parents came up to complain)
im not seeking attetion i just like everyone looking at me
im married
im now Mrs Dove
no more wedding planning LOL yer right
CommentAuthorSoon2beMrsHall
Sorry there is nothing wrong with your daughter knowing these things, and the fact that your friend still lets her child sleep in bed with her even when the bf comes over is very odd. I would be happy if my sister knew these things (she does but only coz me and my mum told her ) she is only 10.
Cant wait to to marry Martyn
Wishes the wedding would come faster
XxX
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
i believe fully in answering questions when children ask them as this shows that they are wondering about things .....i would be far more concerned about your friends daughter sleeping in the same bed ....esp when the boyfriend is there ....just what is she seeing/hearing ... i think your friends daughter knows far more than you friend realises ......
Hey Wren, well for starters you being so honest with your daughter probably means she will be more honest with you than children whose parents lie to them. Ask her if she told her. And believe her if she said no. The other girl may well have accidentally seen her mother having se.x, or seen something on the tv, hence knowing the actions. And she may be embarrassed about bringing it up with her mum so say that your daughter had told her.
I think if she's blaming you then bringing up that the daughter shares the bed when the boyfriend stays may be a good thing. Its inappropriate for a child to be doing that, especially when the boyfriend is not there on a very regular basis. She may well wonder why he stays in the same bed as her mother!
xxx
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
it is odd she shares a bed with her mum and her mums bf when he stays, u never know she may have picked things up at home! but who knows with kids? i've never had my little girl in with me ever! she's almost 10! as for the stories speak to ur daughter u know her best. and as for the other little girl maybe taking a break from having her sleep over? let things settle and go from there? have her come over and play but not to sleep i know its hard saying no but maybe its needed for now. hope this helps xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I think when it comes to kids you have to listen to both sides of the story and then read between the lines to get the truth. It is easy for them to make it sound worse than it is. As adults though I think its important to show both girls that you will listen to them and act like adults yourselves in dealing with the situation. You friend needs to understand that these things happen. If she doesn't learn about it from your little girl she will get it from somewhere else and its better for her to learn it from a reliable source (ideally from her) so she gets the right facts. Kids are curious and ask questions. With everything they see on the tv there is no way that they can be sheltered from it all anymore. I just hope that your friend can see that the kids are just being kids and doesn't let it get in the way of your friendship.
CommentAuthorJenna
I think the 5 year old has seen it, kids books dont show actions like that, so does your 7 yr old know the actions to just jump on her? I think the 5 yr old is asking your daughter about things and she dont really see any harm in telling her the answers as she knows them... Although i dont tell my 5 yr old about that stuff i dont really lie to him, ive never been put in that situation yet tho! He has watched many birthing programes tho, even told h2b all about c sections, lol!..... He was also here with my then 2 yr old when i had my 3rd baby.... As for bed sharing, the 5 yr old nearly always ends up with us at some point, the 3yr old is 50/50, some kids need it longer than others, but also if she is an only child she will be treated more like a baby for longer...
sonia, i would have told complaining parents they should say thanks coz you prob put the kid off doing it and having babies for a little longer...
CommentAuthorMrsH2Be
Kids are kids. If adults cant realise that then thats what causes problems.
The whole Pagan thing I get cos I have had it in the past. Do i kill chickens? lambs? etc. What is the devil like? Do you worship the devil? There are some great kids books out there that explain paganism to kids (and parents sometimes too)
As for the other thing, again kids will be kids. It may of come from your daughter or the friend but they could have heard anyone talking about it... and kids repeat and do what they hear and see. I would sit and discuss it openly with your friend but if she is still is blaming your daughter then all I can suggest is you avoid having her sleep over, I know this is not entirely fair on the children but you have to protect your daughter if you know she has done no wrong. I hope it all works out xxx
CommentAuthorPossum
Argh don't get me started on that devil worship stuff!! People are so ignorant.
CommentAuthorsarahuttley2b-[keera
id prob be a bit upset if my 5 yr old came out with sumat like that,but at same time if she s sleepin in bed with the mum n boyfrieend she aint really one 2 preach.n if she knows wot ur daughters like n doesnt like it she shud nt let her daughter stay over.my daughters the same,some of the stuff she comes out with,they grow up so fast these days: ) x
i sarah louise duncan do take thee daniel paul uttley to be
my AWFULL wedded husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!lol
my heart is overwellmed with the love i feel for him,
my life,my love,my soulmate...forever.xxx
CommentAuthorWren
Well had a chat with my daughter about the whole chatting situation and she swears blind that she didnt say anything. That my friends daughter wanted to jump into bed with my daughter and she was ok with it as they could talk alot quieter without getting caught. My daughter told me what they talked about and it was no where near the topic that was supposedly talked about. As soon as I finished talking to my daughter I text my friend and let her know what my daughter had told me. Needless to say, she hasnt responded all day. My H2B has come across a good point though. He said that maybe when her BF stays over, she puts her daughter in her own bedroom and not my friends bedroom. Then halfway through the night she wakes up and walks in quietly and maybe shes seen her mum at it. My daughter only knows the basics, ie usual way. She doesnt know the girl can go on top, but my friends daughter "demonstrated" girl on top way. so obviously it cant be my daughter whos shown her that. Oh well, enough drama on that anyway. My friends daughter would of found out anyway. My friend knows that one reason why I told my daughter is to explain that adults do it and what to do if anyone tries it with her.
CommentAuthorCupCake
Hi Hun, I'm sorry you have found yourself in this situation, it's a tricky one to say the least! I lost count of all the times people fell out with me when my daughter was younger, then 5 minutes later the kids are friends again, and the parents are still at each others throats! I've always tried to keep things in perspective, as I've also worked with primary school children for 10 years and have seen many a bust up between parents at home time I can tell you. If your friend knows your beliefs and that you are open and honest with your own child, and still lets her daughter sleep over than she really has no cause for complaint in my opinion. Her daughter is 2 years younger than yours also, which she is also aware of. I'm guessing that she see's you as a good babysitting service when she wants alone time with her fella? ( without a child sharing the bed!!) I think you might be right about her daughter seeing her mum in the 'act' if she goes into her room in the night. I would let it lie and see what happens, my guess is she will be on the phone next time she's stuck for a babysitter.xx
Became Mrs Lyons 30th July 2011 x
CommentAuthorlittle_88
why is there 4 stars for the word sex!... or am i way off and its nothing to do witht that hahahaha sorry am confused???
CommentAuthorlittle_88
wow thats very misleading! lol
CommentAuthorWren
Little_88, its only a 3 letter word thats been starred lol
cupcake, I am gonna let it lie to be honest. This is small fish compared to whats happening in my life. So its my friends problem if she doesnt like what her daughter picks up on.
CommentAuthorsarahuttley2b-[keera
theres 2 many parents like this at min,me n my friends get on great but its funny how they can turn when it comes 2 there kids,and its never there child thats in wrong.x
i sarah louise duncan do take thee daniel paul uttley to be
my AWFULL wedded husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!lol
my heart is overwellmed with the love i feel for him,
my life,my love,my soulmate...forever.xxx
CommentAuthorMrs Brakes
edited
Hi Wren, I taught my son about s e x the same way as you have our daughter. If he asked a question I would answer it with the information appropriate for his age You wouldn't talk about oral s e x to a 5 year old but should a 15 year old! We used the encyclopaedia too. At the age of 7 cat was pregnant ' how do the kittens get in there?' He was directed to the reproduction section of the book and told to ask questions if needed. 'Do kittens have utility cords?' At the age of 13 I found him and some girl friends in the lounge discussing periods and he knew more than they did as their parents had felt it awkward to discuss. At the age of 15, I was buying him condoms (he didn't need them) I felt it was better to have them and not need them than need them and not have them At 16 he can now talk to me about anything to do with s e x drugs etc. I would rather he felt he could ask me for help if he took something that didn't agree with him than be too scared and die scared and alone. There are some people who think that if you tell children about things that they want to go out and try them, I disagree but do think that I would prefer them to have the information to protect themselves if they do experiment.
Got married 11/11/11.
CommentAuthorWren
i think the main reason that I made the choice to tell her when she would ask and understand is to build a trust so she can tell me anything. there are many sick people around that would do sick things and scare kids into not telling. When she knew about s e x i also told her tha its an adult thing. She then asked (recently) what a p e a d o is so I told her its a nasty person who does the adult thing with children. I told her that it happens and that if anyone tries with her, to tell me no matter what they say. She also knows where to kick a bloke if they do, just so she can get away.
I guess that every parent has their own ways of teaching and bringing up their children. Some parents agree and others dont. I honestly dont see a problem with being open and honest (depending on age and maturity of child). Its better they know so they can be prepared. Its a sad world that at a young age some parents are making their children aware of people like these but I'd rather she be prepared and know whats happening so she can tell me than for her to get into trouble and feel as through shes too scared or ashamed to tell me.
