Before i got engaged I had thought about bridesmaids before and decided I wanted 2 of my friends. I thought about my sisters but as they both have kids I didn't want to make things difficult and also I'd like them to enjoy the day properly. Also my two friends would be really important to me to have them as part of my wedding and to have more would start to cost more (Is this a bit harsh?).

Then when I was telling everyone I got engaged my sister just said 'I can be one of your bridesmaids' without me asking and at the time I just said 'well see how things pan out' thinking she was just getting excited. Then recently I was talking to her about dresses and she asked 'what are the plans with OUR dresses?' And I just didn't know what to say. I scurried past it and spoke about dresses in general and now I'm not really sure how to go about the situation.

Basically if I had my sister as a bridesmaid I would then have to have my other sister (they're both very good at sulking and throwing tantrums) and she will have 4 kids by then (her husband won't manage) so then either her two girls or two boys or all will have to be involved then my other sisters little boy would have to so i wasn't being seen as biased and it just seems silly. I know it's my wedding and I shouldn't do what other people expect but it's really starting to bother me.

I love my sisters to bits but I really don't want to create loads of drama and also I don't want to be under pressure to have her as a bridesmaid.

Has anyone had a similar situation or have any advice?

It is your choice, but I think its good manners and expected that you ask siblings and siblings of h2b first. MOH tricky too but in some ways more lee way. Best friend or eldest sister. I'd be upset if my sisters didnt ask me as its part of the experience and they probably wont enjoy "just" being a guest as half the joy of a family member getting married is being involved in the planning and day. Having kids doesn't stop people working or having a social life so shouldn't stop them fulfilling sisterly duties on their sister's wedding day! Just my opinion though.

The idea of having BMs for a lot a brides is for them to actually help you in the preparations for the big day too, not just turning up in a pretty dress & having their picture taken.
My sil2b declared that she & daughter would be BMs without me even asking & put me in a terrible situation - of course niece would've been FG anyway, but I only had the budget for one adult BM & really wanted my best friend to be it. It meant I couldn't ask best friend to be BM until a good while after announcing the date, as I had to juggle finances to be able to afford to have them both, and sacrifice other things.
Do your sisters not realise how expensive it is to kit them out? Plus are you asking your BMs to provide anything of their own that you won't be paying for?
Not being BMs doesn't mean that they're any less important on your big day.
I can appreciate the difficulties you may face trying to find the budget for all of them, and a style of dress that'd suit busy mums running around after children all day & the other girls too. I'm not saying it can't be done - I was lucky enough to have found nice flat shoes at a reasonable cost to go with the dresses.
Whatever you decide, you're probably best ironing things out with them sooner rather than later.

I had a similar situation. We have a son who will be 3 and a half when we get married and he will be our page boy. Myself and h2b also have 2 nephews and 3 nieces between us. Plus my mum is in the process of adopting a wee boy. Our families expected us to have them all in the wedding party. But that's then full outfits for 7 children plus all of the stress of having them all running about while trying to get photos etc done. So we sat both families down and simply explained that we simply couldn't afford to do it and the only child involved in the wedding party will be our own. I felt awful but unfortunately it had to be done.
Maybe it would be best to say they can still be involved with the planning of the wedding, hen night etc but you feel it will be best if they don't take on such a responsibility with the children. Xx

funny world how people differ! couldnt imagine not having my siblings not playing a role in my big day. my sisteris MOH her son is a pageboy my 3 children 1 is bm 1 is fg and 1 is pageboy. i then have alittle sister also fg and a brother who is pageboy/ringbearer. then my 3 brothers are ushers! the joys of being1 of 7!!! but my bridesmaid and mog mog have all agreed they will help look after the younger ones to make sure im not stressing about it. Yes i agree it can get expensive but that doesnt have to happen i used bay of e for suits 3 of them for less than £50 my bm dresses from same place £15 each and the flower girls same place £12 each (just need to buy underskirts to make them more fluffy) the ushers ,best man, mob, mog are all doing there own outfits. the hair lady has agreed to do all the bridal parties hair for £100 (mob and mog conributing too) and make-up is about hte same witht he young ones just having nails painted. i am so excited that they get to be such an imortant part of my day and having roles should help the little ones behave as they will feel important. But i do understand that if its not what you want then you dont have to do it! but maybe have a look around and see if you could maybe afford more than you think? or maybe ask for some to contribute to some of it? ultimately you need to be hapy with your decision and for you to be asking the questions im thinking that really you would like them there .

Just tell her the truth now before it gets any worse. TBH it was quite presumptuous of her to just assume she was gonna be your BM anyway. I'm sure if you sit her down and explain it how you've done in this post she will see it your way and if she doesn't, well let her have her tantrum, but above all this is YOUR day and your reasons for not wanting her are not at all selfish. I hope this helps xx

Thanks :) A reading could be a good idea. It's difficult to talk to her cos she lives in the states so if I say something that annoys or upsets her all she'll do is block me ignore my texts whereas if she was here she would have to stay and listen.

My dad's usually quite good at resolving these situations so he's going to see if he can help.

I know with some people it's expected about asking sibling and h2b sibling but if I were going by that my day would be ruined because I really don't like h2b's sister. It would be nice to have them both but I don't have the money or the space and I really don't want to have to choose between them.

I would just ask if they would pay for their dresses etc as you can't afford it. They should understand xx