To start off with, I love my sister to bits and I wouldn't have anyone else as one of my Maids of Honour (I've got 2 lol).
However... whenever I discuss wedding plans with her, she has a completely different view on everything. She likes the formal, big hotel with spa and massive gardens weddings whilst my wedding is the opposite and includes a lot of DIY.
She is only 19 so I do have to take that into account but at the same time, she told me (in these words no less!) that "having a reception in a pub is skanky and it will look absolutely awful and she will be embarrassed for me. I should book somewhere nice (which is way out of my budget) or not get married at all etc."
This has inevitably really upset me. I was only asking for any decorating ideas! It has made me very unsure about my choice of venue but I can't afford £2k + on what she deems an "acceptable" venue.
Did she have a point or do you think that she was being unnecessarily nasty to me? She said this a week ago and it is still really upsetting me! What should I say to her?
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Oh hun, firstly, big hugs!
At the end of the day, you have the day you want, that you're happy with and that you can afford. When she comes to planning her wedding she will understand it's not easy and there is so much to consider.
I know it must be upsetting, my sister had a similar thing with my mother when she was planning her wedding and my sister in the end had to tell my mum, this is what she and her (at the time) H2B (now hubby) want, can realistically do and that is the way it was going to be. In the end, when my mum saw the "finished product" she stood corrected and loved the day (ok, so she still would have preferred it different but hey, it's not her wedding!).
Maybe just tell your sister that whilst you appreciate her views, you'd kindly ask her to not put your day down and be supportive and help with ideas that help you. Tell her that when she gets engaged she'll understand what it's like to plan a wedding.
xxx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorElle23
Your wedding, your way She probably does not understand how nice you can make your venue look She is likely to have only seen weddings on tv and in mags? Hence she thinks if you've not booked a plush hotel, it wont be nice
I would say you look forward to her wedding when it comes round but for yours you want lots of diy and personal touches I dont think she will be the one to give you any ideas hun
If it really is still bothering you, just let her know her comment upset you a little but your wedding will be ace!
To be wed on our 10 year anniversary! 23.08.2013
CommentAuthorIzzy_w
Hun, have what you like, and as long as you're happy with it, then it doesnt matter what anyone says.... (Plus isnt it meant to be about marrying someone you love, not showing off having a fancy venue!?!) IMHO it sounds like a bit of sibling rivalry!! I've only got 2 brothers so none of this for me, but have had a few digs from SIL..... I think its just jealous girls..... Have what you like and sod the rest of them!! I'd reiterate its the getting married and not about where you celebrate it but that you're making the best you can on a limited budget and you'd really appreciate any help or ideas she can share...... X
CommentAuthorMrs Ross
im not sure what to say to her, but i think it is really nasty of her to say this to you not everyone can afford a posh and becks wedding!!! as she is 19 maybe she has no concept on how much weddings cost.
I dont know what to say other than im so sorry, my heart sank when i read that bit i would be devastated if anyone said that to me just remember though its your special day and it shouldnt matter what anyone thinks.
I think pub wedding receptions can be stunning. I'd try not to take it too personally. I also have a sister who's 20 and is the same type of person, I am having a hotel, but not a very posh expensive one.
Sisters can be cruel and like Izzy said she's probably jealous and girls say mean things when they're jealous.
Hope she can see how much she's upset you and hope you don't dwell on it for too long and let it upset you too much.
x
Marrying the love of my life...
...Will mean that I become..
...Jessica Kathryn Lane!
xx 22/06/2013 xx
CommentAuthorKathleenJ
Thanks guys, I will keep all of that in mind. I did defend myself a little but I was too shocked to think of anything to say at the time really. I hope she comes round and doesn't say anything else because I don't want to fall out with her but I guess it is my day and I will prove her wrong when it is as nice as I'm hoping it will be :)
CommentAuthorInDreamland
That's so sad when the girls closest to you do that, sounds like a few ladies on here are experiencing this. Not all sisters/SIL2B's are like that though.
My sister and best mate are both so supportive, loving everything, complimentary and even got tearful over my Church and venue and help come up with great ideas and are genuinely excited like I was for my sister (even if I personally wouldn't have chosen her venue).
My SIL2B has been very complimentary of our reception venue even though I know she probably won't choose it in a million years as she is totally loaded and could afford to have her reception at none other than what is better known to people as Downton Abbey (when I got engaged I looked on their website and their package prices aren't even put on the site, it's POA! So I dread to think how much it cost!).
Sounds like it could be that younger sisters may just not be mature enough to have the tact and diplomacy that we do and have unrealistic images in their mind with all these Celebrity weddings you see in the press.
xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorKathleenJ
Yeah it might be because she is younger - she isn't a very mature 19 year old either so that could be an issue... she doesn't seem to understand the value of money and that basically, it doesn't go very far these days!
You're really lucky indreamland! And I haven't even looked at Downtown Abbey! Wouldn't dare aha! xx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Lol - I just looked again and they have prices on now but think they are "venue only" hire prices. PHEW!!! They must be getting more interest since January when I looked.
I know I am extremely lucky that so far I've not had any of this kinda stress and things so far have been so smooth. I hope it stays this way. I guess maybe too I have learnt how to deal with certain wedding stresses from the experience of helping my sister plan hers and picked up some tips from that. xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorKathleenJ
Oh dear! Oh well, some people are lucky enough to afford that I suppose!
And deffo. You've already had practice at it :) xx
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
I know that what she said upset you, but I actually think that she is looking out for you in her own immature way! I don't think she meant to offend you, but she wants to make sure that your day will be special for you and is maybe worrying that you are settling and will regret it later. My personal opinion is that as long as at the end of the day you are married to your h2b then it really shouldn't matter where the reception is. She may realise this too as she gets older and is with someone she decides to spend the rest of her life with. Just try and forget about it for now and then if she mentions it again maybe try to make her see the bigger picture, a wedding is about a marriage, not about where it happens! xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorfloatee
Try not to let it get to you too much, maybe the idea of your forth-coming wedding has put thoughts of how she would plan her 'ideal wedding' into her head and she is just verbalising them out loud, agreed in a very poor way, but possibly she didn't mean to be so brash in how she came a cross with it though. As the other ladies have said, when it comes time to her planning her own nuptials her tastes may have changed and she may realise how much it takes to juggle the finances and choices etc. :o).
The day is about you and your h2b cementing yourselves to each other and if you choose to do that in a field at sunrise in wellies, a registry office in jeans & tee shirts, a big fancy hotel in a ball-gown or a fallen castle dressed as penguins followed by a ploughmans at the local pub then that is what YOU choose to do and know one else has to be involved if they don't wish it. Your day sounds quite lovely from what you have said.
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
She's describing the wedding of her own dreams, tell her you don't mind at all if she goes to the bank and takes a massive loan out and gives you it for your big day, but you will keep planning your budget wedding until the money comes through :-)
Joking but I sympathise with you completely.
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
my response would be as follows ....
I so love the fact that you would like a huge,showy, ostentatious wedding for us but as we have neither the money or the inclination to have such a wedding i think we will be sticking to the plans we have now , but i will be delight to help you arrange your dream wedding like this when it is your turn
