Wedding Forum - My Mother is completely taking over. Please...

Hi all,

Hope you wedding planning process is going well!

I'm fairly new to this forum and was wondering if anyone has any advice or experience with parents who are CONSTANTLY interfering in wedding plans and want to take control.

I'm a fairly young bride with my parents helping me out with the wedding bill. Because of this my mum thinks she has right to decide on EVERYTHING for our wedding, from the dress to the decor.

It's getting really out of hand, to the point where shes reliving her big day, doing everything she could do differently, rather than letting me have my own. My H2B and I wanted a fairly small intimate wedding ... nothing too big and fancy because of our budget .. but it seems my mum has other ideas.
Don't get me wrong I'm grateful that they are helping me out, but surely you can all understand I would love to decide things for myself, have my own and my H2B's sense of style throughout the wedding too. But its like trying to negotiate with a bridezilla.

Every time we try and meet half way, she simply won't listen and always pulls out the 'well i'm the one paying for it' card.

It's putting a real damper on my wedding planning process and it seems that the only way she'll give me some sort of control is if I argue with her non stop. But I don't want to do that. I'm very close to throwing in the towel and letting her do what she wants.
Every time I try and reason with her I know she's emotionally blackmailing me and I fall for it every time.

Please does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to try and take the reigns off of her and plan my own wedding?
Or is anyone in the same position as I am? Sometimes I feel as if my mother truly surpasses all others when it comes to interfering with the planning.

Many thanks ladies.

If it's getting that bad the next time she says "Well I'm the one paying for it." Just outright tell her you'd rather pay for it yourself if it means you can have the wedding YOU want. Maybe then she'll realise it's not about the money but about your happiness.

have you actually sat down and spoken to her about what is bothering you? she might not even realise that she is upsetting you both. politely tell her that whilst you very much appreciate her support and input, it isnt her day and you would like the final say without having to worry about upsetting her. if she cant agree to it, thank her for her help but tell her you are declining her offer to help financially. it is a hard one but at the end of the day she is the MOTHER of the bride, NOT the bride! xx

My parents are also contributing towards my wedding as I am also a young bride (and a student) so dont have any money to spare! Luckily my mum had the problems you are having with her first wedding, so she knows what happens and how it feels to be told what you are having, rather than having the wedding you want, so she has backed off quite a bit. It is actually my DAD who feels he has a say because he is contributing, he believes because of this he can dictate what I buy with the money and exactly how much I pay for certain items. But me and my mum have both spoken to him and he understands that this is not the case, I still get the odd sarcastic remark now and again, but all I say to him is tough its my wedding! lol Could you maybe talk to someone else about it aswell, who can also mention to your mum that it isnt fair what she is doing to you? If you really cant get around it, then I agree with the other ladies that you should postpone it and wait until you can pay for it yourself, that way she has no excuse to try and take over xxx

First of all thanks for everyone's suggestions.
IT's quite hard to talk to her, but I like the idea of getting other family members involved ... maybe its better hearing it from someone else than myself.

Secondly, I have very little savings, as I'm a student (same goes for my H2B), so even if I do end up paying for it by myself, I am going to need financial help in one way or another.

I really hope the saying 'like mother like daughter' doesn't turn out to be true! haha

This is a tough one maybe you could sit her down and explain that you are really greatful for all the help they are giving you but you and h2b want to make your own decisions on certain things, you could give her a list of small things you dont mind her helping with other than that i would go on my own especially to choose the dess after all its your decision you dont want to end up wearing something your mum would, its prob all the excitement xx

my sister-in-law to be had this problem as her parents (and my fiance's parents) are paying for it and the outcome is she has to invite people that her Mum wants to come rather than people she wants to be there - I think she's only actually having 3 or 4 of her own friends there, the rest is family (out of 100 people). To be honest though, and no disrespect intended but the parents are paying for the whole thing, they are not contributing at all and I think her parents are acting like that because they want to teach her something - she has always expected them to pay for everything and I think they are getting fed up. If she offered to contribute even a minimal amount I think they would let her do what she wanted a lot more. We are paying for our own wedding entirely and they have not put their foot in once, we have a lower budget but we are getting exactly what we want. I am sure they will offer to do something for us and we are going to ask them to pay for the flowers and if they are OK about it then maybe one or two other small bits like favours.
Maybe you need to pay for a few bits and pieces and then see if that makes a difference with her. It may mean putting back the wedding (we are waiting for a year and half so that we can afford it and do it our way) but then you can do what you want!

Good luck with it all xx

My parents are paying for, well almost everything, and all they've done is put the money in my account. So obviously they can give me advice, say what they'd like, but in the end the money is in my possession and so there is very little they could do about my spending it and how. Is your mother holding on to the money and paying for thins out of her account?
If a confrontation seems to hard is it possible for you to ask her to transfer "so and so" amount to your account to pay for something, and then simply order it the way you'd like? Although I will say talking about it is always best. Maybe try emotionally black mailing her right back, make sure she knows she is making you unhappy and stressed, it is after all YOUR day, not hers. Personally, I would rather postpone the day and save up the money myself rather than having to please my mother

im glad my parents havent got a say in my wedding, although my mum does have snide little comments now and again. but if she were trying to completely take over i would sit her down and calmly tell her that although i am very grateful for her paying towards the wedding it is still MY day and that she can still have her opinion but its me and my h2b that has the final say as shes had her day and this is mine and h2bs, she cant live her life through me.