I found my first post on UK bride as below, with an update as to whether my worries were justified in the post at the bottom of the tread:



Hi everyone,

I'm a total newbie and have been looking though some of the posts on the forum...

I thought I had everything in control for the wedding: 20 months away (only set the date a week ago), so have plenty of time to plan, to make the things I wanted and assumed that family would be helpful but willing to let me get on with it.

BUT!! There are so many things I hadn't considered, such as hen-do invitation politics, best men not having good common sense to do the obvious tasks that need doing, bridesmaids are actually meant to do something other than complain about the dress you're putting them in, being able to find time to ourselves during the day without being pestered by relatives, relatives feeling bad when they don't get the photo groups they wanted...

Sure, I'm not naive about the situation - I've already had my future SIL declare herself and daughter as my bridesmaids (as a result, can't affford to also have my friend, who I really wanted to be BM), feuding parents (actually my mum is chilled, its my dad and step dad who really can't stand each other - death threat territory), future MIL/DIL trying to inflict the local sports club on us as our evening venue, my mum keeping on asking if I'm sure I wouldn't want her to buy me an alternative dress to the one I've chosen/am I sure I want to spend that much on a ceremony venue only/had I considered this/that/the other...

It would appear that my original plan of getting 90% of it sorted by March 2013, relax for 12 months then pick it up again for the last 10% in 2014 has gone well out the window...

Feeling very overwhelmed now, but I think in the long term all the topics presently freaking me out on this forum will make me better prepared in the long run.
Hope so! x

It can be very overwhelming but at the end of the day it is your wedding, I've had my family putting their two pence in but I have had to be firm and tell them I'm planning it etc. try to keep calm, not easy i know. It will get easier. X x

Always always drama at everyones wedding...not always to the same extend, but its always lurking there somewhere lol..You have pleeenty of time to plan a wedding, dont panic..i've planned mine in 6months so far and only have 5months left to go..ive managed to do the majority of my wedding planning in about 3months... the worst bit will be paying...not planning lol

In regards to you saying about family members telling you what your going to do etc..tell them no, its your wedding, not theirs..I wouldnt stand for it one little bit... if you dont want certain people as bridemaids..dont allow them to decide it themselves.. put your foot down girl!! lol xx

Firstly, breathe and calm down!! everything slow and steady and it will all fall into place in time!
You need to remember it is YOUR day, and up to you to make the decisions alongside your OH!
We have had so much agro and issues surrounding our big day but you know what in time they have ways of sorting themselves out and you just have to try and ignore it and keep relaxed and positive!! easier said than done i know but it does work in the end!
There is always one drama or another with some family members, weddings wouldnt be weddings, nor would they be as stressful as they bloomin well are if there wasnt some drama or another!
You have plenty of time to plan it, dont panic, sit back, make a list of things and when to do them, spread them out over the next 10-12months etc. And never forget it is your day, and up to you and your OH what you have or dont have and at the end of the day if certain family members dont approve then you need to be firm, why should you give up your best mate? dont let them decide how your special day should be! i know it sounds cruel and harsh but you got to do what you got to do! but you have the reassurance and support of all us girls here when you need it :)

chin up hun it will take time but you'll get there! xx

have you decided on witnesses for your marriage certificate? you could always ask your best mate too? i think asking her to sing is a lovely idea and really thoughtful! if you do decide nearer the time, i know one girl on here asked 2 of her BM's only a few wks before her big day to be BM's and they were over the moon! so its never too late and im sure either way she'll totally understand!

I have to say it sounds like your drive home from work was very productive :) a good start! that way no one gets offended, you can take on board their ideas/suggestions and either leave them, lump them, adapt them or take them on board!! xx

I kind of know how you feel. I had my cousins girlfriend automatically assume she was going to be bridesmaid and that her kids were to be page boy and flower girl... I just told her that I have already chosen my bridesmaids and will consider the kids. Do it YOUR way. It's your wedding after all. I've also settled on 'oooing and aaaahing' at people's ideas but at the end of the day me and h2b are planning it our way :)

Ok, so yes - the best men have been a bit useless - I had to message them on faceache, steal their numbers from h2bs phone to text them (only for the dozy git to ask him why he had given me both his numbers - err, did the part of "h2b knows nothing about this" in the text not give him a clue that I was trying to help the best man on the sly?).
Until I had booted him up the bum he hadn't organised a thing for his stag, leaving it to h2b to do and we was really down about his mates not caring enough to bother. They did care, they just didn't think to not leave it to last minute.

Part way through our planning, h2b decided he didn't want to wear a grey suit. Ivory and grey was the colour scheme, so we had to change it to be ivory, teal and some grey. So this meant a change of bridesmaid dresses too, and of course, making sure that they complied with the requirements of his sister, the one who decided she was BM. She has shown no interest AT ALL in the planning, organisation or anything. Nada. And yet his parents were asking where her boyfriend was going to sit, as surely she'll be sat at the top table as the maid of honour..? Err, no. She'll be sat on a table with him and her daughter. The top table is already too long and she is such a diva, all the attention will be on her anyway.

When it came to getting her little girls shoes, she (fsil) had spotted some ultra-ugly designer ones that cost £150 (!?!) but thankfully fmil managed to persuade her not to get them (she's unemployed and wants to throw away that much only on shoes for a 2 year old?!) so nows she's got the hump and is leaving fmil to take little girl shopping for shoes instead.

Fmil has done a bit of RSVP chasing, although at one point she did make a comment about how she hoped her sister (quote) "would notice that (the sister) and all her family were invited to our wedding". Umm, its Our wedding - not your wedding, love!
Bit other than that, there have been no offers of help, no interest.
Convenient excuses from both fmil and fsil not to attend my hen (quiet, tame, crafting and meal out). But that's their loss.
I stretched the budget to have my best made as bridesmaid after all, and she has been brill! My bridesmaids mum has been miles more help than fmil or fsil too.

My mum has been helpful, and at times "helpful" (she means well). I have a relative who I am close to who is travelling from Australia and is giving me worries as he has ignored all the advice he has been given in respect of his ailing health and travelling here - will have to wait and see if he's well enough to come or not, but I'm trying not to worry about it.

The reception venue have been disinterested - poor service and I never would've booked it there if I had known it would've been like this. The former management took the booking (and I assume the cash I paid too) and didn't tell new management about the booking. I feel like they can't be bothered with me as I booked it whilst it was cheap and now they're charging a pretty penny to get what I've already booked and paid for. They can't manage to cater for my allergy for the evening, so I am taking my own food for that. Took them ages to get allergy information for the day menu, to the point it took so long that they don't even offer half the things on that menu anymore - thankfully, these discontinued items aren't any of the ones we offered our guests, but imagine what pain that would've been asking guests to choose again.

My dress fit, then didn't, but fits again - but as its satin I freaked out about the predicted heat wave and got myself a chiffon one from the bay of e so am crossing my fingers that it arrives in time and looks ok. I never get my nails done etc, so am looking forward to a bit of pampering just before the big day - everything else is on track.

If something doesn't get done now then its not a big deal - its just the kind of thing that I'd like but doesn't really matter too much (individually) in the scheme of things.

H2b is very happy with everything now - been stress-free for him.

So just counting down the next 6 weeks, doing the bits of jobs and paying the last things off.

I think I'll miss all this once its done & over with - it has been enjoyable overall and by comparison to many ladies on here, relatively stress-free.

Thank you for updated this thread rather than starting another one

you have done really well ..now you need to sits back and do the " what isnt done now doesnt matter "

Well, as for the catering for the evening, the new manager asked me what would happen if I were to ingest some of the allergens - he asked if my head would swell up...
The look on his face when I explained what I could and couldn't have, and potential cross contamination issues by the way its cooked/prepared was a picture, that basically told me it just simply wasnt worth the risk being poisoned on my wedding day by clueless staff and it was easier to take my own. When i suggested I took my own he let out a huge sigh of relief.
And no, my head doesn't swell up.

That is really bad, most venues that cater for events are used to dealing with allergies. We've got a whole collection of gluten intolerants, as well as a nut allergy, an orange allergy, a paprika allergy, someone with a real phobia of eating anything she hasn't eaten before, and someone fed through a tube, plus a few vegetarians and a vegan. The events planner hasn't been in the least bit phased, she said they'd provide an alternative for anyone who can't eat what we choose, and that we don't have to pay for the one that is tube fed as she won't eat or drink anything at all.

Yes, own food as it suits them too - they wouldn't let us get a hog roast through outside caterers (I suggested that even they could organise that and put a big fee in with the price, but no - they insisted we had to be catered by them). They tried to push us into having the boring buffet for the evening, but instead we've gone for fish & chip supper from their regular menu which has worked out cheaper.

Well, the relative from Australia I was worried about is now not coming so as to have an operation - glad he's finally getting fixed, but also relieved I won't have to worry about him being over here driving a strange car, getting lost etc. etc. :-)
My custom made wedding ring has arrived & I love it! So delicate! :-D
Just need a few alterations to my 'plan B' dress (the chiffon one I bought incase its roasting hot on the day) :-/
Future sister in law is still switched off regarding shoes for her (as the self-volunteered bridesmaid) or her little girl (the flower girl) :-(
Photographer has now seen the venue and is happy with the plans we've made for the day. Phew! :-)
Our wedding reception wedding coordinator has left, with no replacement :-/
Our reception venue still hasn't given us a final price for the food :-/
Still not got a final price for the canapés, but will chase this week :-/

Still plodding on, ever closer to the day...

If they haven't given you a final price by the wedding day does that mean its free?