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Wedding Forum - My brothers girlfriend wants to be involved...

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  1.  
    • HannahB939
      CommentAuthorHannahB939
      Posted: Jan 13th 2017
     
    Hi

    So along with my partner, my mum and my sister ( my only bridesmaid) we are going to our first wedding fair this Sunday. I am very exited about it but have now received a text from my brother saying he is down her at the weekend but is seeing friends and his girlfriend has mentioned that she wants to come with us!! Now I am not close to her at all she has never made any effort to meet up with me go for coffee etc any other time and she is not in my bridal party! Now there is my wedding she wans to come with us as there's something in it for her! Also my brother and her are moving to America this year so it's not like she would even be here to be involved if I wanted! I don't know how to say no without being rude! She seams to think she should be treated like my sister is treated but she not my sister and will never have the same bond! I have thought of saying the wedding fair tickets needed to be pre booked so it's now to late as even though we don't see eye to eye I don't want feelings getting hurt!
    Any advice would be greatly received
  2.  
    • FayeH
      CommentAuthorFayeH
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 13th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    If shes' not close enough to you that she didn't ask you directly if she could come then i think you're under no obligation to take her. Texting back something non-committal like "Sorry, we've already made all of the arrangements" would probably do fine.

    However, at the end of the day it's just a wedding fair, not actually part of the wedding. I'm not sure what you mean when you say that 'there's something in it for her' - she might just think it'd be a fun day out to go and browse. There's absolutely no obligation for you to include someone in the wedding party because they've been to a wedding fair, and it's not necessarily true that people only take the wedding party to these fairs - I've been with friends who aren't bridesmaids before. It sounds like you and your brother's girlfriend just have different ideas of who should be invited to browse wedding fairs with the Bride.

    Unless you're set against it, it might be a nice gesture to incldue her. You don't have a strong relationship now but it's possible that if her and your brother stay together you might be close in the future. As far as her lack of attempt to get to know you goes, sometimes that can be really difficult with an OH's family - if the family already feels like 'unit' it can be intimdating trying to break and bond with people.
  3.  
    • Wizbit89
      CommentAuthorWizbit89
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Jan 13th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I would maybe skirt around the issue and just say that you only want direct bridal party there because you want things to be a surprise etc, I have been quite fussy about who comes to appointments etc. I don't think you would have to explain yourself, and it isn't her wedding its yours so even if she makes a comment brush it off,

    People have commented that I am being a bit "harsh" with certain things but I have just decided I'm not taking any sh** off people and I brush it off as being allowed to have "bridezilla moments"
  4.  
    • HannahB939
      CommentAuthorHannahB939
      Posted: Jan 13th 2017
     
    Thanks for or the replys. i understand that it's only a wedding fair and people take non bridal party to them but it is very personal and I only want to involve family in the planning of our special day! There has been quite a few problems with her in the past as she takes over everything, she lived at my parents for a while and they had huge arguments with her as she just helped herself to food threw herself on the sofas and basically had no respect for my mum & dads house or rules. So I wouldn't say it was awkward for her to try and involve herself with the family she just doesn't want to! She's never interested in what I have to say and does take over and I don't want that to happen! She is also quite rude and will roll her eyes at you when your talking! If we we're closer I prob would of asked her to be my bridesmaid but that's not the case! I don't want any hard feelings and maybe I am being precious but it's our day and I don't want sour feelings when I'm meant to be enjoying myself! My partner and mother feel the same! And what I mean something in it for her is she just wants to go to a wedding fair! She's already forced my brother to go to one even though there not engaged and have no intention of getting married any time soon! I just feel used as she has never wanted to spend time with me before! Trivial I know....
  5.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 13th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    i would probably just let her come to save any family fueds! She doesnt sound like the nicest person but you dont want to annoy her which may annoy your brother xx

    Members signature icon
    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  6.  
    • HannahB939
      CommentAuthorHannahB939
      Posted: Jan 13th 2017
     
    I think id rather my brother be a bit grumpy ( who I'm not close to either) - even tho I don't see why he would need to be- than spend a day not enjoying myself! This is meant to be the fun part planning and Fayers! You only do it once! - I hope lol
  7.  
    • Wizbit89
      CommentAuthorWizbit89
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Jan 13th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    stick to your guns lovely, sounds like you know what you want just be strong it will all blow over fast enough
  8.  
    • JulieB11
      CommentAuthorJulieB11
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 13th 2017
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    You don't sound at all comfortable to have her around so i would say tell him no. I would rather upset her than spend a wedding fair feeling miserable or on edge. The fairs are such a fun part of the planning you don't want it ruined.

    EDIT: OH just read this over my shoulder and said 'yeah, but you're a grumpy cow" so possibly I'm not the best person to listen to

    Members signature icon



  9.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Jan 13th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I'm with you all- if you font get on with her- she rolls her eyes and sounds a bit demanding, I would just say for the first fair you just want it a couple of people- xx

    Members signature icon



  10.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jan 13th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    If you're not close and she's not in the bridal party I am struggling to see why she should be invited or allowed to come along. Can't believe she even has the audacity to ask!

    I'd just say no, you don't have to explain yourself.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  11.  
    • HannahB939
      CommentAuthorHannahB939
      Posted: Jan 13th 2017
     
    Thanks everyone for your messages, it's made me feel less bridezilla-ish lol I've messaged my brother and said we have already booked the tickets and it was left at that so it's ok!
 
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