so i am now wrestling with another issue.... my mum and dad are paying for our recpetion and it is costing a fair amount - 3K h2bs parents gave us 1k towards our which is also great! now, my parents dont particularly agree with this esp when h2bs parents are moving to a £400k house, had an inheritance in excess of £70k and (in my parents words) your dad doesnt get regular work (self employed) and mum only work 13 hrs on minimum wage yet weve paid more.... now i know people dont have to give us anything and its their choice if they want to.... but it seems h2bs parents expect the same "rights" (i dont know if thats the right word) as my mum and dad, like inviting guests etc and ive put my foot down and said no because i can see its winding my parents up. Also when it comes to gift giving on the day i feel i should make more "fuss" of my parents but i dont wanna offend h2bs parents but i know if they get the same or similar itll pizz my parents off because theyve "done more"... even down to writing cheques for deposits on the car my dads like "i'll pay" and the paying for other parish banns, dad again is like "i'll pay" and hes offered to pay for our cake separate from the 3k!!! i know this is up to my parents to do this but its making me feel a bit hostile to h2bs parents and i know thats wrong and awful but i just cant help it... i feel like im between a rock and a hard place atm! i know the mums arent partic fond of one another but both insist on a trad top table when i know its gonna feel awkward! lol..... yet his bro and sister get anything and everything.... (perhaps thats why shes such a little princess! lol) I get on quite well with h2bs parents and i think thats why i feel bad about feeling hostile - perhaps hostile is too strong a word... i dont know... anyone tell me if im right or wrong or being an @r$e lol im a big girl i can take it (dont worry im not likely to call you rude or opinionated ha!)
thanks xxx

I think that might be one for your H2B to deal with. The last thing you need is to get on the wrong side of your future in-laws, especially with his sister already being difficult. It is such a difficult one with parents paying and wanting to have a say in things, and I can see why your parents are upset. My H2B's parents are probably better off than my parents, but they have given more, and both sets of parents have been really good about not putting pressure on to do what they want. His parents did suggest four guests that we wouldn't have thought of, but said they wouldn't be offended if we said no, and offered to pay for the four on top of what they are already giving us. I wonder if you could give your parents a bigger gift quietly when H2B's parents are not around, and then give all the same gifts at the reception itself. Such a shame about the shoes after all the hassle you had with them. I can understand why your BM has insecurities about her body, but in that case she needs to do what we're all doing and lose weight and tone up. When I went with my brother's fiancé to choose our BM dresses for her wedding, my arms in the dresses we chose, which just have inch-wide straps, looked awful. Rather than say I wanted long sleeves or a jacket however, I just resolved to tone up my arms.

I have a similar situation with our parents, mine have given me a large amount and said it's towards the wedding or honeymoon whatever we want and they're making a massive point of not having a say in it, I'll ask their opinion on things but they're letting the final decisions come down to us.
His parents have said they'll pay for their side at the reception.... which then means they can invite who they like, there's one couple they wanted to invite who we said we couldn't afford (and we wouldn't really be bothered about them being there) this is when the we'll pay for our side came about. Fiancé thinks they won't invite anyone else as his mum said there's noone else they would invite, but bearing in mind when we got engaged she went on about how her MIL kept inviting people and she thought that was wrong and wouldn't be inviting anyone to our wedding as it's our wedding... I just think you can't really rely on that.
I don't mind that they aren't giving what my parents are giving, as although they have more money I think it's up to them what they give, what annoys me is the ''OUR side'' part of it and also the fact that it seems like they'll pay so they can get their way rather then they'll pay towards us having a lovely day (if that makes sense).

I don't think because they've paid less they should be treated any differently
But tbh in tradition the brides parents are meant to pay anyway obviously times have moved on since then
But don't make more of a fuss of your parents because they've given you more it's just unfair my mums paid for my photographer (£300) and we won't let my Ohs parents pay more than that either (even though they like to out do everyone like its a competition)
That way they're both equal and will save any arguments that may happen xx

But if they feel like that they shouldn't of offered to cough up so much lol just draw your lines where you need to but be fair
I won't let my mum n dad have anyone they think should come or the OHs family we know who we should invite ect.. Plus my mum isn't one to say "oh invite so and so" where as the OHs mum is n she'll be getting a plain no with the answer "numbers are already too high" lol x

Yeah... Should have said... in the very beginning everything was gonna be split three ways but they backed out, which is fine, so I reckon it started there...

That's y I think my parents had the expectations

can i ask something ..why are you telling one side what the other is giving you ?

so what if they have had a 70k inheritance the house might be mortgaged to the hilt .. they have a 14k loan to pay off ( and can i just make the point i know it not you inferring they should give more)

we only ever know what is said not what goes on being closed doors

Don't tell either side anything your just making things harder for yourself!

Just treat both parents equally then no one will be offended if your parents are because you've treated everyone equally it's just jealousy that your not making more of a fuss of them and you just have to ignore it because it's not fair lol