So a mutual friend commented on my mum's fb that she loved her poem, it made her cry. Naturally I went looking for the poem, which my mum's posted on a writers forum she's joined. I wish I hadn't. It's about me. Basically she tells the story of my life. At 2, my dad leaving, her marrying a man who was way too strict and then how she felt my first marriage at 19 would go wrong - that she was right. Then goes on about how I've left my bad marriage and my faith (I left my church when I left my husband as I felt it'd contributed to alot of my issues) and how I claim to be happy now, but she looks at the "excessive alcohol" and partying and wonders... then she blames it all on my dad leaving when I was 2. I'm horrified. I don't know my dad really, but I know I'm like him and I understand him 100% and definitely don't feel he's to blame for every mistake I've ever made. I am also very upset about her opinion of my current life. I go out on average once or twice a month and very often don't get drunk as I don't like not being in control of myself. My old religious life was teetotal and socialising was done at church, not in pubs or with my current friends, but I love my life - I'm not suddenly irresponsible or anything. I am simply learning to enjoy life without a weight of guilt. I have pretended that I can't find the poem thanks to FB's new layout. I'd rather lie than confront her but I know that one day I'm going to snap and tell her exactly what I think. What's made it worse is that my friend (same church) clearly agrees and I'm left wondering if I am in the wrong!!!
Jo Santa
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
eeekkkkk i wud tell her its a not nice! i wud say trueth or wen u r drunk u will blurt it out! how old r u? i got out 2/3 times a month nothing wrong wiv that! but my mum does say same LOL mothers dont think we shud hav social lifes lol
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorjanetx71
at the end of the day shes your mum and will always worry about you maybe shes earned the right to be concerned even if it is not needed you say you dont know your dad really so im wondering how you can say you understand him 100% you dont mention your relationship with your mum so its difficult to advise but maybe you should talk to her not confront her just talk to her explain how this poem made you feel tell her why you have made the choices you have im sure she didnt do it to hurt your feelings xx
CommentAuthorkrisw86
jo, u can still have a drink and be religious. i am a religious person, and i still enjoy a drink and my friends. i dont like being totally out of control, but i do get a bit tipsy when drunk what ur mum did was completely out of order. she had no right to publish those things for the whole world to see. she should ahve at least spoken to u about it. she may be ur mum, but not all mum's are nice. i know, cos mine is a complete bitch. she ironically doenst like anything i do and uses me as an emotional punchbag. and i also got laughed at when insisting im getting married in a church - im the only religious person in my family. ur dad isnt to blame for anything, as there is nothing to blame him for. u need to tell her how she has made u feel hun. dont be afraid to say what u feel cos u'll regret it if u dont. xxxx
CommentAuthorFutureMrsPite
i dont think ur in the wrong at all. shes obviously coming from a different perspective as ur mum and has written about the things that have happened and what she worries about, you, for example. As every mother does they worry about their children and they might not like everything their child does but a mothers role is also to support their children in whatever they choose to do weather they think its right or wrong. I would talk to your mum and say u have read the poem and say how it made u feel. in my opinion she could write whatever she liked as they r her experiences/opinions but not share them on fb without consulting u first as it was mostly about u! good luck x
Thats really horrid honey, I feel for you! I'd speak to her about it, it's only going sit on the back burner and end up coming out in a huge confrontation so best to get it over and done with in a calm and rational manner. So yeah, you got married at 19 and it didnt work out, so what? I'm 20 and marrying the man of my dreams in 2013, brides are getting younger and younger these so dont worry about that! My Fiance is in the Military and based down in Cornwall, 400 miles away from my in Essex, and if I didnt have my girlfriends to go out drinking with at the weekends, I'd be a blubbering mess! It wouldnt be fair on him either knowing I was upset the whole time and not being able to do anything about it. Speak to her about it chicken, you'll feel much better afterwards. Maybe ask the reasons why she wrote the poem, to get things of her chest? If so, ask her to keep them to herself and not publish them for all the world to see! Hope its resolved before your Big Day! Good Luck xxx
CommentAuthorjo Santa
I think that she will probably make sure I see it, so I guess I should be glad that I've had time to think about it and get advice from my ukbrides :0) I was always told that my dad had affairs and just walked away, but mum has no idea that when I found my half-brother (we talk secretly) I discovered another side to the story, with evidence, that my dad tried to have contact for at least 2 years after he left, but received a letter from my mum telling him to stay away, forever. He was so hurt that even now I am not allowed to be mentioned. My ex husband went to see him without telling me after being told by my mum that all my 'problems' were due to him leaving. My brother got in touch and told me my dad was physically ill and suffering as a result of opening up the past, so I wrote a letter to his place of work telling him it is ok, he doesn't need to fret over me and that I am doing well, it's not his fault and he doesn't need to get in touch with me, but if he ever felt he did, my door is always open to him. I laid it to rest, but mum brings it up more and more ( I think it's because she's so unhappy in her own marriage). I will be ready and I will talk to her - perhaps more understandingly now I have read your replies. Ty ladies :0) xx
Jo Santa
CommentAuthorMrs Brakes
I think she should have shown you the poem and asked if you were ok with her 'publishing' it on the internet as it is all about you. I put a comment about my son on a forum once and had the editor of a paper contact me about it asking if they could do a story. I asked my son and he said he didn't want to so I declined and that was in no way as personal as his entire life story and making comments about his current relationship and social habits! As for her friend agreeing with her, I have found (and in no way wish to insult or offend) that people of religion seem to be a lot more judgemental of others that people who do not follow 1 particular church.
Got married 11/11/11.
CommentAuthorleah
jo,i really feel for you huni, weither she is your mum, nanna, aunty or the prime minister it does not give anyone the right to offend and embarrass espiecally not on the internet. Id also consider why on earth your mum has wrote an offensive poem about you and told you and other people about it! because she wants pity and attention babes. Dont rise to it xxx
