Hi all....

So i asked my MIL for a small list of possible guests she thinks we should maybe invite on the Groom's side, 27 people later i was fuming!
I personally have quite a large family but am only inviting close relatives as in Aunts/uncles/grandparents, i am only inviting 2 cousins out of about 20 as my OH and me are good friends with these also! My OH doesnt have a large family, the 27 people consisted of 2nd cousins and old family friends. Our rough guest list we have created totals so far up to 63, this only includes close family and close friends (all people we really want with us on the day). The people on her list my OH hasnt seen for probably 10years or more and i have never met them!

Has anybody else had this problem; if so how can it be resolved without offending the MIL? xx

You need to speak to her and tell her thats fine, but half of them can only come to the night doo. Relay the cost per head and tell her the situation with what youve done with your family. Or get your h2b to talk to her. If she wants everyone there then they van come at night, you dont wanna be paying rediculous amounts for people you never see x

That is always uncomfortable, especially when you involwe in-laws. But as a friend above said- sit and talk it over all togather. Will be best :)

best way to do it, its for is mum/dad to do list, your mum/dad do a list and you and hubby do a list them meet up with lists and cut people that you don't want, non essencial. me and hubby each have around 30 family coming each, including cousins as we are quite close to them too, but hubbys mum has decided we should invite cousins gfs/bfs , no way, if we have never met them they are not coming, in the end its down to you, by meeting together she can see your not discluding just her side of the family and that cousins etc from your side are not invited also!

What is your max number for day guests ? ...... Could you allocate a certain number for each family and a number for friends ?

I think parents have a say if they are contributing to the funds if not, then no they don't...

my in-laws aren't getting the choice of inviting people....

Traditionally, the wedding list is a combination of four guest lists: the parents of the bride, parents of the groom, the brides and the grooms.

In days past, it was down to the bride and grooms parents to do the guest list, with input from the bride and groom...( as h2b said to me when I told him, F THAT!)

Of course, these were in the days where it was pretty much taken for granted that the parents would pay for everything.

Anyway, we made a similar mistake - asked h2bs mam who she'd like to invite - cue list as long as your arm, most of whom I'd never met and h2b hadn't seen for years. We explained to her that, whilst they could come to the night do, she could only have the ones she really wanted there for the day do (we explained that we were envisaging a maximum of six people) which she was quite happy with - although she is quite a reasonable person, and I know not all mils are like that!

My mam also got some input too.

Whilst they aren't contributing financially, they have both been very emotionally supportive throughout the whole experience, we are very close to both sets of parents and it was important to us that the wedding was a 'family' occasion. In turn, they have both been reasonable and very appreciative of being involved...but I can quite imagine, had they been different sort of characters, telling them to f'off and keep there noses out!

I'd have the chat with her sooner rather than later, too - or she might tell them they've been invited in the meantime! Xx

weve asked ours for advice on family that live a while away but i would never let her choose who could come oh no x

Thank you so muc to everyone for their comments!!

Having spoken with my mum she is going to ring the MIL and explain that i was quite upset and getting stressed over the whole issue, like many of you have said traditionally its down to who's paying which is my parents, but they are very understanding and have offered opinions on who we 'should' invite. This mainly being close friends and family. We are allowing my parents to invite 2 of their friends; however these are a couple me and my H2B know and like.

I just couldnt understand how she could reel off SO MANY names of people I have never met or heard of (and my H2B hasnt seen in years or even ever met), she's not the sort of MIL you can say no to easily lol!! Although having had a couple of days to think i am definately going to say she can have a few invites for people closest to the family or ones that we even know! I do not fancy spending my wedding day with strangers lol!!

Sonya - i know exactly how you feel on the whole flowergirl situation. I have 3 nieces and 1 nephew, 1 niece is only a few weeks old so we are not counting her and on my H2B's side 4 nephews and 1 niece (again the niece this side of the family is too small, so not included); i have my heart set on using the my 3 as flowergirls and a pageboy as i am extremely close to them, whereas we are not very close to my H2B's family . MIL asked about it and i said what i was planning to which she replied, you either have all or none!! I felt like crying...... but again spoke to my mum who told me to do what i want as its mine and H2B day!!

What a nightmare!! Sorry to rant ladies, i know this is only a minor issue in hindsight!! But my MIL drives me insane!!! haha!! xx

wow amy and sonya you both sound like you have nightmare MIL's!! i feel quite lucky with mine as i live with them half the week when H2B is home from camp and we are very close and she thinks of me as her daughter so i feel quite comfortable when telling her what i want. she listens a lot and offers her opinion - sometimes its not wanted lol but useful to see what others think.

its yours and H2B wedding so dont let anyone talk you out of what you want to do. if you and H2B are happy with your guestlist then thats all that matters. if you are struggling with there being too many on MIL list then speak to H2B and he will need to either cut it down himself or get her to cross some people off list. however i recommend dont just cross people off without talking to her - i did this and crossed a few people of my moms list and world war 3 broke out! turns out she has been inviting people from the maybe list without even checking with me - what a nightmare!! the person she actually invited was my Brothers Girlfriends Mother Father and Sister - how distant is that! i dont even know their names!!! whos wedding is it??? god knows lol xxx

good luck Amy!! I'm leaving the task of telling her about the pageboys to h2b cos I know for sure it will kick off again!

wow amy and sonya you both sound like you have nightmare MIL's!! i feel quite lucky with mine as i live with them half the week when H2B is home from camp and we are very close and she thinks of me as her daughter so i feel quite comfortable when telling her what i want. she listens a lot and offers her opinion - sometimes its not wanted lol but useful to see what others think.

its yours and H2B wedding so dont let anyone talk you out of what you want to do. if you and H2B are happy with your guestlist then thats all that matters. if you are struggling with there being too many on MIL list then speak to H2B and he will need to either cut it down himself or get her to cross some people off list. however i recommend dont just cross people off without talking to her - i did this and crossed a few people of my moms list and world war 3 broke out! turns out she has been inviting people from the maybe list without even checking with me - what a nightmare!! the person she actually invited was my Brothers Girlfriends Mother Father and Sister - how distant is that! i dont even know their names!!! whos wedding is it??? god knows lol

i thought it was tradition for Bride to pick her bridesmaids and groom to pick ushers etc. so (politely) tell your MIL that you'll pick who you want lol xx

we have 2 people I don't know at the ceremony, h2bs aunt and her mum, h2b hasn't seen her in years but im not overly bothered it keeps MIL happy also the evening MIL has her friend coming 'who comes to all the family do's' MIL does a lot for us in supporting us and being helpful with our kids without really sticking her nose in so im happy to allow her those guests, I already told her h2bs cousins will not be at the wedding as we don't see them anymore and id prefer our friends there cousins can come to evening do. xx

I had an issue with my mil inviting people to our wedding and puttin me in an awkward position.

So now if shes invited someone then tells me afterwards I just explain to her that shes going to have to tell them herself that it was her mistake and make sure thats what she does!

Guest list is 50 for day and 80 for night. If she had her way it would be 100 and 200 lol. Just gotta be firm and explain hun x