I really dont want to sound out of order at all :-(

But yesterday i was at my step dads and mum i adore my step dad asked him to walk me down the aisle as me and my H2B thought we was paying for it all we went with the basic package! my step dad said yesterday he would pay for whatever i wanted so horse and cart,all the extras really i was so shocked and so happy and he said hes always looked on me as a daughter and the best day is what is needed he owns his own business and said not to worry he will sort the money out we need! So i felt so much happier and just so happy my step dad would do this for me..

Anyways when we got engaged my family all sent a card and phoned us H2B family havent as yet said congatulations.. so his Mum got engaged..and mentioned i was rude as i hadnt said congrats to her yet..so i thought oh no so txted her..she then replied with the engagement pressies id like are........................... I was like mmm dont have the money right now but once all sorted will defo buy you something.

So doin the wedding favours and i really wanna buy something amazing for my mum and step dad theyve both helped so much..they have asked me every day if i need anything there just amazing parents!
so last night once we had come home i said to h2b i feel awful taking there money and he was like there youre parents of course they will help..So i said well your mum or dad isnt.. and i dont want anyone to feel out of order.. he called his mum and asked how she was blah blah then the wedding got on topic she said she wouldnt be paying for any of it it isnt her place and shes not too fussed! :-0 So i was like ooh right ok thats fine.. Im now so sad.. So she wants my family to fork out the bill and she just turn up LOL dont think so!! So my question is... can i just buy for my mum n step dad for all what they have done and are doing?? i dont feel h2b mum deserves anything!

yh defo dont mean im just buyin my mum-step dad something cuz there now paying.. this was always the cause they semt us cards they help my h2b wen they can they buy him birthday n xmas pressies h2b family dont even send a card which is fine she doesnt call n ask if i need help or to de stress.. i just feel what am i too thank her for.. i sound awful but i just dont wanna thank her for things she hasnt done!

H2B family isnt paying for a penny towards our wedding yet my family are.... We didnt ask for money from anyone though as i think it is rude to ask for money, once we were engaged my parents approached us and offered to pay which was lovely but we havent asked H2B family for money. We live in a modern world and people dont have the spare cash anymore so if we want to get married then we expected to pay. I would get your parents a present but i would do it maybe the evening before the wedding and keep it quiet so your not embarrassing anyone by leaving them out.

We didnt expect anyone to pay for ours, so knew it would probably be a few 100 years before we could save anything towards it, especially as our engagement caused major havoc with my family and for the first 9 months they didnt mention it or congratulate us - long story short, im jewish hes not.
Eventually it all came to a head and we got issues out in the open and mom n dad have offered to pay, given us a budget etc, and I know how much it has hurt them but at same time I know how excited they now are so will be definitely giving them something, cause now the support they give is incredible.
On OH's side unfortunately financial situation is completely different to my family so cannot give any money towards - not that we were expecting it or anything. His dad offered (split parents) but we had a whole other stress situation with the family regarding his dad so unfortunately Dad wont be there, and we have declined his extremely generous offer as wouldnt be fair. We have had so much support from his mom and family though, and his sis in law is my BM and his bro may be his best man so they will defo be getting something. And his mom will probs get something too, maybe flowers but something.

As for your situation I totally agree with the other ladies, if your MIL is going to act like any other guest and not bother with support / interest etc then defo treat her like any other guest! And yeh I also agree maybe give your family their present the night before if you dont want to cause tension/awkwardness or if you dont care and want to shout it from the rooftops how supportive they have been then do it on the day! Surely your MIL will finally see how unsupportive she has been?? xx

The gifts are supposed to be thank yous to those that have supported you throughout the whole process, whether they have helped pay for things, ran round doing errands or just sat there listening to you rant when things aren't going well. If mil2b hasn't helped in any way whatsoever, you are not obliged to buy her a gift. And as for her getting an engagement gift, make sure you give her expensive gift ideas for your wedding gifts!!! xx

Don't feel pressured into getting her a prezzie. If she was more supportive then yes. Did she even buy you an engagement gift btw? xx

I wouldnt buy her an engagement present - the cheeky c0w! and dont feel pressured into giving presents to people who havent supported you, either financially or emotionally. Theres nothing in stone to say who you buy for and who you dont, and you dont have to publically give presents, Id like to give presents the morning of the wedding or the day after to see peoples reactions properly.

H2b's family havent offered us a penny so far, however my nans and mum have both offered to help out with various things, nans with the cake between them and mum is paying towards hair and makeup costs and my bridal bits xx

Thanks for all ur posts!

we didnt get an engagement gift,card nor even a text.
She said 2 months after aww i didnt no Lol whatever we rang both sets of parents obv h2b rang my dad first so everyone new.

Shes never asked about the wedding the dress colours or nothing! shes not interested nor bothered! and im not either.. Just didnt want her feeling left out more i think of it why should i bother? Ive tried soooo hard and keep trying because i feel its what i have to do if she doesnt wanna help in any way even a text asking how im getting on would be great..Forget her ill just do my wedding the way i want and buy for the people that have helped! :D

Thanks ladies xxxx

What a sad situation. I understand 'tradition' dictates that she doesn't have to pay but she could at least be interested. I wouldn't worry about her, do what you want to do. Thank those that were involved. She deserves to be left out.