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  1.  
    • BethF15
      CommentAuthorBethF15
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 16th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi, I'm new to this forum, but I would really appreciate a bit of advice as this has been playing on my mind for a while now.

    My mum has a very close friend who was almost like a second mum to me when i was a lot younger, since then we have grown apart and only see each other on special occasions etc.. I'm not having any bridesmaids yet she has told me that she IS going to be Matron of Honor, after conducting a bit of research myself, i have since realised that this is a married bridesmaid????? I have told her that I'm not having any bridesmaids but she just doesn't get the hint. She's now demanding that i get her outfit for her, that she will not wear any of the colours to compliment my colour scheme as they don't suit her, that apparently her and my MUM are basically of the same importance on the day and she's demanding to sit at the top table and she wants a bouquet. I know i need to tell her, but i don't want to cause any upset. My original plan was to have her play a special part in the day, but i wanted to do it in my own way, but after all of this, I don't know if i do want her to have a special part in the day as she seems more interested in herself and hasn't even asked me anything about myself!!!

    How can i tell her without upsetting her? or should i just go along with it to avoid upset?


    25.3.2016


  2.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 16th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    How very rude of her to turn round and basically tell you what you're going to do! She has no right to be sticking her oar in like that. She shouldn't be matron of honour just because she wants to be, shouldn't be demanding that you get her an outfit, she is most definitely not of the same importance as the mother of the bride and she should not be sat on the top table anyway! You need to tell her in my opinion as this is only going to escalate out of control. You might have been close to her once upon a time but I cannot believe someone would be that rude just to assume and boss the bride about! What YOU want goes, no one else! xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  3.  
    • Sarah D
      CommentAuthorSarah D
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 16th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I would be totally honest and tell her straight its your wedding and your choices! xx

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016


  4.  
    • BethF15
      CommentAuthorBethF15
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 16th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I know, my mum has even had a word with her too but she doesn't seem to get any hints at all. I'm just a bit worried in case she says that she's not coming all together, which doesn't sound like a terrible thing at this precise moment, but i know that when it comes to it and she's not there, I'll be a bit gutted!

    25.3.2016


  5.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 16th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    If she'd rather not come at all then that would say a lot about her as a person.. I know you've been close to this woman but she needs to sort her priorities out if she's going to get her knickers in a twist over not getting her own way on the day that really has NOTHING to do with her anyway. She needs to be putting you first, not causing drama and reverting all the attention to herself xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  6.  
    • Sarah D
      CommentAuthorSarah D
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 16th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    flossie xx

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016


  7.  
    • BethF15
      CommentAuthorBethF15
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 16th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    This is true, It's nice to have someone elses opinion as the help i've had had been quite biased because of everyone knowing her.
    I think i'm just going to grow a pair and tell her! Maybe invite her out for coffee so she can't cause a scene! :P
    Thanks Flossie for your help! xx

    25.3.2016


  8.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 16th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I know it's easier said than done, if I was in your situation I probably wouldn't be able to be so clear cut about it! But I really think it's for the best if you have a word with her now before it really gets out of hand. Your day is about you and your OH and no one else and she should respect that if she cares about you. Let us know how it goes xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  9.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 16th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    She is bag out of order. You should be able to include her how you want to, if you want to.

    I agree 100% with Flossie that you just need to tell her and be straight. Maybe get your mom there if she will support you?
    If you aren't having any other BMs then she shouldn't be that disappointed so perhaps when she understands that she will back off.

    Maybe at a later date you can ask her to do a reading but honestly, make it your decision.

    As for her saying she wont come. she cant think that much of your relationship if she wont come to your wedding because you wont buy hoer outfit and let her sit where she wants. If she loves you the way you love her and the way you have made it sound like she dos then it once she understands she will still come, if not, it shows you where you stand. x

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  10.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 16th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    If when you tell her straight (perhaps with the support of your mum) and if she kicks off about it, I would be tempted to tell her that you had been thinking of including her in some day but not as a bridesmaid, but now she's been so rude about it, you're not sure you actually want her to play a role. This may seem harsh but no one should dictate your wedding to you. It may also show that you had been thinking of including her but it was her terrible attitude that made you rethink this priviledge. X
 
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